Recommended: Your Updated Guide to Free Jinger User Titles

[happy atheist 5,347]

Trying to figure out the bizarre words under your username?  Check our Handy Guide to User Titles.

Each Free Jinger member has a User Title that corresponds to how many posts they have made.

Here you can see my username (happy atheist) and my user title (Fun Killer).

There are 6 retired rank titles: WalMartha, Born to be Plaid, Secretly Bill Gothard, Secretly a Duggar, I AM the Sin in the Camp and I can see Chatter Now! You might see references to those titles in old threads.

 

The user titles we use are references to specific fundies, their beliefs, and board in-jokes. They can be confusing or downright baffling if you aren't familiar with what is being referenced. Here is a list of the current post level and User Titles, along with an explanation of their origins, and links where appropriate.

This list has gotten unwieldy, so I'm breaking it into multiple posts.

 

Custom User Titles

Helpmeet - this title is used by admins, mods and other members of the behind the scenes team.

Fluffy Bunny - this is Curious's somewhat misleading user title. Curious is the board owner and can choose whatever she likes.

---

Several times custom user titles were available as rewards for donations, or for services rendered. If you're wondering what one means, you'll have to ask the user.

---

 

User Titles 0 - 4950

---

0 You're All Going To Hell - a typical overreaction to Free Jinger snark.

 

5 Bathroom Baby - That Wife sleeps her baby in the bathroom. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=4371&p=96424#p96424.

 

10 Tater Tot - a favorite food amongst Quiverfull families with too many mouths to feed is Tater Tot Casserole.

 

15 Lurking Since Yuku - before moving out on our own, FJ used to be located at Yuku http://freejinger.yuku.com. It's not uncommon for a low-post-count user to say they've been lurking since Yuku as a way of asserting legitimacy.

 

19 Posts and Counting - obviously a reference to the Duggar's reality show.

 

20 I'll Be Praying for You - the ultimate fundie put down.

 

25 Blanket Trained - a reference to the practice of "blanket training" babies, also known as beating the curiosity out of infants.

30 Satan Is My Facebook Friend -

40 Pearl Clutcher - when someone is easily offended they are said to clutch their pearls. Picture an old prude.

 

50 Kissed Dating Goodbye - courtship is so much better than dating!

 

60 Holding Out for Hand Sex - Josh and Anna Duggar were allowed to touch but not kiss during their engagement. Their enthusiastic hand-holding looked a lot like sublimation.

 

70 Speshul Snowflake - someone who perceives themselves as so special that the rules do not pertain to them. See: pretty much everyone discussed here. When you have 75 posts you have access to Quiver Full of Chatter, which makes you just about as special as you can be on FJ.

80 Bong Hits for Jesus - 

90 Usurpatious and Proud -

100 Frumper Lover - a frumper is a frumpy jumper, the modest style of dress favored by many fundie women.

 

125 Yodeling Praises to the Lord -

 

150 Doula for Destiny - overblown self-appointed title of homebirth hobbyist Teresa Fedosky. Discussed here: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=25826&hilit=doula+for+destiny&start=180#p933766

 

175 God Took Me Off the Sex Offender Registry

200 Being Paid in Jellybeans - Erika Shupe has a massively draconian reward system for her children. For every 5 stickers they get, they earn a single jellybean. A. Single. Jellybean.

 

250 Degreed Law Professional™ - an FJ inside joke based on a poster who trumpeted her status as a Degreed Law Professional™, and explained complex legalities to us. Such as the fact that child porn is illegal. It gets good right around here: viewtopic.php?f=81&t=25395&start=20#p932560

 

300 Children Stacked Like Cordwood - quiverfull families generally have way more kids than bedrooms, or even beds, and resort to extreme measures. For instance, using industrial shelving as bunkbeds viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1080&hilit=lias+shelving+bed#p22253.

325 Fifty Shades of Jesus

 

350 In Full-On *beam* Mode - Erika Shupe has an incredibly annoying way of writing *chuckle* -- and a terrifying way of smiling. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=25981&start=240#p942697

375 Cabbage Patch Dolls Are My Birth Control

400 Vigorous Leghumper - named for an unruly dog's favorite behavior, a leghumper is an ardent fan. A vigorous leghumper is an extremely ardent fan.

425 Batshit with a Mahoosive Sense of Paranoia

 

450 Partaking of Hell's Cocktail - Michael Pearl calls porn "Hell's Cocktail" viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26140

475 Living in Open Fornication

 

500 Serial Courter - courting is supposed to be better than dating because you only court the person you intend to marry, which is why we find the number of prominent fundies with broken courtships so puzzling.

525 Covered by God's Feathers

550 Bodily Fluid Performance Artist - in honor of everyone's favorite batshit crazy neopagan priestess/sex magician, Ms Graveyard Dirt viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26229

575 Speaks Conversational Christian Conservative

600 Robotkin (used to be Robobotkin) - the Botkin family is very robotic.

625 Nurturing Your Brother's Manhood

 

 

650 Not a "Job Type" Person - John Shrader, David Rodrigues, and XGay Greg are all not job-type people. When it comes to working they would prefer not to, so they decide that they have a calling, a mission from God, and it involves sitting on their asses while other people support them.

675 Picking Up Socks unto the Lord

700 Homeskool Hero - homeschooling in the fundie world often contains very little actual education.

725 Doofus Son in Exile

 

 

750 Even My Hamster Homeschools - Zsu Zsu Anderson's hamsters had babies (much to her surprise it seems), but no worries! The mama hamster is a homeschooler! viewtopic.php?f=8&t=25081&start=360#p890509

775 Family Values Conspiracy Shouting Nutball

800 Anaconda Hunter - Doug Phillips (is a tool) likes to take men on manly adventures, such as anaconda hunting in the Amazon. Seriously.

825 In a Godly Shoving Match

850 Interviewed by Megyn Kelly - Fair and balanced "reporting" is Ms Kelly's specialty, especially when it comes to coddling the Duggars.

875 A Mild Sinful Past

 

900 Bought My House in Cash - a debt-free lifestyle is something that many fundies aspire to.

925 Flying a Soap Box Derby Plane

950 Moody Family Fanfic Author - Sarah Maxwell has written numerous achingly wholesome books about the Moody family.

975 Scamvangelist

1000 Vision Forum Intern - Vision Forum has interns who spend time on FJ, presumably collecting intelligence on the heathens to report to Doug the Tool.

 

1025 Bachelor until the Rapture  - What John David said he would be during Joy Anna's wedding episode aired June 12, 2017.

 

1050 Passed the "Good Person" Test If you've ever acted like a normal human being, you have failed the Good Person Test and will go the Hell. Just thought you'd like to know.

1075 Blackballed by the Duggars

1100 Angling for the Antichrist

 

1111 Level Eleventy!!1!!11! - when something is so exciting that your finger slips off the shift key and your exclamation points become ones, that something is eleventy!!1!

1125 Having the Dominant Uterus

1150 Downvoted for His Sins

1175 Gracing You with My Presence

1200 Had Green Hair in College - The Bates kids are glad they don't get to go to college, because if they did they might have to sit near a kid with green hair, and we all know that's a one-way ticket to debauchery and sin.

