Help your joy-another baby beating business

[FJismyheadship]

I have only swatted my daughters butt twice in her two years. Both times were out of desperation, both times I felt really bad about it.

Yesterday my daughter pulled my hair and I reacted by swatting her hand. Not hard, but it got her attention and she stopped. She was very tired and wouldn't take a nap. Not that it makes it any better, but that was my natural reaction to having my hair pulled by a two year old. I immediately realized there was a better way to handle it, and apologized.

She also doesn't touch things she shouldn't if you tell her "That is for looking, not touching" Her dad taught her that, without any need for yelling or hitting!

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

Yesterday we were at my Grandfathers memorial service. My daughter had not napped all day and was wound up and tired at the same time. She wanted to run, everyone else was sitting and being quiet. I kept having to move to another room. My father stood up to say something, and my daughter ran. I turned to my aunt and said "Should I go get her?" and she said "No, Granddad is up there." So I watched. She climbed up on the stage and my dad smiled and introduced her and said something along the lines of everyone wanting to get involved. I think that is exactly what my grandfather would have done. Well anyway, another aunt told me a few minutes later to go get her. This same aunt had been glaring at me every five minutes because my daughter was running around and when I caught her and tried to make ehr sit in my lap, she screamed. So I went to get her, but someone else stopped me. My dad told me later he was glad she came up because he was nervous and she helped to break the ice. he said he KNEW his father loved it. After my aunt made a spectacle over it, by getting up there, grabbing my daughter off the stage, and then blocking her from getting up there and then someone else grabbing her and bringing her to me, I went to Wal-mart with someone else who needed her kids to get out of there for a minute too.

I would like to point out for just a moment, that this is the second memorial service I have ever been to and nobody had an area for the small children, or a cry room, or anything available for the little ones.`Is this kind of thing often overlooked?

[2xx1xy1JD]

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

The only 2 funeral homes that I've been to have a private room for the immediate family to gather before the service, and an entrance hallways before the chapel.

When I lost my grandparents, my kids were between the ages of 3 and 9. I ultimately decided to bring the older ones to the funeral but not the burial, and leave my youngest at daycare. In our tradition, you do the funeral first, and then have several days of visiting the mourners after that. All the kids came to the visiting after at my parents' home, and my folks actually liked having the grandchildren running about.

Your dad and late grandpa sound very cool. I'm sorry for your loss.

[anachronistic]

I'm autistic. When I was five months old, my mother took me to the doctor and said that there was something wrong with me, I was too quiet, and 'I've had 2 other kids and this kid is weird'.

It took 25 years for me to get a proper diagnosis, but if a kid is eerily well-behaved and content, honestly, I do recommend they get evaluated for autism. Not because autism is a terrible thing, but because life is easier when you get supports and services from when you are young.

Being autistic is hard. Having mental illness is hard. I truly, truly do not understand why these parents are setting their kids up for a lifetime of PTSD and other issues.

I've been a nanny for over 10 years and never once had to resort to physical discipline. If a kid is behaving so badly that you are thinking of hitting them, then they are obviously in great pain and distress and need to have that dealt with calmly and lovingly, not with violence.

Any way to report the page or the books or anything? Or, heck, get the glue-stick makers on board with us?

[Mama Mia]

This can't possibly be legal, right?

And to those of you with nicely cooperative children who didn't get into things, because you redirected or talked to them - that's awesome. A couple of my kids were like that. The others, no way. But that's why I'd do things like move the damn breakables. And if they got ahold of one and it broke ( one was an incredible climber) - it's only stuff! Losing some knick-knack is hardly something that should turn someone into a child abuser. If they value their stuff so much more than their babies --- there is something seriously, seriously wrong with their priorities.

[Four is Enough]

They beat their babies for being normal, curious children. When a fundy parent says "no", even to a ten month old, it then becomes a "sin" if the child persists with curious behavior. That is so sad.

[anachronistic]

After spending time very carefully perusing the site I was ready to say that I thought it was a parody, it was too perfect and too horrible. But a search of her name produces her very public facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/lori.voeller

And although it wasn't listed on the website, she was still giving seminars as of last June. I wish we could report her to the local CPS, and say that this woman is teaching people how to abuse their infants in their town.

One note of hope: this Freejinger thread pops up right away when you google her name, too......

[Mama Mia]

After spending time very carefully perusing the site I was ready to say that I thought it was a parody, it was too perfect and too horrible. But a search of her name produces her very public facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/lori.voeller

And although it wasn't listed on the website, she was still giving seminars as of last June. I wish we could report her to the local CPS, and say that this woman is teaching people how to abuse their infants in their town.

One note of hope: this Freejinger thread pops up right away when you google her name, too......

Sadly, shockingly, depending on what state she lives in -- it may very well be perfectly legal. You have to remember that it's still legal in many U.S. States for public school employees to hit kids with boards. Bruises ok. :evil:

[Coco]

This baby"training" is gross. I can say that as a fundie, with lots of fundie friends, and lots of babies everywhere.......I don't know anyone who does this. Seriously. This is not "average fundie parenting".

