Real Life Fundie Encounters: Part 5

[feministxtian]

9 hours ago, Leftitinmysnood said:

I think all the Manswaygodsway billboards are gone now, but there are a ton of evangelical billboards in the area (not quite as many as Vegas, but that's another story.)

Yeah, the fundies want to "save the souls" of the people who enjoy Vegas for what Vegas is. I mean, we're Sodom & Gommorah all packed into a 4 mile stretch of road. These idiots fail to understand that most of the locals never bother with that particular stretch of road.

[Briefly]

The only thing I have to report is a trio of what were probably Mennonite in a thrift store on Saturday.  Two men and a woman, she was texting on a cell phone which they all seemed to be sharing.  They were not unfriendly exactly, but not really interested in anybody else around them.

[EowynW]

7 months after their wedding, my fundie brother and sister in law are pregnant. My SIL was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and other health issues before they got married and is still struggling health wise, yet they never did anything to prevent a pregnancy. Now they're all "pray for her health she needs it." They are so young, they had time to wait a couple of years to build her up first. But oh no, can't do that. Before their wedding, my brother initially wanted to wait a bit, but she got upset and then my my mom thoroughly instilled in my brother that you never deny a girl who wants to have "sweet babies of her own after getting married." He's really excited though, which I'm happy for, but I'm sad he never really knew that you could have a choice about things. Fundie indoctrination is a weird thing. I have so many mixed emotions about it  

They only have Scamaritan for insurance right now. 

I knew they'd be first, and while Mr. EW & I have no plans for children anytime soon, if ever, due to our financial situation, my health, and honestly great current unsurity about parenting even being for us, it kind of struck me hard. Another reminder at how far I have left the life script of my upringing. And also knowing that, even though my family will not mean it on purpose, they will treat and view us differently than my siblings who are all hopping on the baby train, just like they already do about us not being baptist, or fundie. 

Good news is, this will get my T2 mama hopefully more focused on this kid and not fretting as much about my lack of baby interest. And I can bow knot ALL THE BABY THINGS.   

Edited January 14, 2019 by EowynW

[EowynW]

*i can now knit all the baby things. Good grief, autocorrect. 

[Botkinetti]

I just assumed bow knot was a craft I had never heard of. 

[SecularMusic]

23 hours ago, EowynW said:

7 months after their wedding, my fundie brother and sister in law are pregnant. My SIL was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and other health issues before they got married and is still struggling health wise, yet they never did anything to prevent a pregnancy. Now they're all "pray for her health she needs it." They are so young, they had time to wait a couple of years to build her up first. But oh no, can't do that. Before their wedding, my brother initially wanted to wait a bit, but she got upset and then my my mom thoroughly instilled in my brother that you never deny a girl who wants to have "sweet babies of her own after getting married." He's really excited though, which I'm happy for, but I'm sad he never really knew that you could have a choice about things. Fundie indoctrination is a weird thing. I have so many mixed emotions about it  

 

A few years ago there was a girl at the fundie church i used to attend who got married. She had had a heart transplant when she was a teenager and wasn't supposed to ever have children because of the health risks involved.

She and her husband decided to take their chances and not use birth control. They were pregnant within a few months. She survived the pregnancy and gave birth to a healthy girl. She went into cardiac arrest the following day and died.

 

The congregation spoke about her as if she were a martyr  and used her as an example of why health risks aren't an excuse for having an abortion. I just shook my head at the thought of how her death was unnecessary. Not surprisingly, her husband remarried 18 months later as he was desperate to find a stepmom for their daughter and lots of church women were drawn to him bc of his tragic backstory.

[EowynW]

I believe it. Fundies are always crowing about those "she had cancer but refused an abortion and died after giving life to her daughter" posts. It freaks me the hell out that no one cares about you once you're pregnant. If I ever have a kid I'm going to make a document that explicitly states my life comes first should something terrible happen before a viable age in pregnancy. Because both sides of my family are full of rabid pro lifers. 

[Lisafer]

@EowynW even though I have two children and know it would not be good for me to have more, I still feel a weird twinge of sadness and jealousy when my fundie family members get pregnant. Other people's pregnancies can cause a lot of emotions, so I'm giving you a virtual hug if you want it!

@Briefly your mention of Mennonites reminded me of a funny moment when Mr. Lisafer and I popped into town during an Amish convention (yes, really). Mr. Lisafer was wearing very plain work clothes and he has an extremely large beard. He could have passed, if not for Amish, then for Mennonite. But he was walking with me, a red-headed hussy in a tight shirt and shorts! You should have seen the looks we got!

[Briefly]

8 hours ago, Lisafer said:

@EowynW even though I have two children and know it would not be good for me to have more, I still feel a weird twinge of sadness and jealousy when my fundie family members get pregnant. Other people's pregnancies can cause a lot of emotions, so I'm giving you a virtual hug if you want it!

That is one of those decisions that is up to you, not your family.  They don't get a vote!  I think you are smart to get it in writing.

