Utah Adoption Ignores Married Father

[SoybeanQueen]

Good. Now that more of the story has come out, I hope no one gives them any more money to drag it out. I'm sure their hearts are breaking, and they were lied to, which is wrong. However, anyone who does even a small amount of research into the adoption industry can learn that these kinds of tactics are common with certain agencies, and with certain states (UTAH). As an adoptive parent, I would have had alarm bells and red flags popping up everywhere with the "birth father is missing" story. It does happen, but it's also more commonly used to avoid dealing with the birth father's rights.

[moodygirl86]

So many people are not willing to compromsie when it comes to care of a child. It's sad.

I was shocked to see a documentary about twins from orphanages in countries like China etc. be split up - it's quite common. They are adopted to different families. Two sets of families realised their babies looked identical and did a DNA test - pretty sure this was right after they'd taken them. They were identical twins. Did they work something out? No, each one made a fuss about how they wanted THEIR daughter so twins are being raised apart (this is something that really upsets me, I think twins should be raised together). Some families work it out but there are lots of stories where the parents won't even let the twins socialise. Can you imagine??? Disgusting. Adoption angers me in general but there are so many stories that are happening today that are just reminiscent of hundreds of years ago, and the cause is selfishness of various adults, not any greater social evil, not any problem with the children...yuck.

Sorry. Vented a bit.

I know what you mean, Luckystone. In theory, what should matter is what's best for the child, but in practice, it never is. It always turns into point-scoring and me-me-me-what-about-MY-rights bullshit between the adults. WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE CHILD'S FUCKING RIGHTS! (Sorry to shout, but someone needed to).

[lilwriter85]

Good. Now that more of the story has come out, I hope no one gives them any more money to drag it out. I'm sure their hearts are breaking, and they were lied to, which is wrong. However, anyone who does even a small amount of research into the adoption industry can learn that these kinds of tactics are common with certain agencies, and with certain states (UTAH). As an adoptive parent, I would have had alarm bells and red flags popping up everywhere with the "birth father is missing" story. It does happen, but it's also more commonly used to avoid dealing with the birth father's rights.

I also hope no one gives them more money. But I bet most of their donations might have from fellow Mormons who are wealthy.

[dianapavelovna]

UPDATE: custody of the little girl was transferred to her bio father this weekend.

http://news.yahoo.com/sgt-reunited-baby ... ories.html

[Bloo]

I was so happy when I first read this. Terry and Teleah aren't out of the danger of the baby thieves yet (appeals) but what a great first step!

[greek_chorus]

This is excellent news. I'm so glad everything is moving forward in the right direction. Hopefully the Freis will pack up and go home.

[Bloo]

This is excellent news. I'm so glad everything is moving forward in the right direction. Hopefully the Freis will pack up and go to hell.

Fixed that for ya. ;)

[Peas n carrots]

UPDATE: custody of the little girl was transferred to her bio father this weekend.

http://news.yahoo.com/sgt-reunited-baby ... ories.html

Great news! This was such a disturbing case, and the entitlement the Frei's had...makes me want to hurl. I hope Sgt Achane and Teleah will have lots of help transitioning to their future together. I wish them many happy years.

[Peas n carrots]

UPDATE: custody of the little girl was transferred to her bio father this weekend.

http://news.yahoo.com/sgt-reunited-baby ... ories.html

Great news! However I hope Teleah & Sgt Achane have lots of assistance in transitioning in their life together.

[greek_chorus]

Fixed that for ya. ;)

Thanks Bloo! That's definitely an improvement :D

[chaotic life]

Wiser said he expects Achane will prevail. Unless the Utah Supreme Court decides otherwise, Achane wants the Freis to have reasonable telephone and in-person visits with Teleah at Achane's home during the next six months to help her transition to her new family, he said.

"Anything other than that, it is going to be as the parties agree," Wiser said. "If the Freis are cooperative, this could be a situation where it may be very long term. If they are not, it may be more limited based on the way that transition is going."

This father has offered his child's kidnappers FAR more access and consideration they ever offered him to his own stolen child.

Thankfully, custody is a HUGE statement of where the final decision will go. Kidnappers like this rely not on the law to lay their claim to these stolen children but a claim of property rights. Because they have physical custody, it is in the child's best interest to remain there. They sensationalize these cases and pull on heartstrings in hopes that the courts and the public will fail to notice they are kidnapping a child.

Once a child has transitioned into the custody of their parents, the only way you could remove custody is to prove him unfit. You cannot argue it is in her best interest to go through yet another transition simply because you want her back. It will be quite shocking if they manage to get custody reversed at this point. At most, they can try to get legally sanctioned visitation rights, but I suspect the courts will see their efforts to deny this father his child that they will NOT encode visitation rights into a decision and leave it up to her custodial father.

