Adopting a failed abortion, then writing about it

[BlackHawk]

Yeah, why wouldn't she want to engage with you after you called her a liar.

Are you referring to things she said in another thread? Because I can't find that sentiment here.

I believe she is lying, I see nothing wrong with calling her out on that. If she can't handle answering questions that one person believes she is lying about, than perhaps she shouldn't post those statements on a public board. If you are going to post things, make sure you can back those things up. Pretty simple really.

As for things she's said in other threads, I'm more talking about things she's said in general here at FJ. I'm sorry, are we only allowed to mention things said in one thread from now on? I must have missed that rule change.

(snipped)

When I said the comment was on a website for adoptive parents, I meant that the comment was on a website for adoptive parents, not that it was my personal opinion that I pulled out of my ass. The quote has been changed since first published (possbily due to outrage from raped women), but is still repulsive: "It isn't uncommon for a birthmother to say that she was raped, when it would have been difficult for her to tell her parents that she was pregnant. Say, "It appears as though she felt she was forced," or similar words to suggest that you don't know for sure. - See more at: adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1817#sthash.nUQCb8ZP.dpuf

Yeah, of course I suggest that children languish in state-run houses, certainly what I wished for my child who was conceived in rape (not).

Now please go away and leave me alone.

I didn't see where you said that comment was on a website for adoptive parents. If that comment was truly there, then yes, that is repulsive. Either way the articles way of dealing with rape is wrong and bad. I can agree with you on that, however I do not take one article and say that is happening across the board, nor do I base my entire decision on how rape children are being handled in the adoption world. It is not a piece of advice, however, that has been given to any adoptive parents I've known, nor shilled out through any adoptive parent websites or adoption agencies. Websites can be run by anyone, just keep that in mind.

You still did not clarify your positions with regards to my other two questions. I'd really like to know your actual answers.

As for going away and leaving you alone, perhaps you shouldn't be posting on a public forum. See, when you post, people reply. It may not always be a nice reply, thus you either have to have a thick skin, or you shouldn't post. I know we are kinder and gentler and all that here, but that doesn't change that you made a statement I'd like you to clarify. If you choose not to clarify, then I will believe that you think rapists should be allowed to sue their victims for child support and custody. I will not go away because that doesn't help continue the conversation. If you can't handle questions, perhaps you should go away.

[formergothardite]

Yeah, I would really like to know why you think rapists have rights to children produced through rape too. That just blows my mind. I can't imagine getting raped and realizing that if I choose to not abort the guy who raped me has a right to that child.

[patsymae]

Yeah, I would really like to know why you think rapists have rights to children produced through rape too. That just blows my mind. I can't imagine getting raped and realizing that if I choose to not abort the guy who raped me has a right to that child.

I think rapists have rights (note I did not say that I think they should) because according to CNN and Georgetown University, 31 states allow visitation or custody by rapists (see the link I posted in a previous post).

I also posted the link to the website where I got the quote about lying about a mother being raped. So what exactly am I "lying" about? The link is right there for anyone to check.

I am one of the people who became pregnant from a rape; having "experts" jump on me and make personal attacks is nothing new. But those on this forum who aren't "experts" may want to really know what happens to girls and women who become pregnant from rapes and what they (we--so far 5 of us have come out on this board, right) in order to gain a better understanding.

[formergothardite]

Sorry I thought you were saying you thought rapist SHOULD have rights, but what you were saying is that they currently do. That is fucked up beyond all words and needs to really be changed.

[BlackHawk]

I think rapists have rights (note I did not say that I think they should) because according to CNN and Georgetown University, 31 states allow visitation or custody by rapists (see the link I posted in a previous post).

I also posted the link to the website where I got the quote about lying about a mother being raped. So what exactly am I "lying" about? The link is right there for anyone to check.

I am one of the people who became pregnant from a rape; having "experts" jump on me and make personal attacks is nothing new. But those on this forum who aren't "experts" may want to really know what happens to girls and women who become pregnant from rapes and what they (we--so far 5 of us have come out on this board, right) in order to gain a better understanding.

Awww do you feel attacked? No one is attacking you, merely calling in to question your statements. I promise, you are not prosecuted, it's okay.

Your statement was " And rapist or not, a biological father has rights to his children--a mother can't just "give them up."" From this statement many assumed YOU were stating this, as it was not quoted nor attributed to anyone else. Perhaps attribute these types of quotes to other people in the future to remove the idea that YOU are saying them.