1225 Converting Other Christians

1250 Got A Horse From God - Miss Raquel thinks God gave her a horse http://freejinger.org/forums/viewtopic. ... 25#p105225.

1275 Relaxing at the Pearls

1300 More Modest Than Thou - Modest is hottest!!

1325 Joining the Herd

1350 Certified Expert in Everything - We have some users who are never ever at a loss for facts or personal anecdotes and expertise, no matter the topic under discussion. Ever.

1375 Swift Otter's Chief Synergist

1400 Degreed Medical Professional™ - a subspecies of the Certified Expert in Everything, tangentially related to the Degreed Law Professional™.

 

1425 We're Talking About Mammaries - what the theme song from UP's Bringing Up Bates "We're Talking about Memories" sounds like they're singing.

 

1450 There's More Children Where Those Came From - this could apply to so many of the people we discuss, those who see family planning as a competitive sport and are bent on winning. The direct inspiration for this title is John Shrader.

1475 Lurking in the Pantry

 

 

1500 At the Creation Museum - the Creation Museum is a real place, believe it or not. You can buy a season pass and everything.

 

1525 Tossing Washcloths

 

1550 Homesteader in Training - the Naugler family lived in a lean-to full of goat shit, sleeping their entire 12-member family on a single mattress, eating diseased turtles, and claimed to be "practicing" for homesteading. And then they got mad when their kids were taken away. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=25937

1575 Releasing Idiots into the World 

1600 Reversal Baby - since birth control is against the rules, a popular pastime for fundie men is having their vasectomies reversed and making more babies warriors for christ. Steve Maxwell did it, and you should, too.

1625 Fundie on a Retractable Leash

1650 Awaiting the Lord's Pizza Delivery - according to Teri Maxwell, to ask Steve if he remembered to order a pizza when her family was coming over for dinner would not be "reverencing" him sufficiently, and his dick would fall off (or something). As a woman it is her job to let the man be responsible for everything, and he's responsible to god. By not reminding him to order the pizza, or (let's not get crazy!) ordering it herself, she was showing her faith. Her exact quote is "It could have been the Lord’s plan not to have the timing for the pizza arrival be our timing." viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26487

1675 Swooping in with a Long Drive and a Soda

1700 Praying for a GOOD Baby - when RV-dweller Jill Rodrigues was in labor with her 12th, she prayed very specifically for a "good" baby, meaning one that slept a lot and didn't cry. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26333&start=780#p994770

1725 Ministering to Heathen Cats

1750 Made My Blog Private - many fundies become offended when their public blogs are mocked or their beliefs are questioned, and they will make their blogs private in response.

 

1800 Reverencing My Cheese Paper Sandwich - Remember the hilarious time that Teri Maxwell ate half of her sandwich before realizing that it contained a piece of paper? Oh how we laughed! viewtopic.php?f=96&t=26487&hilit=reverencing&start=80#p982703

 

1850 Shielded by Schadenfreude - as "Hateful Bitches" we at FJ take great pleasure in the misfortune of others. It makes us nigh-invulnerable to normal human feelings. This reference is from AYTFJ, and only viewable to members with at least 75 posts: viewtopic.php?f=10&t=26418&p=983049&hilit=shielded#p982822

 

1900 - My Kids Have Never Even Heard of Halloween - the Maxwells yet again. Their kids were scared by trick-or-treaters and the (no doubt grotesque and horrific) decorations at the nursing home. viewtopic.php?f=96&t=26487&start=100#p982864

 

1950 Tits2 Woman - being a Titus 2 Woman is a fundie badge of honor. It's some sort of mentor thing where self-righteous older women like Teri Maxwell lecture younger women about how they're doing marriage wrong. Somewhere along the line someone (Zsu maybe?) made this amusing typo.

 

2000 Purity Baller - a Purity Ball is something like the prom, except girls attend with their fathers, and pledge their purity to their fathers. Sometimes there are rings. It is exactly as gross as it sounds.

 

2050 Elitist About Toilets - the Naugler family sparked a lively discussion about how to do homesteading properly. Some of us are not interested in outhouses or pooping in the woods because we are toilet elitists. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=25937&start=800#p989571

 

2100 Escaped the Penningtentiary - Lisa and James Pennington treat their adult children like prisoners, and even deny them proper identification such as birth certificates. Their daughter Alecia Faith managed to break away from them and even got Texas to pass a law aimed at preventing such identification abuse.

 

2150 Taking Porn by the Horn - Lori Alexander's tips for avoiding child molestation include "taking porn by the horn" which certainly sounds like a masturbation euphemism to me. viewtopic.php?f=95&t=21670&p=726263&hilit=porn+by+the+horn#p726263

 

2200 - A Cheese Plagiarist and a Liar - Erika Shupe claims to make her own macaroni and cheese, but she has boxes of Kraft mac n cheese in her pantry. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26559&start=200#p997348

 

2250 My Quiver is Fuller Than Yours - Michelle Duggar and Kelly Bates are engaged in a battle to the death to see who can have the most arrows for God, aka children.

 

2300 Witnessing, Weeping & Wondering - John Shrader is having a difficult go of it in Zambia. No one seems to appreciate the tracts he makes his kids hand out. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=24929&start=860#p997490

 

2350 - Jesus is My Realtor - Jill Rodrigues would really like her free house, now, please. But make sure it has at least 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a one car garage, a flat yard, and is within 20 minutes of their church. viewtopic.phpf=8&t=25063&start=460#p894562

 

2400 Converting with Cookies - the African christians that all these noble missionaries are trying to convert to the PROPER form of christianity are onto their game and will often attend prayer meetings simply for the refreshments. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26680&hilit=converting&start=40#p998664

 

2450 Steely Defender of FJ Purity - some people are sensitive about negative changes to board culture, others wish they would lighten up.

 

2500 Hits the Pearls with Plumbing Line - Debi and Michael Pearl advocate child abuse, including beating infants with plumbing line. We'd like to show them what it feels like.

 

2550 Never Had a Goth Phase - someone took to calling longtime member formergothardite "goth," but she (along with so many fundies) never had a goth stage.

 

2600 Dancing for Jesus - adding "for Jesus" to the end of any activity automatically makes it holy. Just ask Lori Alexander viewtopic.php?f=95&t=25361&p=957547#p957503

 

2650 In Satan's Hidden Fortress - when Josh Duggar's Ashley Madison accounts were discovered he released a statement that was edited numerous times. The first version included a reference to Satan building a hidden fortress in his heart which apparently caused him to look and porn and cheat on his wife.

 

2700 Protector of Women's Virtue - apparently this is what Jessa Duggar's husband Ben Seewald sees himself as.

 

2750 Pepsi is My Idol - Teri Maxwell gave up Pepsi because she liked it too much, and she is not allowed to feel happiness.

 

2800 Hiding from God - there's no use trying to hide your sins because he can see them all anyway, right?

 

2850 Biggest Hypocrite Ever - another one from Josh Duggar's "oops I cheated on my wife" statement.

 

2900 Made From 100% Smugglyester - an FJ user jokingly called Josh Duggar the "half-smug prince", but we all know he's pure smug through and through.