What becomes truly interesting is whether her biological mother can earn visitation rights. Her parental rights were legally and correctly terminated. Legally, unless her father chooses to let her have access to her child, he does not have to let her have any access to his daughter. Frankly, given her behavior I wouldn't trust her to have unsupervised visitation, if that.

[happy atheist]

What becomes truly interesting is whether her biological mother can earn visitation rights. Her parental rights were legally and correctly terminated. Legally, unless her father chooses to let her have access to her child, he does not have to let her have any access to his daughter. Frankly, given her behavior I wouldn't trust her to have unsupervised visitation, if that.

I certainly wouldn't let her anywhere near the child. I wonder if he could get some sort of preemptive restraining order.

[DarkAnts]

This father has offered his child's kidnappers FAR more access and consideration they ever offered him to his own stolen child.

Thankfully, custody is a HUGE statement of where the final decision will go. Kidnappers like this rely not on the law to lay their claim to these stolen children but a claim of property rights. Because they have physical custody, it is in the child's best interest to remain there. They sensationalize these cases and pull on heartstrings in hopes that the courts and the public will fail to notice they are kidnapping a child.

Once a child has transitioned into the custody of their parents, the only way you could remove custody is to prove him unfit. You cannot argue it is in her best interest to go through yet another transition simply because you want her back. It will be quite shocking if they manage to get custody reversed at this point. At most, they can try to get legally sanctioned visitation rights, but I suspect the courts will see their efforts to deny this father his child that they will NOT encode visitation rights into a decision and leave it up to her custodial father.

What becomes truly interesting is whether her biological mother can earn visitation rights. Her parental rights were legally and correctly terminated. Legally, unless her father chooses to let her have access to her child, he does not have to let her have any access to his daughter. Frankly, given her behavior I wouldn't trust her to have unsupervised visitation, if that.

The Freis do not have the law on their side. The law states that when parents are married then both parents have to consent to the adoption. The father did not consent. He did not abandon his ex wife either. He was paying rent and utilities for her in Texas after she refused to move with him. She decided to give the child up for adoption after only 10 days of him moving. He continued to pay the expenses for the house in texas after she left for Utah. She could have been in contact with him within a reasonable amount of time of requesting contact.

The Freis knew that the father did not consent to the adoption. They refused to give the baby back to her father when he finally got in contact with the adoption agency. They decided that they were entitled to the baby so they blew lots of money on legal fees.

[chaotic life]

That is why the transfer of custody all but guarantees the outcome of the case. These cases never have the law on their side by the time they reach this point. They simply try to argue best interest of the child, which is arguing to try to convince someone to invalidate the law. You can no longer even argue best interest of the child when she has already been turned over to her father and the transition has already occurred before the court date.

The birthmother continues to claim he abandoned her and didn't support her. However, he provided documented proof to the court that he WAS supporting her. Honestly, she sounds like a lot of military spouses I've heard about that cannot handle the military life. My military spouse friends tell me that most spouses struggle to some level but there's a caliber of spouse that simply should have NEVER married someone in the military because they honestly expect that they can object and make it all go away. Isn't the military aggressive at forcing soldier to financially support their dependents? I've heard that if your ex is military you have a lot of assurances that you WILL be financially provided for because they will flat out garnish and leave them in the barracks if necessary.

Interestingly enough, Utah is SOOO heavily weighted to marriage that he was not required to prove he was supporting her financially. The judge stated in his decision that the act of being married to her ALONE established his involvement and intention to support his child.

[greek_chorus]

That is why the transfer of custody all but guarantees the outcome of the case. These cases never have the law on their side by the time they reach this point. They simply try to argue best interest of the child, which is arguing to try to convince someone to invalidate the law. You can no longer even argue best interest of the child when she has already been turned over to her father and the transition has already occurred before the court date.

The birthmother continues to claim he abandoned her and didn't support her. However, he provided documented proof to the court that he WAS supporting her. Honestly, she sounds like a lot of military spouses I've heard about that cannot handle the military life. My military spouse friends tell me that most spouses struggle to some level but there's a caliber of spouse that simply should have NEVER married someone in the military because they honestly expect that they can object and make it all go away. Isn't the military aggressive at forcing soldier to financially support their dependents? I've heard that if your ex is military you have a lot of assurances that you WILL be financially provided for because they will flat out garnish and leave them in the barracks if necessary.

Interestingly enough, Utah is SOOO heavily weighted to marriage that he was not required to prove he was supporting her financially. The judge stated in his decision that the act of being married to her ALONE established his involvement and intention to support his child.

