How Would Fundies Cope with Tragedy

[Eternalbluepearl]

Sometimes I wonder how fundies would react to real world tragedies. While many are occupied popping out blessings,  writing "dear homeschool mama..." blog posts and worrying about the reproductive rights of strangers, I wonder what they would do if something really awful struck their lives that the Bible couldn't easily hold all of the answers to. For example, my dad killed himself this week. I don't know how that would fit neatly into say, Erika Shupe's world. 

[Closed Womb]

I'm sorry for your loss, Eternal. 

There are some fundie people in my life who try to turn every tragedy into "everything happens for a reason."  I would expect they'd either (1) employ some version of that (the mysteries of God, and all) or (2) denounce who or what made the unpleasant/traumatic/horrible thing happen. 

There's always the third option, ignore it (a la Josh Duggar.) 

Again, my heart goes out to you.

[Iamhispurity]

In my experience there are two extremes:

First, some people tend to go even more extreme, searching for the sin in their own or someone else´s life and trying to find out "how they deserved it". They find solace in these extreme beliefs and the search for someone who guilty or the responsible party. Or trying to tell themselves how this is all gods plan.

On the other hand, I reacted to tragedy with questioning my beliefs and my morals. But only after I could not make sense of it in my normal ways (see first). That often seems to lead to abandoning faith and church entirely. But some then are "persuaded" that their observations are just the devils work (or sin). But tragedy might help  people wake up. At leat for me that did.

 

I am sorry for your loss.

[tumblr]

I am so sorry for your loss. 

As said above a lot of fundies will just say 'It's all in gods plan' and try to go on as normal as possible or say that it was the devils hand and not gods. 

I lost my mother when she was fairly young and I wonder a lot would would happen if one or both parents of a fundie family pass on while they still have umpteen many children under 18. Would they go to the oldest sibling? A non fundie grandparent? A trusted fundie family friend? Do fundies plan a head for the what ifs? I consider my father to be fundie-lite and he doesn't really believe in wills and advance directives and things because 'gods plan'. 

[violynn]

I am so sad for the pain you and your family are in, Eternal.

I've always heard the "everything happens for a reason" logic applied, followed quickly by God is using this to blah blah blah.  My super conservative Christian family told my kids God gave me a brain aneurysm rupture so I would bring them to church so they'd be saved.  Mostly, they seem to just think in cliches.

 

[kpmom]

I'm sorry for your loss, Eternalbluepearl.

When Nathan and Melanie Maxwell lost their firstborn a few days after birth, they (and the rest of the family) appeared to turn to their faith for comfort.  I remember Steve writing something like he couldn't imagine going through such a thing without Jesus.

I recall Nathan even writing that it was tempting to have doubts after such an experience (seemed like the most honest thing I've seen on their blog).

I think their later entries were of the "God is using this" variety.

[LadyCrow1313]

Very sorry for your loss, Eternalbluepearl.

Not being a Fundie myself, it's hard for me to exactly say how they'd react to something out of their control. Depending on how radical the person/group is, I'd hazard a guess that it'd be one of two ways: extreme fire-&-brimstone-blaming the heathens & turning to God, or either perhaps using their situation as being an inspiration to others (ie, martyrdom/"look how I handled situation X; you can handle it/feel the same way if you're Godly like me"). This is all just conjecture, of course.

[ArmchairTurnip]

Quote

I think their later entries were of the "God is using this" variety.

I have noticed this several times over the past year or so on my Facebook feed - I have a whole category of Facebook friends who go to my parents' church (some of whom I've eventually had to 'unfollow' because of right wing propaganda/ anti-Presidential sentiment/ various truther bullshit/ Trump memes/ ridiculous quantities of those Bible-verse-superimposed-on-a-nature-photo like-and-shares).  Others seem to use FB as a venting mechanism; the standard formula is a paragraph of rant followed by requests for prayer, and what they seem to be after is a whole boatload of people who pile on in the comments with the word 'Praying!'  Sometimes this is the end of it, and sometimes there's a follow up post of the 'God is faithful' variety.

What's weird to me is that this formula holds true for both genuine tragedy - illness, suicide of a family member, car accident, etc. - and for random bad-day, wrong-side-of-the-bed petty grievances.  Doesn't invoking the Almighty for the latter sort of cheapen requests concerning the former?

Also, these people bitch about the tiniest little things.  For all their "God is good all the time" rhetoric, they're way more whiny, entitled and negative in their outlook than anybody else on my feed.  It seems - to me, anyway - that there's a correlation between believing that God specifically and personally engineers every good thing that happens to you, and somehow being unable or unwilling to engineer happiness and personal fulfillment for yourself.

 

 

[princessmahina]

I'm sorry for your loss, Eternal.