That is encouraging - I'm so thankful there are fundies out there who practice gentle parenting methods. I was part of the Denny Kenaston/Michael Pearl fringe fundies, and they do endorse beating the "sin nature" out of children. I've seen a lot of parents take that too far, including my own parents. My siblings and i were whipped into our middle teens for very slight problems. I got to the point where i thought not having a beating that day meant that i wasn't clean and pure and holy inside.

But as an adult, i saw friends' parents take in foster children and raise them without violence because it's not allowed to use physical punishment. Those kids turned out amazing even with their struggles from their past hardships. It really gave me hope. :D

[Trynn]

My grandma's mother washed her mouth out with soap once. Grandma bit the bar and left teeth marks all over it and afterward told her mom how good it was.

She didn't really like the soap, she just said that so her mother would never do it again. So I resolved to do the exact same thing whenever my mother threatened to put pepper on my tongue for swearing...

And I also asked her why she didn't put it on daddy's tongue cuz he swore like a sailor.

[LittleOleMe]

I have only swatted my daughters butt twice in her two years. Both times were out of desperation, both times I felt really bad about it.

Yesterday my daughter pulled my hair and I reacted by swatting her hand. Not hard, but it got her attention and she stopped. She was very tired and wouldn't take a nap. Not that it makes it any better, but that was my natural reaction to having my hair pulled by a two year old. I immediately realized there was a better way to handle it, and apologized.

She also doesn't touch things she shouldn't if you tell her "That is for looking, not touching" Her dad taught her that, without any need for yelling or hitting!

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

Yesterday we were at my Grandfathers memorial service. My daughter had not napped all day and was wound up and tired at the same time. She wanted to run, everyone else was sitting and being quiet. I kept having to move to another room. My father stood up to say something, and my daughter ran. I turned to my aunt and said "Should I go get her?" and she said "No, Granddad is up there." So I watched. She climbed up on the stage and my dad smiled and introduced her and said something along the lines of everyone wanting to get involved. I think that is exactly what my grandfather would have done. Well anyway, another aunt told me a few minutes later to go get her. This same aunt had been glaring at me every five minutes because my daughter was running around and when I caught her and tried to make ehr sit in my lap, she screamed. So I went to get her, but someone else stopped me. My dad told me later he was glad she came up because he was nervous and she helped to break the ice. he said he KNEW his father loved it. After my aunt made a spectacle over it, by getting up there, grabbing my daughter off the stage, and then blocking her from getting up there and then someone else grabbing her and bringing her to me, I went to Wal-mart with someone else who needed her kids to get out of there for a minute too.

I would like to point out for just a moment, that this is the second memorial service I have ever been to and nobody had an area for the small children, or a cry room, or anything available for the little ones.`Is this kind of thing often overlooked?

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

My aunt died a week after my son's second birthday. I was very against going to the funeral because I didn't feel it was appropriate for my two year and and my three and half year old to be in such a place. Long story, but I didn't have a choice and had to go. Well, when we got there, immediately as we walked in the door, there was a room off to the side for children. It was a huge play room with toys and puzzles and books. It even had a TV with movies. Fantastic. I was really surprised, as I had never seen something like that before. I kept myself and my children in that room for entirety of the service. It was really nice and I think every funeral home should have them.

[constantgardener]

This can't possibly be legal, right?

And to those of you with nicely cooperative children who didn't get into things, because you redirected or talked to them - that's awesome. A couple of my kids were like that. The others, no way. But that's why I'd do things like move the damn breakables. And if they got ahold of one and it broke ( one was an incredible climber) - it's only stuff! Losing some knick-knack is hardly something that should turn someone into a child abuser. If they value their stuff so much more than their babies --- there is something seriously, seriously wrong with their priorities.

My eldest child was an incredibly curious toddler. It was a real battle to keep him from getting into things he was not supposed to. But rather than hitting him I just put child locks on things like the fridge and the bin, and put other things out of reach. I used to fill all the kitchen cupboards at floor level with plastic items, tea towels etc so that he could sit on the floor and empty the contents without doing any real damage. All the china and glass went in cupboards higher up. I now have a busy and imaginative 10 year old so I guess I did something right.

[Deist woman]

I always put up a child gate at the door to the kitchen. I never wanted to take the chance of a child pulling down something hot from the stove onto themselves. While I was cooking, I kept a close eye on the kids in the living room, or in their bedrooms (I was able to see into these rooms, due to the layout of the house). And if anyone needed me quickly, I could be there within seconds. We kept the bathroom doors closed, with a child deterrent knob cover. By taking these measures, I was able to keep my kids safe, without using painful punishments to teach them to not touch things. Not that there were not moments when I was sure my kids had a death wish. We put up a small aquarium in the living room, with about a dozen guppies in it. The next day, my three year old put a well mushed banana in the tank, and by the time I realized this, the water was the consistency of a daiquiri, and all the guppies had gone belly up. I didn't look at this as her being sinful. I looked at it as a nice story to tell her kids about, down the line. :lol:

[LittleOleMe]

I had those door knob cover things too. My kids figured out how to take them off. :roll:

Seriously though, there's no need to physical violence when raising children. Natural consequences, sure. I've told my son multiple times not to stand by the swings bc he'll get kicked. Don't stand right by the bathroom door bc you'll get hit in the face when it opens. If he listens, great. If not, he figures out why I told him not to do that in first place. Still, these are things you teach your children when they are old enough to start grasping concepts and understanding why you told them to do and not to do certain things. Hitting a 4 month old infant isn't going to get anyone anywhere. It's just proving that the woman (a mom doesn't hit an infant) is angry and taking it out on the most defenseless one she can. Sickening.

