Woman Threatened For Saying Men Should Be Taught Not To Rape

[debrand]

http://feministing.com/2013/03/07/telli ... c=upworthy

On Tuesday night, I appeared on Hannity in a segment framed around the idea that giving women guns is the solution to ending rape. I was on with Independent Women’s Forum’s Gayle Trotter who recently made the point that women need guns for self defense from rape and gun violence prevention is infringing on their second Amendment rights, as well as, putting them at greater risk for domestic violence and rape.

Obviously, I disagreed. Giving every woman a gun is not rape prevention. If a woman chooses to go out and buy a legal gun for self-defense, that’s fine. But that shouldn’t be confused with actual prevention, which is really about stopping rapes before they happen and focusing on the sole party responsible: the rapist.

Since Tuesday, I’ve been bombared by conservatives on Facebook and Twitter purposefully misquoting and misunderstanding my point in order to call me dumb, bitch, idiot, and at worst threaten to gang rape common sense into me. Charming.

My point still stands whether conservatives want to acknowledge it or not. So when I said:

“I think that the entire conversation is wrong. I don’t want anybody to be telling women anything. I don’t want men to be telling me what to wear and how to act, not to drink. And I don’t, honestly, want you to tell me that I needed a gun in order to prevent my rape. In my case, don’t tell me if I’d only had a gun, I wouldn’t have been raped. Don’t put it on me to prevent the rape.â€

I meant it.

Watch the clip (Transcript to come or if someone could put the transcript in the comments I will be forever in your debt):

[BravaAmica]

Wow, rape apologists are threatened by this simple truth: telling and educating men not to rape is the only way to stop rape. Good for her for speaking publicly (on Fox News, no less!) about her experience and that the bullshit that calls itself "rape prevention."

[AVENues]

I have a surprise to these dickwads. Boys aren't born rapists just like human beings aren't born that way in general. Even my 8-year-olds ask me sometimes it would be "unpolite" ( :) ), they mean "inappropriate" to compliment on their clothes, so, on their appearance in general. Us, un-patriarchal moles in developing countries all over the world teach these boys how to compliment on a woman's looks without feeling them uncomfortable, objectifying them or harassing them. Once they get positive reactions from appropriate compliments, they will be proud, they'll never want to cross the line, not even with words. You can't start it too early. I love it when they come to me and ask me about stuff like this. They will feel good about themselves and will see the contrast between complimenting someone's appearance politely and the gross patriarchal mindset about women. Some jerks would not believe how much the marital system their parents live in grosses these bright, cool, smart children out. They for sure aren't going to become jerks. This is part of our "worthless" lives as childless people. :) Take that Steve-o...

[BravaAmica]

I have a surprise to these dickwads. Boys aren't born rapists just like human beings aren't born that way in general. Even my 8-year-olds ask me sometimes it would be "unpolite" ( :) ), they mean "inappropriate" to compliment on their clothes, so, on their appearance in general. Us, un-patriarchal moles in developing countries all over the world teach these boys how to compliment on a woman's looks without feeling them uncomfortable, objectifying them or harassing them. Once they get positive reactions from appropriate compliments, they will be proud, they'll never want to cross the line, not even with words. You can't start it too early. I love it when they come to me and ask me about stuff like this. They will feel good about themselves and will see the contrast between complimenting someone's appearance politely and the gross patriarchal mindset about women. Some jerks would not believe how much the marital system their parents live in grosses these bright, cool, smart children out. They for sure aren't going to become jerks. This is part of our "worthless" lives as childless people. :) Take that Steve-o...

Boys aren't born rapists. And anyone that says so is a lazy parent who can't be arsed to raise a decent man.

[desertvixen]

The gun thing really bothers me. If they make an individual woman feel better, then that individual woman should get one. I am comfortable with firearms, and I don't think it would be all that helpful.

The biggest thing is this: how many women aren't believed when they say, "I was raped"? How many women are subjected to the what were you wearing/doing/saying/drinking/thinking litany? How many women are subtly or not-so-subtly told, I do not believe you?

Now imagine that you are in your apartment. Maybe you've had a few drinks, maybe not. Your date - maybe a guy you think you know well or not so well - decides that he is entitled to sex from you, and decides to take it by force. You shoot him to stop him from raping you.

