NieNie needs therapy

[Freyacat]

I can understand her frustration, but I do think therapy would be helpful for her, because sadly she is *always* going to encounter rude people. She'll also encounter people who aren't rude and snickering like this guy, but who act awkward unintentionally because they are startled. It would be nice if no one batted an eye, but that won't happen; human nature makes us look at other peoples' faces to "read" them, and it's hard to read a face so damaged, so people have a hard time casually conversing with someone with that sort of facial difference. So maybe therapy would help her come up with coping strategies so she can travel and not have this sort of bad experience. I'd assume she's already in therapy, though - wouldn't that be a standard practice for patients with such a horrible experience to work through?

I don't particularly think I would like Nie Nie as she seems pretty shallow and immature to me, but I still feel awful for what she's gone through and continues to go through due to her accident.

[Freyacat]

She does need a clothing intervention! Because she won't show her legs, she always wears thick tights or pants, which I'd imagine gets boring after awhile. I think her clothing choices reflect her need to feel like she's still an individual even though she has limited types of outfits that she'll wear. Unfortunately, some of outfits draw way more attention than even her burns. Too bad What Not to Wear ended, she would have been a great one to have on. Clinton would have had a field day with her in the 360 degree mirror!

I'm not sure the tights/pants are a style choice or a modesty choice. I'm wondering if she still needs to wear those thick compression garments for burns on her legs and wears the pants or tights to cover them, because visible compression garments would draw even more stares.

[already hungover]

I can understand her frustration, but I do think therapy would be helpful for her, because sadly she is *always* going to encounter rude people. She'll also encounter people who aren't rude and snickering like this guy, but who act awkward unintentionally because they are startled. It would be nice if no one batted an eye, but that won't happen; human nature makes us look at other peoples' faces to "read" them, and it's hard to read a face so damaged, so people have a hard time casually conversing with someone with that sort of facial difference. So maybe therapy would help her come up with coping strategies so she can travel and not have this sort of bad experience. I'd assume she's already in therapy, though - wouldn't that be a standard practice for patients with such a horrible experience to work through?

I don't particularly think I would like Nie Nie as she seems pretty shallow and immature to me, but I still feel awful for what she's gone through and continues to go through due to her accident.

Yeah, I think Nie fails to recognize that she can only change herself, not other people. She clearly can't change the way others react to her, but maybe some therapy could help her change the way she copes with those reactions.

I'm blind in one eye. It's obvious that something is "wrong" because that eye doesn't focus and deviates outward pretty severely. It does make it difficult for other people to "read" my face, I think. Faces and eye contact are important; it's the nature of being a primate, and to some extent, people can't help how they react to facial differences. That said, there's a difference between not being able to suppress an instinctual reaction and being a total asshole, and pointing and laughing is well into "total asshole" territory.

I don't mind when people notice my inability to make eye contact, and it's fine when they ask what's wrong with my eye, but I do get a little annoyed sometimes when they belabor the issue or point it out in a way that's clearly intended to humiliate. Once in high school, I got "OH MY GOD, what's WRONG with your EYE?? I CAN'T TELL WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT!!" from a well-meaning but naive classmate and I wanted to crawl into a hole, so I guess on one level, I do understand Nie's issue. On the other hand, I was born this way and have had 25 years to get over my appearance, plus, as I said, I realize that people can't really help reacting poorly to facial differences.

I think Nie often gets really upset at even the most innocent questioning, as was the case when she went off on the guy who asked how to explain her scars to his son. I don't like Nie much, but I do feel bad for her because I think that she is enormously burdened. It can't feel good to assume ill intentions of absolutely everyone you encounter.

(The one thing that does consistently make me feel a little sad is that babies and dogs tend not to like me, presumably because they can't tell where I'm looking. Don't care about the babies but would like dogs not to bark at me all the time. :violin:)

[Peas n carrots]

I actually happen to like NieNie's style, though I wish it didn't look like ALL her wardrobe came from Anthropologie. I admit not everything fits her quite right and some of the outfits (such as the Peter Pan collared dress) are too young for her.