 

2950 World's Most Inept Missionary - John Shrader dragged his whole family to Zambia to win souls. After a year in the field he has won two. But! He has killed a snake, grifted a full-size freezer, an airplane (that he still has not flown), a big SUV, some kind of amazing $6000 printer, several tons of paper, and materials to build a bible display case. He's also lost his sending church and many of his supporting churches, put out a collection box to beg money from the people he's supposed to be saving, and somehow managed to siphon donations made in the wake of his sister's death away from her husband and young daughter. And we all know that's just what Jesus would do.

 

3000 Pecan Thief - David Waller (Anna Duggar's brother-in-law) nearly got arrested for "gleaning" pecans. Read all about it here freejinger.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=14172&hilit=pecan+thief&start=220#p436672.

 

3050 Drinking the Tater Tot Kool-Aid - another gem from the Joshley Madison scandal. The Duggars eat a lot of Tater Tots. "Drinking the Kool-Aid" refers to unthinking belief. Tater tot Kool-Aid would be the most repulsive flavor ever.

 

3100 Sherlock Jesus Holmes - Jill Rodrigues tried very hard to suss out why the employees of the thrift store were rude to her and her children. And they were only sniffing the candy anyway, jeez! viewtopic.php?f=268&t=23546&p=838441&hilit=sherlock+jesus+holmes#p838441

 

3150 Petting the Mystical Orange Penis Ferret - a very old reference (from Yuku times) to something Miss Raquel wrote. The mentions on this board are in AYTFJ, viewable to any member with at least 75 posts. viewtopic.php?f=10&t=26836&p=1011209p1011229 The yuky thread: http://freejinger.yuku.com/reply/105771 ... eN0rumlFsd

 

3200 Living the Million Dollar Tropical Fish Lifestyle - a now-flounced FJ member regaled us with tales of her super-expensive constipated fish (yes, you read that right). This is another one from AYTFJ: viewtopic.php?f=10&t=26836&hilit=fish&start=140#p1011643

 

3250 Savoring 2 Animal Crackers - apparently when Steve Maxwell is on a diet, everyone in the family gets to have 2 whole animal crackers to celebrate his birthday.

 

3300 Professor of Anal Hurtedness - similar to a Degreed Medical Professionalâ„¢, but specializing in butthurt.

 

3350 Keeper of Schrödinger's Uterus - one can not be both pregnant and not pregnant at the same time, can one?

 

3400 I Make Up My Own Words - Erika Shupe is a homeschooler, so she makes up her own words. And apparently she doesn't realize that "decluttering" is a real word. Good thing she's responsible for the education of 9 kids!

 

3450 Swimming in Essential Oils - many fundies consider essential oils to have, basically, magical powers. If you use enough of the stuff you don't need traditional medicine.

 

3500 On a Sparkling Adventure - Australian unschooler Lauren Fisher drags her poor daughters around in a bus on a Sparkling Adventure, and blogs endlessly about their neglect. http://www.freejinger.org/forum/404-lauren-fisher-sparkling-adventures-in-child-neglect/

 

3550 Radiant Butterfly of Repentance - how Josh will be portrayed when he leaves "sex addiction" "rehab."

 

3600 In the Hamster Cage of Horrors - aka Erika Shupe's overly scheduled house.

 

3650 Demon-Possessed Landlord - The Shrader family had a little trouble with their landlord and had to move out of the House on the Hill, which I'm pretty sure Jesus told them was the house he wanted them to live in. But anyway. There is a dearth of beef jerky and ranch-flavored sunflower seeds in Africa and we are sorely tested. Send money, y'all! viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26680&start=180#p1021453

 

3700 Only Online to Help My Aging Parents - RC Sproul JR had an Ashley Madison account  But don't worry! He wasn't using it to fornicate! He's an ancient 50-year-old-man who doesn't understand how the internet works, and was merely doing research. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26915#p1019599

 

3750 Sleeps With The Purity Bear - "I know she's cuddly. Look at me. I'm cuddly," says the Purity Bear. He's a talking teddy bear here to remind you that premarital sex is evil, unless you're a furry.  viewtopic.php?f=8&t=7209

 

3800 Purposing the Lesbian Agenda - Michelle Duggar blamed the FOIA release of Josh's police report on some sort of mysterious lesbian cabal. Because, sure, why not. I'm not saying it was lesbians, but... it was lesbians. 

 

3850 Wearing Pink to the Parking Lot Pickle Orgy - 

 

3900 Could Lead to Hand-Holding & Fornication - According to Steve Maxwell's line of thinking, everything is evil, even Sunday school. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=27025&start=160#p1034084

 

3950 Winning the Zambian Print Ministry Wars - John Shrader and his former Team Zambia teammate Stephen Rea are competing for the lucrative "handing out tracts in Africa" market. Rea has the advantage because he has the keys to the plane.

 

4000 Fundie Wedding Crasher - When you post an open invitation to your wedding on the internet, there's no telling who might show up. These days a lot of fundies are considerate enough to livestream the blessed event so we can all crash from the comfort of our living rooms.

 

4050 SEVERELY Addicted to Green Eyeliner - Jill Rodrigues never does things halfway. She has SEVERE miscarriages, not the regular gentle kind. Her sister Amy had a SEVERELY broken neck, not just a boring old broken neck. Jill also gives makeup tutorials where she advises caking on the green eyeliner. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26654&p=1003475&hilit#p1003460

 

4100 Wears Only "Eye Traps" - In Gothardism, an eye trap is any article of clothing that draws men's eyes to a woman's boobs or crotch. Like pants.

 

4150 Fearmongering with a Christ-like Spirit - There was this one time when Jill Rodrigues saw a trans woman in the bathroom at IHOP, and it was, like, the scariest thing ever. When the IHOP manager didn't react suitably, Jill and David flagged down a passing policeman (seriously), and when he didn't arrest anyone over this, they made some calls. But of course, all of this was done "to exercise a Christ-like spirit and love." viewtopic.php?f=268&t=25888&p=943161&hilit=trans#p943141 original post: rodriguesfamilyministries.com/main/?p=2009

 

4200 Bringing Froot Loops for Dessert - Erika Shupe, who blogs about her mad homemaking skillz, says of Froot Loops "It's a fun dessert to bring to a friend's house when we've volunteered to bring dessert!" viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26559&p=1037787&hilit#p1037787

 

4250 Waiting for Prince Charming - The practice of sitting around the house, praying for Daddy to find the perfect man for you to marry. Leads to unrealistic expectations, and a whole lot of infantilized SAHDs in their 20s and 30s. See: Sarah Maxwell, Sarah Mally, the Botkinettes.

 

4300 If You Disagree With Me, You Disagree With GOD! - The best way to shut down any argument. See Erika Shupe, Zsu Zsu Anderson.

 

4350 Still Smug, Still Pregnant - ie Jessa Duggar Seewald. viewtopic.php?f=87&t=27162

 

4400 *not associated with the International Mission Board - Jill Duggar Dillard and her husband Derick like to pretend that they're missionaries so that leghumpers will give them money. But they're not actually qualified. viewtopic.php?f=87&t=27177#p1042739

 

4450 Ogling the Big White Baby - Jill again. Apparently everyone is Guatemala is enraptured by little Izzy. Mission work accomplished!

