Anna M wrote a blog, took her bro's out for lunch.

[tressea]

fundiefan-- I could not agree with you more. You are 100% spot-on in your analysis. Gosh, and reading through it just now, it makes me even MORE sad about the lives of the Maxwell children.

What I find so completely baffling about the situation is that they claim to lead Christ-led lives, and yet they live in virtually the OPPOSITE way that Christ did. Christ went out and spent time with prostitutes, tax collectors, working-class men and women, sinners, lepers, and people who were otherwise living on the edges of society and deemed sinful or dirty or impure by everyone else. Christ DIDN'T sequester himself in a little house somewhere with a small group of people who were completely beholden to him and then issue proclamation via messenger. His ministry was one of radical love and acceptance of ALL people and he went out and about and traveled amongst all of society.

And yet, the Maxwell's don't even let their children have FRIENDS and warn about the dangers of spending time with EXTENDED FAMILY. The only people they interact with are really themselves and the elderly people at the home where they lead a church service. Sure, they go out on the road and teach seminars, but who attends them? OTHER CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIANS. Their entire lives are cloistered.

If they really, truly believe that they are strong Christians, they should have very little insecurity about being overly influenced by "wordly" people and things. In fact, for me, that's the true test of my faith: can I walk openly in society amongst all kinds of people and maintain my commitment to my faith and the principles I believe it. And that's, in my opinion, what Christ calls people to do: spread his radical love of humanity to EVERYONE, not just those that are 100% Steve Maxwell approved.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Even at their conferences where they meet those other conservative Christians, I don't get the sense (from their blog posts, anyway) that they make any long term relationships there. There are pictures of "oh, look at the precious little boy sitting next to his father listening to Dad's session" and the like, but no sense that these are repeat customers with whom they have actual friendships. It's like random images of the ideal godly family.

On the other hand, they have made some posts about friends driving to meet them on their trips, haven't they? Friends of the parents, anyway?

But I wonder if Mary (the last kid, who has known no other life but this) has any penfriends?

[Chrystal-J]

I REALLY don't like parents who punish with food.

I don't like that either. Unless the fight was out of control, most squabbles between kids are perfectly normal. They have a small disagreement about dogs and cats and then they have to eat Wheat Thins? :?

[uber frau]

I don't like that either. Unless the fight was out of control, most squabbles between kids are perfectly normal. They have a small disagreement about dogs and cats and then they have to eat Wheat Thins? :?

Gotta learn that fundie creed: hear no illogic, see no hypocrisy, speak no dissent.

(SFL has it on t-shirt for sale on Cafe-Press. I wonder if one of the Maxwell's would like one?)

[Lillybee]

I am baffled by the fact that Sarah has any access to money. Even a little bit of money can give her a bit of freedom from Steve.

[darkplumaged]

What I find so completely baffling about the situation is that they claim to lead Christ-led lives, and yet they live in virtually the OPPOSITE way that Christ did. Christ went out and spent time with prostitutes, tax collectors, working-class men and women, sinners, lepers, and people who were otherwise living on the edges of society and deemed sinful or dirty or impure by everyone else. Christ DIDN'T sequester himself in a little house somewhere with a small group of people who were completely beholden to him and then issue proclamation via messenger. His ministry was one of radical love and acceptance of ALL people and he went out and about and traveled amongst all of society.

I want Steve to explain this. He never will, of course.

[TMS]

Wow, this blog post is hard for me to even take seriously! My brithers & I fought every sungle day - multiple times. Several petty arguments do stand out - but we talk about them now, and laugh and stIll pretend-argue with each other (over a few beers or margaritas, of course!). I can't imagine still feeling like I need to make anyting up to them....all of us have admitted at least a few sneaky things we did to each other as kids, and we LAUGH. No. actually. we crack up! And, I agree, withholding food (if those boys were actually denied a meal and not just a snack) is CRUEL. That is something that shoukd never happen in any family. Oh my. Count me as another one glad not to be born into the Maxwell family.

[Lillian]

Wow, this blog post is hard for me to even take seriously! My brithers & I fought every sungle day - multiple times. Several petty arguments do stand out - but we talk about them now, and laugh and stIll pretend-argue with each other (over a few beers or margaritas, of course!). I can't imagine still feeling like I need to make anyting up to them....all of us have admitted at least a few sneaky things we did to each other as kids, and we LAUGH. No. actually. we crack up! And, I agree, withholding food (if those boys were actually denied a meal and not just a snack) is CRUEL. That is something that shoukd never happen in any family. Oh my. Count me as another one glad not to be born into the Maxwell family.

Same with me. My bother and I squabbled constantly as kids. I can just imagine saying "Look, bro, I'm realllllly sorry I threw that water bomb that hit your head that time when we were 7. Sure, it was hilarious, but it was wrong. Let's pray about it over some tacos." [/sarcasm] :shock:

This is the first time I've read the Maxwell's blog, and boy they are weird.

