where are all these porn "addicts?"

[denimjumper]

I go to a mainstream Presbyterian church. Very liberal and not fundie in the least. Love the pastor. He's a formerly navy chaplain who's seen everything touring the world. And yet on Sunday he mentioned in his sermon people who wrestle with additions and he mentions porn and the devastating affect it has on marriages and relationships. It was a big topic of the sermon. My husband and I were like huh?

I have to ask this, do you know anyone who is addicted to porn? I don't. Maybe I live under a rock. While I grant you there is someone somewhere who is addicted to anything and everything, is porn an addiction to the extent it is now mainstream?

[The Archivist]

I had a friend whose ex-bf was what you might call a serious porn addict, to the point where it affected their sex life (like, he couldn't enjoy having sex with an actual woman anymore because of the porn.) She found his secret stash at one point, and it was apparently crazy excessive amounts of porn. He spent hours a day looking at it. It made her uncomfortable even though she doesn't really mind porn in general.

So I think it can be a problem. I have no idea how widespread it is, however.

I do kind of worry that sometimes, in a church or religious context, looking at ANY porn can be labelled an "addiction" even if it's truly not.

[CanadianHippie]

There is a chance you do know someone who fighting a real porn addiction but they haven't told you. Not because they don't trust you but because it's a private issue that most people won't discuss publicly.

That being said, I've noticed in my time that even non-fundie churches often times have this belief that "occasionally looking = porn addiction" and completely ignore the part where it has to start interfering with day to day life before it can be called an addiction.

[AnnieC 305]

Yeah, whatever. First off, someone tell me how they are defining "porn addict"? Do they mean someone who looks at porn? Who gets turned on by porn? Who has unrealistic expectations and now can only get it going with women who look like porn stars? We need a definition here.

For the record? Own porn, enjoy porn, write porn, or at least erotica. Same with the husband and we've been happily married 11 years and counting.

Also, anyone else want to put one of the x-rated smilies in this post?

[Helena]

Yes. My ex is a porn addict. It was one of the biggest contributors to the total breakdown of a not so great marriage. Porn addiction is insidious. It affected everything. He just became this total zombie who didn't care about anything except his collection of porn, totally ignoring his kids, me, the bills, the house,etc...

(however, he did manage to find the energy and means to cheat on me with a stripper he met at one of his friends bachelor parties)

So, where are these porn addicts? Well, mine is living with his daddy now.

[Conuly]

If we're going to define "addicted" as "having an obsessive interest that seriously and negatively affects your life", then it's possible to be addicted to very nearly anything.

However, that doesn't mean porn is specially bad or dangerous. Why does nobody talk about people having an addiction to X-Men or an addiction to shoes or an addiction to skateboarding? Any of those things, if taken to extremes, can damage your life. But they're not generally as titillating as pornography, I guess.

[valsa]

I had a friend whose ex-bf was what you might call a serious porn addict, to the point where it affected their sex life (like, he couldn't enjoy having sex with an actual woman anymore because of the porn.) She found his secret stash at one point, and it was apparently crazy excessive amounts of porn. He spent hours a day looking at it. It made her uncomfortable even though she doesn't really mind porn in general.

See, in situations like that, I have to wonder if it's a chicken-and-egg thing. Does he have intimacy issues because he's got a porn problem or did he start fixating on porn because he had intimacy issues?

I look at porn and have since I was 12 or 13 (granted, I look at it a couple times a month, not several hours every day, but I also have a pretty low libido) I have mild sensory issues and don't like being touched, so I started watching porn because it was a way to be sexually excited without having to be touched by someone. Who knows, if I had a higher libido, maybe I would consume as much porn as this guy. However, any issues I have with sex, porn isn’t the cause of them- it's just a by-product of the underlying problem.

[BravaAmica]

I think if someone has an addictive tendency, they can get addicted to porn like they would alcohol or cocaine. But I also don't think that it's as prevalent as people believe.

