Sparkling Adventures in Child Neglect: Whee! Polyamory

[FJismyheadship]

Umm... I hope I never meet that woman cause I don't want to smell her.

[dianapavelovna]

Lauren's diatribe:

"I'm so glad my mom set an example for me that I don't have to shave my legs! That was all I needed - not to keep my eye or go to school!"

[ILoveJellybeans]

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Delicious little scent pots? No, not delicious, disgusting.

Stop making it sound like some kind of perfume, instead of the armpit of someone who likely has lice and hasn't seen soap in months.

[keen23]

I suggested the name "Donald Duck" for my little sister before she was born. For some reason my parents weren't keen. I guess they just failed to appreciate my sparkliness.

I wanted to name my sister Eyeball Face. My parents were not on board with this suggestion. I still feel hurt from the rejection. :wink-kitty:

[setzme]

I'm brand new here at FJ and just poking around. I have just dipped my toe in the very first FJ thread on this family, which is so far very sad, and disturbing.

[mausi]

Well, Lauren is her typical sanctimonious self, but HOW did I miss that Hellena is being her usual deliciously real self on Lauren's FB?

Lauren's diatribe:

Hellena's response:

Delightful little description to take with me to the free clinic to work today :lol:

Oh man, I really miss Hellena. She needs to come back to blogging ASAP.

[ladyaudley]

Mausi, she has!

[mausi]

Mausi, she has!

NO?????

YES!!!!!!

:cracking-up:

[skankbiscuit]

Hellena's response:

My man wouldn't like me half as much without my body hair. Especially under my armpits. Delicious little scent pots that spread my good news everyday

I need to throw up.

[ladyaudley]

NO?????

YES!!!!!!

:cracking-up:

I only discovered this joyous fact today. Her children look so grown-up!

[lilith]

I only discovered this joyous fact today. Her children look so grown-up!

I really enjoy Hellena. She's real in a way Lauren will never achieve.

[So Many Lies]

I don't think women should be obligated to shave their legs or pits. I don't want to smell Hellena's armpit or anyone's really but I don't see why women should have to smooth and hair free. It's always bothered me that it's a mark of femininity/civilized living. The whole women have to be thin, busy, hair free and smell like roses to be desirable. Yes I'm glad Lauren made this stand. Doesn't cancel out the poor parenting but it's at least an viewpoint that isn't completely ironic or hypocritical like a lot of her lifestyle choices.

[skankbiscuit]

I don't shave, because it doesn't hurt anyone. I use deodorant because I don't think other people should have to smell my stank. Now, I do think Hellena takes it a step too far because she is dirty. I don't think that is very healthy. That goes for the Sparkling one as well - she crosses that boundary of "natural" straight into filthy.

[lipstickgoalie]

I wanted to name my sister Eyeball Face. My parents were not on board with this suggestion. I still feel hurt from the rejection. :wink-kitty:

I think Donald Duck is a classic name. And Eyeball Face has a dignified ring to it. I keep thinking about Cerie on 30 Rock- "I would name her Sandstorm, or Bookcase, or Hat. But Hat is really more of a boys name."

Shall we form a support group for those of us whose parents failed to embrace our obvious inherent sparkleness?

[Ms Jess]

I have no problem with people not shaving. I do it because that's what I prefer for myself but if someone else doesn't want to, I don't think less of them or anything. Now, being stinky is another thing entirely. I can't hang with stinky people.

[Arete]

Until about 2 weeks ago, I hadn't taken hair off my legs for about 5 months. While there was absolutely no angst in this condition, I also didn't feel I was standing up for the freedom of women everywhere. I guess I lack the sparkling gene. :lol:

[Aurora rising]

Wasn´t Helena the one you told the whole Internet they all sniff each others armpits on some market / shop weekly? Because she and her beau have the most awesome pheromones or something like this..... :ew:

[Unschool Apostate]

I was unschooled in the 80s/90s (liberal, not fundie), with minimal academic and social education. My transition into the real world sucked. It involved a lot of shame and embarrassment and ungodly amounts of stress and not insignificant difficulty relating to other people. It was complicated by physical and mental health problems, which would have been more likely to be noticed and treated had I been in public or private school.

I read the Sparkling Adventures threads and wondered, like some other posters have, what Aisha, Calista, Lana, and Brioni would think if they found it. Then I wondered what it would have been like if my mother had kept a blog like Lauren's and there was Free Jinger thread for it and I found the thread.

