Why the Maxwells have church in a nursing home...

[skankbiscuit]

As Steve's mother suffers from Alzheimers and lives in an assisted living facility, it is especially disgusting he is calling them "castoffs" I guess this means he castoff his own mother...(by his own logic) :shock:

[VodouDoll]

Joseph calls them the jewels of the faith.

What a suck up.

[Hane]

One thing I learned from my sister when she was a nurse's aide in a nursing home: many of the residents have children who are elderly themselves, and may not be able to visit as often as they want to.

It broke my heart to have to put my dad into a nursing home for the last five months of his life, but it was under the strong recommendation of both his visiting nurse and his VA social worker, both of whom were wonderful and caring. My sisters, brothers-in-law, his grandkids, and I all live nearby, and were able to visit virtually every day.

[FireIsCatching89]

Good gracious, Steve, you ass! Just because someone is in a home doesn't mean they're rejected; and it may have also been THEIR choice, and the best choices for the family.

We're facing this right now with my dad's little sister, who had a severe stroke ten years ago and is on so much medication for associated health problems that she can't really function without close supervision. Right now my grandfather looks after my aunt, but he's in his mid-eighties and has heart trouble and will most likely not be around for too many more years. My mom and dad will then have to take care of my aunt, as their other brother lives in rural Alaska. My parents are both very career-oriented and don't have the abilities and time to put into the care she needs, nor do we have space in our home for her, so she will most likely go to a semi-independent living facilityin our neighborhood. This doesn't mean we don't love her. It's a hard decision, but it will ensure she has the best care and I know we'll visit all the time.

Fuck you Steve. And stop taking advantage of older people as a captive audience for your drivel! Go found a real church if you're such a great pastor. Oh wait....

[hoipolloi]

Well, big surprise. It's all about the Maxwells, with the nursing home residents as supporting cast members.

Steve - hope you're reading here & see that none of us are fooled by your fake piety & concern for these folks. Shame on you.

[kpmom]

Steve and Teri love my mom--Alzhimer's and all. I remember one night a few years ago we were having dinner together and my mom really wanted to pray so I checked with Steve to make sure this would be OK, and it was. What followed was a scene right out of "National Lampon's Christmas Vacation". Mom started to pray and moved right into the Pledge of Alligence. After dinner Steve and Teri both spoke with me about their nursing home ministry and how they undertand about dementia.

QueenMother, just curious why you felt you had to check with Steve to make sure your mom could pray?

Not a criticism, just curious.

[liltwinstar]

I read somewhere once that it takes 3 dedicated caregivers to keep one elderly, sick person out of a nursing home. The study actually said that it takes 3 daughters or daughters-in-law to do that, since women are usually the caregivers in those situations.

I've seen this with my own eyes - my grandfather has aged pretty well, all things considering. However, when he gets sick, even with a simple flu, things go massively haywire and quickly. He gets severely dehydrated almost instantly, loses bowel and bladder function, etc etc. So, the last time he was sick, it took my mom, my dad, and my aunt caring for him round-the-clock to get him better. All three of them had to take at least a week off work, and while they were working together, it was still a massive undertaking. Compounding this is the fact that my Grandma has Alzheimer's and needs looking after as well. She also gets agitated really easily, and started yelling about everyone being in her home, etc. It was a really, really stressful time. Also, even when my Grandfather was back to his normal self, things were still not good - his eyesight and hearing is bad, so he can't drive, they got their medicine all mixed up, Grandma can't drive, she doesn't remember to cook, eat, or take a shower, etc etc.

So, my mom and aunt made the hard decision to put them in an assisted living facility. It was the *best* possible decision - my mom can sleep at night knowing that they're being looked after, someone else is dispensing pills, and so forth. We visit a lot and it's so good to see them eating well, enjoying the activities, dressed in clean clothes, chatting with the friends they've made there, etc. Seriously, the best decision. They're not "castoffs" by any means; in fact, my mom was absolutely doing the best she could before they moved there. It's just that sometimes people's needs outstrip one's ability to meet them, and then you have to make the loving choice to get your family member the help/care they need. It's as simple as that.

[skankbiscuit]

Well if Steve believes that crap about nursing home residents/the elderly being the castoffs of society, then perhaps he needs to pull his own mother out of her nursing home and have her come live with them. She has pretty advanced Alzheimers, so I imagine Teri and the girls would be working hard. Wait, Teri's job is to be Steve's help-meet (gag) so the girls would be working hard taking care of grandma.