A very good friend of mine, we call each other sisters from other mothers and we are as close as is humanly possible, lost her 25 year old daughter to cancer.  She had two children, then the cancer diagnoses and she had treatment  She was advised not to have any more children and the doctor was worried that the cancer would come back, but that was because of the type/location of the cancer and her general health was the part of the reason he suggested no more babies.  The cancer did come back and she started treatment, then she got pregnant again.  She continued the pregnancy and treatment for the cancer stopped.  When the baby was just a few months old, she died.  Her funeral was held on what would have been her 26 birthday.  At the time, from the way she talked, most people (including her own mother) thought that she really did not want to continue the pregnancy, but her husband  (who was a druggie) overruled her wishes.  My friend is raising the children as the druggie father abandoned them not too long after she died, and she loves her grandkids including the youngest, but I don't think she will ever get over losing her daughter.  I don't know if the ultimate outcome would have been any different, but the point is that it was her decision and it was taken from her.  Her husband's reason was the church's standpoint on abortion. Not that he ever actually attended church, but that was the reason he insisted on her continuing the pregnancy.

[EowynW]

I talked to my brother tonight. I think he's a little in shock, but since they never did anything to prevent it I don't know why lol. I was really sad though, that they are going to be quiverfull parents. I never ever saw that coming. "As many as god gives us" it just made me sick. They won't even be preventing right after the birth of this kid. My SIL wants as many as fast as she can get. I am just so sad about this, even though I shouldn't be surprised. 

And then there's my sister, planning to become pregnant this spring, doing nothing with herself but waiting to have a baby. Married to a fundie husband who will not help carry the load of parenting, housework and emotional labor. 

I adore both my siblings, they are great people even though they're fundie, I am just so sad for my siblings. The fundie & religious indoctrination is such a weird and complicated thing. And oddly, I feel quite out of place, even though you couldn't pay me to take the paths my siblings are taking. I am breaking those chains, but it's lonely. 

Edited January 16, 2019 by EowynW

[dawbs]

I may be (ok, I probably am) oversensitive to this, but 'as many as God chooses to give us' is SUCH a sanctimonious way of putting it.
As I have said (to fundies.  More than once), I also will have as many as God gives me.  I don't plan on terminating a pregnancy, and surely a God who manages virgin birth isn't deterred by my birth control methods? 
I always compare it to Gideon's fleece.  He put out the fleece to test that he had heard GOd' right--that the ground was dry, and the fleece was wet = correct.
AND THEN, genius that Gideon  is (God really sometimes picks idiots), he has the startling realization that, oh wait, that's how evaporation works.  EVERY morning, it's science that the ground would be dry and the fleece would be wet.  
So, he says "hey, God, uh, my mistake.  Lets try this fleece thing again please?  ANd have it be the ground wet, my fleece dry.  Becuase science doesn't have THAT happen"
And...ta-da, that was what happened.  SO it was clear it was God's will.

That's what I"m doing.  If it's God's will, he will have that pregnancy no matter what (which, FTR, we're infertile for multiple reasons [I'm missing 1/2 of each ovary, the Mr.'s swimmers don't swim, and there's also some 'unexplained' infertility] , AND there has been a vasectomy.  My kid was pre-vasectomy, but post all the rest of that.  So if post-vasectomy there's a second, it would be pretty miraculous), right?  I'm just choosing the more logical dry-fleece model.  SHouldn't everybody? 
(and yes, I've told people off and that I"m leaving it up to God)

[EowynW]

I stumbled across the fundie guy who tried to court me years ago. He later lost interest because I was too fat, LOL. I dodged a bullet. 

https://m.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100020363225748&ref=content_filter

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

1 hour ago, EowynW said:

I stumbled across the fundie guy who tried to court me years ago. He later lost interest because I was too fat, LOL. I dodged a bullet. 

https://m.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100020363225748&ref=content_filter

Oh! I see he works for Hobby Lobby.  I'm glad you and Mr. Eowyn found each other.

[Lisafer]

@EowynW sometimes people have that first baby and realize that popping babies out like a gumball machine isn't the best idea...so maybe your brother and sis in law will change their stance!

[EowynW]

On 1/15/2019 at 6:36 PM, Briefly said:

That is one of those decisions that is up to you, not your family.  They don't get a vote!  I think you are smart to get it in writing.

A very good friend of mine, we call each other sisters from other mothers and we are as close as is humanly possible, lost her 25 year old daughter to cancer.  She had two children, then the cancer diagnoses and she had treatment  She was advised not to have any more children and the doctor was worried that the cancer would come back, but that was because of the type/location of the cancer and her general health was the part of the reason he suggested no more babies.  The cancer did come back and she started treatment, then she got pregnant again.  She continued the pregnancy and treatment for the cancer stopped.  When the baby was just a few months old, she died.  Her funeral was held on what would have been her 26 birthday.  At the time, from the way she talked, most people (including her own mother) thought that she really did not want to continue the pregnancy, but her husband  (who was a druggie) overruled her wishes.  My friend is raising the children as the druggie father abandoned them not too long after she died, and she loves her grandkids including the youngest, but I don't think she will ever get over losing her daughter.  I don't know if the ultimate outcome would have been any different, but the point is that it was her decision and it was taken from her.  Her husband's reason was the church's standpoint on abortion. Not that he ever actually attended church, but that was the reason he insisted on her continuing the pregnancy.