[formergothardite]

Who took the picture of them praying? I can't imagine asking strangers to take a photo of them while they prayed.

[contrary]

omg. now i'm craving that good ole southern appetizer: wheat thins fanned around a block of cream cheese with hot pepper jelly poured over top.

[library_youth]

Is it me, or have the Maxwells been a bit defensive in their posts as of late? There's been a lot of "I love my life!" "I'm so glad that my parents raised me the way they did!" "I love my brothers and sisters! They are my best friends!" And then there was the reference to laughing in this most recent post and the seemingly fun and wacky outing to a fast food restaurant in memory of a fun and wacky time.... (Except, it's the Maxwells, so there seeming attempt at fun and spontaneity is still kind of sad and depressing).

I'm getting the sense that they're either (a) aware of virtually everyone on this board's increasing concerns about them and, in particular, the incredibly oppressive and bleak existence of their children, or (b) they're getting comments from other people on their blog along the lines of "Why are you oppressing your ADULT CHILDREN and insisting upon living such wholly joyless and self-righteous lives?"

It just seems like there's a lot of half-baked attempts to seem fun and joyful and, more importantly, fervent proclamations that they LOVE THEIR LIVES!!!! The sad thing is that it makes me feel even sadder. What do you think?

Yes, I have noticed they seem to be a bit defensive as of late. The more they protest, the less inclined I am to believe their proclamations of lovin' life. And since Sarah's the one writing most of these posts it makes me feel sad for her. I'm only about 4 months older than she is and I cannot imagine living the way she does. Practically 30 years old and still dictated by her parents. She can blather on all she wants about how she chose it for herself, but she's so damn brainwashed (along with her other siblings) that it just makes me sick.

[MamaJunebug]

This reminds me of a sad story where the sinning child was forced to watch her parents and siblings make love to eat ice cream while she was denied any, because of her unrepentance. Wasn't it a Pearl story, or that of a Pearl follower?

Which, if I'm remembering right, means the Maxwells with all their trappings of respectability - not a fly-away hair on any of their heads, unlike the creepily hirsute Michael and wolf-woman-maned Debi - are very much like the Pearls/Pearls' followers in that way.

When I was nursing the first Junior, I attended a support group meeting where one new mom wept that she was excluded from going to a favorite family barbeque restaurant. Her own dad thought nursing was animalistic and backward, so he announced that she was dis-invited because the BBQ would make the baby sick. So there, and off they all trooped. The mom was back at the new moms' group over the following months and obviously hadn't given up nursing, which made me happy.

But I still get creeped out a little by a grown man, a grandfather!, punishing and attempting to control his grown, married daughter for her personal choice.

And AFAIK they were not in any way fundamentalists nor even patriarchialists. The grandpa just chose to act in a very rude manner.

Which brings me back to the Maxwells and the others who use food as punishment. Dunderheads. :(

[desertvixen]

Mama J, might you be thinking of the little boy who didn't want to get his hair cut? Afterwards, because he didn't sit still enough, he had to watch everyone eat ice cream (and the parents were sadistic about taking extra special care with the haircut as well). We discussed it back on the old board, and I believe they were Pearlites.

[tinuviel]

Jeez, if I were really hungry or really wanted ice cream and then had to watch everyone else have some I would probably cry too. And I'm a friggin grown up. Awful. The kids probably got taunted or punished if they cried.

Although I have to say "Let's pray about this over tacos" may be my new conflict resolution method of choice :laughing:

[jockosmom]

As mentioned above, I think their posts have become a little more defensive, too. And I think the whole 'the Lord is doing a great work in our lives', 'I love my life' stuff is getting a little repetitive.

This makes me think of something. Did anyone else watch Addicted to Food that was on the Oprah Winfrey Network? We don't have the channel but I managed to see a few episodes from the OnDemand section. This group of people is at a rehab center to work on their food issues. Most were quite obese and were overeaters, but there were a couple of bingers/purgers too. One of the ladies was from a religious background; I think she and her siblings were a musical group and toured around in churches and such. I got the impression that the family was very insular and even though this woman was probably pushing 40, she had led a very sheltered life. Even while other people were getting to the root of their emotional issues and letting their emotions out and raging against something in their lives that they felt had contributed to the problem, she still seemed very placid and just kept saying how joyful she was, how full of joy life is, how much joy she was taking in everything. Then the counselor forbade her from using the word "joy" for one week. Without her standard mantra of joyfulness, this woman had nothing to say and as the week went on, she got crabbier and crabbier. You could just see her falling apart because she couldn't tell everyone how joyful she was. How much joy could she possibly have been feeling if the minute she wasn't allowed to use the word "joy" everything started to go to hell? Anyway, I thought of that when I keep reading the same phrases over and over again about the Lord doing a great work; the Lord laying something on someone's heart; I love my life, etc. etc. These catchphrases are a crutch for these people so they don't have to actually try and say anything real or true. They can just yammer on with their Christian jargon and pretend that they are making themselves feel better.

