Now Scheduling for Summer: Erika Shupe (pt. 7)

[Anonymousguest]

6 hours ago, refugee said:

Y'know, it belatedly strikes me that Erika may be incredibly concrete. The members of our family who are on the autism spectrum tend to interact in the same way, taking what other people say literally and responding to the literal meaning without seeing any of the layers beneath the surface.

(And yet some of them also excel at sarcasm. Go figure.)

You may be on to something there. She does often respond like this. And seems to not quite understand what other people are trying to say (thinking of the echo chamber post). I thought it was poor reading comprehension. But maybe she just doesn't "get it".

[mango_fandango]

It would also explain the love of routine. Plus autistic/Aspergers people supposedly prefer non-fiction books to fiction ones. Having said that, I am borderline Aspergers (not enough traits for a full diagnosis) and I love fiction. I also get sarcasm. Of course, every autistic/Aspie is different.

[16strong]

There's also Erika's need for and obsession with organization and her inability to see her kids as individuals. It's entirely possible that she does fall on the autism spectrum, but I suppose we'll never know.

[defraudingjezebel]

4 hours ago, Anonymousguest said:

You may be on to something there. She does often respond like this. And seems to not quite understand what other people are trying to say (thinking of the echo chamber post). I thought it was poor reading comprehension. But maybe she just doesn't "get it".

I think Erika simply doesn't get it. Plus, I'm pessimistic enough to think that she uses every opportunity she can to look down on someone from her high horse. This is just one of those times. 

[mango_fandango]

1 hour ago, 16strong said:

There's also Erika's need for and obsession with organization and her inability to see her kids as individuals. It's entirely possible that she does fall on the autism spectrum, but I suppose we'll never know.

Not entirely sure about her social confidence, which of course is a big marker. In some ways being a fundie SAHM could be a good cover for social awkwardness, as she believes she must stay at home most of the time, rather than go out and socialise. 

[elliha]

While I have no idea about Erika, I assume that my MIL is on the spectrum or if not very close to being on it. She cooks well but has probably never tried a new recipe unless her husband more or less ordered it. She always serves exactly the same side dishes with a given dish and almost goes into panic if she has to leave something out or change it for something else. Whatever anyone says she always sees these meals as more or less ruined. 

She gets stressed out because we do not eat at the same time each day and that we do not have given dishes for given meals and by the fact that I make things on inspiration and no recipe. She generally likes my cooking though when it comes to eating it but I clearly stress her out when she sees me in the kitchen. 

She seems to clean a lot of things based on some kind of schedule that is probably internal at this time more than actual need. She can wipe a clean table but forget to clean things that are clearly dirty/messy. I don't get why her toilet is often not very clean while other parts of the house is immaculate more or less. 

She is very restrictive about making new friends and try new things and often don't get when she asks inappropriate things or say inappropriate things. She also has a huge problem reading emotions and can't for example understand that our daughter can cry because she is angry, disappointed, frustrated and not just because she is sad. She also both underfeeds and overfeeds her when we visit and either asks me obsessively if she is allowed to give food to her or feeds her food without asking half an hour before dinner. She just does not seem to be able to balance the food thing at all and this has led to arguments since our daughter knows how to use her insecurity in this and ask for things she definitely should not have at the given time or at all. 

She also does not seem to be able to wash clothes in any other way than what she thinks is right. When our daughter was a baby I asked her to use a gentle cycle for items that was not heavily stained but she ran then on the hottest possible with a high spin and ruined some of them. Later when she was older my daughter had a wool suit that was made from wool that can be machine washed. My daughter puked on the suit and I asked MIL to wash it using a certain temperature which is the highest it can stand but to not spin it more than the lowest level. She hand washed it and put it on the fastest spinning cycle in the machine afterwards. Thankfully she didn't ruin it as it was very expensive but I had to rewash it as hand washing was not enough to make it properly clean. 

[Rubaiyat]

On May 17, 2016 at 11:56 PM, nastyhobbitses said:

Small breed leniency is so damaging to dogs. Yorkies, Chihuahuas, and other small breeds are perfectly capable of doing their business outside, walking on a leash (take them out of those ridiculous strollers and bags), and getting socialized and trained just the same as larger breeds. Get a teddy bear if you want a cute fluffy thing to tote around and snuggle; don't psychologically stunt and damage a living creature.

AMEN!!  I could kiss you for this!!!

[SoGladIWasCofE]

Erika doesn't seem autistic at all to me. She's neurotic and a perfectionist, but those are not really autistic traits. I don't think I could give a definite negative unless i had a look at video or audio of her talking (autistic speech patterns and intonation are really obvious to me) but the schedules and things seem different to autistic coping methods. 

It's kind of difficult to describe, but her food stuff looks more like pre clinical anorexia that autistic food issues. And that sort of ocd/perfectionism seems to match the way she acts generally far better than autism.

I do think you have a point with some sahms though. The whole legalistic thing can be very appealing to some of us, and stuff like navigating office politics can be a nightmare. What's her name, the English one with the boys and the daily cycle updates pings my autie-dar very strongly. I think some of her kids are diagnosed even?

