Jacinda @ Growing Home (Molar Pregnancy)

[Beeks]

I feel bad that she lost her pregnancy, but I find it odd that in the announcement on March 20 that she had a molar pregnancy, she said "We are thankful that we haven't lost a child since there was never a real baby to begin with..." and then in her post today suddenly it's "We had just lost our third child to a complicated miscarriage...." and talks about trusting the Lord with "the death of our child."

It already rubs me the wrong way when women equate an early miscarriage to the death of a child but to equate a molar pregnancy, where there was never any actual developing fetus, to the death of a CHILD is just....wow.

Again, I'm glad she is doing ok physically and I'm sure this is difficult emotionally, but something that continually drives me nuts about fundies is how careless they are with their language.

[maybeizfundie]

molar pregnancy (partial) can involve a fetus. sounds like she either learned more about the types of molar pregnancy, or got more information about her particular pregnancy.

[Beeks]

molar pregnancy (partial) can involve a fetus. sounds like she either learned more about the types of molar pregnancy, or got more information about her particular pregnancy.

Now that I'm looking on WebMd it does say that a partial molar pregnancy could involve some fetal tissue. I don't see much about an actual fetus unless it's twins.

[Austin]

It's important not to get pregnant for about a year after a molar pregnancy. I don't know who Jacinda is, but is she QF? Will she and her headship put her health before the quest to immediately get pregnant?

When can I try to get pregnant again? No matter what kind of treatment you've received, you'll need to wait a year after your hCG levels go back down to zero before trying to get pregnant again. If you got pregnant before then, your hCG levels would rise and it would be impossible for your practitioner to tell whether abnormal tissue was growing back.

The good news is that having a molar pregnancy doesn't affect your fertility or ability to have a normal pregnancy, even if you've had chemotherapy. You're not at any increased risk for stillbirth, birth defects, preterm delivery, or other complications. And your odds of having another molar pregnancy are only 1 to 2 percent. You'll have a first-trimester ultrasound in any subsequent pregnancies to make sure all is well.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_molar-pregn ... .bc?page=2

[Beeks]

It's important not to get pregnant for about a year after a molar pregnancy. I don't know who Jacinda is, but is she QF? Will she and her headship put her health before the quest to immediately get pregnant?

http://www.babycenter.com/0_molar-pregn ... .bc?page=2

Definitely QF - she has a 2yr old and a baby and lots of her writing is about QF stuff. She's very young....I doubt they will wait a year but she has not said. Is this the same thing that Meredith's mom experienced?

ETA her blog is at growinghomeblog.com if anyone is interested.

[fundifugee]

I feel bad that she lost her pregnancy, but I find it odd that in the announcement on March 20 that she had a molar pregnancy, she said "We are thankful that we haven't lost a child since there was never a real baby to begin with..." and then in her post today suddenly it's "We had just lost our third child to a complicated miscarriage...." and talks about trusting the Lord with "the death of our child."

It already rubs me the wrong way when women equate an early miscarriage to the death of a child but to equate a molar pregnancy, where there was never any actual developing fetus, to the death of a CHILD is just....wow.

Again, I'm glad she is doing ok physically and I'm sure this is difficult emotionally, but something that continually drives me nuts about fundies is how careless they are with their language.

It doesn't strike me as careless, because with the current 'baby death' thought, she gets to join the ranks of the Women Suffering For The Lord's Own Concept of Fertility, with their "Angel babies" and assorted nonsense (my god, what if heaven is full of creepy little embryos? aaaaaaaahhhh!)

I mean, sure, there is some grieving to be done, but blogging and commenting ad nauseum about your dead child is just a little overdramatic.

[fundifugee]

Also, I had a patient who had a molar pregnancy, was conservatively religious, and for her the issue was not only the concept of using contraception to not get pregnant for a year, she was also freaked out about 'aborting' the pregnancy even if the product of conception was an amorphous glob of cells that could metastasize to her lungs and brain, take over her body and kill her!

(lord knows I would not want to meet THAT "baby" in heaven. it sounds like a plot for a bad horror movie).

[maybeizfundie]

I was looking at mayo. Partial molar can involve a fetus but obviously it cannot survive long. If she found this out, and believes that life begins at conception, even if there are abnormalities, I can see how she would recategorize that loss.

As for the wait, I was told a year, but other sources say 6 months. Mostly to be able to clearly differentiate between a recurrence and a healthy pregnancy.

