Don't be afraid to tell your DAUGHTER she's fat!

[miffy]

My mum told me I was fat when I was a teenager, I wasn't fat, I was TINY) It's probably part of why I'm very 'into' my appearance (permanent diet and lots of exercise) as an adult. I'm also very judgmental of others who aren't slim.

[kb2]

I had a happy childhood and never developed an eating disorder, but being put on diets throughout high school for being 20 lbs "overweight" (I've actually never been overweight, I was just always 20 lbs away from having a 18.5 BMI) is something I think my mom did wrong. I know she meant well (thought I would be socially more popular if I were thin) buuuuuuuut I'm really glad she considers it none of her business now that I'm an adult. :roll:

[curlytoes79]

Most men do like women who are in shape. Not necessarily thin but in shape and healthy. -- Lori

Why stop at weight? Men like women who are young and attractive. Looni may have been attractive at one time, but she's past her prime. There are definitely bags under those eyes, and that bottle of Clairol can only do so much. She needs a facelift to keep her husband from sinning with other women. Not getting one means that she's putting her own desires ahead of her man's. Isn't selfishness a sin?

[Trynn]

I think Lori is claiming that being fat

Is a sin because the bible says gluttony is a sin. However, she cant know that every single fat person has food issues.

[Jeneric Duggar]

I was the stocky, heavy daughter of an 75lbs-wringing wet, petite mother. She loved me to bits but she still managed to imbue me with a lifetime complex about being fat (I'm not and never have been, clinically) so I never, ever comment on my daughter's appearance other than to tell her she is the greatest in every way.

Lori Alexander's daughter may be overweight but she can always lose the extra; Lori Alexander will always be a monster.

[Mama Mia]

I feel so bad for all of you who had mothers who made the feel bad about their bodies growing up ! That's just so sad. Your mom is the person who is supposed to make you feel beautiful when the mean kids at school are making your feel ugly.

That must be really hard to feel good about your body if you were made to feel like it wasn't "good enough" growing up. ugg.

[Aurora rising]

I feel so bad for all of you who had mothers who made the feel bad about their bodies growing up ! That's just so sad. Your mom is the person who is supposed to make you feel beautiful when the mean kids at school are making your feel ugly.

That must be really hard to feel good about your body if you were made to feel like it wasn't "good enough" growing up. ugg.

It is, I had a similar experience. One of my first memories is a doctor telling my mum, that I´m "too fat" - when I look at the photos from this time, I´m definitely not! My mum always struggled with her body-image and was always told that she´s to chubby as well. She didn´t wanted this for me so she tried to teach me about loosing weight and eating healthy as well. Unfortunately her diet was very unhealthy: Cigarettes instead of dinner or some of this strange drinks. When I as a teenager I had an eating disorder. Now I´m mid-30 and kind of okay with myself.

My mum didn´t want to do this, I know this. But if I ever have a child I will NEVER talk to her about avoiding to get fat. :snooty:

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

I don't agree with the way Lori does it but I feel conflicted. So many children are overweight and not wanting them to be is not 'fat shaming' but genuine concern about their future. Fat kids are more likely to turn into obese adults than a normal weight kid

When I nannied in London the 7 year old girl was a little chubby. Her Mum asked me to not make her dessert every night like their previous nanny did. I cut out her daily hot chocolate, replaced with kid size smoothie. Dinner sizes become reasonable and no seconds. If she was hungry after dinner she had to wait 20 minutes to see if she was still hungry THEN she could have a piece of fruit. Dessert was Friday only. Over 2 years she went from a bit plump to normal size. She was happy. Her parents were happy. We talked a lot about healthy choices and fuel for our bodies. Never any fat shaming. I never mentioned her weight and if she said anything negative about her body (she hated her tummy) I would say she had a lovely body and she looked after herself and it was normal to have a bit of a tummy.

So did I do the wrong thing by not letting her become fat? I don't think so. Fat can be unhealthy...I see it everyday as a nurse. Sorry. If its done appropiately I didn't see what the problem is with discussing weight with kids.

[Miggy]

(1) I am fat. Fact. I could give all sorts of excuses as to why I am fat but it's really not important.

(2) I am fit. I swim 10km a week, I walk to and from work every day, I cycle with my kids on weekends, I go bush walking & mountain climbing on my holidays and more.

(3) I am very happy and content with who I am.

Why are so many people fixated on skinny/fat? Why not worry about fit/unfit instead, which has far more influence on health? Why not just be enjoy life as you are?

Lori makes me so stabby!

For the record - my husband really hates skinny women and also athletic-type women where muscles show. He says he likes women who have curves and he certainly got that with me.

