Having Sex Makes Men Loose Respect For Their Partners

[debrand]

During my sexpades in high school & a bit in campus, I remember having an experience that I referred to as a “love hangover.†After being with a girl, the next morning I always felt an emptiness. I was so empty & almost suicidal.

Some people have to have an emotional connection in order to enjoy sex. For these people causal hookups are not going to be satisfying. Just because someone is male, like this writer, does not mean that they will automatically enjoy sex without love or commitment. The key is to be honest with oneself and with potential partners. If you need an emotional commitment, you are probably going to have to wait and get to know each other before you have sex. There is nothing wrong with either needing an emotional connection to enjoy sex or not needing an emotional connection to enjoy sex. It is probably just the way some of us are wired.

It’s been said that, “Girls use sex to get love, guys use love to get sex.â€

It has been said by people who believe that your sex locks your personality and needs into one set response to everything. Those people who say this are also wrong.

When you honor a woman by doing what you know to be right in your heart (i.e. what’s in her best interest), you honor yourself & insure that you will have no long-lasting regrets to live with.

I will decide what is in my own best interest. If I get hurt, I will deal with the consequences.

Here’s what I mean: most of the girls I’ve been with are now married to other men. When I put myself in the shoes of those men, I wish that I hadn’t done what I’ve done. In fact, I might even like to punch myself in the nose for it.

And so it goes without saying that when I get married, I’m not going to like the idea that someone else has had his way with my wife

Spouses do NOT own one another. When I met my husband, we discussed both his and my past sexual experiences in some detail. Believe it or not, neither one of us were bothered by the other's past. Because we both have high libidos we were sort of excited to find another person who wanted sex a lot.

For example, I now have a college sweetheart and now things are so thick between us & fear we might break up & be heart broken just because we had sex before marriage. I really love her & I pray day & night that we do not break up. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, the girl of my dreams. With her, there was never a dull moment. We totally “clicked.†We waited for awhile, then, through my initiation, we started having sex.

Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level.

This has not been my experience. However, when we were first together my husband and I had sex A LOT, like multiple times a day. We were only twenty and just assumed that our behavior was normal. Sometimes we just spent the weekend naked in bed together because there was no use in dressing. But we also talked and we had deep conversations cuddled up together after sex.

I’ve seen this happen with countless relationships, not just others of my own, but those of many other people.

I think that the man is guilty of self fulfilling expectations. He expects for relationships to fail when sex is involved and that is what he sees. He probably ignores relationships that succeed or doesn't hang out with the type of people who are more sexually open.

For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl. As I look back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time, although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time.

The two things were this:

1) I lost respect for the girl (even though I didn’t want to).

2) She began to mistrust me (even though she didn’t want to).

It is probably his religious background. I know people who have friendly, non committed sex with each other and remain respectful and caring.

The problem is this: the more I bond with other girls, the less I’ll be able to bond with my future wife. It’s like a piece of scotch tape — the more you use it on different surfaces, the less it sticks to things. After awhile, it won’t stick to anything.

My husband and I were both sluts. I'll admit it. :lol: We have been happily married for nearly twenty-five years. Sex is not scotch tape. End of story

I’ve come to understand that the sex will be good if the rest of the relationship is good. That’s why I know I don’t have to sleep with my future wife to find out if we’re sexually compatible. If we get along in every other area, the sex will be fine.

I dated a guy who should have been perfect for me. We were both total nerds and had the same basic values. Sex was terrible! It was like kissing my brother. If I had waited to have sex, he is probably someone that I would have convinced myself would be a good husband for me. It would have been a disastrous marriage

[Guest Anonymous]

Where is this from?

I assume it was all written by the same person. If so, it is one hell of a mess.

These two statements don't seem 100% compatible:

For example, I now have a college sweetheart and now things are so thick between us & fear we might break up & be heart broken just because we had sex before marriage. I really love her & I pray day & night that we do not break up. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, the girl of my dreams. With her, there was never a dull moment. We totally “clicked.†We waited for awhile, then, through my initiation, we started having sex.

Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level.

I’ve come to understand that the sex will be good if the rest of the relationship is good. That’s why I know I don’t have to sleep with my future wife to find out if we’re sexually compatible. If we get along in every other area, the sex will be fine.

His attitude toward his relationship seems really messed up. He talks about this woman who is just so perfect for him, they "clicked", blah, blah... but then they had sex and now he has lost interest in getting to know her on any other level. He says he's in this relationship 'now', and he talks about it in the present tense, but it doesn't seem like 'girl of my dreams' and 'future wife' are the same person at all. He's essentially saying that he won't repeat the mistakes of his current relationship when he meets 'future wife'. What an utter dick.

What does he imagine will happen with his future wife? He meets her, they click, she's perfect for him, blah, blah... That's how he knows the sex will be fine. But how does he know the relationship will be fine? He's already met one woman who is the 'girl of his dreams' and has lost all interest in her other than on a sexual level. Is he going to lose all interest in 'future wife' as soon as they've had sex?

ETA: If so, is being trapped in marriage really going to help the situation?

[debrand]

I am so sorry. Here is the link

kipsang.com/2008/11/26/why-wait-to-have-sex-in-marriage-a-mans-perspective/#comment-1167

[Closed Womb]

So, let me get this straight. Dude is having sex with his current girlfriend, who he may or may not respect anymore because she gave in to something he was proposing. Dude has had sex with several other women who are now (1) married but (2) cheapened by the experience of having the secks with him. BUT, Dude writes internet blather to warn others out there in readership world not to "go all the way" or whatever the kids are calling it these days.

Despite his escapades, he eventually wants a girl (assuming he breaks off with current GF) who he has not had sex with, I assume preferably someone who is a virgin.

Sounds to me like Dude needs to get off the interwebz and get into counseling post haste. Having and giving into normal sexual desires while also spouting disdain for the sexually active? That sounds like it could go really badly for him.