 

4500 Got Engaged at Arby's - Only the most romantic setting will do when it's time for a young man and a woman's father to let her know she'll be getting married http://freejinger.yuku.com/topic/629/They-Make-the-Duggars-look-Dirty#.USuE_6UWn-l.

 

4550 Visiting Vine Valley - Vine Valley is the title of the Arndt family's movie project, years and years in the making.

 

4600 Babysitting My Own Kid - When moms take care of their children it's called parenting. When sisters take care of their siblings it's called buddy duty. When dads take care of their own kids it's called babysitting. Especially true of the Duggar family.

 

4650 Getting a Mid-Labor Pedi - When Jill Dillard was in labor with first son Israel, she made sure to get in a little pampering. In the form of husband-and-wife pedicures. While in labor. 

 

4700 Dusting the Ceiling Fans - One of Teri Maxwell's favorite activities. 

 

4750 Awkward Virgin Honeymoon - Can you imagine the discomfort and cognitive dissonance of going from a no-touch courtship and engagement to losing your virginity to a virtual stranger in the space of a few hours? After being told sex is "like legos." We can't either.

 

4800 Bonding with My Replacement Daughter - Lisa Pennington's daughter Alecia Faith escaped, but fear not! She has found a replacement. Let the bonding commence. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24283-lisa-pennington-has-found-a-replacement-daughter/

 

4850 Ministering to the Unlovely & the Smelly - Jill Rodrigues is quite the martyr for her faith. She will even deign to hug you at church if you are unlovely. Even if you maybe smell funny! http://www.freejinger.org/topic/22586-rving-rodrigueses-part-4-nobodys-fooled-jill-merge/?do=findComment&comment=876124

 

4900 Multi-Level Marketing for Jesus - If you're a woman you're not supposed to work. But there's a loophole! Whether you're selling essential oils or super feminine hair accessories, if you're doing it for Jesus it's allowed.

 

4950 Enjoying Post-Vomit Cleanup Day! - Erika Shupe cares more about deep cleaning the house after her kids have been sick than she does about the kids themselves. This link is from fjshelter. http://www.fjshelter.org/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=67#p486

 

 

[happy atheist 5,347]

5000 - 9950

5000 Gave Birth on the Toilet - Poor modest Anna Duggar gave birth to son Michael on the toilet, on camera, while sluggard husband Josh napped.

 

5050 Praying In My Next Meal - Who needs a job to support your 12 kids when all that's really needed is prayer? http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24122-jill-rodrigues-part-9-a-house-falls-from-the-sky/?do=findComment&comment=1038814

 

5100 Leading the Raisan Rebellion - Lori Alexander was very proud of herself and Ken for beating their toddler for refusing to pick up spilled raisins. In other news, Teri does not know how to spell "raisin." http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24215-lori-alexander-still-not-learning-a-thing-part-3/?do=findComment&comment=1036356

 

5150 Cheering at the Softball Classic - An Arndt family tradition.

 

5200 In the Mood for Parsnips Tonight - In Alice's world, "parsnips" is the code word for sex. Steaming hot parsnips. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/23221-alice-pregnant-again/?do=findComment&comment=924754

 

5250 Buddy Team Captain - The Duggar family assigns their older daughters the care of all the young kids, aka "buddies." Each girl is responsible for a buddy team, while Michelle is only responsible for trying to make more buddies.

 

5300 Tarping Up the Ol' Homestead - Who needs four walls when you have a tarp to keep the snow off of your eleventy children? Not the Naugler family, that's for sure.

 

5350 Making My Wedding Dress Modest - Bonus points for sewing on ridiculous panels that draw more attention to your bust than actually showing some cleavage would. 

 

5400 Registering for WalMart Gift Cards - Not that the Duggars are greedy or anything, but if you feel it in your heart to give them gifts for their various weddings and birthings, then gift cards are the preferred method. Target gift cards work great too!

 

5450 Following the Minute-By-Minute Schedule - You should never have any free time. Free time leads to sin, or at least to not thinking about Jesus. Good thing you can schedule yourself and your children to within an inch of your life! See: the Maxwells, Erika Shupe.

 

5500 Sister Wife - The term used in polygamous families for the plural wives. Also could refer to a member of Kody Brown's harem.

 

5550 Popping in for Dinner with my 12 Kids in Tow - Why bother getting a job when you have generous friends who will feed you and your husband and your 12 kids whenever you pop in? http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24122-jill-rodrigues-part-9-a-house-falls-from-the-sky/?do=findComment&comment=1041766

 

5600 Divinely Inspired to Invent the "Shopping List" - Teri Maxwell is so incredibly organized she even writes down the food she needs to buy at the store, in a sort of "list" format. It's original thinking like that that leads to such joyful living in Maxhell. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24697-how-to-plan-holiday-meals-teri-maxwell-style/?page=1

 

5650 Moving to Alaska - Poor Cabinetman. When the feminists of the internet found out about him, they persecuted him so hard he had to move his family all the way to Alaska for protection! Except that he didn't actually move.

 

5700 No Baby Name Until People Magazine Pays Big $$ - Smug Jessa Duggar Seewald withheld her firstborn's name for days, most likely because she wanted a big payday for releasing it. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24645-baby-seewald-is-here-details-to-follow/

 

5750 On the 1TonRamp - The Maxwells offer "Jesus centered" IT training through their company IT On Ramp, but the logo reads as 1Ton Ramp. Hilarity ensues.

 

5800 I Don't Google My Name For Validation - Smug Jessa Duggar Seewald assures People Magazine that she doesn't Google herself (it sounds so naughty when you say it like that!). The world is skeptical. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24645-baby-seewald-is-here-details-to-follow/?do=findComment&comment=1057279

 

5850 Living in the Cult-de-Sac - Kody Brown and his many wives all bought houses on the same cul de sac. This draws less attention to their polygamous arrangement than one giant house did, which is an important consideration for people who have their own reality show. About polygamy.

 

5900 Noted Duck Biologist - in honor of Geoff Botkin viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26278&p=965470#p965234 - it originated here in Geoff's bio: viewtopic.php?f=93&t=20076&start=1060#p660015

 

5950 Praying for Ice Cubes - When you're on a mission to convert Zambians from one form of Christianity to another, it's important that you have the proper tools. Such as an ice maker. See the John Shrader threads for more ridiculousness.

 

6000 Under New Headship - When a fundie woman gets married, the authority over her passes from her Daddy to her new headship, her husband.