[ADoyle90815]

I personally would define porn addiction as it interfering with someone's everyday life, whether it's being fired because they viewed it at work, or not being able to have a functioning sex life with a real person. The problem is that many churches consider anyone who occasionally looks at porn to be addicts, even if it's an occasional thing that doesn't interfere with life. :obscene-sexualdoggy:

[AmyP]

I personally would define porn addiction as it interfering with someone's everyday life, whether it's being fired because they viewed it at work, or not being able to have a functioning sex life with a real person. The problem is that many churches consider anyone who occasionally looks at porn to be addicts, even if it's an occasional thing that doesn't interfere with life. :obscene-sexualdoggy:

Can you be more specific? Which church believes this? I have never heard a church describe occasional porn use as a porn addiction, and I move in some pretty conservative circles. While occasional porn use might be viewed as immoral by a church, that does not mean that the church is characterizing it as an addiction.

Anytime I have heard of an individual with a porn addiction it has been a situation where their lives and marriages were seriously impacted.

[Kitty]

I think that "porn addiction," in the Christian fundie-lite sense, is a load of bullshit. Looking at porn once in a while does NOT fuck your life up, or your marriage. If anything, it would help. Right?

Of course I was told in my anti-sex class that one guy started looking at porn and then molested his 2 year old daughter. The message was basically, if you look at porn ever you will become a child molester. WTF.

[AmyP]

See, in situations like that, I have to wonder if it's a chicken-and-egg thing. Does he have intimacy issues because he's got a porn problem or did he start fixating on porn because he had intimacy issues?

I look at porn and have since I was 12 or 13 (granted, I look at it a couple times a month, not several hours every day, but I also have a pretty low libido) I have mild sensory issues and don't like being touched, so I started watching porn because it was a way to be sexually excited without having to be touched by someone. Who knows, if I had a higher libido, maybe I would consume as much porn as this guy. However, any issues I have with sex, porn isn’t the cause of them- it's just a by-product of the underlying problem.

I would say both. I'm not sure porn use necessarily causes the intimacy issues, but it sure doesn't help. I would guess that there were underlying problems before the porn, but porn made it easy to avoid true intimacy.

[Witsec7]

Depends on how ya define porn. Some folks think finding their fundy kid wanking to a MsVickies catalog he pulled out of a dumpster, is an indication he's addicted to porn.

I've been around the block a couple of times, I know folks with fetishes and people with some big kinks in their rope, but I've never met anyone, male or female that was addicted to porn. Admittedly the kinky folks have sexual outlets and are guilt free about their preferences with consenting adults.

[deelaem]

Considering that precious few men can get aroused without the woman being shaved to look like a prepubescent girl, I'd say porn is a problem. Women are expected - no, insisted upon - to "perform" sexually like a porn actress. Tremendous pressure is being put on young women to look and act pornified. The result? Situations like the breast implant debacle in Europe. Very little attention is put towards the woman's sexuality, I'd even go so far as to say most women (myself included) don't even know what their sexuality is outside of porn culture.

So I'd say that as a nation, we're addicted to porn.

[Kitty]

Considering that precious few men can get aroused without the woman being shaved to look like a prepubescent girl, I'd say porn is a problem. Women are expected - no, insisted upon - to "perform" sexually like a porn actress. Tremendous pressure is being put on young women to look and act pornified. The result? Situations like the breast implant debacle in Europe. Very little attention is put towards the woman's sexuality, I'd even go so far as to say most women (myself included) don't even know what their sexuality is outside of porn culture.

So I'd say that as a nation, we're addicted to porn.

^ Agreed, 100%.

[The Archivist]

Yeah, I don't know what was wrong with the guy or even when he started looking at so much porn, but it was definitely to the point where it was affecting his day-to-day functioning.

Whether or not the porn is the primary problem, or a maladaptive attempt to deal with an underlying problem, is kind of beside the point. Many alcoholics get that way by trying to deal with an underlying emotional problem, but many alcoholics are simply biologically predisposed to chemical dependency. Both are addictions that interfere with the person's life, and both count.

I highly doubt porn is addictive in the biological / chemical sense, but when used compulsively to deal with other problems (to the point where it gets in the way of your life) the problem is still real, right?

I do think it's a real problem to claim that looking at any porn makes you instantly addicted, or a pervert or child molester, etc. These are black-and-white ways of looking at the issue, and the reality is that many people hang out comfortably in the gray area, using porn for whatever reasons, without it necessarily impacting their lives negatively.