When I was elementary-school-aged, I would likely have had a "party line" response - unschooling is great and everyone should be unschooled and it hardly takes any work and it's just so sparkly! Near the end of junior high, I think it would have gotten me wondering and thinking. In high school and college, it would have been really helpful to see people explicitly discuss reasonable and unreasonable parenting and openly identify neglect as neglect. I think if I had framed my problems as due to major educational and social neglect, instead of saying they were due to homeschooling, I might have gotten more support from the people I approached for help. Maybe I would have even begun pushing my mother earlier on to put my little sister into public school. That would have been great. I regret not doing that earlier and I regret not being able to see how hard the transition was on her.

I don't really know if all that would have happened. But reading these threads in my mid-thirties has been good. It has let me look back at my cringe-worthy memories of beginning to assimilate into mainstream culture, and redirect the voice of my inner critic at my mother, instead of at me, in the same way that people in these threads direct the snark at Lauren instead of her kids. The mixture of compassion and appropriately-directed snark makes me feel like I'm falling into a giant featherbed of self-forgiveness, which is much nicer than the stabby nails of pointless and excessive self-blame.

Aisha, Calista, Lana, Brioni - if you are reading this, and it's helpful, keep reading. If it's not helpful or just seems bizarre, give it some time and come back later. I want to give you more advice, but I'm not sure what age I would be giving it to you at. I know a lot more about coping with emerging into the real world than about what to do before that. I want to get you out of danger but I don't know what advice I could give that would do that.

I guess I would say: Read, as much as you can. Try to get educational games that will teach you about math. It will make your life easier when you are grown up. Know that conforming to society's expectations is not always a bad thing. You are more free when you can choose when you will conform and when you won't conform. Watch what other kids and parents do; they have more practice in conforming than you do. You don't have to do what they do, but try to learn from them.

[FJismyheadship]

I dont shave my legs, and nobody notices or cares.

I do shave my armpits though because otherwise I stink

[August]

I don't really know if all that would have happened. But reading these threads in my mid-thirties has been good. It has let me look back at my cringe-worthy memories of beginning to assimilate into mainstream culture, and redirect the voice of my inner critic at my mother, instead of at me, in the same way that people in these threads direct the snark at Lauren instead of her kids. The mixture of compassion and appropriately-directed snark makes me feel like I'm falling into a giant featherbed of self-forgiveness, which is much nicer than the stabby nails of pointless and excessive self-blame.

We don't have a hugging smiley, but I'd use it if we did.

Those humiliating experiences you had as an adult are normal to have, but normal parenting exposes them to you at an age where you barely remember it. I was just yesterday explaining to my child that you can't go from kid to adult overnight when you turn 18, that while you're practicing skills adults and older kids make allowances based on your apparent age, and your peers are also making mistakes so you blend in. Sucks to be teased for picking your nose at 7, sucks more to be caught doing it at 25.

I am so sorry that your mother caused you long term harm by trying to avoid short term pain.

[August]

I think Donald Duck is a classic name. And Eyeball Face has a dignified ring to it. I keep thinking about Cerie on 30 Rock- "I would name her Sandstorm, or Bookcase, or Hat. But Hat is really more of a boys name."

Shall we form a support group for those of us whose parents failed to embrace our obvious inherent sparkleness?

I was supposed to be named Cinderella, but my parents quashed the idea. Whose sparkliness was squashed more, my sister's, or mine?

[Rebelwife]

I was supposed to be named Cinderella, but my parents quashed the idea. Whose sparkliness was squashed more, my sister's, or mine?

I shall come before your group and beg forgiveness for squashing my own daughter's sparkly creativity. I refused to name her younger sister "truck." :crying-blue:

[Snarknado]

I really enjoy Hellena. She's real in a way Lauren will never achieve.

I truly need a link to this blog.

[Georgiana]

I shall come before your group and beg forgiveness for squashing my own daughter's sparkly creativity. I refused to name her younger sister "truck." :crying-blue:

My friend wanted to name his sister "SleepGood" because he was pretty sure that all she would EVER be good at was sleeping.

She's good at many things now, so it's probably a good thing his parents didn't go with that. Though I'm sure he is scarred forever.

[happy atheist]

I truly need a link to this blog.

Hellena's blog: spunoutpost.blogspot.com

If you want to discuss her specifically, her thread is up in Wide World of Snark:

old thread: viewtopic.php?f=81&t=12399

new thread: viewtopic.php?f=81&t=21624