 

6050 Grew Up Around Cameras - Cameras are such a rarity in today's world, it's the rare child that grow up accustomed to their presence and is thus able to look natural in photos. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24788-maxwells-had-a-photoshoot/?do=findComment&comment=1066474

 

6100 Spiritual Kamikaze - Ken Alexander describes his wife Lori as a spiritual kamikaze, "willing to risk death over capture or defeat by her enemies." viewtopic.php?f=95&t=22541&p=760637&hilit=spiritual+kamikaze#p760637

 

6150 Wielding the Possessive Claw of Matrimony - Ever notice how fundie men latch possessively onto their wives and never let go? http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24788-maxwells-had-a-photoshoot/?do=findComment&comment=1065969

 

6200 Flipping Coins With Faith - There's really no reason to waste time on a thoughtful weighing out of the pros and cons of a decision or dilemma. Just be faithful and flip a coin and God will tell you what he wants you to do. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24794-josh-duggar-part-9-porn-star-lawsuits-are-so-godly/?do=findComment&comment=1068206

 

6250 Skirt Cheese Connoisseur - Ah, Emily. Why waste money buying cheesecloth when you can use an old skirt to drain your homemade cheese? There are pictures of this if you look hard enough. http://www.freejinger.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=6952

 

6300 Coveting Prayers for a $25,000 Printing Press - It's not enough for Jill and David Rodrigues to grift a camper, and meals, and a house, and printing equipment. The printing equipment they didn't have to pay for themselves is not the best and most godliest printing press Jesus really wants them to have. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24793-jill-rodrigues-part-10-is-there-a-home-for-the-holidays/?do=findComment&comment=1069063

 

6350 Sex Organs in a Noticeable State of Turgidity - Someone tried to pass a law disallowing revealing clothing. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24847-war-on-yoga-pants/?do=findComment&comment=1069286

 

6400 Locking the Kids Out of the Bathroom - Erika Shupe feels it's easier to make her kids ask for the key to the bathroom than actually supervise them. A+ parenting!

 

6450 Alliterating for the Almighty - John Shrader has an alliteration addiction, always announcing African actions annoyingly.

 

6500 Joyfully Submitting - a Godly woman submits to her headship (aka husband) with a smile on her face no matter what, even if he's wrong. See: Lori Alexander.

 

6550 Ummm.... Like, the Past 4 Months Have Been Really, Like, Hard - This is, like, basically the only, um, thing that we, like, learned in the first Jill and Jessa, like, special, or whatever.

 

6600 Committing Spiritual Adultery Against God Through Rock Music - According to John Shrader and Gothard, rock music comes straight from African Satanic worship, so if you ever experience music with a beat you are cheating on God with your ears. Or something. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24999-john-shrader-pt-6-asinine-alliterations-about-african-adventures-aplenty/?page=5

 

6650 Has Authority Over Tornadoes - "We actually went outside and started commanding the winds, because God had given us authority over the winds, the airways. And we just began to command this storm not to hit our area." http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25186-tx-christian-says-god-helped-her-redirect-tornado-to-another-neighborhood-killing-8/#comment-1090800

 

6700 Coloring with a Single Crayon - Jill Duggar generously handed out art supplies to orphans, and each child got a single glorious crayon. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25153-jill-jessa-special-sunday-december-27/?do=findComment&comment=1090570

 

6750 Browsing at Duggar Automotive - Duggar Automotive is the used car lot where Josh Duggar used to "work." He also "owns" it.

 

6800 *Rye Smile* - Erika Shupe is proud of her poor spelling skills. And of course she homeschools. *chucklefuck*

 

6850 There's No Salvation in Masturbation - Could Smuggs possibly get Anna pregnant with #5 while still in Jesus sex rehab? Well, it's not like there's any other way for him to get his rocks off in a godly manner.

 

6900 Drinking Coco™ From a Stirophome™ Cup - Further examples of Erika Shupe's abominable spelling skillz. *cringe*

 

6950 Muddying My Pants Like Only A Brave Missionary Can - John Shrader is a supersuccessful missionary! There's nothing he won't do to save African souls! Why he even got his good pants dirty! http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24999-john-shrader-pt-6-asinine-alliterations-about-african-adventures-aplenty/?do=findComment&comment=1110615

 

7000 Pisseth Against the Wall - Steve Anderson, aka the Pissing Preacher, preached a fiery sermon about how Godly men should urinate. Watch it here for a good laugh:

 

7050 Our Lady of Goodwill, Martyred Saint of 3D Jigsaw Puzzles - The ever-putupon uberCatholic Abigail Benjamin seriously considered stealing a Notre Dame puzzle out of someone's cart at Goodwill because she is a pious Catholic and he was, presumably, not. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25558-in-which-abigail-the-martyr-harasses-a-man-at-goodwill/?page=5#comment-1111306

 

7100 Parading Around in a Bifurcated Garment, Showing off my Crotch - Women should never wear pants because they are like a giant arrow pointing straight at the vagina, which causes the big, strong menfolk to lose all control of their virtuous thoughts.

 

7150 Having Vacation Sex as Per God's Prescription - Lori and Ken Alexander claim that vacation sex is prescribed by god. Even if your kids are in the same hotel room. As long as they're no older than 8 it shouldn't be a problem, apparently.

 

7200 Astride the Horse of TRUTH - Ken Alexander knows when a commenter is riding the horse of truth and when a commenter has fallen off. That old truth horse is a bit of a bucking bronco, it seems.

 

7250 Jesus is My Boyfriend - the baffling and inappropriate motto of a certain subset of young fundie women.

 

7300 Discreetly and Modestly Pumping Him Dry - Michael Pearl admonishes women to fuck their husbands constantly, to, in his words, "pump him dry." Lori Alexander likes to quote this, while at the same time touting the benefits of discretion and modesty. According to Lori, one should never floss in front of one's husband because it's not discreet and ladylike, but it's totes cool to talk about your abundant and creepy sex life on the internet.

 

7350 Sanctified Paper Supplier - John Shrader claims to be setting up a print ministry in Zambia, but if he ever actually prints anything, we expect the locals will have other uses for it. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=24929&p=931077p931066

 

7400 Has a Beautiful Uterus - After the birth of her eleventieth baby, Kelly Crawford's doctor paid her the highest compliment when he told her husband she had a beautiful uterus. What a completely appropriate thing to say! http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25655-kelly-c-picks-another-weird-name-for-her-new-baby/?do=findComment&comment=1116037

 

7450 Captain of "Flowing Streams Christian School" Water Sports Team - Steve and Teri Maxwell gave their homeschool a name that, to my ear, is very unfortunate.

 

7500 Child Collector - a mother that seems to care more about the number of children she has than the actual children themselves, especially if those children are adopted from foreign countries.

 

7550 Hogging the Front Row at Every Bates Wedding - The Rodrigues family somehow managed to get themselves seated in the front row of pews at Michael Bates's wedding. You know, where the bride and groom's family usually sits. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25490-jill-rodrigues-part-12-still-grifting-for-jesus/?do=findComment&comment=1119824

 

7600 Impressing Europeans with My Hurricane Dress Code - Lady Lydia and her fans are simply appalled that so many of the women shown in news footage after a disaster are wearing *gasp* shorts and t-shirts. It's almost as if they have bigger concerns than looking proper for any foreigners who see the footage. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25748-lady-lydia-videos/?do=findComment&comment=1121305

 

7650 Intoxicated by Bellies - Everyone knows that your intoxicating belly should be saved for your future headship, so no crop tops for you, you little hussy. And no t-shirts that ride up when you raise your arms either. What are you, a tempting Jezebel?