Anyway, think Erika's issues are more psychological than neurological.

[ChairmanMeow]

On 16 May 2016 at 4:15 PM, AliceInFundyland said:

Oy. I had one parakeet at a time for a long time. Then graduated to one conure. That's my max capacity for bird mess and noise, ever. To me her having the birds, even though I'm sure they don't come out, is weirder than anything having to do with the dog.

I have two little budgies in a MASSIVE CAGE - I can't let them out because my feline headships will eat them. They have plenty of toys and treats as well as food and water. Now winter is coming it is freezing in my neck of the woods so they have been inside as soon as it gets dark. Even caged the feathers, poop (somehow it ends up on the bars of the cage), and seeds gets everywhere! It drives me insane and I'm not a control freak. How the hell would Erika manage without having a breakdown?

[ChairmanMeow]

On 16 May 2016 at 11:31 PM, 19 cats and counting said:

A former friend's parents always had dogs.  When Dog #1 (cocker spaniel) died, they got a yapper snapper (Yorkie).  Yapper Snapper was not treated the same as Dog #1 (who was a traditional dog in the sense that he did his business outside).  They thought Yapper Snapper was too little to go into the outside world and trained her to do her business on the kitchen floor (no puppy pads or anything).  Whenever I walked into the place, there was a lingering smell of dog waste.

I have four feline headships, two GIANT canine headships, and two avian headships, mostly indoors. I obsessively spray everything fabric with anti-bacterial, I burn essential oils constantly, I open windows every day. The felines are indoors/cat run only so they have kitty trays. The canines go outside unless there is an accident (it happens usually in their bedroom because they aren't feeling well that night). The birds in their cage. Now I'm not immaculate like the rest of my family but the house is clean and mostly tidy, NEVER filthy or smelly. I clean any waste immediately. All litter and cage liners are changed constantly. My house does not smell. How do I know this? I constantly ask everyone and if it did, my family would whoop my ass!

This is actually disgusting, I think I vomited a little reading this! I'm a huge animal lover and I wouldn't even do that. In fact, all my friends are animal lovers and they wouldn't do that either! I'm actually shocked that a dog can be considered too small to go outside. Goodness my dogs love finding a nice patch of grass to perform their wastely duties and then trying to cover it by scratching at the ground. What is WRONG with people?

[Granwych]

On ‎5‎/‎16‎/‎2016 at 10:25 AM, refugee said:

I'm sorry if a bird lover reads this, but I cannot stand the thought of birds in the house.

Another "homeschool" family that we met at the library invited us over for a meal. They had these birds that flew free inside their house while we were there. There were feathers and mess everywhere.

This family had other problems (I use the word homeschool very loosely in their case), but the birds, on top of all the other stress of sharing a meal in their home, scarred me for life (and it was incredibly stressful -- imagine, to start, greasy plates -- greasy not because of what was served at that meal, but because they washed their dishes in cold water without dish soap for "reasons").

I am enough of a poor housekeeper that I will seldom comment on someone else's. But... I could not handle friendship with that family. They gave us lice. When I called all my friends to let them know we'd picked up lice somewhere, so they should watch out, the mom said blithely, "Oh, we've been battling lice for weeks..." Never mentioned it before that moment.

Their homeschooling just... wasn't. I have a mental picture of their son struggling with a cast-off math book at the kitchen table. They did take their kids to the library -- that's how we met them. They were "homeschooling" not because they were in pursuit of a better education for their kids, so far as I can tell in retrospect, but because they were reacting *against* something.

Not offended at all.  Any of my birds that could be outside their cage had clipped wings and limited "play areas."  Once we got kittens (both now deceased) it was always in the cages for the birds.  I have several bottles of a product called Poop-Off that works wonders.  Grampwych also devised panels that surround each cage to help contain any flying or floating detritus.  The bird store that we frequented cleaned their birds' cages daily and strongly suggested that their customers do so, too.

[princessmahina]

Erika posted a cute picture of one of the twins napping/ taking a break on the couch. Her caption was odd: "I love it when they can do this now when they need to." I thought their schedule had built in breaks that had to be followed. Where does autonomy enter the picture?

[Eternalbluepearl]

Whenever Erika posts a picture of a child wearing headphones, a leg-humper or 3 will ask excitedly what is he/she listening to?! Like...who cares? 

[rosethorne]

22 hours ago, SoGladIWasCofE said:

What's her name, the English one with the boys and the daily cycle updates pings my autie-dar very strongly. I think some of her kids are diagnosed even?

You mean Alice, the parsnips lady?

Hold on a mo, going to find the blog... alicesbaby.blogspot.com

[princessmahina]

5 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Whenever Erika posts a picture of a child wearing headphones, a leg-humper or 3 will ask excitedly what is he/she listening to?! Like...who cares? 

How else are they supposed to find appropriate things for their families? It's not like they can use their (oh so conveniently placed) brain to figure things out themselves. 

Oh wait...

[smittykins]

Back when Walkmans(Walkmen?)were popular. I remember certain pastors advising parents not to give them to their children because they wouldn't be able to monitor their music. 

