Fundies at the Beach

[Guest Anonymous]

Wow, that sounds like fun!

Nell

We had friends that worked at a mill where the train stopped. So we could get into an empty car when it was stopped. We also brought ropes, snacks and water. We used the ropes to tie us in when things got rough. The train ran through the coast range of Boregonia.

My DD has a pal who has 'bo'd in the past. He said its rough in urban areas, and got beaten a couple of times. He did find it a dangerous means of cross country travel, and gave it up before he hit the Mississippi.

It is never too late to have a happy childhood. :D

[NurseNell]

[The train ran through the coast range of Boregonia.

Where is Boregonia?

Nell

[JesusFightClub]

I was reading about the "Highway of Tears" in Canada where over 30 people in a span of 35 years have gone missing or been murdered. Many of them were hitchhiking.

I can't imagine going on the train like that in the UK :) but that journey sounds beautiful, experienced! How did you use the ropes though? Probably a daft question but I don't understand that part.

[Rosa]

Yeah, O Latin, some parents set rules for where their teens can drive, for safety reasons.

But by 24 a person should pretty much be able to get around on their own. Parents who prevent that have done a very bad job of parenting. Kids in places with no transit should learn to drive; kids in places with transit should learn to use the transit. The limitations fundie parents put on their kids that last into adulthood are damage, not "protection".

[Guest Anonymous]

Where is Boregonia?

Nell

Behind the green curtain and under the Rainbow flag is a magic land known to many as Boregonia. The maps have it all wrong. They say its Oregon.

[theologygeek]

I don't understand. Don't most families go to the beach together? I'm 24 and I've never been to the beach without my parents.

When the kids are little they do. Once they hit around 13, they like to go to the beach with their friends. I don't see a problem with it if the beach is close enough so every visit doesn't take hours to get there. I've lived close to beaches all my life and going to the beach with friends was a fun part of the summer. Same for my kids and all their friends. They play volleyball, frisbee, swim, listen to music, boy watch, girl watch. It's healthy fun.

[theologygeek]

Oh yes. It's hours to the nearest beach. I don't know about pools, since we never go to pools now that we don't live in the suburbs with a community pool.

You can take a train to get around too. If no one will take you to the train station, a cab will. My kids are younger than you. They'll go to another state on a train with their friends. Or go away for the weekend. I'd rather have them taking trains or a Greyhound bus instead of driving. They should know how to travel and be independent, considering that they're away at college at 17/18.

[Witsec6]

I was reading about the "Highway of Tears" in Canada where over 30 people in a span of 35 years have gone missing or been murdered. Many of them were hitchhiking.

I can't imagine going on the train like that in the UK :) but that journey sounds beautiful, experienced! How did you use the ropes though? Probably a daft question but I don't understand that part.

I grew up along there, and so was always warned not to hitchhike... however, in the town I grew up in, people hitchhiked and were most often picked up by someone they knew.

[anniebgood]

When i was in grade school we road our bikes as a group to the local swimming hole on the river. Later we went to the new pool they built. Our parents knew where we were.

When I moved to CA as a teenager we lived 4 miles from the beach. My parents never went anywhere like that with us. We'd take the bus or bum a ride from someone with a license till we got our own.

When my kids were little I took them to the beach, but I wouldn't think of going with either of them now.

When I was in my teens I'd use my pass on TWA and flew all over the country alone. Saw a lot of airports.

[darareaksmey]

I was 41 when my husband and I hopped a freight train to the coast. It was a twelve hour run, on a cold clear snowy night. A rough and tumble ride but magical. (My BIL picked us up at the terminus). There's not enough money to buy memories like that.

[NurseNell]

When I was in my teens I'd use my pass on TWA and flew all over the country alone. Saw a lot of airports.

Now if you're 15 or younger you're considered an unaccompanied minor,and you have to have an escort. My grandson flew to FL to visit his Dad. He was 13. He had to have notarized letters from his mother that he could travel, a notarized statement from his Dad that he'd meet him. An airline flight attendant was assigned to him and she/he had to accompany him to his Dad at the gate and check his Dad's ID. The airlines charge you a fee too, $100 in the case of Northwest/Delta.

Nell

[Boogalou]

This thread took a weird turn. As a teenager I lived relatively near a beach which was less than an hour away from my home in a very rural area. There was no public transit anywhere near there and to take a taxi there would be incredibly expensive so everyone was at the mercy of rides from parents and older friends until they had their liscences. That said, as a teenager I went to the beach lots of times with my friends, generally during the day, but I also went with my parents (mainly mom), in the late afternoon/early evening for a walk. I think there is sort of a general trend in society that teenagers should not be spending time in public with their parents or else they are branded as weird and friendless. I think it is nice to have a balance, personally. I would say it was nice that the fundie girls were able to spend time with their family but I think for people with that mindset the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction and that teens cannot spend anytime with their friends at all.

I still don't get though how people can swim with all that fabric. I have NEVER seen people with stockings at the beach, though. That would make me boil.

[Rosa]

They weren't swimming WITH their mom, though - she was sitting on a bench, supervising (and reading a book). The girls were swimming together or apart but not interacting with mom at all. She seemed to just be there to watch them.