 

7700 Touching My Own Private Square - SolomonFundy describes this modesty hymn perfectly: http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25751-bates-family-part-9/?do=findComment&comment=1121540

 

7750 On the CollegeMinus Dean's List - CollegePlus is sort of like homeschool college, only scammier. The Duggars shilled for them for a while, but never "graduated."

 

7800 Proudly Rollerskating to Homosexual Music - Pissing Preacher Steve Anderson is renting the entire roller rink so that his family won't be subjected to the indignities of YMCA. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25389-pp-zsu-are-grifting-it-in-maui/?do=findComment&comment=1120580

 

7850 Playing Doctor With Ken Alexander - Who needs romance when you can have a husband who thinks he knows better than the hospital staff? http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25662-lori-alexander-still-not-learning-a-thing-part-5/?do=findComment&comment=1122284

 

7900 Clearly Did NOT Read Lori's Post - Lori Alexander is a monster, and a rude one at that. Even though she calls her blog Always Learning, she refuses to think she could ever be wrong or have anything to learn from anyone. Did you even read her post? http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25662-lori-alexander-still-not-learning-a-thing-part-5/?do=findComment&comment=1121864

 

7950 Led Astray by the Godless & Rebellious Tunes, Tones & Rhythms of a Lost World - John Shrader is terrified of Contemporary "Christian" Music. He uses scare quotes and everything. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24999-john-shrader-pt-6-asinine-alliterations-about-african-adventures-aplenty/?do=findComment&comment=1124153

 

8000 Enjoying Sweet, Sweet Fellowship - Fellowship is a fundie term for visiting with like-minded people. Or possibly having sex.

 

8050 Piloting the Elusive TeamZambia! Mystery Plane - John Shrader bilked his supporters out of enough money to buy a plane and take flying lessons. He's been in Zambia for well over a year, and this daring young man's flying machine has yet to make its debut. In fact, it's never even mentioned. It's almost like John wants everyone to forget it ever existed. I wonder why that could be?

 

8100 100% Barbarian DNA - I'm not totally clear on this, but it involves the Pissing Preacher claiming that Darwin caused the holocaust, and PP getting genetic testing to determine that he's a pure-blood barbarian. viewtopic.php?f=94&t=22755&hilit=100%25+barbarian+dna#p769096

 

8150 Movin' to Big Sandy, Y'all! - As the Gothard scandals and lawsuits mount, his organization is consolidating operations in Texas, which means that many hapless fundie families have found themselves relocating across the country and buying up foreclosed homes in desperate need of repair. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25138-pecan-and-priss-moving-to-texas/

 

8200 Drinking Tea During Bible Study Like a Moron - As any moron knows, it takes at least 20 minutes to make a cup of tea. That's time you could be spending with the bible instead of staring at the kettle. And anyway, the sugar you add is sure to send you right back to sleep, because that's what sugar does. It's just science. It makes so much more sense to cut up an apple. Let Erika Shupe tell you exactly how to do that! http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25730-erika-shupe-glower-pout-large-families-on-purpose-part-5/?do=findComment&comment=1128011

 

8250 On a Manly Romp - Doug Phillips is a tool who likes to take young men on sweaty, manly, hazardous journeys.

 

8300 First Lady of the Basic RV - How Jill Rodrigues seems to see herself. Queen of a tiny, cramped, smelly domain, but still a queen.

 

8350 Flossing in Front of My Husband Like Some Kind of Jezebel - Lori Alexander has very strange standards for modesty and discretion. Write extensively on the internet about how all you need to keep your husband satisfied is 10 minutes and some lube? Discrete. Floss where your husband can see you? Indiscrete. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25168-lori-alexander-still-not-learning-a-thing-part-4/?do=findComment&comment=1106257

 

8400 Hallelujah for Hairspray! - We all know that Jim Bob and the other Duggars use too much AquaNet, but they don't hold a candle to the Rodrigues clan. No, wait, don't get anywhere near them with an open flame! Jill and her too-many children win the gold medal for product slathering. Bonus points for not noticing the baby eating rubber bands. 

 

8450 Trump™ Brand Quality Christianity Coach - Our Lord and Savior Ken Alexander emailed the Donald, offering to coach him on how to be a better Christian. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25893-the-one-where-ken-alexander-offers-to-coach-the-donald/?page=1

 

8500 Peeling Ray Comfort's Banana - According to Ray, the banana is an atheist's nightmare because it proves intelligent design. Also, it's the most phallic thing ever, especially the way Ray talks about it while Kirk Cameron looks on in awe.

 

8550 Satan's Foothold - In the Gospel of Lori Alexander, enjoying the sins of others gives Satan a foothold into your life. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25662-lori-alexander-still-not-learning-a-thing-part-5/?do=findComment&comment=1138683

 

8600 Lesbian Basket Weaver - Hey, we liberated women can't all be astronauts and CEOs. Some of us need to neglect our children by turning to our unfulfilling degrees in lesbian basket weaving. Zsu and her commenters know how it is. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25165-zsu-is-pregnant-part-2/?do=findComment&comment=1140293

 

8650 A Tyrant Behind the Keyboard, a Martyr Between the Sheets - Who else but godly monster Lori Alexander would insist that there's no reason for a woman to expect sexual pleasure? I mean besides her husband Ken of course.

 

8700 Singing the Loyalty Song at my Televised Vow Renewal - With Smuggar freshly released from Jesus Rehab, what's the over-under on TLC airing a heartfelt vow renewal in the season finale of Counting On? He can serenade poor Anna with the Loyalty Song. Second verse same as the first!

 

8750 I Crochet Sanitary Products - Because, why wouldn't you crochet tampons? I mean, apart from the comfort and hygiene concerns. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=14619

 

8800 They're Knees, Not Satan's Doorknobs - Modesty ridiculousness in a nutshell. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24839-real-life-fundie-encounters-part-3/?do=findComment&comment=1142271

 

8850 Fellowshipping with ANNA DUGGAR's Family! - Did you know that Anna Duggar has a family? And that they have teenage sons? And that Jill and David Rodrigues just so happen to have teenage daughters? And that Jilly loves attention? You'll never guess whose family the Rodrigueses visited on their recent RV ramble through the deep south. ANNA DUGGAR's family, that's who! http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25821-jill-rodrigues-part-13-on-the-grifting-trail-in-the-rv-again/?do=findComment&comment=1144638

 

8900 Self-Proclaimed Fossil Expert - Joe Taylor is quite sure that a fossil found in Tyler, Texas is from the great flood, and who are we to argue with a self-proclaimed expert in the field? http://www.freejinger.org/topic/26030-priss-and-pecan-texas-gleanin-part-2/?do=findComment&comment=1146869

 

8950 Called to the Primping Ministry - Jill Rodrigues abuses hairspray and green eyeliner in the name of looking her "best" for Jayzussss. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25821-jill-rodrigues-part-13-on-the-grifting-trail-in-the-rv-again/?do=findComment&comment=1142429

 

9000 Titus 2 Mentor - A good christian woman who mentors new helpmeets or helpmeets-in-waiting on how to live according to the bible verse Titus 2. See Lori Alexander for a particularly smug example. Also, the Maxwell family's website is titus2.com.