[Micah]

I had/have on of 'those' children. At two he broke, dismantled or figured out every child cupboard and fridge lock on the market. I joked that I should hire him out as a tester to the companies that made them. At four he removed the front door handles with a screw driver while I was on the toilet. At seven he can name the basic components of a car engine and what their purpose is. He doesn't take things apart without asking anymore, but his eyes light up when he's handed a screwdriver and something to pull apart.

He has to know the 'why, where and how?' of EVERYTHING and will debate till the cows come home if he thinks something isn't fair.

I just asked him if I could spank his butt and he replied, "Only if I get to spank your face!"

I shudder to think what would have happened to him if he'd been born into one of these families. I honestly think he'd be dead or broken instead of bright, funny, compassionate and wickedly smart.

[ILoveJellybeans]

A curious child and a screwdriver, lol, that makes me smile. Why would fundies want to miss out on having those kind of stories to tell everyone :D

Its like they don't want kids at all, just robots.

[Pammy]

I had/have on of 'those' children. At two he broke, dismantled or figured out every child cupboard and fridge lock on the market. I joked that I should hire him out as a tester to the companies that made them. At four he removed the front door handles with a screw driver while I was on the toilet. At seven he can name the basic components of a car engine and what their purpose is. He doesn't take things apart without asking anymore, but his eyes light up when he's handed a screwdriver and something to pull apart.

He has to know the 'why, where and how?' of EVERYTHING and will debate till the cows come home if he thinks something isn't fair.

I just asked him if I could spank his butt and he replied, "Only if I get to spank your face!"

I shudder to think what would have happened to him if he'd been born into one of these families. I honestly think he'd be dead or broken instead of bright, funny, compassionate and wickedly smart.

He'd definitely have his spirit broken and his intelligence stunted. He may be naturally inclined to exploratory and dismantling but even a tiny infant will stop exploring if exploring consistently results in pain. The instinct to avoid pain is very, very strong. It's a terrible thing to exploit it from infancy and raise children to think of fear and pain as normal aspects of family life.

[Walking Cat Bed]

I had/have on of 'those' children. At two he broke, dismantled or figured out every child cupboard and fridge lock on the market. I joked that I should hire him out as a tester to the companies that made them. At four he removed the front door handles with a screw driver while I was on the toilet. At seven he can name the basic components of a car engine and what their purpose is. He doesn't take things apart without asking anymore, but his eyes light up when he's handed a screwdriver and something to pull apart.

He has to know the 'why, where and how?' of EVERYTHING and will debate till the cows come home if he thinks something isn't fair.

I just asked him if I could spank his butt and he replied, "Only if I get to spank your face!"

I shudder to think what would have happened to him if he'd been born into one of these families. I honestly think he'd be dead or broken instead of bright, funny, compassionate and wickedly smart.

I'm glad your son is encouraged to be curious! He'll figure out a new way to do something in the future, I hope :)

Clever and creative kids give me hope for the future of humanity.

[Deist woman]

My third child, and only boy, has Asperger's Syndrome. For years, we didn't know what the problem was, or how best to help him. One thing for sure, spanking did not work. His sensory perceptions were messed up. He wore a hoodie zipped up to the chin, and with the hood laced tight, even in August. He legs were scarred from scratching them, because the sensation of the hair on his legs touching his pajamas was unbearable (we finally figured out if we put adult tube socks on him, they came up to his thighs, and reduced the need to scratch his legs. The taste of toothpaste would make him vomit. Spanking didn't work with him because he did not react to pain in a normal manner. It would have taken severe pain to make him cry. His attention span was short, he was hyperactive, and his communication skills were pretty limited. His first years were all about doctors, tests, and special ed. Today, he is much better. If he had not gotten the therapy he needed, he'd have had more chance of getting a felony conviction than a high school diploma. Thanks to doctors and medications and various interventions, he is a kind hearted individual who loves nature and the outdoors. And he is capable of giving and receiving love. If he had been born to a family that parented to the teachings of the Pearls, I believe he likely would have been beaten to death. Of the many things I am grateful to God for, I am grateful that we had access to therapies that helped him, and helped us as a family. It breaks my heart to think of how many kids, with similar problems, have been abused.

[flojo]

Her son apparently started college minus- it's in the help your baby be smart article.

Apparently to make your baby smart you should do flash card drills.

And of course, she has ignored the significant body of research that has found that hitting babies results in lower academic ability.