[lilwriter85]

Lori Alexander is the LAST person who should be criticising others about their appearance. Skinny does not equal objectively beautiful, especially in her case.

I agree. I'm trying to not criticize other people's appearances. But with Lori, she has said shit about weight and women before. Sometimes I think hatefulness can make people ugly, but even if I didn't know how hateful Lori is, I still wouldn't think she is beautiful. I think she is average looking, but she also gives off a creep vibe. I remember there was a posting where Lori talked about how she thinks her kids are good looking. I think the oldest daughter Alyssa the ballet dancer is quite pretty. But Lori's other kids are average looking. The two younger kids look a lot like Lori and both give off a creepy vibe too.

[wtylcf]

My 59 year old mom was taking to me about some health issues she's now dealing with, thanks to years of anorexia in her late teens. I am much stockier than her, and while I recently gave up my chronic dieting attempts to settle for a simply healthy diet, not a calorie deprived one, and a very active lifestyle, I'm so happy I never had anorexia. I'm hopefully not going to be dealing with bone loss and the risk of osteoporosis thanks to starving myself previously. Being thin does not necessarily mean being healthy, which Lori should remember.

[tanksmom]

I don't agree with the way Lori does it but I feel conflicted. So many children are overweight and not wanting them to be is not 'fat shaming' but genuine concern about their future. Fat kids are more likely to turn into obese adults than a normal weight kid

When I nannied in London the 7 year old girl was a little chubby. Her Mum asked me to not make her dessert every night like their previous nanny did. I cut out her daily hot chocolate, replaced with kid size smoothie. Dinner sizes become reasonable and no seconds. If she was hungry after dinner she had to wait 20 minutes to see if she was still hungry THEN she could have a piece of fruit. Dessert was Friday only. Over 2 years she went from a bit plump to normal size. She was happy. Her parents were happy. We talked a lot about healthy choices and fuel for our bodies. Never any fat shaming. I never mentioned her weight and if she said anything negative about her body (she hated her tummy) I would say she had a lovely body and she looked after herself and it was normal to have a bit of a tummy.

So did I do the wrong thing by not letting her become fat? I don't think so. Fat can be unhealthy...I see it everyday as a nurse. Sorry. If its done appropiately I didn't see what the problem is with discussing weight with kids.

The difference between what Lori is doing and what you did are huge. You never told her (from what you posted) that she couldn't have dessert because she's fat. That she couldn't have more to eat because she was chubby and you didn't tell her that if she didn't lose her tummy she wouldn't be good enough. My youngest has an appreciation for food which can lead to overeating so we've talked about making good food choices, dessert isn't a bad thing but it's also not an everyday thing, etc.

Encouraging better eating habits, good. Telling a young child that they are fat, bad.

[FiddleDD]

That just makes me sick. People need to stop obsessing about weight and worry about health. Their own health, as no one else's is their business. The commenter especially. How about the fact that all people, especially kids, are built differently. Stocky is not fat. And who cares? Most of those obesity statistics are a joke.

People also need to remember that their example is just as important as what they say. My mom never told me I was fat, or tried to make me diet, bit she and my older sister always talked about how fat they were and were on diets, so guess what? I thought I was fat. I joined weight watchers for the first time when I was 12. Where they told me that even though I'd already reached my full height and was a C cup I should be the same size as a girl who hadn't even entered puberty.

[GeoBQn]

And in a serious case of mood whiplash, Lori now says that men don't actually care what their wives look like as long as they spend a lot of time naked and smiling.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/06/naked-with-smile.html

[RandomTrivia]

This kind of crap is why I didn't feel bad about chucking a donated book in the recycling yesterday (and I *hate* to toss a book out). It was a book aimed at teen girls, and when I flipped through it, I found a whole section on weight/figure. Starting off with, basically, if you can't span your waist with your hands, you're overweight and need to diet. A few pages later it was going on about chunky thighs and spot-reducing exercises. Can even the super-skinny fashion models manage to put their hands around their waists and have fingers meet? I just measured my hands - I'd have a 16 inch waist. I've got a beanpole 7-year-old who doesn't even have a waist that skinny.

The book was from the 80s, I think - and no, not the 1880s, it was the 1980s. Some shit should not be perpetuated - I tossed it, and the only regret is that I didn't write down the title so I could see if Amazon is still selling it).

[Conuly]

LOL, if you want people to be able to start spanning their waists with their hands, you'd better start selling corsets. And even then...!

[ILoveJellybeans]

Is that even physically possible? That is so small I dont even think someone who was a size 0 could do it. I can do it with my one and a half year old sister, and having a baby waist and adult size hands would just look wrong.

