"To Train Up a Child" deconstruction/review

[raineymott]

Figured I may as well stick them all in one thread.

Introduction

Chapter 1 Part 1

Chapter 1 Part 2

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

[emmiedahl]

Your stories make me hurt for you. Thank you for sharing them.

[raineymott]

Your stories make me hurt for you. Thank you for sharing them.

:)

[debrand]

I don't have time to read your links yet but I am bumping it up so I can more easily find this thread.

[raineymott]

Not to mention now you're subscribed when anyone posts ;)

[Linnea]

Just read all three posts - awesome!

[debrand]

I commented on the introduction as Deb.

[raineymott]

Just read all three posts - awesome!

Thanks! I've got a page listing all posts here.

I commented on the introduction as Deb.

I replied to your comment :)

[NurseNell]

Your stories make me hurt for you. Thank you for sharing them.

Ditto for me. I've read some of your posts, and I feel sad for you. As a big sister I could really identify with your regret post. I'm so glad I have regular, loving parents. I have been so unaware of families who live like your parents. I'd never heard of the Pearls until the recent death of an adopted child. Thank you for opening my eyes.

[raineymott]

I'm just glad my experiences can help other people :)

[BexRani]

My mom tried the pearl method for a few years... But then ditched it. It doesn't work. Children need total acceptance and a form of loving training- and if nessecary moderate discipline. I know first hand that a spanking actually does correct wrong behavior. BUT only when done in calmness and as a means to correct NOT to force obedience.

[Lillybee]

Raineymott, excellent review. Are you sure that you are a graduate of SOTDRT because you write so well?

[raineymott]

Raineymott, excellent review. Are you sure that you are a graduate of SOTDRT because you write so well?

Lol! Positive. English/reading/writing/spelling were my best/favorite subjects. Otoh, I really suck at math! Thanks btw ;)

[persuaded]

Raineymott... I agree with the others. This is a very well written and thought out review. It's so odd to me how Mr. Pearl seems to be positively crowing about what compliant cheerful children one will have by following his methods... almost as if the whole point is being able to show off one's kids like little trained animals. I am acquainted with a few families who use the Pearl's methods, and although the children are often outwardly compliant, they are almost never cheerful. Worse yet, the children are often unkind to others and devious in their misbehavior. And no wonder, his training does nothing whatsoever to address character development or internal control.

I remember being in a church nursery where a father was holding his infant daughter of about 3-4 months. As she grabbed his tie, he slapped her hand- hard. The pain shocked her and she tensed up which caused her to grip the tie more tightly. In turn he continued to slap her hand and arm repeatedly. The poor little thing was screaming in terror and utter confusion... she obviously had no idea what her father wanted and why he was hitting her. It was utterly sickening. Truly sickening. All of us stood there in shock for a minute... an older lady stepped forward and loosened the baby's hand from his tie, put her hand on the father's wrist and lowered it. She then said very firmly, "You can't do that here."

I so wish I had reported that family to CPS.

[raineymott]

Raineymott... I agree with the others. This is a very well written and thought out review. It's so odd to me how Mr. Pearl seems to be positively crowing about what compliant cheerful children one will have by following his methods... almost as if the whole point is being able to show off one's kids like little trained animals. I am acquainted with a few families who use the Pearl's methods, and although the children are often outwardly compliant, they are almost never cheerful. Worse yet, the children are often unkind to others and devious in their misbehavior. And no wonder, his training does nothing whatsoever to address character development or internal control.

I remember being in a church nursery where a father was holding his infant daughter of about 3-4 months. As she grabbed his tie, he slapped her hand- hard. The pain shocked her and she tensed up which caused her to grip the tie more tightly. In turn he continued to slap her hand and arm repeatedly. The poor little thing was screaming in terror and utter confusion... she obviously had no idea what her father wanted and why he was hitting her. It was utterly sickening. Truly sickening. All of us stood there in shock for a minute... an older lady stepped forward and loosened the baby's hand from his tie, put her hand on the father's wrist and lowered it. She then said very firmly, "You can't do that here."

I so wish I had reported that family to CPS.

Holy cow!! Good for that older lady.

After I left, somebody DID call CPS on my parents, but nothing came of it....I don't know who, but my parents think it was either me or my brother's inlaws.

[raineymott]

Chapter 2 is up.

[raineymott]

Chapter 3