Why are the same people who don't believe rape victims NOW going to believe that story? Let's not even take into account factors like being drugged or just being too scared to use your weapon, or being physically overpowered before you can get to your weapon, or more than one assailant or... fill in the blank.

[AnywhereButHere]

The gun thing really bothers me. If they make an individual woman feel better, then that individual woman should get one. I am comfortable with firearms, and I don't think it would be all that helpful.

The biggest thing is this: how many women aren't believed when they say, "I was raped"? How many women are subjected to the what were you wearing/doing/saying/drinking/thinking litany? How many women are subtly or not-so-subtly told, I do not believe you?

Now imagine that you are in your apartment. Maybe you've had a few drinks, maybe not. Your date - maybe a guy you think you know well or not so well - decides that he is entitled to sex from you, and decides to take it by force. You shoot him to stop him from raping you.

Why are the same people who don't believe rape victims NOW going to believe that story? Let's not even take into account factors like being drugged or just being too scared to use your weapon, or being physically overpowered before you can get to your weapon, or more than one assailant or... fill in the blank.

This exactly was what I was thinking but could not figure out how to put into words (in under 6 paragraphs - I ramble when I get overly pissed off...).

[shedemei]

I do believe that some men are born rapists, for the simple reason that I believe that some people are just born evil. But that's a small minority and the rest are a sad result of a problem in society.

[Anxious Girl]

When I told my dad that we should educate men to not rape women; he told me that women rape men too; and I was all like WTF! :shock: face. I told him that statistically in the high 90's percantage than men rape women more than women rape men; and all he said was that they're sick people in the world. He told me that he didn't pay attention in school, and his ignorance shows. I hate when men pull up "What about the menz?" argument. Whenever a white guy says "but" when a minority or women try to explain harsh realities of the world and how to improve them; they always make the argument about themselves that these happen to them too. Yes it happens to them, but at a small percentage because they still have an advantage in patriarchal societies.

Don't they realize this?

[tabitha2]

yeah men are just sol if they are raped but who cares? i am sure they are put at ease knowing they are only one of the few men violated :whistle:

[Anxious Girl]

yeah men are just sol if they are raped but who cares? i am sure they are put at ease knowing they are only one of the few men violated :whistle:

What does sol mean? :|

[tabitha2]

shit outa luck.

[Boogalou]

What does sol mean? :|

Shit out of luck.

[Anxious Girl]

We should care about people who're raped. I'm trying to explain that when a woman tries to explain to men don't rape; some men like to use the excuse, "But what do we tell the women who rape men?", as if women have an advantage in patriarchal society, as if in media matriarchy tells women that it's ok to rape men even if they say no because they're playing hard to get; or telling guys that bad girls can be changed to be their ideal woman. See what I'm trying to say? Guys aren't told in society to cover themselves because they might start a woman's sex drive, etc.

[tabitha2]

rape is not a sex issue but a power and control one. yes, female on male rape is not nearly as frequent, though I believe much of it goes unreported because of the stigma concerning gender stereotype in t is country, but females can have the same issues that men have to cause rape and some will and do act out on those impulses. there needs to be open discussion to bring about awareness about it.

[Anxious Girl]

rape is not a sex issue but a power and control one. yes, female on male rape is not nearly as frequent, though I believe much of it goes unreported because of the stigma concerning gender stereotype in t is country, but females can have the same issues that men have to cause rape and some will and do act out on those impulses. there needs to be open discussion to bring about awareness about it.

I agree with you completely! Rapists want to control people by traumatizing them with unconsented sex. I think that American patriarchy which is heavily influenced by Victorian patriarchy has this idea/theory that men need to be unemotional/not show emotions at all is 1 of the characteristics to be a true manly man. If progressives in the media show this to be untrue; then maybe it won't be such an outrage anymore to talk about issues such as these.

[salex]

rape is not a sex issue but a power and control one. yes, female on male rape is not nearly as frequent, though I believe much of it goes unreported because of the stigma concerning gender stereotype in t is country, but females can have the same issues that men have to cause rape and some will and do act out on those impulses. there needs to be open discussion to bring about awareness about it.

Were I to guess, I would guess that male on male rape is more common than female on male and that is equally unreported and under prosecuted. There was a male on male serial rapist in Texas a few years ago and theydidn't seem to have standard methods to deal with it and expected that more than the 5 known victims were out there, unwilling to come forward.

Not to mention our country seems to ignore, joke about or view as "part of the punishment" male on male prison rape.

