Server denied a tip because she's gay - Lie/Fired - Merge

[Flossie]

A waitress in New Jersey who previously served in the Marines received an offensive note from a family who denied her a tip because of her "gay lifestyle." Now, she is speaking out against those very people whose freedom she once defended.

Dayna Morales, a server at Gallop Asian Bistro in Bridgewater, N.J., wrote an email to gay-friendly blog "Have A Gay Day" about her recent experience with homophobia while serving a family of diners, reports Gay Star News. When Morales introduced herself to the couple and their two children, the mother was allegedly shocked by Morales' short hair.

"Oh I thought you were gonna say your name is Dan," she allegedly said. "You sure surprised us!"

At the end of the meal, Morales was left with no tip on the $93.55 bill. Instead, she found a note on the receipt, reading: "I'm sorry but I cannot tip because I don't agree with your lifestyle & how you live your life."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/1 ... 73801.html

The weird thing is, in the several articles I've read about this story, there was no mention of the family actually asking if Dayna was gay or of her telling them she was gay. It seemed like the parents made a snap judgement and reacted accordingly.

Also, since the parents paid with a check, I would hope that they would be identified by the bistro and refused service there in the future. I probably wouldn't survive as a restaurant owner because when customers who were jerks came in, I'd blackball them.

[Peas n carrots]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/1 ... 73801.html

The weird thing is, in the several articles I've read about this story, there was no mention of the family actually asking if Dayna was gay or of her telling them she was gay. It seemed like the parents made a snap judgement and reacted accordingly.

Also, since the parents paid with a check, I would hope that they would be identified by the bistro and refused service there in the future. I probably wouldn't survive as a restaurant owner because when customers who were jerks came in, I'd blackball them.

There was another incident like this in Kansas City recently.

Unless someone says "Hello, I'm XYZ, I'm your server tonight and I'm also gay" there is no way of knowing. I know some very effeminate straight men and some pretty butch straight women (I could probably pass as the latter for some folks). It's just asshole behavior on several different levels.

I kind of wonder if the assholes charged up more than expected and was trying to find ANY way of getting out of paying the tip. If it wasn't presenting as gay, they may have said "terrible service" or something else instead.

[August]

They stiffed her because of her hairstyle??? I hope Ellen sends her a $10,000 tip.

[SamuraiKatz]

Nothing like being a douche in the name of Jesus.

[docmom]

So does this mean that the employer of the husband (assume wife doesn't work but her too if she does) can just refuse to pay him because the employer disagrees with his choice of living life as an asshole?

[lawlifelgbt]

Lifestyle, seriously? I hate that these people always seem to imply that gay/bi = promiscuity. How is it a negative lifestyle if I plan to marry my first serious partner? Or if I've had fewer partners than most straight people and don't believe in divorce? If you don't consider gender, I'm arguably less sinful than they probably are!

As fiancee says when we're both (being gross/silly/etc.) and call each other out on it: "Pot, kettle. Kettle, pot."

[Ariel]

There was another incident like this in Kansas City recently.

Unless someone says "Hello, I'm XYZ, I'm your server tonight and I'm also gay" there is no way of knowing. I know some very effeminate straight men and some pretty butch straight women (I could probably pass as the latter for some folks). It's just asshole behavior on several different levels.

I kind of wonder if the assholes charged up more than expected and was trying to find ANY way of getting out of paying the tip. If it wasn't presenting as gay, they may have said "terrible service" or something else instead.

If you're eating at any sit-down restaurant that calls itself a 'Bistro' (having worked at one myself), expect to pay a higher price than at an Applebees. $87 + tax for a group of 4 is pretty standard. I work a couple nights a week at a Scottish Bennigans-esque restaurant and it's pretty normal to get a table of 4 adults to $100 + tax.

Bad tippers are bad tippers no matter what though. I imagine if they'd actually tipped then it would have been on the lower scale anyway.

Rules of thumb:

1) In most restaurants if you're tipping your server 20%, your server probably only takes home 15% due to tipping out the bartender, the busboys, and the food runners. On a night when I make $100 in tips I usually end up giving $5-$7 to the bartender, $5 to the busboys, and $5 to the food runner leaving me with around $85.