 

9050 - God is My X-Ray Technician -  Jill Rodrigues took a moment to "BRAG ON" her god by thinking of an adjective for every letter of the alphabet, with X being "X-ray (to my sin)."

 

9100 God of the Uterus - an entertaining misreading of God of the Universe viewtopic.php?f=95&t=25361&p=961025#p961025

 

9150 Piously Go-Karting with Like-Minded Teens - poor Timothy Rodrigues, Jill's oldest son, could not think of any teens he related to spiritually enough to invite them along go-karting on his birthday, so he brought Grampa instead.

 

9200 In the 95th Percentile at the Ken Alexander School of Statistics - Like 75% of dental consultants on the internet, Ken Alexander enjoys pulling statistics out of his ass. Studies have shown that students of his school of statistical analysis are smarter than 9 out of 10 people on the internet.

 

9250 All Riffled Up - Kendal (aka Kendull) repeatedly misspelled "rifle" as "riffle" in a heartwarming story about how her grandfather used to take firearms to school. An enterprising FJ poster suggested that henceforth typos be called riffles. You will often see posts on FJ that have been "edited for riffles."

 

9300 Proud Alum of Devil State and Satan U - There are many legitimate reasons to dislike Ted Cruz, but his wife's education is not one of them. That doesn't stop Pissing Preacher Steve Anderson from harping on it though. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/26304-pp-picks-a-fight-w-ifb-pastor-over-teddy-cruz/

 

9350 Concocting Marriage Ruination Schemes of Great Effectiveness - Did you know that if strangers are nice to you it can ruin your marriage? Because reasons. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/26227-hey-married-people-beware-of-strangers-who-speak-nicely-to-you/?page=1

 

9400 Extremely Creative in Finding New Ways to be Tacky - Jill Rodrigues long ago scraped the bottom of the tacky barrel, clawed her way through, and kept on digging. Whether she's holding a gender reveal party for her 12th child in the hospital cafeteria while her sister clings to life just down the hall, flagging down a cop to complain about the transgender woman in the IHOP bathroom, posting 45 minute hairspray tutorials for Jesus, or making her SIL's stillbirth all about herself, Jill never ceases to amaze. But not in a good way. 

 

9450 Eulogizing the Living - An excellent example of Jilly's behavior that inspired the previous title. On the first anniversary of the accident that left her sister Amy paralyzed, Jill skipped the more celebratory, life-affirming, and thankful service at Amy's church to host her own live-streamed funereal "Memorial" for Amy, complete with horrendous poem that spoke of how wonderful Amy used to be. https://vimeo.com/161411331

 

9500 Four Under Four - Livin' the Quiverfull dream, 4 kids under the age of 4, and probably another on the way.

 

9550 High Priestess of the Flowchart Ministry - Lori Alexander claims to be Always Learning, but one thing she never learned was how flowcharts work. That doesn't stop her from making them, though.  http://www.freejinger.org/topic/25973-lori-alexander-never-learning-since-2011-part-6/?page=14

 

9600 The Very Face of Braless Modesty - For someone who spends most of her free time chastising strangers about being modest, Lori Alexander sure wears some low-cut tops! 

 

9650 Obviously Doesn't Understand Unschooling - There's a way to do unschooling right, but that way is not the way that the Nauglers do it. Nor is it the way Sparkling Lauren does it. Those parents latched onto a buzzword as an excuse for their laziness and neglect. But obviously we just don't understand.

 

9700 Proclaiming My Sexuality Through Embroidered Outer Garments - XGay Greg Haislip (his choice of moniker) has a seemingly endless supply of garments custom-embroidered with the message "I used to be gay but Jesus set me free!" http://www.freejinger.org/forum/411-xgay-greg-dede-haislip/

 

9750 Wide Stance - Good old Doug Phillips, tool extraordinaire, took a particularly wide stance at a wedding, perhaps inspired by disgraced senator Larry Craig who was arrested for soliciting gay sex in an airport bathroom, but claimed he just had a "wide stance."

 

9800 Weaponizing Broken Taboos in a Time of Sexual Pandemonium - Otherwise known as what happens to the world when women and gay people want to be treated like equals. Care to attend a conference on the topic? http://www.freejinger.org/topic/26471-annual-god-requires-submissive-women-conference-happening-now/

 

9850 Hoarding the Sanctified Testosterone - A speaker at the conference listed above in #9800 says, "The church must recover biblical manhood–Christian masculinity, or sanctified testosterone." And he says it with a straight face.

 

9900 Presiding Judge of the Fantasy Scheduling League - Now that Erika Shupe's eldest is about to turn 18 and will presumably not need mommy to schedule her life down to the minute, what will Erika do with her time? 

 

9950 Christian Hip Hop Star, Fo Shizzle - Terminally dorky Duggar-in-Law  Ben Seewald is inspired to minister to the youths of the inner city. What could possibly go wrong? I mean he's been listening to Christian hip hop for more than a year!  http://www.freejinger.org/topic/26369-jessa-ben-and-spurgeon-part-5/?do=findComment&comment=1165369

 

[happy atheist 5,347]

10,000 - 14,950

10000 PhD in Homemaking - What a homeschooled fundie girl gets instead of an actual education.

 

10250 Flouncing Fundie - When you can't take the heat, flounce out of the kitchen. Take your ball and go home. In other words, when confronted with facts not to your liking, dramatically storm out of a discussion on FJ, make your blog private, or delete it altogether.

 

10450 I'm Not as Awesome as I Thought I Was - While Vuolo wrestled with his motivations, Robles had just seen his personal and professional dreams decimated.  For both, though, Robles held simple advice. 

 

10500 Going For #20 - In competition with Michelle Duggar and Kelly Bates to see who can reach the magic number of blessings (aka children) first.

 

10550 My Post Went Viral - from Lori Anderson (and others). http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2016/06/my-post-went-viral.html

 

10600 Mermaidgrottosteading - from Lawfulevil in Poopistan. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/27430-nauglerism-13-its-not-shit-if-i-call-it-compost/?page=15#comment-1214687

 

10650 Shunning Immodest Cake Decorations - John Shrader and the cake topper from Agape's birthday cake. http://www.freejinger.org/topic/27110-john-shrader-pt-8-me-me-me-missionary/?page=4#comment-1196330

 

17000 I Have a Highly Developed Brain-Reality Barrier - Lori Alexander  http://www.freejinger.org/topic/26680-lori-alexander-the-mindless-mentor-part-8/?page=18#comment-1197576

 

10750 Jesus Camp Counselor - Pretty self-explanatory. A counselor at bible camp.

 

10800 I Don't Allow Fake Troll Profiles - Nicole Naugler http://www.freejinger.org/topic/27460-nauglerism-pt-14-unschooling-or-unstooling-its-all-a-pile-of-shit/?page=10#comment-1216650

10850 Mental Gymnastics Gold Medalist -  John Shrader

 

11000 Hijacked Uriah - Uriah is the Maxwell family's bus.

 

11100 Stalking L Ron Cupboard The feminists sure have it in for poor Cabinetman.

 

11250 Gloodle Lover - Another culinary delight from Emily. Mix flour and water into a paste and drizzle it into a crockpot of cold water. Eventually you will get to enjoy gluey noodles! Yum!