[SunnyAndrsn]

My mom is currently in a care center (PC for nursing home). My mom has Alzheimer's. On Sundays they have different churches that come and do services for the residents in the main activity room. The CNA's go around and let the patients know what is happening and ask them if they'd like to go. My mom goes if I am there to go with her. On Wednesday night they have a church that comes in every week and does music and a sermon--I take mom to this. On Sunday mornings a majority of the residents/patients attend service.

Steve and Teri love my mom--Alzhimer's and all. I remember one night a few years ago we were having dinner together and my mom really wanted to pray so I checked with Steve to make sure this would be OK, and it was. What followed was a scene right out of "National Lampon's Christmas Vacation". Mom started to pray and moved right into the Pledge of Alligence. After dinner Steve and Teri both spoke with me about their nursing home ministry and how they undertand about dementia.

I am surprised to hear that they are this understanding in regards to dementia, but pleasantly so!

[SunnyAndrsn]

So true! I've seen many, many guilt-filled family members struggle with the decision to place a loved one in a nursing home or assisted living facility. It's particularly hard on the primary caregiver. This is exactly the type of empathy and advice we try to offer loved ones in this position.

I read somewhere once that it takes 3 dedicated caregivers to keep one elderly, sick person out of a nursing home. The study actually said that it takes 3 daughters or daughters-in-law to do that, since women are usually the caregivers in those situations.

I've seen this with my own eyes - my grandfather has aged pretty well, all things considering. However, when he gets sick, even with a simple flu, things go massively haywire and quickly. He gets severely dehydrated almost instantly, loses bowel and bladder function, etc etc. So, the last time he was sick, it took my mom, my dad, and my aunt caring for him round-the-clock to get him better. All three of them had to take at least a week off work, and while they were working together, it was still a massive undertaking. Compounding this is the fact that my Grandma has Alzheimer's and needs looking after as well. She also gets agitated really easily, and started yelling about everyone being in her home, etc. It was a really, really stressful time. Also, even when my Grandfather was back to his normal self, things were still not good - his eyesight and hearing is bad, so he can't drive, they got their medicine all mixed up, Grandma can't drive, she doesn't remember to cook, eat, or take a shower, etc etc.

So, my mom and aunt made the hard decision to put them in an assisted living facility. It was the *best* possible decision - my mom can sleep at night knowing that they're being looked after, someone else is dispensing pills, and so forth. We visit a lot and it's so good to see them eating well, enjoying the activities, dressed in clean clothes, chatting with the friends they've made there, etc. Seriously, the best decision. They're not "castoffs" by any means; in fact, my mom was absolutely doing the best she could before they moved there. It's just that sometimes people's needs outstrip one's ability to meet them, and then you have to make the loving choice to get your family member the help/care they need. It's as simple as that.

[Guest Anonymous]

They posted this in March 2010: http://www.titus2.com/blog/index.php/20 ... -maxwells/

Last week, Dad took two days to visit Gram (his mom) who is in the final stages of Alzheimer’s. It was very hard for him to see her doing so poorly physically. It’s amazing how frail our bodies are.

The next post about visiting her was April this year. http://www.titus2.com/blog/index.php/20 ... st-monday/

I have some compassion for Steve because I know that dealing with a parent with Alzheimer's is enormously tough, emotionally.

But in the context of his 'castoff' comments about his fake Church members, I think he should be ashamed of himself for claiming to do 'pure religion' by taking care of 'orphans and widows in distress', while he visits his own mother just once a year.

Bizzarely, in the comments section, Steve shared that they have a blanket rule that care home residents are not ever allowed to hold or touch their young children, because some elderly people have infections. I do hope (but probably in vain) that Grandma has been allowed the pleasure of closeness and touch with her great grandchildren. She gave Steve life, and regardless of how bitter and twisted he has become about his father, his mother deserves his utmost respect as long as she is alive. She has been in the 'last stages of dementia' for some 18 months now, which is a long time to be the lonely 'outcast' of an evil fuckwit son.

[Terrie]

Man, would my great-grandfather have shocked them. He lived to be 100, and most of his problems stemmed from his lack of vision and hearing. I only saw him maybe every 5 years, due to the distance of where I grew up from his hometown (small town South Dakota -- it was an all day drive, one way), but he was a character. One of the last times I saw him, my brother was pushing him down the hall in a wheelchair, and he kept going "Go faster!" Before his hearing went, he would have been the guy in the back of the service who had to be removed for heckling. :)

[QueenMother]

QueenMother, just curious why you felt you had to check with Steve to make sure your mom could pray?

Not a criticism, just curious.

kpmom, I did check with Steve, but it wasn't to ask his permission, it was more-or-less to check-in to let him know mom wanted to pray before dinner, but we all know what this means--she could say anything (and she did.) Steve would normally be the one to offer grace before a meal, and I did need to let him know mom wanted to do it.

