Bro Gary Hawkins 23: Give Us the History

[thoughtful]

For Gary, this is exceptionally sweet and almost normal.

Of course, he still had to start with "OK folks," remind us (obliquely) about going to heaven, and make sure the Internet knows how he feels, rather than just his nearest and dearest.

I wonder if Becky is slaving away in the kitchen on all of the side dishes and desserts Gary expects, no matter how sick she is.

[thoughtful]

Everybody celebrate - Gary did not set Hohenwald Tennessee on fire!

Spoiler

I see a sandal, a skirt, and the shadow of someone holding something (the hook for picking up the turkey, perhaps?). I wonder if that's someone there to get their turkey, or if Becky ended up out there doing a lot of the work.

A satisfied customer:

 

[postscript]

17 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Everybody celebrate - Gary did not set Hohenwald Tennessee on fire!

  Hide contents

I see a sandal, a skirt, and the shadow of someone holding something (the hook for picking up the turkey, perhaps?). I wonder if that's someone there to get their turkey, or if Becky ended up out there doing a lot of the work.

A satisfied customer:

 

Thanking everyone who “allowe” them to help with dinner, but no mention of the fee he charges for deep frying. 

Those shadows above the kettle are shades of the witches in Macbeth. Which Gary, of course, would consider Satanic. 

[thoughtful]

21 minutes ago, postscript said:

Those shadows above the kettle are shades of the witches in Macbeth. Which Gary, of course, would consider Satanic. 

You have inspired me. Gary gives us a safety lesson for frying turkeys. Please provide the accent in your own mind:

Gubble, gubble, ain't no trouble;
Fire burn, and hot oil bubble.

No precautions shall we take,
This thing ain’t hell’s fire lake!
No propane? Throw on a log!
Bones and skin go to the dog.
Grab a fork and stab that thing,
Have a drumstick or a wing!
How could we get into trouble,
Leaning in to watch it bubble?

In our yard that’s filled with rubble,
Fire burn, and hot oil bubble.

[Hane]

@thoughtful is indeed a Renaissance woman! 

[thoughtful]

Either God really does work in mysterious ways, or Gary is an entitled shtick drek who doesn't credit the humans who actually pay for things.

[Jasmar]

Maybe God could get his shit together and do something about the wars in Ukraine, Yemen, and Israel/Gaza. Or the children with terminal illnesses. Or the homeless. 

[Hane]

@thoughtful, of course Gary needs a smoker and a burner for his turkey fryer: he needs them, because he “serve[s] great GOD” (who is so big he can’t fit in a single cooking receptacle).

[thoughtful]

As long as the great GOD is cooked without cilantro or hot peppers, I'm in, whenever the meal is being served.

I hope Salome is invited to this potluck - she's always good for an interesting amuse bouche.

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[thoughtful]

If he came back to . . . what?! Sorrento?* To do something? I'm on tenterhooks, here, Gary.

Spoiler

* Now I have to go listen to the Allen Sherman parody of Come Back to Sorrento.

[AmazonGrace]

the Lord has been in a coma. If he recovers consciousness will he find you at church?

I dunno, I thought the Lord is like Santa and sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, etc.

But apparently he can't figure out your whereabouts if you're at work or in bed or at the grocery store.

 

The Lord bought Gary a smoker but his first thought is to complain that he didn¨t buy another fryer as well.

 

[Xan]

11 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

I dunno, I thought the Lord is like Santa and sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, etc.

But apparently he can't figure out your whereabouts if you're at work or in bed or at the grocery store.

I had the same thought.  Doesn't Gary believe God sees everything?  Apparently, if you're up for a little recreational sinning on Sunday, all you have to do is not be anywhere close to a church where God could spot you.

Maybe he thinks Jesus will make his second arrival on a Sunday just to check on whether people are in church or not.  It's like a heavenly ticket office.  If you're not in church, you don't get a ticket for heaven.  In the hospital?  Too bad, so sad.  St. Peter has been instructed only to allow ticket holders.

Frankly, I'm still pissed that Gary gave all the thanks to the Lord about getting a smoker.  If I was the person who donated the smoker to Gary, I wouldn't give him another penny.  

On a different note -- If you have access, be sure to watch "Let Us Prey".  It ran on Discovery and was interesting but hard to watch.  There were women talking about being abused and molested when they were young by people within the Independent Fundamental Baptist churches.  There are clips of Jack Hyles (Gary's favorite preacher) and he's about as hateful and deranged as you can imagine.  

[postscript]

So God has nothing better to do than seeing that Gary gets a smoker and a second deep fat fryer? More ways for Gary to blow himself up, I guess. But why couldn’t God use that energy to come up with a cure for cancer or Alzheimer’s, or sort out the various world conflicts? God is not a micro-manager, Gary. Give some credit to whoever decided to donate their devices to you.