Though maybe in the giant swimming outfits they need constant supervision in case of drowning. You're right that they didn't look easy to swim in.

[snarkykitty]

I'm assuming that you don't have a license or access to a car? Do you have friends or relatives that do? If you had access, and somewhere to go - the shore, a lake, a friend's pool, a park, a community pool, etc. - would you go? Or would you have to ask permission? Or is it something you just don't ask? Is it the swimming aspect? What about other activities?

I'm having a really hard time imagining anyone ruling where I went and what I did at age 24.

Even my very strict parents, who kept me under lock and key through most of my childhood, and didn't allow me to go to any parties (even little kid parties), gave me some freedom as I went through teen-hood.

- going to the local beach while I was in high school (ten minutes away)

- going with my friends to the nice beaches two hours away

- every summer evening, M-TH was rehearsals for summer theater

- we had a pool so we had lots of pool parties

- youth group ski trips or amusement park trips

- youth group weekend (Co-ed!) retreats

- During my sophomore year, I spent a week in DC on a school field trip

- dating once I was 16 (we could go to the movies or stuff like that, but no hanging out at his house, and when we were at my house, my mother sat in the living room with us - yes, it was mortifyingly embarrassing).

- curfew Jr year = 11pm. Curfew sr year = midnight. Curfew summer between HS and college = 12:30 or depending on where we were (Jr year prom curfews were 3am and 5am, Senior prom curfew = going to the beach after prom and staying until sunup

- senior year of HS, I was taking the Amtrak - alone - four states away to visit my sister in college

I started college at 17. As soon as I had the money, bought a car, and found a place to live, I moved all my stuff out. Because I put myself through college, I had to take some time off in between and sometimes take fewer credits due to my health, but doing it on my own meant they had no right to say anything about my choices.

At 21, I took a Caribbean cruise with my BFF from high school .

At 22, I went to the Bahamas with my then-boyfriend (of 4 years).

Sure, my mother had something to say about things, but it wasn't any of her business. It also wasn't her business when I met my now-husband 800 miles away on vacation, when he moved here to be with me, and proposed nine months later. We've been together 16 years now. Stronger and closer as a couple than we have ever been.

[Lillian]

I've probably only been to the beach with my friends a few times, but I'm pretty much best friends with my mum so in summer we go all the time. It doesn't seem strange to me, at 19. Think Lorelai and Rory Gilmore.

[AnnoDomini]

You can take a train to get around too. If no one will take you to the train station, a cab will. My kids are younger than you. They'll go to another state on a train with their friends. Or go away for the weekend. I'd rather have them taking trains or a Greyhound bus instead of driving. They should know how to travel and be independent, considering that they're away at college at 17/18.

Your... teenagers... take weekend trips by themselves?? They have friends they don't need to arrange such a trip months in advance?

I guess also training us kids to be independent was not much on my parents priority list--college certainly wasn't.

[AnnoDomini]

I had no license until Dec last year. I have no community pool, no home pool, no youth group, all my relatives live about as far away as the beach, my few friends I have now live far away or are far too busy working full time to pay for their McMansions they REALLY don't need, or are in college full-time hours away... ok that about covers all my friends. And before last year I had zero friends I saw more than three times a year. My parents didn't try to keep me at home so much as they didn't bother trying to socialize me much. When I lived in the suburbs none of the neighborhood kids would play with me (or they stopped once they found out how weird my family was--except one little boy who called me his 'girlfriend'. My parents had me cut off playing with him once they heard that word.), my parents couldn't find a 'suitable' homeschool group of proper Christians and once we moved to the country when I was 8, there was really no one to be found. My church was full of grownups and little kids, no one my age. And then we stopped going to church.

I have a few friends now that I see once a month or so. Sometimes I still can't believe it's so often.

[snarkykitty]

I had no license until Dec last year. I have no community pool, no home pool, no youth group, all my relatives live about as far away as the beach, my few friends I have now live far away or are far too busy working full time to pay for their McMansions they REALLY don't need, or are in college full-time hours away... ok that about covers all my friends. And before last year I had zero friends I saw more than three times a year. My parents didn't try to keep me at home so much as they didn't bother trying to socialize me much. When I lived in the suburbs none of the neighborhood kids would play with me (or they stopped once they found out how weird my family was--except one little boy who called me his 'girlfriend'. My parents had me cut off playing with him once they heard that word.), my parents couldn't find a 'suitable' homeschool group of proper Christians and once we moved to the country when I was 8, there was really no one to be found. My church was full of grownups and little kids, no one my age. And then we stopped going to church.

I have a few friends now that I see once a month or so. Sometimes I still can't believe it's so often.

I really feel for you. And I'm not being facetious. My parents were crazy strict about a lot of things. I wasn't allowed to go on school field trips unless my mom chaperoned. I missed a lot of trips like visiting the fire station when I was in kindergarten, or going to the zoo, because she wanted to "protect me," thought sometimes because she feared I would get sick. They really made me feel insecure about myself. The opportunity to leave for college was my ticket out. They don't realize what a number they did on me. Even 20-something years later, they still try to treat me as a child.