You are correct Chaotic Life. I'm a former military wife and they do not take kindly to their soldiers falling behind on child support. My husband fell behind at one point and our local courthouse wouldn't do anything about it, except to say they would tack the amount he owed onto the backend of his support so he would have to pay longer. Well my ex moved or did something that caused someone to check up on his standing and when the military found out he was behind, they took enough additional money out of his paycheck that he was paid up in full in three months. He was not a happy camper and blamed me, but I didn't call anyone or do anything. He never fell behind again.

[Kitchen Princess]

Utah is notorious for having some of the most favorible laws towards adoptive parents. Doesn't surprise me that this happened. But seems like there should be more to this story. Why did the mother not want her now ex husband to have parental rights? I felt there was no satisfactory explanation.

Oh, and this comment from the adoptive mother really frosted my cake:

Fuck me, what a massive entitlement complex.

This blogpost came by my FB feed today. Interesting take on "praying for a baby". adopteerestoration.com/2013/01/dear-christian-who-is-praying-for.html

eta to break link. I only read this one post and she seems pretty level headed, so I don't want to scare her or anything.

[Ellimenopy]

It's not just domestic adoptive parents that are plagued with entitlement issues. I always try to slip in this article whenever abuse of birth parents comes up: http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2 ... ie_we_love

Undoubtedly, there are parents, like Blackhawk, who do adoption right, but after reading this article and listening to some stories of friends who've adopted, I'm pretty much always suspicious of adoptions that involve infants rather older children. There seems to be so much room for abuse. And after having a child, I understand how great the desire is to care for your own family. Even if, say, my sister and her husband died, their infant son wouldn't immediately be ome adoptable - he's got family.

Anyway, it's something that I rarely bring up in person, especilly around fundamentalists and Christians who are crazy about adoption. How do you explain that you're suspicious of adoption? But the ethics of it are something I always think about in private, especially when I hear someone's adopting from a foreign country.

I'm glad that justice is being done here, though. I wish them the best.

[dawbs]

I certainly wouldn't let her anywhere near the child. I wonder if he could get some sort of preemptive restraining order.

Yeah, Personally, I'm viewing that as him being a better person than I am. and than they are.

It's kinda like Solomon and the infant, to me. The courts were saying to cut the infant off from 1 or the other. The adoptive kidnappers said "CUT THE FUCKER OFF". He said "No no, please, give me the baby but I will do what I can to make the transition as baby-positive as I can."

[Turtle]

I'm glad to hear that the baby is with her daddy, and I hope he gets help and support throughout the transition. I can't imagine what he has been through.

[rezski44]

I am so glad her dad got her back. I have never understood the argument that it would damage the child to restore them given by people who have gotten the child through improper means when the legal parents have not done anything to legally lose custody. I am a more wonderful - stable - well off parent does not trump the legal rights of a parent who did not give them up.

[lilwriter85]

I'm glad that little girl is with her father and I wish them the best.

[shrewlu]

I'm so glad that he is with his baby. :clap:

[ILoveJellybeans]

I am so glad that the baby is now with her father, where she belongs. It wasnt right that the mother gave her child up for adoption without the dad's consent.

[DarkAnts]

Yeah, Personally, I'm viewing that as him being a better person than I am. and than they are.

It's kinda like Solomon and the infant, to me. The courts were saying to cut the infant off from 1 or the other. The adoptive kidnappers said "CUT THE FUCKER OFF". He said "No no, please, give me the baby but I will do what I can to make the transition as baby-positive as I can."

Her kidnappers were suppose to aid in the transition after the judge ordered her to be transferred to her father back in November. They did not give her father their phone number or let him have any contact with her until the judge ordered it. Then, the contact was still limited. They would not answer his phone calls. He only got to see her when he went to Utah. That was always an expensive trip for him because he would have to pay for the airplane ticket, hotel and rental car. He could sometimes get on army flights but that was not a guarantee. He stayed in the Army barracks in Utah to save money. I kind of doubt that the kidnappers will help in the transition now that she is with her father.

[happy atheist]

Her kidnappers were suppose to aid in the transition after the judge ordered her to be transferred to her father back in November. They did not give her father their phone number or let him have any contact with her until the judge ordered it. Then, the contact was still limited. They would not answer his phone calls. He only got to see her when he went to Utah. That was always an expensive trip for him because he would have to pay for the airplane ticket, hotel and rental car. He could sometimes get on army flights but that was not a guarantee. He stayed in the Army barracks in Utah to save money. I kind of doubt that the kidnappers will help in the transition now that she is with her father.

I doubt they'll help, but I wouldn't be surprised if they make it harder. Like, they'll visit and say shit to her like, "Oh I wish you could come home with us where you belong!"