[GolightlyGrrl]

It's so interesting Lori and her leg humpers are "concerned" about their daughters being fat. What about their sons?

[flyawaystray]

Yes, it is possible, but whether or not it's healthy is a different story. See Ann Ward of American's Next Top Model: http://starcasm.net/archives/59880

At 6'2" and <100 lbs, that's very dangerous.

[2xx1xy1JD]

This is making me feel sick.

In our family, Girl 1 was naturally slim. Girl 2 was not, and at even though she was 3 years younger, she was heavier than her sister at one point.

IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING FIT OR GODLY.

Same household. Same meals. Same activities. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the difference was likely biological. When our former ped was concerned about Girl 2's weight, I pointed out that she actually had better eating habits than Girl 1, and that she was quite active. Eventually, the pediatric endocrinologist figured out that Girl 2 likely had a mild form of congenital adrenal hyperplasia.

I think I would have killed anyone who would have told Girl 2 that she was fat and had to eat less.

I know women suffering from other endocrine-related disorders, like PCOS, who were fat-shamed despite the fact that the weight came from underlying medical conditions.

I also have a friend who naturally gains weight in her hips and thighs. At one point, she slimmed down and got compliments about her new figure - which unfortunately helped to further fuel her anorexia. At the time, when I gave her a hug, I could feel her vertabrae through her sweater. The anorexia basically destroyed 2 years of her life, and came VERY close to killing her.

[wild little fox]

It took me days to say this because I am so mad. More than usual.

STFU LORI!!

[Koala]

It's so interesting Lori and her leg humpers are "concerned" about their daughters being fat. What about their sons?

Oh it's never the sons...Lori only had to talk to her daughter about the sin of being fat :angry-banghead:

[ADoyle90815]

It is, I had a similar experience. One of my first memories is a doctor telling my mum, that I´m "too fat" - when I look at the photos from this time, I´m definitely not! My mum always struggled with her body-image and was always told that she´s to chubby as well. She didn´t wanted this for me so she tried to teach me about loosing weight and eating healthy as well. Unfortunately her diet was very unhealthy: Cigarettes instead of dinner or some of this strange drinks. When I as a teenager I had an eating disorder. Now I´m mid-30 and kind of okay with myself.

My mum didn´t want to do this, I know this. But if I ever have a child I will NEVER talk to her about avoiding to get fat. :snooty:

I had a similar experience, as I was the daughter to a 100lb soaking wet petite mom who had me go on my first "diet" at 10 when the fact was that I was going through puberty, and if she had left it alone, that weight would have been lost since I was a pretty active kid to begin with. The doctor wasn't concerned about my weight at all, but my mom chose to ignore her advice, and as a result of all those diets, I had trouble feeling good about my body even when I was in the best shape of my life. If I had a child, I would only make sure there's plenty of healthy food available, and not insist on having them clean their plate as that was one other thing my parents did that I think was a mistake. Fortunately, my niece is being raised the way I would raise a child, with plenty of healthy food and that she's not expected to clean her plate. My niece is more likely to ask for ice water or milk instead of soda or juice.

[Stephers831]

I'm fat and I'm ok with saying that because it means I'm still alive. Sixteen surgeries, medications out the wazoo, steriods for years, but I'm still here. If being fat is the worst thing I ever do then I'll have lived a good life. My husband loves me at whatever size I am at the moment (steriods cause me to gain and lose a lot) and tells me that he prefers his women with curves and not corners. My mother was 95lbs soaking wet but luckily my 6'8" 400lb+ father managed to keep her from fat shaming me most of the time. She was absolutely horrified that she had given birth to a child that was biger than she was by the time I was 9 (she was 5'1", not really hard). Eating disorders are horrible, my sister is small like our mother was but has passed down the eating disorders in the family to both her girls, who frankly are tiny anyways. Food is fuel and sometimes a treat, and sometimes a comfort and thats not always a bad thing. I'll let people judge me for being fat but I want a chance to judge them for being stupid too.

[Andromeda]

Is that even physically possible? That is so small I dont even think someone who was a size 0 could do it. I can do it with my one and a half year old sister, and having a baby waist and adult size hands would just look wrong.

I've always wondered about the "handspan waist" thing, having mostly encountered it in bodice rippers, and I'm guessing it must mean one of the following:

(a) She's wearing a really tightly laced corset.

AND/OR

(b) The hands spanning her waist are a Big Manly Man's Big Man Hands, and it's as much to point out his Big Manliness as her tininess.

OR

© It means something different from what it sounds like. I had one friend speculate that it means your fingers meet in front if you put your hands on your hips, which is not quite as small.