Thank you for asking me this because reading it back it does read like I was asking his permission. Thinking back on it tonight, Steve may have interpreted my talking to him as my asking his permission too. Oh well.

[luckylibrarian]

Nevermind.

[contrary]

boy, i should not have come directly here from the foreskin thread. that "jewels of the faith" gem about made me choke.

[kpmom]

kpmom, I did check with Steve, but it wasn't to ask his permission, it was more-or-less to check-in to let him know mom wanted to pray before dinner, but we all know what this means--she could say anything (and she did.) Steve would normally be the one to offer grace before a meal, and I did need to let him know mom wanted to do it.

Thank you for asking me this because reading it back it does read like I was asking his permission. Thinking back on it tonight, Steve may have interpreted my talking to him as my asking his permission too. Oh well.

Thanks for your response, QueenMother. I thought maybe the fact that they don't believe women should pray/speak (at least in "church" settings) entered into it. And if Steve interpreted it that way, well, what can you do?

I remember when Melanie and Nathan's first little girl passed away, and they blogged about the funeral. Only the males in both families were allowed to speak at the funeral. Bad as I felt for what they were going through, I have to admit that irked me to no end.

[loveandwar]

We don’t have any problems with immodesty, with youth groups or contemporary music.

Ok, I haven't read the whole thread yet, but I couldn't make it past this statement. WHAT'S. WRONG. WITH. YOUTH. GROUPS?! :angry-soapbox: (I'd also like to know what's wrong with contemporary music, but that's another topic for another post!)

Sorry about the CAPS and the bold, but the whole emphasis on "OMG youth groups are EVIL!!!111" is something that really gets under my skin. I work with the youth group at my church. You will not find a better bunch of teenagers anywhere! They're diverse, and they can be crazy sometimes, but it's so much fun. Oh...wait...the Maxwells don't like "fun"... :angry-banghead:

[IReallyAmHopewell]

They have church in a nursing home because:

1. The place is seriously understaffed on Sundays;

2. Even a Doug Phillips-approved Family Integrated Church is too "worldly" (i.e. Even the FIC-ers don't want to worship with the Maxwells)

3. The can't legally construct a prison camp so they take their kids to an elder-prison instead.

4. No one in the home can hear what they are saying so there are no disagreements on theology

5. No one in the home can hear what they sing so there are no vegetables thrown at them

6. And, I bet they get to set up a sales table in the lobby at Christmas time to encourage the inmates, I mean the ELDERLY, to buy "encouraging" Maxwell items to "encourage" their own extended families (all of whom will be sure Great-Aunt Blanche needs her medication adjusted when they receive those "precious" gifts and will make double sure her car keys are really gone!)

7. They bring food, right? Helps quell the dining room riots when the oldies get sick of corn dogs and frozen banana cream pie.

[liltwinstar]

The argument against youth groups is that they "draw" children's hearts away from the families and toward a peer group and youth leader. Children/young people are supposed to be 100% invested in their immediate family (parents and siblings) and no other people.

It's just part of the whole isolationist thing - no sunday school, no regular church, no youth group, no personal friends, no unmonitored internet access, no homeschooling group, etc etc etc.

[lilwriter85]

I think it offensive for Steve to call the nursing home residents "castoffs from soceity."

They are various reasons to why people live in nursing homes. Like another poster mentioned sometimes it is a choice for some people. My boyfriend's grandfather is disabled due to diabetes and other health problems. All of his children are still working and they have offered to have him stayed with them taking turns. He made the choice two years ago ago to enter a assisted living center for the elderly and disabled. He is able to do some things for himself. He is not a castoff from society. The family takes him out every week to different events and they visit him as much as they can. If someone called him castoff, he would probably give them the middle finger.

There are situations in which family members don't have the means or training to care for elderly relatives at home.

I can sort of also see why the Maxwells would view some nursing home residents as castoffs. There are quite bit of young and middle aged disabled people here in the U.S. who are ending up in nursing homes because they really can't support themselves and they sometimes have problems getting disability benefits or other forms of assistance. Maybe the Maxwells have encountered people like that and that is why they use the castoff label.

[loveandwar]

The argument against youth groups is that they "draw" children's hearts away from the families and toward a peer group and youth leader. Children/young people are supposed to be 100% invested in their immediate family (parents and siblings) and no other people.

It's just part of the whole isolationist thing - no sunday school, no regular church, no youth group, no personal friends, no unmonitored internet access, no homeschooling group, etc etc etc.