 

11500 Under the Umbrella of Protection - As long as young fundies obey their fathers utterly, they stay under his umbrella of protection and the devil can't get them. But if they step out of line, even once, they are doomed to hell. This leads to SAHDs and purity pledges and all the rest.

 

11750 Burned My Purity Pledge - A contract or pledge signed by a young fundie girl in which she pledges her virginity to her daddy until he chooses a husband for her to be handed over to. There are sometimes ceremonies where the girl wears a white dress and Daddy gives her a ring. Yes, it is as gross and inappropriate as it sounds. See Treasures From a Shoebox: http://www.freejinger.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=11732

 

12000 Overpopulating Jacksonville, FL - According to such experts on global issues as Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, overpopulation is a myth. These experts assure us that the earth's population, all 7 billion of us, could fit within the confines of Jacksonville, Florida. Therefor, there's no problem! We should all have 20 kids!

 

12250 Had a No-Touch Engagement - The epitome of weird/horrible courting practices and the current leader in the More Modest Than Thou competition. Two young people, most often through the guidance/interference of their fathers, decide to marry. The girl's father places the engagement ring on her finger so she doesn't contract a bad case of cooties. They spend their very short engagement seeing each other rarely, speaking on the phone occasionally, always in the presence of chaperones. They do not kiss. They do not touch. Then they get married, have a really awkward first kiss in front of everyone they know, "enjoy" an Awkward Virgin Honeymoon (see level 4750), and start pumping out blessings.

 

12500 Finished My ChorePack! - The Maxwells sell flashcards with chores on them that busy mothers can clip to their children's clothes so the kids know their jobs without having to actually be interacted with.

 

12750 Got Lost on the Journey - The Journey to the Heart is a Gothard/IBLP retreat that many FJers see as reindoctrination camp. The Duggars are fond of sending their daughters on the Journey when they show a spark of life that must be extinguished ASAP.

 

13000 <redacted> - The brief-lived Free Jinger Digest attempted to snark on the snarkers, but with kindness. All swear words were .

 

13250 Shunned Keller Sibling - The Keller family produced Josh Duggar's helpmeet Anna, pecan thief and pregnant beard Priscilla Waller, and mother of 8/pop-up camper dweller Esther Shrader. In addition to these exemplars of the fundie way of life, they have several children who left the movement. They are shunned.

 

13500 Escaped Maxhell - The Maxwell family does not believe in fun. Every moment should be spent contemplating the lord, or actively praying. If you are enjoying yourself, you're doomed to hell. Elizabeth Munck was engaged to Joseph Maxwell, but once she saw her future under Steve's thumb, she broke the engagement at the last minute and escaped Maxhell. Go Elizabeth!

 

13750 Uses Google Tactics - Ken Alexander hates FJ's "Google tactics" which cause "Lori Alexander is a Fucking Monster" to appear on a search of her name. He tried so very hard to get Google to fix it, and to make us be nicer to his monster of a wife, by mansplaining how terrible we are. viewtopic.php?f=95&t=21209&p=702434&hilit=google+tactics#p702434

 

14000 Great Whore of Babylon - According to Cabinetman Robert and his wife Amanda, FJ is the Great Whore of Babylon. Mazel tov, ladies.

 

14250 On What Some Might Call a Vacation - Every summer the Maxwell clan packs up all their spiffy matching denim skirts and polo shirts and goes to Colorado for a highly regimented time.

[happy atheist 5,347]

15,000 - 50,000

18000 Performs Rocket Surgery - The valedictorian of the School of the Dining Room Table is a highly qualified Rocket Surgeon.

 

25,000 Minister of Snark - This might be an actual honorific. If you make it to 25,000 posts, you deserve it.

 

50,000 Raptured! - Off to your eternal reward, leaving all us sinners behind.

 

 

 

This list is a work in progress. As we add more titles, I will update it.

 

View full article

[happy atheist 5,347]

6050 - Grew up Around Cameras

6150 - Wielding the Possessive Claw of Matrimony

[happy atheist 5,347]

6200 - Flipping Coins With Faith

6300 - Coveting Prayers for a $25,000 Printing Press

6350 - Sex Organs in a Noticeable State of Turgidity

[mango_fandango 30,191]

Is the 13,000 one meant to be blank? Cos I know it was <redacted>. Was it left blank deliberately?

I love the user titles!! It's so fun seeing the one I inspired, and I think I partly inspired another one.

[happy atheist 5,347]

11 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Is the 13,000 one meant to be blank? Cos I know it was <redacted>. Was it left blank deliberately?

I love the user titles!! It's so fun seeing the one I inspired, and I think I partly inspired another one.

Not deliberate, no. I assume that was a result of the data import. A lot of the special symbols are used in coding, so something somewhere along the line probably interpreted that as a command.

Anyway, it's fixed now. Thanks for noticing!

[happy atheist 5,347]

6400 - Locking the Kids Out of the Bathroom

[happy atheist 5,347]

6450 - Alliterating for the Almighty

[happy atheist 5,347]

6550 - Ummm.... Like, the Past 4 Months Have Been Really, Like, Hard

[Geechee Girl 2,232]

On 11/21/2015 at 11:40 AM, happy atheist said:

5100 Leading the Raisan Rebellion - Teri Maxwell was very proud of herself and Steve for beating their toddler for refusing to pick up spilled raisins. In other news, Teri does not know how to spell "raisin."

I believe this should be attributed to Ken & Lori. 

[happy atheist 5,347]

On December 22, 2015 at 1:00 AM, Geechee Girl said:

I believe this should be attributed to Ken & Lori. 

Oops. Thanks!

 

And our newest addition:

6600 - Committing Spiritual Adultery Against God Through Rock Music

[happy atheist 5,347]

6650 - Has Authority Over Tornadoes

[happy atheist 5,347]

6700 - Coloring with a Single Crayon

[Fascinated 22,629]

I'm not clear on the provenance of some of these, as I have only had time lately to hang out with the colouring minions, but I really like them anyway!

[happy atheist 5,347]

2 hours ago, Fascinated said:

I'm not clear on the provenance of some of these, as I have only had time lately to hang out with the colouring minions, but I really like them anyway!

The posts at the top explain them all. I update every time I add a new one.

[Whoosh 5,164]

Requiring colorists to work with a single crayon would take a lot of stress and pressure off me in any future coloring attempts.  Just sayin. 

[happy atheist 5,347]

6800 - *Rye Smile*

[happy atheist 5,347]

6850 - There's No Salvation in Masturbation

6900 - Drinking Coco™ From a Stirophome™ Cup

[happy atheist 5,347]

6950 - Muddying My Pants Like Only A Brave Missionary Can

[happy atheist 5,347]

7050 - Our Lady of Goodwill, Martyred Saint of 3D Jigsaw Puzzles

[happy atheist 5,347]

7100 - Parading Around in a Bifurcated Garment, Showing off my Crotch

[happy atheist 5,347]

7150 - Having Vacation Sex as Per God's Prescription

7200 - Astride the Horse of TRUTH

7300 - Discreetly and Modestly Pumping Him Dry

[happy atheist 5,347]

7400 - Has a Beautiful Uterus