2) If you're tipping less than 15%, then you should be talking to the manager because something pretty damn bad must have happened at your table. (Or you are not American and unfortunately didn't bother to look up tipping etiquette, you bastard)

Most managers will bend over backwards to make you happy. If you're really pissed off enough to leave less than 15% you'll probably get a free drink or appetizer out of it-unless you're bigoted fucks like this couple.

[smittykins]

Lifestyle, seriously? I hate that these people always seem to imply that gay/bi = promiscuity. How is it a negative lifestyle if I plan to marry my first serious partner? Or if I've had fewer partners than most straight people and don't believe in divorce? If you don't consider gender, I'm arguably less sinful than they probably are!

As fiancee says when we're both (being gross/silly/etc.) and call each other out on it: "Pot, kettle. Kettle, pot."

Because you can't insert tab P into slot V and therefore, no babeez.

Oh, and the Bible.

[FloraKitty35]

Because you can't insert tab P into slot V and therefore, no babeez.

Oh, and the Bible.

Speaking of the Bible, I'm sure these assholes overlook it when eating bacon and shellfish.

[BalconySmoker]

How in the fuck did the customers even know the server was gay in the first place? I've been a server before, and I don't recall wearing a badge with my orientation on it under my name tag.

Even using fundie logic this makes no sense. There are plenty of sinful people serving your food, not just gay ones.

[already hungover]

Wtf. I'm a butch looking straight woman, apparently, and this story is ridiculous. Some woman at a bar told me I looked like "a militant lesbian" this week and it kind of pissed me off, though she wasn't trying to be nasty. Who is she (or this family) to say what lesbians look like?

[doggie]

a followup on this. glad the waitress has benefited from someone elses hate. though I can't see the idiots showing their faces there again they burned that bridge.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nati ... e/3648665/

BRIDGEWATER, N.J. — In the court of public opinion they've been denounced as bigoted, inconsiderate and cheap.

But at Gallop Asian Bistro, the family that last week stiffed a waitress because they didn't approve of her "lifestyle" still is welcome.

STORY: Family leaves waitress 'lifestyle' tip instead of cash

"My initial reaction was a little angry but if they come here we can't stop them," general manager Byron Lapolla said Tuesday, a few days after the note that the family left for Dayna Morales went viral on the Internet.

"This is a public place. By law we can't stop them."

Morales said she introduced herself to the family at the table on Wednesday and the woman responded, "Oh, I thought you were gonna say your name is Dan. You surprised us!"

Later, on their $93.55 check, they left this message: "I'm sorry but I cannot tip because I do not agree with your lifestyle and how you live your life."

Morales, 22, said she never expected the attention that her story received. Television news crews have visited the Route 202 restaurant almost on a daily basis and customers who've heard the story have been pouring in, requesting Morales by name.

She said Tuesday that she's received about $1,700 in extra tips and donations as a result of the fanfare. Morales, a Marine Corps veteran, said she will donate most of it to the nonprofit Wounded Warriors Project, which advocates for injured service members.

"It was never about the money in the first place," she said of her decision to speak out about the note.

waitress notip.jpg

Dayna Morales, left and inset, a former Marine who works as server at Gallop Asian Bistro in Bridgewater, N.J., says a customer didn't like her 'lifestyle' and didn't leave her a tip as a result. Her story has gone viral.(Photo: Gannett/(Bridgewater, N.J.) Courier-News)

Morales, who is lesbian, never told the couple and their two children about her sexual orientation. She believes they must have assumed because of her short hair.

She posted a picture of the check and her own fuming rant on a gay-friendly Facebook page called "Have a Gay Day."

Her post went viral on the Internet and was picked up by national websites, including the Huffington Post. She said the response has "put a smile on my face."

In New Jersey, waiters depend on tips because the hourly minimum wage for them is $2.13 instead of $7.25. Lapolla said the restaurant later discounted an entree from the family's check so that Morales could earn a tip anyway.

Lapolla said he has received several requests to shame the family by name, but the restaurant will not.

"We don't want to attack the family," he said.

