How Would Fundies Cope with Tragedy

[Jana814]

Very sorry for your loss. 

[OddlyAmused]

I am so sorry for your loss, Eternal. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

I can't speak to how fundies cope with tragedy, but I wonder if there's a significant difference in what they post on their blogs and what they practice in real life. They may tell us it was God's will, but do they actually mean it? Is that something they tell themselves? I'm probably not expressing this very well, but it seems like meaningless platitudes to me.

[Florita]

I'm sorry for your tragic loss, Eternalbluepearl.

The Amish response after the Nickel Mines shooting is possibly the model fundie response to which anyone could aspire.

[SilverBeach]

3 hours ago, chaotic life said:

They don't. I heard that everything happens for a reason, that my son was better off dead, that I would see him again some day. It was like my fundie and former fundie friends lost the ability to say a dead child SUCKS and there is NO greater good to be found.

Horrible, horrible, no compassion or love. Its better to say nothing than to say such insensitive things to a grieving parent.

[turquoise]

I am very sorry for your loss, Eternalbluepearl.

One of my fundie-lite friends is currently facing some serious health issues, and is talking a lot about leaning on the Lord and prayers being answered. I want to be supportive of her but am never quite sure what to say in response. Her faith seems to give her comfort, so that is a good thing.

[moodygirl86]

I'm sorry about your dad Eternalbluepearl. Grieve in the way that's right for you and don't let anyone pressure you into anything that you don't want.

Chaotic Life, I'm also sorry about your son and how cruel those people were to you in the wake of his death. I think you can safely say they are not your friends.

[louisa05]

6 hours ago, chaotic life said:

They don't. I heard that everything happens for a reason, that my son was better off dead, that I would see him again some day. It was like my fundie and former fundie friends lost the ability to say a dead child SUCKS and there is NO greater good to be found. They have almost to a person abandoned our friendship even to the point several have blocked me online in the 3 years since my son died.

I lost the last shreds of my faith in my son's death. A large part of losing it was that inability to sit with me in grief and demand good can be found, the inability to understand my grief was okay and normal and needed to simply be validated and not shut down.

I have never seen fundie level Christians handle grief and tragedy well. I see them compartmentalize and deny grief.

Not that this isn't true, but it is also a problem in our larger culture. I had a "friend" who is enamored with "The Secret" and positive thinking pop psychology inform me that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and look for the positives in my dad's death. 

And my idiot sister-in-law who has declared yoga to be her religion told me that all I needed to do to "move on" was come to a yoga class which would release the "grief toxins" as grief is just a "toxin that we create for ourselves" and yoga will "release it from your system".

I managed to avoid fundies/fundie lite people I know in the aftermath of losing my dad. But my mom and I did attend a fundie funeral in November where the pastor informed everyone that they had to celebrate not grieve because the deceased was in heaven. I remember lots of exhortation about the necessity to celebrate the death of a loved one at the Christian school, too, often including the declaration that Christians never cry at the funeral of a fellow Christian because there is nothing to be sad about. 

[chaotic life]

Louisa05, you may well be correct that it's hard in the general culture as well. But it was only in the fundie and conservative Christian circles where I have felt a demand that I find joy in death.

It really is okay for death to not be joyful, to not make sense, to shut you down and bring you to tears. You find your footing to stand up again, not because you can find something positive in it but because you can find your footing and remember how to stand. But lose will change you permanently. It's supposed to do that, especially death that has nothing to do with old age.

[Eternalbluepearl]

Yes, I feel changed, permanently. 

[Whoosh]

Just thinking of you Eternalbluepearl.  Losing someone close to you this way is incredibly complex and difficult (as are many or most types of loss, of course).  I am not sure where you live, but you may find a support group for survivors of suicide helpful in sorting out some of this stuff and learning to find your footing and stand up again.  (Love the way you said that Chaotic Life).  I am including a link to one group based in the USA that I know of.  I am sure there are others and I imagine there are resources for various worldview or beliefs.  Wishing you comfort and some peace.  Be gentle with yourself and your loved ones if you can.

https://www.afsp.org/coping-with-suicide-loss/find-support/find-a-support-group

[apandaaries]

I am so sorry for your loss, @Eternalbluepearl.  

[Cartmann99]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

Not that this isn't true, but it is also a problem in our larger culture. I had a "friend" who is enamored with "The Secret" and positive thinking pop psychology inform me that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and look for the positives in my dad's death. 

And my idiot sister-in-law who has declared yoga to be her religion told me that all I needed to do to "move on" was come to a yoga class which would release the "grief toxins" as grief is just a "toxin that we create for ourselves" and yoga will "release it from your system".

I managed to avoid fundies/fundie lite people I know in the aftermath of losing my dad. But my mom and I did attend a fundie funeral in November where the pastor informed everyone that they had to celebrate not grieve because the deceased was in heaven. I remember lots of exhortation about the necessity to celebrate the death of a loved one at the Christian school, too, often including the declaration that Christians never cry at the funeral of a fellow Christian because there is nothing to be sad about. 

I really hate when people do this. It really is okay to have a belief system that teaches that the dead are in a better place and to be sad that you don't get to spend time with them anymore. 

@Eternalbluepearl, I'm so sorry. 

[molecule]

I'm so sorry that you've experienced this. 

As for how fundies cope, some of them do fairly well because of belief in a higher power and a sense of purpose. When they aren't given permission to feel what they feel and have to suppress the natural grieving process, however, it's a different story.

[Guest]

I'm so sorry @Eternalbluepearl

I can't even imagine what you're going through right now.  Hugs.  To answer your question, I think most fundies would cope by digging themselves in deeper.  Erika Shupe in particular would probably respond to something terrible happening beyond her control by trying to exert more control.

 

[pamplemousse]

Eternalbluepearl, I'm so sorry for your loss.  Hugs.

I really am not sure how fundies would respond to tragedy.  Lots of good possibilities posted in this thread, though.

[smittykins]

I can't think of anything that hasn't already been said, but I too am very sorry for your loss, and will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

(((((HUGS)))))

[enigmata]

Even just reading a couple of the threads on this site we see an answer to this question.

Sparkling Lauren who refused to allow the murder of her baby to be a negative thing.

The pastor who's wife was murdered who claims that God will use it for good.

As a Christian, my faith does help me in times of tragedy.  It does bring me comfort.  However, I still feel the pain and loss.  I think trying to deny your feelings and, instead, spouting platitudes about God is strange and unhelpful.  My ex died suddenly and there was suspicion about suicide (it turned out that he'd basically drank himself to death) and it hurt like hell. 

Eternalblue, I am so sorry for your loss.  I hope you have a lot of support from those you love.