[tabitha2]

rape is rape and comes from the same root issues...and needs to be punished, no excuses, to the fullest extant the law allows. but the gender issues, stereotypes and dismissiveness of authorities and politicians will continue to keep victims of either sex from getting equal justice.

[IceTwinkie]

I agree. We need to change the culture of “boys will be boys†mentality and the utter bullshit of “well she was wearing a short skirt so she was asking for itâ€. When I was in my 20’s and still dating I always made sure that I had at least $40 cash on me because I have been confronted with the “I bought you dinner so you owe me†scenario. I liked that I was able to throw the cash in his face and say “Here’s my half, now were even.

I hate that as a woman I have to be hyper aware of my surroundings. Most men don’t realize what we do on a daily basis. Always park under a street light at night. Always have your keys out and ready before you walk out to your car. There is some strange guy standing near my car, should I just walk over? Should I get a coworker to walk me out? If I am out with my friends and I smile innocently at someone will it be construed as flirting? My fiancé finds it amusing that I will walk around the house at night 2-3 times checking every door and window and once more before we go to bed.

I am sorry if this comes across as incoherent and ranty but as a survivor, I have just about reached my breaking point with all of these politicians and talking heads who have never had to or will have never to experience rape telling me what I should have done and how to feel.

[rward]

I agree. We need to change the culture of “boys will be boys†mentality and the utter bullshit of “well she was wearing a short skirt so she was asking for itâ€. When I was in my 20’s and still dating I always made sure that I had at least $40 cash on me because I have been confronted with the “I bought you dinner so you owe me†scenario. I liked that I was able to throw the cash in his face and say “Here’s my half, now were even.

I hate that as a woman I have to be hyper aware of my surroundings. Most men don’t realize what we do on a daily basis. Always park under a street light at night. Always have your keys out and ready before you walk out to your car. There is some strange guy standing near my car, should I just walk over? Should I get a coworker to walk me out? If I am out with my friends and I smile innocently at someone will it be construed as flirting? My fiancé finds it amusing that I will walk around the house at night 2-3 times checking every door and window and once more before we go to bed.

I am sorry if this comes across as incoherent and ranty but as a survivor, I have just about reached my breaking point with all of these politicians and talking heads who have never had to or will have never to experience rape telling me what I should have done and how to feel.

Men do not get this. At all. My husband finds it mind boggling that I am aware of every man on the street, of every car, that I plan errands based on time of day and lighting, that I dress differently, etc. These just aren't concerns he has, other than buying a special inside-the-pants wallet for casinos so he can't be pickpocketed. It's not that he doesn't believe me, but he just can't grok feeling unsafe all the time, everywhere.

[tabitha2]

men in war zones/pow camps and slavery likely do and prisons sure do.

[shedemei]

I'd really like to know how these people what men should do to protect themselves from man-on-man rape.

[Hane]

Re debrand's original post: Isn't it funny how up in arms a significant number of men get when they're told, "Just don't rape anybody!"? Do they get this way when they're told "Don't kill anybody" or "Don't steal from anybody"? It all boils down to the default that, somehow, men are entitled to do whatever they want with their dicks.

[VooDooChild]

Re debrand's original post: Isn't it funny how up in arms a significant number of men get when they're told, "Just don't rape anybody!"? Do they get this way when they're told "Don't kill anybody" or "Don't steal from anybody"? It all boils down to the default that, somehow, men are entitled to do whatever they want with their dicks.

Word!

[LostSamurai]

What would these motherfuckers seriously do if someone raped their mother/sister/wife/daughter/lover?

I'm seriously sick and tired of this. This is the 21st century for fuck's sake but I seriously feel like this country is going backwards more and more to the point where I feel like I better have some fucking kids or my life is worthless...or if I wear sexy clothing, I'll be asking to get raped.

I can't take it anymore...*headdesks

[BravaAmica]

What would these motherfuckers seriously do if someone raped their mother/sister/wife/daughter/lover?

I'm seriously sick and tired of this. This is the 21st century for fuck's sake but I seriously feel like this country is going backwards more and more to the point where I feel like I better have some fucking kids or my life is worthless...or if I wear sexy clothing, I'll be asking to get raped.

I can't take it anymore...*headdesks

They (the sons/brothers/husbands and their mothers/sisters/wives) would ask/wonder what she wore and why she led them on. Not even kidding.

...riffles