Residual hang-ups from your former Christian belief system?

[Clementine]

[*My family cringed when the widow of a distant cousin wore stiletto heels with open toe to the funeral of her husband. (Yes, they are a conservative bunch from a rural area with a lot of Christians.]

Has it anything to do with being Christian? Over here it would be considered an etiquette/dresscode thing as well.

I must confess, when my grandmother died I was a very rebellious student (1960/70) very active in 'kicking against the establishment movements'. Just to provoke the family, in particular my mother, I came to the funeral in a denim mini skirt and open bright pink platform sandals. :oops: :oops: :oops:

I still cringe when I think about it. :oops: :oops: :oops:

Probably tradition.... and I think that in areas with a lot of Christians, they are more strict with the dress code. It's a lot more liberal in other areas or big cities. I also thin it's a generational thing - the old people are very strict about what to wear to church. The younger generation wears jeans, strapless wedding gowns and short skirts to church.

I am sure your nana forgave you and smiled at her headstrong granddaughter from somewhere. :)

[latraviata]

Probably tradition.... and I think that in areas with a lot of Christians, they are more strict with the dress code. It's a lot more liberal in other areas or big cities. I also thin it's a generational thing - the old people are very strict about what to wear to church. The younger generation wears jeans, strapless wedding gowns and short skirts to church.

I am sure your nana forgave you and smiled at her headstrong granddaughter from somewhere. :)

She most certainly wouldn't!! She was not the sweet, cuddly, cozy nana, my mother was to her grandchildren.

We called her grandmama and she was so genteel, she didn't even open her eyes when she spoke.

Downton Abbey, well a striking resemblance with the dowager.

[Arete]

latraviata,

I don't know what it was about the description of your grandmama, but it just put the biggest smile on my face (which I am sure she would not have appreciated). :mrgreen: They are of a type whose likes we shall not see again. Crazy old bats. ;)

[latraviata]

latraviata,

I don't know what it was about the description of your grandmama, but it just put the biggest smile on my face (which I am sure she would not have appreciated). :mrgreen: They are of a type whose likes we shall not see again. Crazy old bats. ;)

Exactly!

It gave me gave me enough reasons to rebel against. ;) ;)

[Sumeri]

I thought about this last night and debated whether to post it. It sounds horrible but I no longer trust Christians. Being from the south, I've been exposed to several different kinds of evangelism so I've learned the tricks of the trade. I was told to always be a witness for Christ. Any expression of anger or annoyance could turn a nonChristian away. At the time, I didn't realize how fakely happy this made me. I've had friends tell me that they practice 'friendship evangelism' where they befriend a person they wish to convert. On line, I've received emails from other Christians who asked me not to disagree with them on a particular forum becuase they thought having all the Christians united would help convert the nonChristian members. There have been times when I overheard members of one denomination rabildy put down members of other denominations as nonChristians and watched as they sweetly tried to befriend those same people to win them to the "True" Christian Church.

All this has led me to viewing my former religion with more suspicion then I probably should.

I feel this way too. It's like some weird MLM for Jesus. I have an old friend who sells Shaklee and I have stopped talking to him for much the same reason - it's like he went to the same training seminar as the evangelists so every conversation has me on edge. He wants me to buy into a scheme, and many Christians want me to buy into their scheme. It's like every single relationship they have means nothing if they can't have Jesus in on the conversation. I feel like I can't just talk about my kids, or my garden, or what happened at work today. The weirdest part is that I do identify as Christian, albeit a super liberal one, and even I feel like telling them to give Jesus a rest. If you can't be friends with me just to be friends with me, then go talk to someone else.

[pixydust]

I have a really hard time dealing with clothing modesty issues with my daughter.

She is ten, is already developing, and looks like she is 13. Yet she is very much 10. I do not want to subject her to the disgusting expectations and shaming that I was put through as a child, but I don't even know how to tell her about skirt-wearing etiquette or why I feel uncomfortable allowing her to wear v-neck tops without a tank because I don't know how much of that is legitimate and how much of it is just how I was raised, and while I have mostly gotten over the slut shaming/sex is bad bad bad crap in regards to ME, I was shocked how much of that totally cropped up again in my head when my daughter hit puberty.

Do you have friends with teens that can help you out? How about a mom of one of your daughters friends? Or my husbands and my go to (our daughter is 6 going on 15), if it's worn on "iCarly", it's pretty much ok!

[Minerva]

I wasn't really raised Christian, and have no real hangups, so this is kinda OT. This friendship evangelism concept both scares me and is comforting. I have a few fundie light friends whose kindness I've valued for many years now, and the idea that they might not actually like me and I've been a sucker all this time is upsetting. On the other hand, the fundie light friend of mine who got me to "become" a Christian, but is now heartbroken that I'm not a "real" Christian because I don't have faith, don't believe in evangelism and am progressive, I've felt guilty about the kindness and attention she's poured into our friendship. She's an amazing friend, she's made me very happy, and I mean the world to her, yet I've done the one thing that truly breaks her heart - not be "saved". The idea that she might only be faking it to get me to come to Christ makes me feel less guilty, and I've seen the signs of that being the case.

[aubrietta]

I wasn't really raised Christian, and have no real hangups, so this is kinda OT. This friendship evangelism concept both scares me and is comforting. I have a few fundie light friends whose kindness I've valued for many years now, and the idea that they might not actually like me and I've been a sucker all this time is upsetting. On the other hand, the fundie light friend of mine who got me to "become" a Christian, but is now heartbroken that I'm not a "real" Christian because I don't have faith, don't believe in evangelism and am progressive, I've felt guilty about the kindness and attention she's poured into our friendship. She's an amazing friend, she's made me very happy, and I mean the world to her, yet I've done the one thing that truly breaks her heart - not be "saved". The idea that she might only be faking it to get me to come to Christ makes me feel less guilty, and I've seen the signs of that being the case.

That totally sucks.

My husband ran into an acquaintance of ours, a prominent local businessman who was convinced to attend the mainstream fundie church we went to years ago. We knew him previously, and were not the ones that invited him, and he was surprised to see us. He came a few times, and many of the people in the church were very excited that he came, because he is sort of "somebody" in the town, and they really laid the "friendship evangelism" on thick. He loved it, and loved the people, but never became a Christian. Now, he's totally shocked that we don't go to that church because as far as he's concerned, the people there are the nicest, most amazing people he's ever met. My husband didn't have the heart to tell him that people were only nice because they were hoping he would convert and the shiny golden boy of the congregation.

[Guest Anonymous]

My own experience of friendship evangelism is that it is not out and out fakery. Most friendships were based on having things in common and genuinely liking and caring about the other. The issues arise when one party loses their faith because the church drums in the twin beliefs that (1) the most important thing in life is knowing God and (2) believers cannot be yoked with unbelievers. Which doesn't leave much room for healthy relationships with people outside the church. :(