However I agree she is more likely getting stared at because of how she dresses. I've never seen Europeans dress like that..her look screams I'M AMERICAN!!!11!

[Arete]

I give her a total pass on this one, and think her reaction is quite normal. To be stared and pointed at by adults like you are not even in the same space? I'd want to punch someone too.

What she expects of children, especially allowing her own to be her mental shore ups? That is not normal. That needs therapy. Adults who point, stare, and whisper at an obviously disfigured woman in public? They deserve a righteous ass kicking.

They aren't staring because of the way she dresses. Europeans in heavily trafficked tourist areas could not give a shit about what those tourists are wearing.

[jenwales]

Do adults really point and laugh? I would expect it from a small child but not from an adult who should know better.

[idonthaveajname]

Do adults really point and laugh? I would expect it from a small child but not from an adult who should know better.

Adults are usually worse than children, in my experience.

Anyway, I give NieNie a pass on this one. I think she needs therapy in general though.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

I give her a total pass on this too. Geez, I still carry around tweezers for touch-ups because once a boy in the 6th grade laughed and told me my arms were so hairy I looked like a gorilla. This woman has been permanently disfigured.

[chaotic life]

My son's disabilities were visible disabilities. I was SHOCKED when we adopted him at HOW rude people are to those with visable disabilities. I once had a grown woman screaming at me in a Burger King playland telling me that I needed to keep my son locked up at home because he was unable to keep his pants up (totally flat butt and a huge belly from liver disease and he was NEVER able to keep his pants up a day in his life, so he often showed his underwear to the world).

I could spent my entire life telling all of the nightmares we encountered where people tried to hurt my son and our family protected him from those prejudicies and I would run out of time before stories.

People are really that cruel. On that one, Stephanie is correct. I don't personally think her face looks that bad, but I am accostumed to seeing disabilities. I look at her face and I see burn scars, and some fairly good healing processes that have been done since her injuries occurred. However, I'm used to seeing such things.

However, she has GOT to find a purpose for her strength and self esteem than merely her children. Yes, my children are very, very valuable to me. Every mother should value her children. It is when they are the ONLY value you have that it is a problem. For that, yes, I think she would benefit from therapy. If all of her self worth and strength lies in her children, then what happens when they grow up? She is dependent upon her children to meet all of her emotional needs in that set-up, and that is a recipe for disaster, any way you look at it. She needs to work on loving herself for her OWN sake, and not merely because of the value she believes her children give her. Therapy could help her with that. I wonder if she ever got therapy to deal with what she's been through, or if she just thrives on the attention she gets now, so she can ignore the trauma and total change to her life.

FTR, she also desperately needs to have a port placed. She is nearly impossible to get an IV into, and she has frequent need of IV access. She describes HORRIBLE pain of attempting to start IVs through her scar tissue. She needs to just get the port, and quit being tortured and having her family watch her be tortured. A port can be placed at the top of her breast and the ONLY people who will ever know it's there are her and her medical team. Yet, it would eliminate all of the torture she describes from attempts at IVs. She also needs to insist that ONLY an IV team touch her until she gets the port. Most floor nurses are not good at starting IVs, that's why most hospitals hav moved to IV teams.

[emiliawasframed]

Do adults really point and laugh? I would expect it from a small child but not from an adult who should know better.

In my experience (I have cerebral palsy and thus walk with a noticeably awkward gait), adults are often worse than children. Children stare and occasionally ask their parents questions, but I've been outright confronted much more by adults, even when I was a child. Once, when I was about four or five, a Mennonite couple came up to our family in a restaurant and asked what sin my parents had committed to make me "crippled." A couple of years ago (I'm in my late twenties now), I was in a local coffee shop with a friend, and this guy cut me off on the way to our table and flat-out asked "What's WRONG with you?" My husband says I should've responded, "Right now I'm being bothered by an asshole."