"If they came in I would not sit them with Dayna," he added.

[HOTW]

I would hope that none of the other servers would serve them either

[lilwriter85]

Wtf. I'm a butch looking straight woman, apparently, and this story is ridiculous. Some woman at a bar told me I looked like "a militant lesbian" this week and it kind of pissed me off, though she wasn't trying to be nasty. Who is she (or this family) to say what lesbians look like?

I think this family and others tend to be the types who always think of gays and lesbians looking certain ways, having certain styles, or acting certain ways. I think the family who dealt with the server was being nasty. I agree, the woman at the bar that talked to you probably wasn't being nasty, but I can see why it pissed you off.

There is a Mormon blogger that I follow who is a big fan of Anderson Cooper. When he came out, she wrote about it and she said something like "He never came off as gay to me". I cringed when I read that because she must really think that all gay men are effeminate types. But I think that blogger was just naive about gays and lesbians in general. I also remember that stupid ass posting The Stinking Lousewife did about lesbians and I remember she was talking about the butch types with tattoos.

[sunshine]

Apparently, it was a hoax or in laymen terms a flat out lie.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/cu ... 14897.html

[thekate]

And the waters muddy...

The family says the server made it up and they have the credit card statement to prove it.

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Ga ... 40811.html

Warning: Loud video starts playing automatically.

[sparkles]

Quite a while ago, I reached a point where I automatically view every single news item like this one as false. And it's sad that number of times I've been proven wrong dwindles with each new story.

[BravaAmica]

Quite a while ago, I reached a point where I automatically view every single news litem like this one as false. And it's sad that number of times I've been proven wrong dwindles with each new story.

Me, too.

[formergothardite]

How fast will fundies use this as "proof" the gays with their vague agenda are trying to persecute Christians?

I usually suspect things like this just being a ploy for attention. I wouldn't be surprised if fundies have given no tip or a very tiny tip to someone they suspected of being gay but I doubt they would leave a note like that.

[dawbs]

right now though, what we know is that the couple accused of acting homophobic says they didn't write that.

Which means the options are:

1-the original story is true, but the homophobic couple is trying to get out of everyone's bad graces

2-the couple was wonderful and the waitstaff is a lying cheaterpants

3-Someone ELSE (another customer. Another waitstaff, etc) played a 'joke' and wrote on the recipt

or

4---I have no idea what the 4th option could be, but I'm sure there is one. :-P

[Justme]

The couple has shown their copy of the bill with an $18 tip. They also showed their credit card statement with the full amount, meal plus tip, charged to their card.

[Aggie2145]

@dawbs, they have their credit card bill which shows the same restaurant on the same day charging the bill posted plus an 18% tip, looks like it is not option #1.

I waited tables while I was in college and always leave cash tips for servers whether I pay with a credit card or not. You never know what the restaurant's policy is on credit card tips - I would not get mine until my next paycheck but I would still tip out to everyone helping me that night in cash.

Before these stories became almost daily news, I would leave a dash in the tip area and sign my name. Now I'm paranoid that my receipt could become the next news story - look how this table of four shorted me because of x,y&z. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I now write "CASH" in the tip line provided just in case.

[dawbs]

ahh, when I had read stuff earlier, I didn't see copies--that's what happens when I don't follow all the links.

I will say, it's a POSITIVE thing that there wa soutrage. It's just stabby-inducing that the outrage was directed at absolutely the wrong people

[singsingsing]

People who lie like this aren't looking for justice, they're looking for one thing: attention. There is enough hate and injustice out there in the world to keep a person busy for a long, long time. There is absolutely no need to make up something that never happened to prove your point. It's like that girl during the election (think it was '08) who claimed an Obama supporter attacked her and scratched a 'B' into her face, but surprise surprise, it was a backwards 'B'... like someone had done it themselves, facing a mirror. Derp. I think people like this are motivated about 20% by anger toward their enemies and 80% by wanting to be the centre of attention.

[nokidsmom]

The original story didn't quite ring true to me. It would have been quite a big assumption for the family to make and I highly doubt the server "outed" herself to them. No details were given on how this family might have come to their "conclusions" just that they left this note.