Yes, see, the reply where I said I felt you were lying was posting ABOVE the one where you linked. I didn't SEE the exact quote you stated, but I will trust that you saw it. If it was true, that is a horrible statement and I'm glad it's gone.

As for "experts" blah blah blah... I am not an expert, but I am someone who spends a lot of time fighting for ethical adoptions. I hate seeing people bash adoption for no reason. Simple as that really. I am not taking away from your experience, they sound awful. But your experience is no one elses, and you should own that instead of making an entire population of people out to be evil. Do bad things happen? YES! Of course they do. Is everyone bad? No. Simple as that.

((Edited because I swear I have a grasp on the english language))

[Burris]

I'm confused. Why would someone who was raped not file a police report? If you don't file a report, they can't do anything about it and the person or persons who did the crime will continue to walk free to possibly do the same thing to someone else. It surprises me who was raped wouldn't want the person caught. If it were my child, I would sure as hell be at the police station demanding action against whoever had violated my 13yo that way. But to each their own. :shrug:

Someone who has been raped may not file a police report for any number of reasons, including but not limited to the following:

They lived in an era where rape - especially if the rape were perpetrated by a husband - wasn't taken seriously. Indeed they themselves would have been subjected to scrutiny.

They may have been raped while at a house party - including a party at their own house - and feared their mere presence at a social gathering would be used against them. There's certainly precedent for that.

They may come from a small community where police stupidity regarding rape is legendary.

They may come from a country where rape is not prosecuted seriously - or worse, where the victim could be jailed for some sort of moral failing.

If the victim should become pregnant by the rape, and files a report naming the perpetrator as genetic father of the child, she may fear the prospect of having the asshole try further victimizing her through the courts by suing for visitation or some sort of custody arrangement.

(Hell, Sandra Fluke was called a slut and otherwise demonized across the Conservative media merely for pointing out that her medically prescribed birth control should be covered by the insurance company she contracts and pays for their coverage of such expenses. Imagine the shit storm a rape victim would face.)

Every time someone is raped, there will always be someone else - someone else with a loud fucking mouth, usually - willing to deny, even against all evidence and common sense, that the rape happened; or worse, to argue the rape was justified because...

…the victim was drinking

…the victim was well-dressed or showing too much skin, etc. etc. etc.

…the victim had a reputation for enjoying sexual activities (whether the reputation is based on fact or not)

….the victim came to a party where she knew no one, being a casual acquaintance of the host at best, and so somehow she deserved rape for stepping outside her own ‘tribe’ (That “argument†was actually discussed on this very board a few weeks ago.)

…the victim had a prior sexual relationship with the perpetrator, which in some demented minds means consent, once given, can never legitimately be revoked

…she didn’t ‘fight back hard enough’ for the act against her person to be considered ‘legitimate rape

…and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on

If someone steals a car – and even if the doors were unlocked when he or she took the vehicle – the perpetrator is considered a thief.

If someone sets a house on fire, he or she is considered an arsonist (as there aren’t too many reasons considered legitimate for burning down a dwelling).

But when rape is involved, then suddenly there are so many apologists who crawl out of the woodwork and do all within their power to ensure that ‘one mistake’ doesn’t ‘ruin the life’ of the perpetrator – because somehow rape, though no less a crime than other kinds of vicious assault, is categorized differently by those who see human bodies – specifically women’s bodies – as community property.

Getting justice isn't usually down to a matter of reporting.

[Full enough quiver]

It's awful to find out how many women have gotten pregnant from rape, but at the same time, it's nice knowing I'm not alone. That's the cool thing about the Internet. I mean, it's not like this is something I talk about at the PTA meeting. The few people irl that I have told either don't believe me (you must not have been that traumatized, or you wouldn't be able to even look at your daughter) or turn you into some kind of martyr for the "pro life" cause. (your attack was a blessing in disguise. If only all women were like you, and kept their babies, they'd see what a blessing they are) This pisses me off so much. Yes, I love my daughter. More than anything in the world. And yes, she has blessed and enriched my life, and I wouldn't want to live in a world without her wonderful, amazing little self in it. It never crossed my mind that I wasn't going to have, and raise her. The rape and the pregnancy were two completely separate events to me. I was no less traumatized by the rape. I still had to proccess that trauma. My daughter wasn't a reminder of my trauma, she was compensation for it. It makes me sick when politicians try to get involved in what should be a very personal choice for a woman. Every experience is different, and I wouldn't expect everyone's to be just like mine. At the same time, sometimes I look around at other moms, and wonder if I'm the only one.