(Though I think of myself as kind of a porn vegan I guess - I mostly don't look at it for ethical concerns about exploitation and misogyny, etc.)

[The Archivist]

^ Agreed, 100%.

Oh god, yeah this. This is how I feel about it on a personal level and why I myself don't really like it.

Other people don't agree, and that's okay.

[Rosa]

Considering that precious few men can get aroused without the woman being shaved to look like a prepubescent girl,

You know, I've found quite a few men who don't care about shaving, and WAY more who care about leg-shaving (which is not a porn thing, but a general cultural expectation) than about pubic shaving.

Since I never have shaved, except for formalwear occasions, and I was a big slut for about a decade (and that decade was mostly the '90s, when people started talking about this problem) I can authoritatively say that statement is not true.

[valsa]

Yeah, I don't know what was wrong with the guy or even when he started looking at so much porn, but it was definitely to the point where it was affecting his day-to-day functioning.

Whether or not the porn is the primary problem, or a maladaptive attempt to deal with an underlying problem, is kind of beside the point.

Not really. You didn't say in your original post that the porn affected his day-to-day functioning, only that he had intimacy issues and spent several hours a day looking at it. If the intimacy issues stem from an underlying problem and the porn viewing doesn't impair his living (I know a lot of people who spend several hours a day watching T.V., so I don't buy that spending hours a day on something automatically causes it to impair your functioning), then it's the porn that's beside the point.

Now, I do think it's possible (even probable) that porn can be a problem but having intimacy issues and looking at porn do not prove any kind of causation.

[AmyP]

Considering that precious few men can get aroused without the woman being shaved to look like a prepubescent girl, I'd say porn is a problem. Women are expected - no, insisted upon - to "perform" sexually like a porn actress. Tremendous pressure is being put on young women to look and act pornified. The result? Situations like the breast implant debacle in Europe. Very little attention is put towards the woman's sexuality, I'd even go so far as to say most women (myself included) don't even know what their sexuality is outside of porn culture.

So I'd say that as a nation, we're addicted to porn.

You know, you make some interesting points here. I had never really thought about it in that way, but you may be right.

[valsa]

Since I never have shaved, except for formalwear occasions, and I was a big slut for about a decade (and that decade was mostly the '90s, when people started talking about this problem) I can authoritatively say that statement is not true.

You are awesome. That whole "you have to be shaved" thing has not been true in my experience (I can only remember once when it was an issue) but I have a limited experience pool, so I thought maybe I just knew weird guys.

[The Archivist]

Not really. You didn't say in your original post that the porn affected his day-to-day functioning, only that he had intimacy issues and spent several hours a day looking at it. If the intimacy issues stem from an underlying problem and the porn viewing doesn't impair his living (I know a lot of people who spend several hours a day watching T.V., so I don't buy that spending hours a day on something automatically causes it to impair your functioning), then it's the porn that's beside the point.

Now, I do think it's possible (even probable) that porn can be a problem but having intimacy issues and looking at porn do not prove any kind of causation.

It was affecting his daily functioning in that he couldn't have a functional relationship with his girlfriend. That seems pretty obvious to me. It wasn't just the matter of the hours spent, though that was part of the problem.

I'm not sure why, but you seem really defensive about what I'm saying. I'm out.

[Chasingthedog]

http://www.xxxchurch.com/ there's a whole church dedicated to it! Guy I worked with some years ago and am now facebook friends with is a member and I think contributor. He was a porn addict.

And FTR: H doesn't care about the state of the bush. He's just so happy that there's a vag present (and visible), he doesn't give 2 shits what's on it! LOL

[PokaDot]

I've been porn addiction tear marriages apart. One of my best friend's ex-husband started watching porn as a teenager, and didn't tell her (or anyone else). When they got married he would get mad when she wouldn't act like the people he'd been watching. He used to abuse her and tried to force her to get breast implants so she'd look like a porn star.

[Sax Russell]

As to a shaved bush, there was a poll about it on another message board I read, and there was a pretty wide variety of responses.