[Coy Koi]

1 hour ago, smittykins said:

Back when Walkmans(Walkmen?)were popular. I remember certain pastors advising parents not to give them to their children because they wouldn't be able to monitor their music. 

Ha...I was lucky my mom was so unaware about "bad" music that it didn't even occur to her to monitor my music. She would have had a heart attack if she had known what I was listening to! I still listen to the same type of music but now she knows, but she just asked me when I thought I would outgrow it. I said I should have outgrown it by now, but since I haven't, I probably never will.

[salsa]

On ‎5‎/‎1‎/‎2016 at 0:47 AM, fundiesarefascinating said:

Apparently Gothard is a big promoter of Ezzo.  Would sell the books at his conferences.  Seems like it runs in fundie circles and is really promoted by the higher ups. 

Anyone who can come up with ways to deny or punish babies' and children's basic needs sell like wildfire in the fundy world. They *look* for ways to deny basic developmental needs of children, calling them sinful or willful or some other bullshit.

... and their goal is to get babies sleeping through the night at 6 months? HA! I got 'em beat. Both mine slept 8-hour overnight stints at 5 weeks (yes, I realize I'm lucky). And I didn't have to let them scream or deny them milk; all I did was include them in our life and be aware of their needs.

[salsa]

On ‎5‎/‎18‎/‎2016 at 6:20 PM, Rubaiyat said:

AMEN!!  I could kiss you for this!!!

Yet... I hear about coyotes and birds of prey nabbing small dogs and cats

[Antimony]

9 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Whenever Erika posts a picture of a child wearing headphones, a leg-humper or 3 will ask excitedly what is he/she listening to?! Like...who cares? 

Erika also doesn't answer the question. "Either music or an audiobook". Well, no shit sherlock. I didn't think she was listening to a 538 Podcast. What music? What audiobook? What are the kids into these days -- inquiring leghumpers want to know. 

[Rubaiyat]

12 hours ago, princessmahina said:

Erika posted a cute picture of one of the twins napping/ taking a break on the couch. Her caption was odd: "I love it when they can do this now when they need to." I thought their schedule had built in breaks that had to be followed. Where does autonomy enter the picture?

You know, I wonder if she means nap without being forcibly contained.  She sets up her kids for napping so they cannot get out of whatever they're in (the crib tent, anyone?) for an alarmingly long time.  She doesn't teach them to stay where they're put, she prevents them from escaping.  Thus, I imagine it takes her kids a long time to develop things like self-control, internal regulation, body awareness, or even the concept that they should bother do something as basic as notice those things exist.  

Forgive me, I'm not very articulate this evening because I'm exhausted.  She doesn't work "with" her children.  As we've all discussed before, she works "against" them.  I wonder what sort of epic meltdowns take place over there when the schedule breaks down.  I have a cousin who rigidly schedules her children (she's a crazy control-freak, think BigE without the fundie) and her kids still, at 6 and 11, lose their ever-loving minds if something doesn't go the way it's supposed to.  They eat at 6:00pm.  Not 5:58, and Dear Heavens not 6:02!  I've seen her boys refuse to eat early, and literally panic if food is late.  We don't eat with them anymore.  

Everything in their lives has a system, or a checklist, or a plan.  Don't get me wrong, I love all those things, but her kids are totally unable to come up with systems/plans/checklists on their own, and have exactly zero critical thinking skills, because it just hasn't occurred to them.  With Erika, she rushes in aggressively managing everything before them kids even know what hit them, so I imagine it takes a looooong time before any of them clue in to the fact that any other way is possible.  I worry about them as adults.  Good thing I'm only responsible for the kids that live at my house!  

[elliha]

@Rubaiyat Yes, I was driven insane by other parents when my daughter was a baby. None of their babies had any flexibility with where they napped and when they napped, they had to eat at an exact time and so on. I brought boobs and/or food and a stroller and could go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted. Sure, a small number of babies do need such rigid routine to thrive but most do not. Thankfully few of those moms were able to keep it up once the baby got older or when a sibling arrived so things got easier for me at least...

[SoGladIWasCofE]

8 hours ago, rosethorne said:

You mean Alice, the parsnips lady?

Hold on a mo, going to find the blog... alicesbaby.blogspot.com

Yes, that's the one!

[FundamentallyShocked]

12 hours ago, rosethorne said:

You mean Alice, the parsnips lady?

Hold on a mo, going to find the blog... alicesbaby.blogspot.com

OH, my!! Talk about over-sharing. I really, really, really do NOT need to know when someone ovulates.

[SoGladIWasCofE]

Yes, um, she does overshare rather. I mean, I tend to a bit too, but I've never discussed the details of my menstrual cycles and vaginal discharge with strangers. It's odd, I'm not quite sure who she thinks is eagerly waiting for updates on her dirty knickers.

Her 'I'm homeschooling... oh god *panic*... I'm UNSCHOOOLING' seems much more like an autistic person failing to cope with the demands of homeschooling a large family than erika's obsessive scheduling.