[Prek teach]

The kind of repetitive "Our life is great!" makes me wonder if they are trying to convince others of this or trying to convince themselves. The entire Maxwell existence seems to me to be one of bleakness, broken up by cleaning activities. I recently read a mom's corner from 2006 about being a critical wife and it made me want to cry for Teri.

[Elle]

Take away dessert, but withholding a meal is abuse.

[whirlygirly]

I love how she goes on about the "significance" of taking her brothers to Taco Bell for their special meal, but then when they get there it's too busy so they go to Mr. Goodcents instead.

[treemom]

I am a little horrified they made the boys eat crackers for lunch. I am not a fan of using food to punish.

[Austin]

Jeez, if I were really hungry or really wanted ice cream and then had to watch everyone else have some I would probably cry too. And I'm a friggin grown up. Awful. The kids probably got taunted or punished if they cried.

Hell, yes, I'd be crying, too, if people were eating ice cream and wouldn't let me have any. I had ice cream for lunch today (Graeters Coconut Chip in a cup), as a matter of fact, and it would have been a bad idea to get between me and my ice cream.

That's just sadistic - plain and simple. I hope when these crazee pearlite parents are old, their kids just dump 'em off somewhere and refuse to take care of them. Well, not really, but that's what they deserve.

[emmiedahl]

My kids would be living on Wheat Thins if I took away lunch every time they disagreed. It doesn't even sound like a proper argument, just a disagreement. My kids throw down and I still feed them.

[SinInTheCamp]

Look at all you heathen sinners, making an idol of ice cream!

On a more serious note, I agree with those of you who would not use food as punishment. Being forced to finish a dinner I found revolting, being served the same thing until I choked it down, being made to eat something I hated for the family's amusement before I could have some of the pizza they were eating, and having foods rationed out (beyond reasonable limits, as most parents would with soda or junk) all led to me developing issues with food and eating as an adult. It's taken many years to change the way I eat and I still have issues with it.

The Maxwell children are too rigidly scheduled to find time to binge or purge, I imagine, and their pantry and refrigerator are probably inventoried down to the last carrot. I hope none of them suffers from disordered eating as a result of being denied meals or given little to zero choice in what they eat.

[Lalabee]

You have no idea how often food is used as punishment in the fundie world. I remember reading over and over again on various forums that children should eat everything you put on their plate. Moms repeateadly shared stories of kids refusing to eat so the plate was put in the fridge until the next meal. Sometimes the mom wouldn't even heat the plate up, then the child faced a plate of cold meatloaf or spaghetti or whatever. :( Apparently kids cried for hours and gagged. It was nothing more than a mean, demented power struggle.

One of the posts that really made me stop and think when I had my 'enlightenment' :) was from a mom complaining that her 11 year old son and 'snuck into the kitchen during quiet time and stolen a handful of marshmallows.' What should she do? I was aghast. How can you steal food if it's in your own home? At age 11 is when a lot of boys start the bottomless pit stage. It wasn't an immoral or illegal act. The responses were even more horrifying...lock your cupboards, make him miss meals, keep him right next to you for the next several days so he can't do any more 'sneaking', etc. I thought 'The poor kid is hungry. Just give him some food!'

Over and over again, in the fundie world, parents are taught that children are objects to be controlled. There is no grace or mercy given in regards to age, personality, etc. YOU decided what you want your children to do and they WILL do it. When you hear it over and over and over again, you start acting on it.

[Patsy]

What's the worst thing that would happen if you let your kids access the pantry freely, anyway? Unless they're eating all the expensive food or stuff that was going to be used in that night's meal, the worst you're looking at is... maybe slightly overweight? Damn sight better than eating disorders eventuating from your control issues...

[MamaJunebug]

As I'm not a real Maxwell fangirl, I can't remember Sarah and the younger brothers' ages.

But let's say that she's 30 and the oldest of the "reversal" babies is 22.

Sound about right?

If so, and if two of the "reversal" babies were old enough to argue, then the youngest was maybe 3 and the oldest 4 or 5.

And Sarah was ... 13?

Did Mr. & Mrs. Maxwell side with a 13-year-old in an argument with pre-schoolers, and punish pre-schoolers with Wheat Thins while the rest porked out on Taco Bell?

If so, they have not impressed me in any way as examples of sensible child-raising, much less "Christian" child-raising!

If so ... boy, this is gonna sound harsh ... perhaps it's for the best that Sarah hasn't married and had children of her own, as yet. I would say the girl might need some mellowing (or might have needed some mellowing. Maybe she's finally cool with things like arguments with people who can't defend themselves properly...?