Razing Ruth posted an update!

[marmalade]

Glad to see you here, Ruth! I've been a supporter from the beginning of your blogs (heck, I remember you from TWOP), and am sorry that your relationship ended as it did, but I can understand the feelings of control you experienced as Harris' parents appeared to seemingly make up for the lack of the same in your life.

Don't worry; the problem, while coming from what appeared to be good intentions, are not your fault. You will grow stronger in your independence as a woman and trust me, when the time is right, what the inlaws try to pull will not matter. If your man can't pick you over his parents, he was (sadly...he seemed like a good guy, but apparently tied to the purse strings), he's not the man for you.

Big hugs and best wishes in school and your other endeavors for 2012! Graduation is coming sooner than you think. :mrgreen:

[last_one_picked]

Hey Ruth! Add me to the group of people who are totally in your corner as you venture out of patriarchy. You have done so with grace and dignity and courage and boldness, and I envy you for that!

God never said that life, as a Christian, would be easy; He just said that it would be possible. This rather trite sentiment has helped carry me through a few dark places, and I hope that you never forget that this is not the end of your story, even though it may feel like it.

Ugh, sorry for the sentimentality-- but I mean it! Keep on going, Ruth!

[Lillybee]

Remember that the posters at Free Jinger love you.

[contrary]

i think harris is a good guy, too. maybe he's too-this, or too-that, but the bottom line is, he wasn't right for you, right now.

i was engaged to a wonderful man, and we called things off just before the wedding invites went out. I still think he was a wonderful man, and i'd recommend him to a friend. I still think of him often and smile. BUT...he wasn't the right man at the right time, and that happens. As a previous poster said, there's more than one Right Guy, and you'll find yours at the right time.

smoos.

[mrs]

Ruths Dad posted. I just want to give her a hug and send her warm happy prayers/vibes.

[Austin]

Good heavens, the man is just. . . warped.

Stay the course, Ruth. Some of his words may sound good in this difficult time you're experiencing, but it is a trap. Please believe that, believe in yourself, and believe that other people love you for who you are, not for how controllable you are.

[lilah]

Ruth, I'd just like to say that leaving your family was a lot like (well almost exactly like) leaving an abusive relationship. It can take a long time to rebuild your life, financially, emotionally, physically. It might be for the best that you didn't run into a marriage with Harris if you didn't feel ready.

If you haven't already, I would Escape by Carolyn Jessup (and the sequal, Triumph) about a woman who took her children and left a fundamentalist mormon cult. It's a really amazing read and I think you could relate to it.

[booksnbeats]

Ruth,

I hope you're still reading here. I wasn't raised in a fundamentalist family, but my parents were abusive and I left home at 18. So I know what it's like to have no safety net and have controlling parents beckoning you back. You just have to stick things out. Economically, this is a really tough time to be in your 20s in the US. You seem like a very, very strong person (being able to break this engagement is a sign of that). Give yourself credit for your strength, even when you feel like you are failing. The fact that you have completely taken control of and transformed your life is amazing! And now you have made another difficult decision that is the right one for you. I am totally impressed.

P.S. One of my favorite relationship-related pieces of advice comes from genius sex columnist Dan Savage: every relationship fails, until one doesn't.

[LilMissMetaphor]

Ruth's FundieDad wrote:

you fight still to be equals in yolk.

Jello wrestling is one thing, eggs would be pretty sticky and gross, no?

[Nothing2CHere]

To Deana. You do not know your Bible as well as you profess because if you did the holiest of commandments would stick out to you and show you that "RUTH" is dishonoring one of God's most holy. Inscribed by GOD himself and asked as the first promise is HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER. Important to the point of repetition in Ephesians. This is a trust of faith to honor them in all times in disagrement and agreements. RUTH will not be whole until she can get back to the basic trust in GODS WORD. We love our daughter so loving parents have expectations she has not met as GOD loves us with expectations.

Um, now, I may just be a dumb Catholic, but I was taught that the holiest of commandments were the ones Jesus gave in the New Testament, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Now, if we're talking strictly Old Testament, I was taught that those first three commandments were the really important ones (in other words, the "holiest"), the ones all about God (having no other gods before Him, not using His name in vain, and keeping the sabbath holy). Honoring thy father and mother was never elevated any higher than any of the other remaining seven, even if it came in at #4 on the list. Us silly Catholics!

Ruth - Stay strong, and don't let your father bully you. You've come too far to turn back now. I didn't write anything about your break-up before because, well, everyone else said it all before I had a chance. But since I'm commenting now, you're young, and you have your whole life ahead of you, and good for you knowing what you wanted and not being afraid to follow that, even if it meant the end of your relationship with Harris. I learned (because of a past relationship, my first love) that sometimes in life you have to do or say Really Hard Things, but you have to be true to yourself, and if the other party(ies) aren't receptive to that, you're still better off in the end even if it means a parting of ways.

Team Ruth!