[ilovetchotchkes]

I feel bad that she lost her pregnancy, but I find it odd that in the announcement on March 20 that she had a molar pregnancy, she said "We are thankful that we haven't lost a child since there was never a real baby to begin with..." and then in her post today suddenly it's "We had just lost our third child to a complicated miscarriage...." and talks about trusting the Lord with "the death of our child."

It already rubs me the wrong way when women equate an early miscarriage to the death of a child but to equate a molar pregnancy, where there was never any actual developing fetus, to the death of a CHILD is just....wow.

Again, I'm glad she is doing ok physically and I'm sure this is difficult emotionally, but something that continually drives me nuts about fundies is how careless they are with their language.

My sister who just went through a D&C for a blighted ovum keeps stating flatly that "there was no baby" because its her way of coping~ and technically there WAS nothing there but a placenta but to her the idea of the baby was real. She's explained it to her 5 year old that "baby P is in heaven now" - her daughter knew she was pregnant and was super excited about the baby- you can't really explain a blighted ovum to a 5 year old. HOWEVER, I'm assuming Jacinda's readers have a higher than a 5 year olds reading and comprehension level. It does confuse me when people equate it to a still birth or losing a 2 year old. :-/ I haven't had losses, but I have friends who have and its frustrating - people assume they should just "move along" with their lives right away, but on the other hand, if they're not allowed to grieve, you get a situation like this, where you dwell on it forever.

edited because I can't think today. Girl fetus is eating my brain.

[margiebargie]

It doesn't strike me as careless, because with the current 'baby death' thought, she gets to join the ranks of the Women Suffering For The Lord's Own Concept of Fertility, with their "Angel babies" and assorted nonsense (my god, what if heaven is full of creepy little embryos? aaaaaaaahhhh!)

I mean, sure, there is some grieving to be done, but blogging and commenting ad nauseum about your dead child is just a little overdramatic.

Yikes! That is a scary thought. I'm picturing little clumps of cells buzzing around like flies.

[margiebargie]

My sister who just went through a D&C for a blighted ovum keeps stating flatly that "there was no baby" because its her way of coping~ and technically there WAS nothing there but a placenta but to her the idea of the baby was real. She's explained it to her 5 year old that "baby P is in heaven now" - her daughter knew she was pregnant and was super excited about the baby- you can't really explain a blighted ovum to a 5 year old. HOWEVER, I'm assuming Jacinda's readers have a higher than a 5 year olds reading and comprehension level. It does confuse me when people equate it to a still birth or losing a 2 year old. :-/ I haven't had losses, but I have friends who have and its frustrating - people assume they should just "move along" with their lives right away, but on the other hand, if they're not allowed to grieve, you get a situation like this, where you dwell on it forever.

edited because I can't think today. Girl fetus is eating my brain.

You guys are killing me with the fetus humor.

[kb2]

I can understand becoming attached to a pregnancy and being sad when it doesn't work out, and feeling the same sense of loss that a miscarriage involving a fetus would have. And it may be hard to explain to someone how real the loss feels despite the non-presence of a fetus, so I can also see referring to a molar pregnancy in the same terms used to describe any miscarriage. I think the line-crossing that bothers me is the miscarriage being referred to in a way indistinguishable from the loss of a born or full-term baby. Perhaps there should be more awareness of the pain of a miscarriage in our society, and then people wouldn't think they needed to conflate it with a differently-painful event.

I think it may also be difficult to face feelings surrounding a embryo-less pregnancy termination for a pro-life person because a lot of their reasoning relies on personal feelings about their own early pregnancies. For instance, all early pregnancies have to have all the rights to life because I feel like there's a person in there in my early pregnancy who I want to survive. To have those feelings about a pregnancy without any sign of life--would it make you question your method of determining when life begins? If you can feel like you want life to continue so badly in your womb when life is objectively absent from it, doesn't that mean the objective reality of the contents of every womb is not reliant on how you feel about it? Clearly, you can become attached to not-life, so becoming attached to pregnancy doesn't mean that it is life. I wonder if referring to a molar pregnancy as a child prevents that thought process from happening.

[deelaem]

It doesn't strike me as careless, because with the current 'baby death' thought, she gets to join the ranks of the Women Suffering For The Lord's Own Concept of Fertility, with their "Angel babies" and assorted nonsense (my god, what if heaven is full of creepy little embryos? aaaaaaaahhhh!)

I mean, sure, there is some grieving to be done, but blogging and commenting ad nauseum about your dead child is just a little overdramatic.

