Another possible Sarah Mally like situation/purity

[lilwriter85]

Heather, the quadriplegic Mormon from paralyzedwithjoy blogged today that she got her calling from her bishop. Heather is 28 years old and has never been married. I don't know if she ever had a boyfriend prior to becoming paralyzed. Anyway, the bishop called her to be a Sunday School teacher for the 12 and 13 year old youth group. She said that her first lesson is going to be the topic of sexual purity. She is very nervous about it and her mother used to be a Sunday school teacher, so she is hoping that her mom can help her out with the lesson. I'm not trying to be cruel towards Heather, but I think this situation and calling is going to turn out to be a bad thing. It reminds me of how Sarah Mally tries to give relationship advice.

paralyzedwithjoy.blogspot.com/2012/09/new-calling.html

[SisiL78]

Its not like any of this purity advice is based on reality or practicality. Its based purely on doctrine, superstition and guilt. So, I think she'll do fine parroting the Mormon line on masturbation and sex before marriage. All she has to do is read the party line.

What I hate is that she could have love and sex in her life. Being disabled means it is much harder to find love, but its not impossible. But, she'll always be discouraged from it because pregnancy and child rearing would be difficult to dangerous to her.

I also get the feeling that she's staying at home a perpetual child because she's not considered a real or complete woman in the Mormon faith so her only other option is to forever be a child. I recently met a woman in a similar situation who lives on her own with help from an aide and she works as an IT consultant. I'd elaborate on what she does but despite my technical career I still don't understand the complexities fo what this woman does. I'm sure life sucks on so many levels for this woman, but she's managed to carve out an independent life. Even if this particular blogger remains at home she can still have a life and contribute to her world more than teaching kids that touching themselves is a sin.

[lilwriter85]

Heather has given up on pregnancy and motherhood, but she has talked to be wanting to be married a few times on the blog. She mentioned being in love with a man who she hopes to marry. My guess is that he doesn't know that or he knows but doesn't want to be in a relationship with Heather. I feel bad for Heather in a lot of ways, but she has mentioned she has no plans to return to college. She did a college class one time. Prior to her accident, she was planning to be a nurse. People have suggested that she return to college, but she said that it would be difficult for her to have career after college. I can sort of understand that, but I've heard stories of other high quadriplegics who have attended college, grad school, and law school and have managed to have careers. My boyfriend's mom, who is a retired occupational therapist, has worked with a few people like that.

From what I've gathered from Heather's blog is that most of her current friends are Mormon. They seem to be very loyal friends and they often go to her house for game nights and stuff like that. Outside of that, Heather sees them living pretty full lives and she probably feels out of place with her sisters. Her youngest sister is engaged and Heather seemed to hint sometime back that the wedding might be very soon. As for her calling, I think her bishop wanted to give her more extensive role. She used to do indexing for her ward members and she also used to write the ward newsletter.

[devilsadvocate]

I give this blogger a lot of credit for being so frank about her life as a quadriplegic. Look at her FAQ and how she answers such personal questions because she knows that people are curious, even though those are topics most people would be embarrassed to discuss.

Since she can talk about dealing with menstruation after quadriplegia in a pretty matter of fact way ( paralyzedwithjoy.blogspot.com/2012/08/faqs-1-most-frequently-asked-q.html ) I suspect that she might actually be one of the best suited people in her group to talk about sexual issues with these kids.

[lilwriter85]

I give her a lot of credit for doing the FAQ thing. Some of her beliefs on certain aspects of living with a disability are bit controversial and she admitted to that. She stopped using a sip and puff wheelchair last year and the wheelchair she has now is a manual chair. She mentioned that some people are disappointed that she doesn't want to be in control of her mobility. Most of the time Heather's blog has a feel good vibe, but she has made a few posts in which she has bashed small families and some of her postings hint that she wasn't totally happy growing up in one income home with six sisters. I do wonder about her mom's situation, Heather dad died when she was 14 or 15 and it seems that the mom continued to be a SAHM. It is possible she was living off survivor's social security and maybe insurance money. The mom has a college degree and at one point she was getting a master's in pastoral care. On a sidenote, I have checked out of the blogs of two of Heather's sisters. One of the adoptive sisters Laura has a blog and she seems pretty happy and she talks about being a burn victim. The other sister who blogs gives off the vibes that she isn't happy with her husband.

[devilsadvocate]

I haven't found her post about small families yet, but from what I've seen of her blog so far, I don't think she is anywhere near the same category as people like the Duggars. Yes, she is religious, but she went to nursing school...and she also says that she voted for Barack Obama!

[lilwriter85]

I saw Heather's posting on the RNC and DNC, a couple of weeks back. She didn't come out and say she is voting for Romney, but I think she didn't want to admit it. I wonder if she will ever comment on his comments towards the 47%. Her posts on small families were about how people think her sisters are weird for having more than two kids. I can't remember which posting that was, but I'l try to find it. It was kind of a ZsuZsu "are they all yours" type complaint. She subtly bashed small families in a posting about how some of her high school friends were given cars by their parents.

paralyzedwithjoy.blogspot.com/2011/11/money-bags-follow-up.html

There wasn't a lot of money to go around when I was growing up since my parents raised our large family of nine (seven girls plus Mom and Dad) on a single income (my mom worked as a stay-at-home mom). I often remember wishing for more – more clothes, more gadgets, more "things", more opportunities. There were so many things that I thought would be fun to do, but when opportunities came about I didn't even give it a second thought if I knew it cost money. But what I never stopped to realize and appreciate at that time was that I always had everything I needed. I didn't have a lot extra, but I had everything I needed. I definitely didn't have all of the things that some of the people I knew had (especially families that only had a few kids), but I'm sure I had a lot more than many people I knew.

I like that she does have "I had what I needed" attitude. But the part about families with a few kids having more more things turned me off a bit. That part is true for some smaller families. But I sometimes get the vibe she wasn't totally happy growing up in one income house. There was another post in which she said she disliked Halloween as a kid because her family couldn't buy cool costumes.

Heather isn't in the same league as people like the Duggars. But she does believe in the whole SAHM and more than two kids thing. She said that she planned to work as a nurse until she had kids. She was smart about because she mentioned that it would be her backup plan if she ever had to return to work. She mentioned the SAHM thing in the post.

paralyzedwithjoy.blogspot.com/2010/10/damaged-goods.html

At the risk of sounding full of myself, I know that I would be such an amazing wife if I were able-bodied because I'm the type that would want to be the kind of wife who likes to cook and clean, be a stay-at-home mom, run the household and things like that.

I'm ok with women like being SAHMs. But I get the vibe from some of Heather's posts that she does look down on women who aren't SAHMs.

[lilwriter85]

Heather's post today was a bit touching. She talked about watching the reality show Push Girls which followers three paraplegic woman and a low quadriplegic who has use of her arms. Heather said she often wishes what life would be like if she just broke her back and was a paraplegic and she mentioned wondering if she would be married or have kids as a paraplegic. I have to agree, if Heather was a paraplegic who had use of her arms and upper body, she would at least be married with a few kids. I think she would be a SAHM like Priscilla aka the Wheelchair Mommy blogger.

[luckystone]

Its not like any of this purity advice is based on reality or practicality. Its based purely on doctrine, superstition and guilt.

QFT