My family and his family believe even a fertilized egg has the same value as myself and that birth control pills/devices = abortions. And while Mr. EW would stand with me, I know both sides would be fighting tooth and nail for the fetus and would be hurling all sorts of emotional charged religious guilt trip stuff at us and it'll be hell. I'm getting it in hard concrete writing. Terrifies me not to. 

 

On 1/16/2019 at 8:16 PM, Lisafer said:

@EowynW sometimes people have that first baby and realize that popping babies out like a gumball machine isn't the best idea...so maybe your brother and sis in law will change their stance!

I hope so! 

[feministxtian]

tell them that if they're willing to feed, clothe, house and educate any kids you have, then they can have input. If not, tell 'em to shut the fuck up...just like that. 

[danvillebelle]

I know I'm late on this, but to the OP of the doctor's office post - what the hell is that doing in a doctor's office?  

 

[nastyhobbitses]

On 1/15/2019 at 4:03 AM, SecularMusic said:

A few years ago there was a girl at the fundie church i used to attend who got married. She had had a heart transplant when she was a teenager and wasn't supposed to ever have children because of the health risks involved.

She and her husband decided to take their chances and not use birth control. They were pregnant within a few months. She survived the pregnancy and gave birth to a healthy girl. She went into cardiac arrest the following day and died.

 

The congregation spoke about her as if she were a martyr  and used her as an example of why health risks aren't an excuse for having an abortion. I just shook my head at the thought of how her death was unnecessary. Not surprisingly, her husband remarried 18 months later as he was desperate to find a stepmom for their daughter and lots of church women were drawn to him bc of his tragic backstory.

How little her life was worth to them! I hope I'm not offending you when I say that they sound despicable: not only for encouraging her to continue a pregnancy that could and did kill her, not only for not perhaps encouraging her and her husband to look into fostering/adoption/surrogacy to allow them to be parents without risking her life and health, not only for seeing her as little more than an incubator and a Chicken Soup for the Soul glurge story, but THEN for, in all likelihood, using the husband's grief and vulnerability to essentially force him to move on and snap up a new wife while his first wife and the mother of his child was barely in the ground. 

This just proves to me that the anti-choice movement doesn't give two shits about mothers, and sees women as disposable. If you die, who gives a shit as long as the baby's out? You've served your intended purpose and now your husband can replace you. 

Sorry, I'm just really goddamn pissed about the anti-choicers throwing tantrums about New York's new law (and about the referendum in Ireland last year). 

[clueliss]

I went to see my mom yesterday, which means on the way home on I70 between KC and Mid-Mo I got to see at least four 855 for truth billboards.  It's a toss-up as to what is more disgusting - these billboards or the strip joints along the same stretch of Interstate.  

[Lisafer]

1 hour ago, clueliss said:

I went to see my mom yesterday, which means on the way home on I70 between KC and Mid-Mo I got to see at least four 855 for truth billboards.  It's a toss-up as to what is more disgusting - these billboards or the strip joints along the same stretch of Interstate.  

Gosh, they've got those signs all over the state then. I drove the whole stretch of Missouri I-44 on Thursday and lost count of how many I saw. Whatever group is behind them must have a ton of money, because billboards aren't cheap!

[Pecansforeveryone]

My husband and I take the 95 thru North Carolina to see my sister and her family in South Carolina. The "highlight" of the 95 in North Carolina is all the Jesusy billboards. Bless their hearts. 

[EowynW]

My brother was telling me yesterday that neither Scamaritan or a sister sharing group covered pregnancy that occurred in your first year of membership. How pro life/family of them. ?

[Briefly]

I was driving behind an 18-wheeler today that was Samaritan Health, is that the same Samaritan we call Scamaritan?  I don't remember the exact wording on the side of the truck, I was driving so I couldn't really take time to read it, but it was something that made me think it was health screening that come to the patient.  I've never seen that one before.

 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

4 hours ago, EowynW said:

My brother was telling me yesterday that neither Scamaritan or a sister sharing group covered pregnancy that occurred in your first year of membership. How pro life/family of them.

So this means they have to pay for the entire thing out of their pocket.  That could get really expensive with the health issues you mentioned your SIL has.

Ya know maybe they should have thought through this whole all the baybeez right away thing

[EowynW]

28 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

So this means they have to pay for the entire thing out of their pocket.  That could get really expensive with the health issues you mentioned your SIL has.

Ya know maybe they should have thought through this whole all the baybeez right away thing

She is covered under her insurance from the school (she's a teacher) until a month or so before the baby is born. And they're supposed to be able to cover the birth month by paying that insurance policy out of pocket. So hopefully that will help. But yea, agree. 

Edited January 29, 2019 by EowynW