I have a feeling most just burrow deeper into their faith, with platitudes such as "The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away, Blessed Be the Name of the Lord" (As seen on 19 Kids and Counting) "Everything Happens for a Reason," or "The Lord Works in Mysterious Ways."

A limited few may begin to question their faith- some ultimately follow through and leave, while others ignore their doubts. 

[SledCat]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Eternalbluepearl.

Growing up fundie, in times of tragedy, I guess there would always be the hope that a person may have "been saved" in their final moments. I believe that may truly give some people comfort.

One of the reasons I left the church was because a close relative of mine (an atheist, and a really great person) died under very sudden circumstances. Without going into too much detail, my own family believed that he did not go to heaven because he was not "saved". I don't believe in the concept of heaven or hell these days, but that is still a painful thought to consider. 

[Season of life...]

I wish I had true words of comfort that could help ease your pain, Eternalbluepearl.

I don't have anything to add to the conversation, but I just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

 

[Loveday]

I'm so sorry about your dad, Eternal. 

[Jingerbread]

I sendt you a message, but wanted to address how a lot of people I've known have handled tragedies.  This is when Proverbs 3: 5-6 comes in handy.

Trust in the lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understandings.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight.

It's a good verse.  It doesn't say you're being tested, and that it's okay to not understand.  It doesn't say you have to think this is something good, just to lean on the lord and he'll help you through.

[littlemommy]

I have to say when I read the thread title I was mentally rubbing my hands together for a good snarknado. My next thought was "Who cares about those fundies!" when I read about your dad. I've lost people suddenly and it is painful and horrible. Sending good thoughts your way.

[desertvixen]

@Eternalbluepearl I am sorry for your loss.

[FundieFarmer]

I am so, so sorry, Eternal. Hugs & love to you & yours.

I think we got to see very stratified reactions to this very question this year in several ways. For example, the Rodriguii turned Amy's tragedy into a laughingstock. The Duggars have reacted to Josh's Ashley Madison scandal as if it were a tragedy. I'm not sure what that says, but I think the reactions turn into God testing them, etc.

[Seven Severn]

Eternalbluepearl, I'm so sorry for your loss; can't imagine what you and your family are going through. Please remember to take care of yourself.

As someone else said upthread, I think most fundies tend to respond to tragedy by spouting cliches. The ones we talk about here rarely, if ever, seem to go beyond that.

 

[SilverBeach]

11 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Sometimes I wonder how fundies would react to real world tragedies. While many are occupied popping out blessings,  writing "dear homeschool mama..." blog posts and worrying about the reproductive rights of strangers, I wonder what they would do if something really awful struck their lives that the Bible couldn't easily hold all of the answers to. For example, my dad killed himself this week. I don't know how that would fit neatly into say, Erika Shupe's world. 

Please accept my heartfelt condolences. So very terrible, and no, the fundies and their pat answers for everything are of no value at times like what you are going through.

4 hours ago, FundieFarmer said:

For example, the Rodriguii turned Amy's tragedy into a laughingstock.

They are evil

[Grimalkin]

I am so sorry. That is a terrible thing to cope with. Big hugs to you and family. I hope your grief gets lightened.

 

I think they mostly push any real pain deep down and pretend it's not there.

[Kittikatz]

Please accept my condolences, Eternalbluepearl, the type of loss you have experienced is beyond tragic. 

Most fundies I've encountered usually address loss through cliché, or minimize grief by spouting off about seeing that person again in heaven, or saying they the lost person is happy and/or walking with the lord. 

I am very sorry for what you and your family are going through. 

[chaotic life]

They don't. I heard that everything happens for a reason, that my son was better off dead, that I would see him again some day. It was like my fundie and former fundie friends lost the ability to say a dead child SUCKS and there is NO greater good to be found. They have almost to a person abandoned our friendship even to the point several have blocked me online in the 3 years since my son died.

I lost the last shreds of my faith in my son's death. A large part of losing it was that inability to sit with me in grief and demand good can be found, the inability to understand my grief was okay and normal and needed to simply be validated and not shut down.

I have never seen fundie level Christians handle grief and tragedy well. I see them compartmentalize and deny grief.

[nokidsmom]

I want say how very sorry I am for your loss.

I can't offer much from the few fundies I knew.   Though back when my grandfather died, there was one I did know because I had to work with him and I didn't discuss it because I didn't want to hear the cliches. 

 

 

[Elementally Amy]

I've only rarely seen this and it seems they  focus more on Heaven and seeing their loved ones again.

[Eternalbluepearl]

Thanks for the love everyone!

[Queen Of Hearts]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I can't even begin to understand how you must feel right now, but I will be sending you my thoughts and prayers.

 

As for fundies, it is my experience that they actually cope with tragedy better than the average citizen.  They believe in a higher power and that there is a bigger plan then what any of us know.  They have faith that if they live their life 'right' they will be rewarded with a peaceful afterlife.