Alexander Son No Longer Courting?

[MilesAwayMIL]

Both announcements of the courtship have been deleted - Alexander and Wilson websites. Photo of the "courting couple" is gone too.

[DamnPrecious]

Ooh, I never heard of this. Who are they?

[Markie]

Was the Wilson girl from the same family as the Wilsons who built the tinkertoy Duggar house?

[Lady Elaine]

Isn't it curious how fundie families just make these broken courtships "go away" as if they had never happened? It's as if any courtship that doesn't end in marriage is a shame to the family. Why not explain what happened and why? Surely they believe it is God's will, so why not just admit to what happened? Maybe they don't want to the world to know that courtship isn't as perfect as they claim.

[Guest Anonymous]

Or perhaps even wait until there is an engagement to announce, before sharing their children's private lives with all and sundry? :roll:

[Alecto]

My life is kind of sad that I am actually excited by this fundie gossip?

[keeperrox]

I don't even remember the announcement! We are talking about Meredith's brother, right?

[DamnPrecious]

I don't even remember the announcement! We are talking about Meredith's brother, right?

Yeah, Elliot.

[makepeace]

Good spotting!

So they probably gave pieces of their hearts to each other, do they get those back?? How embarrassing considering they announced it to the world on the internet, and he stood up in church too.

[Chrystal-J]

Good spotting!

So they probably gave pieces of their hearts to each other, do they get those back?? How embarrassing considering they announced it to the world on the internet, and he stood up in church too.

If you don't guard your heart and give away a piece--do you get in trouble at church?

[MilesAwayMIL]

Wilson Family: fullquiverfarmblogDOTblogspot.com

Alexander Family: alexanderadventuresfamilyblogDOTblogspot.com

If you do a search for these sites plus "announcement", you will find a cached version of the courtship announcements.

[formergothardite]

Isn't it curious how fundie families just make these broken courtships "go away" as if they had never happened? It's as if any courtship that doesn't end in marriage is a shame to the family. Why not explain what happened and why? Surely they believe it is God's will, so why not just admit to what happened? Maybe they don't want to the world to know that courtship isn't as perfect as they claim.

Exactly. To admit that it failed is to admit that courtship really isn't that different than dating.

[fundiefan]

And, with the swipe of a finger, the courtship never happened. They can pretend it never happened to the general public but you know Elliot & Morgan will remember it happened. You know whether they gave pieces of their hearts or not, they did have expectations and intentions that did not come to fruition.

In the non fundie dating world, a two month long dating relationship often ends up as barely a blip on the radar later in life. In that time you tried to get to know each other but it just wasn't working so it's done and you both move on. No harm, no foul. A two month courtship - the entire plan is to get married. Your entire future is wrapped up in that person and courtship. Everything depends upon it. If it doesn't work - your life plan has been altered. You were going to marry this girl/boy...and now, not.

I do not understand at all how courting, with all its pressures and intent from the get go, is even remotely better than dating. I'd say they give way more of themselves to courting than anyone does to dating in a two month time frame.

[library_youth]

A two month courtship - the entire plan is to get married. Your entire future is wrapped up in that person and courtship. Everything depends upon it. If it doesn't work - your life plan has been altered. You were going to marry this girl/boy...and now, not.

I do not understand at all how courting, with all its pressures and intent from the get go, is even remotely better than dating. I'd say they give way more of themselves to courting than anyone does to dating in a two month time frame.

I don't understand, either. Especially since you're expected to get engaged and married after such a short period of time, like you said. Josh and Anna Duggar got engaged on her birthday, which is in June, iirc. Their wedding was in September of that same year. Then there was Christopher and Anna Maxwell, who I think courted only a couple months and then bam! engaged with a wedding planned shortly thereafter.

I know Josh had at least one failed courtship. Didn't Christopher Maxwell also have one?

[erunerune]

So, because courtship is such a BFD, it tends to happen "publicly" and gets announced to the world pre-engagement, which has gotta put the pressure on the poor couple to make something happen so that an engagement announcement can follow shortly thereafter.

But if things DON'T work out, it becomes very "private" all of a sudden, and all evidence that said courtship ever happened gets blog-wiped (this does not happen in ALL cases, but enough that it's more the norm for fundies than not). If a courtship that didn't end in marriage was considered perfectly OK (even if a bit sad) there would be no reason for the blog-wipes, right? Families could just say "The Lord used this courtship to help Johnny and Mary realize that their quivers were incompatible for a life-long commitment."

So obviously failed courtships carry stigmas in the fundie community, as no fundie wants other potential suitors/helpmeets to think that their son/daughter might be a fickle heart-breaker or have some other character defect that could scare off future marriage material.

Whereas with dating, a parent might simply say "Sarah is seeing a very nice boy and we like him a lot." without further explanation required, and if Sarah and the nice boy part ways without an engagement happening, it's generally considered healthy and normal and non-stigmatizing to either.

Announcing courtships just seems so premature, since it's obviously not supposed to be a laid-back, no-pressure situation. If I were a fundie, I would totally keep my mouth shut about anyone in my family's relationship status until there was a ring on it and a catering hall booked.

[antifundie]

I think it's so weird--back when I was in highschool, I heard a lot about courting, and how it was superior to dating because you could really seek God's will in a mate without messy emotions getting in the way. Which is a load of crap, since you can't just turn your emotions on and off like that.

But anyways--I feel like now it's turned into a de facto betrothal/arranged marriage, and so yeah, the stigma of "breaking up" is a big deal.

You know, my first relationship was pretty crappy (ok, very crappy) and I broke up with the guy, and it sucked, but it wasn't the worst pain ever, and I got over it. I don't understand why fundies are sooooooo afraid of the emotions of breaking up and dating. Yes, it sucks, but in normal-world, you can deal with it. In fundie world, what else do you have? And I doubt you're even allowed to be sad (for too long)--because breaking up was God's! Will! so you should be HAPPY the relationship didn't work out. But you are also marked as a bit of a failure. Ugh.

This is why people should be allowed to choose their own mates.