I agree with you. I think having a tragic pregnancy scores you big points in the fundie Olympics. And the bigger deal they make of it, the more they can stick it to those horrible pro-choice people. Y'know, because god deliberately made your hormones go berserk so you can spread the word that conception=human being. :roll:

[PurpleGlinda]

When she was having all the problems, she shared/explained it on her blog's Fb page. At first the doctor thought it was molar, but then they discovered it was an actual pregnancy, but a large blood clot was hiding the fetus (I guess) and caused her to miscarry.

[Elle]

It already rubs me the wrong way when women equate an early miscarriage to the death of a child but to equate a molar pregnancy, where there was never any actual developing fetus, to the death of a CHILD is just....wow.

Again, I'm glad she is doing ok physically and I'm sure this is difficult emotionally, but something that continually drives me nuts about fundies is how careless they are with their language.

It doesn't matter for shit that you see an early miscarriage as nothing. I hope you NEVER say this sort of thing to someone heartbroken from a miscarriage. It doesn't matter that it would make you feel better for someone to just matter-of-factly say they lost a fetus, no big deal. Someone else's miscarriage isn't about you. Someone heartbroken over a miscarriage was looking forward to giving birth to and hugging and raising a child, and the miscarriage ended that hope. So even if you see an early miscarriage as nothing more than a worthless bundle of cells not worth crying over, a child was lost. Whether that is an unborn child who just died, or a potential child, one was lost.

Does it rub you the wrong way when someone says they lost the lottery, or lost a house they'd applied for, or the promotion that was hoped for? Since they never had the lottery money or the house or the promotion to begin with, it can be said that there was nothing to actually lose since the lottery or house or promotion was something they never actually had, and that it's the potential that they had and lost since anyone can have the potential. Unless you also get angry and disgusted over these sorts of losses, then quit being disgusted over someone equating an early pregnancy loss to the literal loss of a child. The loss of potential is JUST AS REAL, and someone else's mourning has nothing to do with you, and you have no right to tell someone else they're mourning wrong and for the wrong reason any more than Michelle Duggar losing Jubilee gives her some sort of authority to instruct others in the "proper" way to do it.

[Elle]

I can understand becoming attached to a pregnancy and being sad when it doesn't work out, and feeling the same sense of loss that a miscarriage involving a fetus would have. And it may be hard to explain to someone how real the loss feels despite the non-presence of a fetus, so I can also see referring to a molar pregnancy in the same terms used to describe any miscarriage. I think the line-crossing that bothers me is the miscarriage being referred to in a way indistinguishable from the loss of a born or full-term baby. Perhaps there should be more awareness of the pain of a miscarriage in our society, and then people wouldn't think they needed to conflate it with a differently-painful event.

I think people need to stop trying to make a hierarchy of mourning. Someone can feel the loss of a very early pregnancy very deeply while someone else may not care much. Does this mean that the first person is somehow wrong for crying for weeks because someone else wouldn't really care? Those who have been lucky enough to not have have a VERY wanted pregnancy end in miscarriage are so fucking lucky to not be able to understand, but still need to shut the fuck up about how those who are mourning, especially when it's only been a couple months or not even, are somehow wrong. I have lost several babies early on, and one not very early on, and I have cut from my life friends I'd had for a long time who said I needed to just get over it, people who've never lost babies they wanted. It HURT to have those losses, and it hurt deeply, and it hurt even more to be told that the loss doesn't matter, to just get over it. It's cruel and heartless to say that it's all right to mourn the loss of a full-term baby who is still-born but not right to mourn as deeply when that loss happens earlier. What right does anyone have to decide when it's all right to feel heart-broken? At what point does it go from being something that doesn't matter to all right to mourn and even plan a memorial? Where is that arbitrary line? Whether a pregnancy ends in pre-natal death or cessation in the third trimester or the first doesn't matter. The parents won't ever see that child breathe or move or blink,won't ever get to look into the eyes of their child while saying "I love you." A loss at six weeks or six months of nine months all result in the same thing - no child to rock to sleep at night. To have the potential and to lose it, to lose that potential, is a profound loss. You have no place deciding a line is crossed because someone is mourning deeply an early loss just because you think it doesn't matter as much as later on. When I had my own first loss, miscarriages were something no one spoke about, and now it's something that can be mentioned, and it has helped with the more recent losses to talk about them. People saying that losses before some arbitrary state shouldn't matter as much do nothing but send the message that women who miscarry should shut up about it because it doesn't matter, and that feeling of isolation makes it so much worse. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist or doesn't matter. Fundies don't like to acknowledge the existence of mental health disorders because they can't see it, and they're wrong for it, and you are wrong for devaluing someone else's loss because it doesn't matter to you, isn't something you can't see.