Those kinds of things bother me much more than children asking genuine questions. Children are usually inquisitive rather than rude, and that's fine with me. I usually bend down to their level and say something about being born that way and being able to do pretty much everything everyone else does, just a bit slower. With kids who are just trying to figure out the world around them, I have no problem giving an explanation. With adults who don't want to be made uncomfortable by the presence of difference, I get annoyed. There are of course, some adults who are more inquisitive and less rude, and they get a pass. They're few and far between, though.

[dawbs]

I think she could definately use some more therapy to work through her feelings of "wanting to slap someone". I understand people stare when they see someone "different". I don't believe they point at her and whisper about her when they are pointing at her. That's her insecurities that she needs help with. People will look and maybe stare. I don't know how I would feel if I were her-but if I was close enough to the people staring I would hope I had the courage to say something like - I was in a plane crash or - I was burndt in a fire. They want to know why she is a bit disfigured? My thoughts.

I'm new here. What is that "your all going to hell" under my name and how do I get rid of it?

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[shaylahc]

When I heard she was going to Europe, I actually wondered about that. Europeans are very "appearance conscious". What you wear, how you present yourself, these are all huge in many places in Europe. Women don't just roll out to the grocery store in their yoga pants with no make up on, especially someplace like Paris. I think Nie needs to get some thicker skin. I am fairly overweight and I get stares all the time, and I just learn to deal. I've been to Europe several times, dealt with the stares and snickers, and it just doesn't bother me. I can imagine anyone who has been severely scarred is going to endure stares. We may be more polite about it in the US, but I don't think in other countries people try so hard to act like they're minding their own business. I feel for Nie, but what did she expect? Sounds like she lives in her own bubble here in the US where everyone knows her and her story. People can be cruel all over the world, that really doesn't change from one culture to another. It is sad, but what can you do?

[lilwriter85]

I don't really get why they snark on his clothes. He would look bog standard like 80% of the population of blokes where I live.

I have to admit, I have sometimes laughed at Christian's clothes. I think on GOMI, he isn't well liked by many of the posters. I don't find him likable. On GOMI, the posters seem to be fed up with Nie's constant "manly" references to Christian on the blog, twitter, and IG. I think they make fun of the skinny jeans because they seem to think that Christian's wardrobe doesn't match up with Nie's "manly" view of him. There is speculation by a few people over there that Christian is a closeted gay man. I really don't know what to think of that, but I find it odd that Nie has to constantly talk about how "manly" Christian. It's like she is trying to prove to others that Christian is the ultimate man. I was annoyed when she had an IG pic of him working on a truck and she said, "He was doing manly things". That annoyed the fuck out of me because other men and some women do stuff like that everyday.

[LadyBlue]

I really can't help but compare her to a Twitter friend who was also in a plane accident and nearly didn't make it. Most of her remaining issues are invisible ie traumatic brain injury, but her whole attitude and response is...completely different. She started a blog after the accident which seems to have evolved somewhat but you can see what I mean about the difference secondstochange.blogspot.com/

[punkiepie]

I really can't help but compare her to a Twitter friend who was also in a plane accident and nearly didn't make it. Most of her remaining issues are invisible ie traumatic brain injury, but her whole attitude and response is...completely different. She started a blog after the accident which seems to have evolved somewhat but you can see what I mean about the difference secondstochange.blogspot.com/

I just read that blog and now I have so many questions! Why did her husband and his brothers leave her in the plane and walk away? Are they still married? There is basically no mention of him anywhere- it's just her and her daughter. She does have a really positive attitude outlook on life.

[SoybeanQueen]

I just looked at some of her pictures from this trip - I would totally be eye-bulging at her green shoes with black tights and her husband's red skinny jeans with a striped green shirt.

I have not looked at the photos, but from your description, I think I'd have trouble resisting a joke about the husband being a Christmas elf.