That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. I'd have a more eloquent argument, but I'm on my way out the door to chaperone a youth group (!!) outing. lol.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

Children can be corrupted by "worldly" youth pastors who use "worldly" examples and also add in fun--like trips to the go-carts! Most important though is the fact that the Bible charges PARENTS with teaching their children God's word. Youth pastors, etc, undercut this. Plus they could accidentally expose their children to sinful thinks like Rob Bell videos, CCM or even (gasp!) scenes from Veggie Tales or Bruce Almighty/Evan Almighty/Oh God! That would make their kids look forward to church for all the wrong reasons--like FUN.

[lilwriter85]

Children can be corrupted by "worldly" youth pastors who use "worldly" examples and also add in fun--like trips to the go-carts! Most important though is the fact that the Bible charges PARENTS with teaching their children God's word. Youth pastors, etc, undercut this. Plus they could accidentally expose their children to sinful thinks like Rob Bell videos, CCM or even (gasp!) scenes from Veggie Tales or Bruce Almighty/Evan Almighty/Oh God! That would make their kids look forward to church for all the wrong reasons--like FUN.

I have heard and read about the "worldy" youth pastors and events as reasons for why some people are against youth groups. When I lived in Alabama a few years back, I became friends with a young woman who worked with Young Life which is a non-denominational nationwide Christian ministry that is geared towards teenagers. The ministry consisted of youth leaders or worship pastors who lead teens through Bible study and different things. They would take kids on different on camping trips, sports events and Christian concerts. One of their regular events for teenage girls was called Bible Study/volleyball days which was a basically a day when the girls and the female youth leaders would spend the morning hours on Saturday reading the bible and then they would play volleyball in the afternoon. There was one incident in which people from a Baptist church(which think could have been IFB) went over to the gym were the event was held and they accused YL of being disrespectful for blending sports with Bible study. My friend and her co-workers laughed when they told me about it. She said that YL deals with a lot of criticism throughout the country because of the some things they blend in with Bible study and religious education.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Children can be corrupted by "worldly" youth pastors who use "worldly" examples and also add in fun--like trips to the go-carts! Most important though is the fact that the Bible charges PARENTS with teaching their children God's word. Youth pastors, etc, undercut this. Plus they could accidentally expose their children to sinful thinks like Rob Bell videos, CCM or even (gasp!) scenes from Veggie Tales or Bruce Almighty/Evan Almighty/Oh God! That would make their kids look forward to church for all the wrong reasons--like FUN.

Yep. Supposedly the youth groups are too invested in such "twaddle" - if your kid "needs" to have the Bible presented with a spoonful of sugar like the Veggie Tales or heaven forbid games, how will they ever learn to stomach the bitter medicine that is the plain Bible and sermon all on its own?

:roll:

Personally it seems not all that different from the people who forbid giving yourself a reward at the end of a day of hard work, say, "if I finish all these tasks by 5 PM we can go out to the movies" or whatever it is, because goodness, that means you only care about the movies, not the intrinsic value of the hard work, how will you ever do hard work when there is no reward, then? Never mind that the work is done, either way, and we do work because it needs to be done, right? Oh no, I suppose we shouldn't, we should be doing work because it's mortifying the flesh, or similar...

[SquirrelySquirrel]

I never thought this day would come, but here it is; I may have to defend Steve. My mother is in an assisted living facility and my father was in an Alzheimer's care facility for a year and a half, until his death. I have gotten to know many of the residents and their families because I go every day. Many of the people in both places where my parents live(d) ARE castoffs. Not all, but many. They never have visitors. Some have outlived their children, friends, and spouse. Some had children from whom they were estranged. More of them had children in the area who never visited. In my father's facility, there were several residents who had court appointed guardians because the families were done with their care and with any involvement at all. It is really sad.

There were other residents who had very involved family members-I have even met two women who have continued to visit and volunteer at a facility years after their family member died. And some residents have one family member who is involved while the others think it is great that she is doing such a good job. And it is almost always a woman who visits and cares for the resident, from what I have observed.

I doubt Steve meant that the residents of the nursing home were worthless people. I am sure he was referring to those who do not have many outsiders interested in them. They have been "castoff" by their loved ones. I don't think he meant to denegrate your loved ones in nursing homes and other facilities. I think he was simply describing what he sees.

I'm gagging on bile here, but I have to agree with your defense of Steve. I think some people are taking his comments way too personally. There truly are many, many elderly people in homes who are castoffs and if they get some kind of joy out of the Maxwell family, then I'm happy for them. I used to work in a hospital, and I saw it all the time. A five minute conversation with a smiling stranger can truly bring so much joy to someone who literally has no one. And there are so many helpless people in substandard facilities who have no on to advocate for them.

Not to say that I agree with the reasons behind the Maxwells having service in nursing homes, because I do think that it's more for the benefit of keeping the kids isolated and having a trapped audience than anything.