If you want others to stay out of the uteruses and abortions of other women, then stay out of the uteruses and mourning of women who've had losses. If you don't want women who have abortions to be judged for the decisions they make, then quit judging those who've lost the desired contents of theirs that they didn't choose.

[Wolfie]

Well, Elle is back.

[Elle]

Well, Elle is back.

I come and go instead of dedicating all my life to this site, and I'm not worried about gaining anyone's approval, especially hypocrites who want a group making a choice to be respected while dumping on those who mourn losing babies they didn't choose to lose. Deal with it.

[Minerva]

Yikes! That is a scary thought. I'm picturing little clumps of cells buzzing around like flies.

Ahahaha! I'm picturing 8 wk dinosaur-esque embryos floating around randomly and bumping into people's heads while we're trying to do stuff. If embryos go to heaven, that means insects do too, though, so you'd have to deal with bazillions of those on top of the floating embryos.

And the air would be thick with aborted eggs and sperm.

[FireIsCatching89]

Ahahaha! I'm picturing 8 wk dinosaur-esque embryos floating around randomly and bumping into people's heads while we're trying to do stuff. If embryos go to heaven, that means insects do too, though, so you'd have to deal with bazillions of those on top of the floating embryos.

And the air would be thick with aborted eggs and sperm.

Catch 'em in a jar like fireflies and you can have a fetus lamp in the summers!

[ladypuglover]

edited because I can't think today. Girl fetus is eating my brain.

I hear you on that. Once when I was pregnant with fetuspuglover#5 I shampooed, conditioned and lotioned my hair. I have no idea why the lotion was in the shower in the first place but I did it. I also was well known for shaving one leg twice and not the other leg. I also seemed to like putting my purse in the fridge and the mail in the freezer if I even got it that far and had dropped it in the driveway like some kind of trail of crumbs.

Now I haven't been pregnant for over 10 years and I still don't know why I keep doing these things. Maybe the 5 of the little perisites really did eat my last brain cell. :shock:

[sugaree]

I really like the idea of the floating embryos. It makes me think of Tinkerbelle floating around Peter Pan, or birds flitting about Snow White.

[dairyfreelife]

I think her laundry post was just sad. She's clearly grieving the loss of a wanted pregnancy that had some complications, that put her in the hospital for awhile, then on bed rest and she's in tears because she can't get caught up on all the chores that no one did while she out. All I could think about when I read it was:

Where the hell was her husband? Why didn't he do the laundry, scrub the shower, clean the dishes, etc.? He couldn't be bothered to even help his wife. Some husband. She then blames herself for not trusting God enough and getting upset about all the housework.

[Wolfie]

I think her laundry post was just sad. She's clearly grieving the loss of a wanted pregnancy that had some complications, that put her in the hospital for awhile, then on bed rest and she's in tears because she can't get caught up on all the chores that no one did while she out. All I could think about when I read it was:

Where the hell was her husband? Why didn't he do the laundry, scrub the shower, clean the dishes, etc.? He couldn't be bothered to even help his wife. Some husband. She then blames herself for not trusting God enough and getting upset about all the housework.

This

She's from a culture that tells women that if they have pregnancy problems they are not good enough. On top of that, her family left a mess for her to come home to. My dad could be a douche when we were little and my mom was trying to raise us, but when she got really sick, ended up in the hospital and then lost a pregnancy, he did step up and do a lot more housework than I have ever seen before or since. (and he does more now than he did when we were little kids) THAT is what a husband should do in a relationship, or any partner in a relationship.

I really wish that these women could see past the lies they are fed and realize that God wants so much more for them.

[Wolfie]

I come and go instead of dedicating all my life to this site, and I'm not worried about gaining anyone's approval, especially hypocrites who want a group making a choice to be respected while dumping on those who mourn losing babies they didn't choose to lose. Deal with it.

I don't think anybody is upset with people mourning pregnancies that they lose. They do, however, have issues with people who equate the loss of a potential baby with the death of an actual child.

(My mom has lost a pregnancy, while it was very hard for her, it would have been totally different if she had lost a child.)