Do you WANT to get out more? Would your parents object to you socializing? Having a license is a great first step. Can you earn money to buy a used car?

I wish the best for you. Parents are supposed to build us up, prepare us for the world. It seems that some of our parents didn't get the memo.

[Kitchen Princess]

Now if you're 15 or younger you're considered an unaccompanied minor,and you have to have an escort. My grandson flew to FL to visit his Dad. He was 13. He had to have notarized letters from his mother that he could travel, a notarized statement from his Dad that he'd meet him. An airline flight attendant was assigned to him and she/he had to accompany him to his Dad at the gate and check his Dad's ID. The airlines charge you a fee too, $100 in the case of Northwest/Delta.

Nell

None of that was necessary when my son flew to Florida to visit his friend. He was 13 (now 17). It was on Southwest, though. The only thing we did unusually was they gave me a pass so I could go in the gate area and wait with him. When he got off in Florida, he was on his own until he got to baggage claim. I didn't care about any of that...he's flown all over the country with and without me. He's a capable traveler. About to drive himself from Arkansas to Vermont for 3 weeks.

[Effie]

I had no license until Dec last year. I have no community pool, no home pool, no youth group, all my relatives live about as far away as the beach, my few friends I have now live far away or are far too busy working full time to pay for their McMansions they REALLY don't need, or are in college full-time hours away... ok that about covers all my friends. And before last year I had zero friends I saw more than three times a year. My parents didn't try to keep me at home so much as they didn't bother trying to socialize me much. When I lived in the suburbs none of the neighborhood kids would play with me (or they stopped once they found out how weird my family was--except one little boy who called me his 'girlfriend'. My parents had me cut off playing with him once they heard that word.), my parents couldn't find a 'suitable' homeschool group of proper Christians and once we moved to the country when I was 8, there was really no one to be found. My church was full of grownups and little kids, no one my age. And then we stopped going to church.

I have a few friends now that I see once a month or so. Sometimes I still can't believe it's so often.

When it comes to your friends-situation, I'm in a very similar situation. Not because my parents were that strict, but because of my social phobia. With time, I learned to be more independent and dare to do things by myself... There are things I wouldn't do by myself though, like going to the cinema alone or going out and taking a drink all by myself or going to aerobics classes without company. I think we both need to dare doing more, otherwise we will miss out a lot on life. I'd say, if it's still Summer over there, then drive a car or take the train to a beach and spend a day there. I think that could be a cool experience for you.

[Boogalou]

None of that was necessary when my son flew to Florida to visit his friend. He was 13 (now 17). It was on Southwest, though. The only thing we did unusually was they gave me a pass so I could go in the gate area and wait with him. When he got off in Florida, he was on his own until he got to baggage claim. I didn't care about any of that...he's flown all over the country with and without me. He's a capable traveler. About to drive himself from Arkansas to Vermont for 3 weeks.

It looks like it varies by airline. Southwest considers anyone under 12 to be an unaccompanied minor while United says 17 and under are UMs. Delta says people under 14 have to be UMs while those 15-17 can be one if they choose. So there you go. Although, when I first read your post Creaky Steel I though that your son was 13 now and was driving from Arkansas to Vermont and I thought WOW! How can that be legal? Then I re-read your post.

[theologygeek]

Your... teenagers... take weekend trips by themselves?? They have friends they don't need to arrange such a trip months in advance?

I guess also training us kids to be independent was not much on my parents priority list--college certainly wasn't.

I had no choice in the matter. I have some fall babies in the bunch, which means they started kindergarten at four. That also means that they started college at 17. When they go away to college, they have to know how to be on their own, and they had better have some traveling skills. When they're away at college, they don't call and ask permission to go somewhere. How are they going to do things like go home with a college friend for the weekend if they don't know how to travel? Or take their college friend home with them? Or visit their best friends from childhood or high school at their colleges in other states? They have to know what they're doing.

[theologygeek]

all my relatives live about as far away as the beach, my few friends I have now live far away or are far too busy working full time to pay for their McMansions they REALLY don't need,

They may not need a mansion, but maybe that's what they want. There's nothing wrong with wanting a big house and working hard to achieve that goal. I give them credit for their hard work.

[theologygeek]

I have a few friends now that I see once a month or so. Sometimes I still can't believe it's so often.

I just had an idea. Why don't you apply for some live in nanny jobs. You already know how to take care of kids. You'll have room and board paid for, and a salary too. It would be the perfect opportunity to move out of your house and save up some money. Try to find a job far from home so no one will check up on you.

[AnnoDomini]

They may not need a mansion, but maybe that's what they want. There's nothing wrong with wanting a big house and working hard to achieve that goal. I give them credit for their hard work.

Ok ok, perhaps I judged just a tiny bit, and too soon, and my judging may be influenced by what may be a bit of jealousy, since I don't even have my own bedroom.

But also, she doesn't seem as happy. She doesn't like working full time. From what I've picked up/sensed, she and her husband simply went a bit unthinkingly to the American idea of automatically desiring a big house, without stopping to really think about if that's what they really want or need.