Also - he loves that fryer almost as much as he loves his truck. Too bad it doesn’t get used more than once a year. 

[thoughtful]

19 minutes ago, Xan said:

Maybe he thinks Jesus will make his second arrival on a Sunday just to check on whether people are in church or not.

No maybe about it - that's it.

In a lot of his messages, he refines it to mid-week services, since those are the least-attended. You probably remember his routine about all the cars still being in the parking lot for days, and people of The World wondering why.

It's not that people who aren't in church won't go to heaven if they are "saved." It's just one of those routines to shame the "saved" if they are not "living holy."  Whatever you were doing instead of being at church will be on that big IMAX in the sky.

I'm pissed that he still posts and says this shit when he and Becky have had to stay home so much lately. Does he still not empathize with people who are in pain?

[thoughtful]

33 minutes ago, Xan said:

If you have access, be sure to watch "Let Us Prey".  It ran on Discovery and was interesting but hard to watch.  There were women talking about being abused and molested when they were young by people within the Independent Fundamental Baptist churches.  There are clips of Jack Hyles (Gary's favorite preacher) and he's about as hateful and deranged as you can imagine

His beloved Lester Roloff was mentioned, as well.

Gary's connection to the things shown in Let Us Prey is closer than just his admiration of those slimy pieces of shit.

He home-and-donkey sat at Fallen In Grace, David Hyles' retreat for shamed clergy, and his current pastor, David Baker, is Hyles' partner in running it. In fact, it's my guess that that's how he and Becky ended up at Family Baptist, despite not having other connections in Tennessee.

Baker was called out, when he was running for office, for protecting a specific abuser.

https://www.columbiadailyherald.com/story/news/2022/08/02/past-lighthouse-church-member-shows-support-sexual-assault-victim/10216937002/

https://www.falleningrace.com/your-love-for-the-fallen/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cj9I5x4grPd/

I'm hoping to see something about FIG, and Baker, in Let Us Prey.

[thoughtful]

I just noticed this, under Gary's post about the new smoker that God gave him. I guess using a smoker is manly cooking, so it's OK for him to do it.

ETA - Becky and Gary were in church this morning, and are there now.

Edited November 27, 2023 by thoughtful

[Xan]

I'm sure it's just me but I don't really like the taste of smoked meats.  I think one of the great benefits of someone inventing an oven was that you could eat meat cooked all the way through that didn't taste like smoke.  We just seem to be going backwards here.  The next thing we'll see is a Ninja Indoor Campfire so you can get that authentic burned exterior!

[AmazonGrace]

Quote

I guess using a smoker is manly cooking, so it's OK for him to do it.

Smoking and barbequing is fine because a  caveman can set things on fire and watch them burn.   Following recipes involves  instructions and ain't nobody telling a caveman what to do. There might also be chopping and slicing that requires a dangerously sharp kitchen implement that nobody in their right mind would trust a caveman to handle safely.

[Xan]

New Facebook post up by Gary.  

I don't believe this is a saying going around but, then, I'm not sure because I don't even understand what he means.  @thoughtful, can you translate?

I think "That good but here truth" is my new favorite Garyism.

[AmazonGrace]

Reckon he is talking about this meme . What he wants to say is that your beliefs are irrelevant. If God said it it settles it. Regardless of whether you agree .

but of course for Gary and most fundies it's the other way around . I believe it, therefore it is settled that God said it

[thoughtful]

8 hours ago, Xan said:

I don't believe this is a saying going around but, then, I'm not sure because I don't even understand what he means.  @thoughtful, can you translate?

I think "That good but here truth" is my new favorite Garyism.

It's another example of Gary being the Kevin Malone of the fundie world.

Spoiler

 

@AmazonGrace is right - that is the source of Gary's statement, and he's attempting to say that we should leave out the middle part. She's also right about what they really think, deep down.

It's not a saying going around in The World, only in fundie world. Gary has done this one a bunch of times before, on Facebook and spoken.

[thoughtful]

There's a fight going on under Gary's post. Rhonda is feisty, Lukie baby!

Spoiler

 

[AmazonGrace]

"you're wrong, you need to study the KJB" is such a garyesque debate strategy.

But far too wordy.

"wrong, study KJB" says the same thing with less effort.

 

 

Luke's error is actually quoting a number of specific passages.

It much more effective say read Bible, then everything included, something agree  your opinion

[thoughtful]

AzGrace right. Fewer word. Good.

[thoughtful]

Start the new year out right, if the LORD doesn't come; do the college, service the LORD and farther the GOD!

A comment, from someone who seems to have the same grasp of English that Gary does:

 

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