Debbie Pearl's Preparing to Be a Helpmeet

[upkacrane]

Hi. Quick question: does anybody recall Debbie's book Preparing to Be a Helpmeet (not Created, Preparing) having been discussed somewhere? It must have been, but I couldn't find a specific thread, nor any posts (I searched for the words in the title and nothing came back). It's just that I've been gobsmacked by the videos (conversations, they call them) on No Greater Joy's You Tube channel featuring Debbie and a yound girl, a Kristen, I believe, giving a sneak peek of different chapters of the book. Here's one of the videos.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=xbJPwXVtmKw

I neeeeeed to join the snark, even if it's just reading old threads. These people. These. People.

[PartriarchydefyinValkarie]

Hi. Quick question: does anybody recall Debbie's book Preparing to Be a Helpmeet (not Created, Preparing) having been discussed somewhere? It must have been, but I couldn't find a specific thread, nor any posts (I searched for the words in the title and nothing came back). It's just that I've been gobsmacked by the videos (conversations, they call them) on No Greater Joy's You Tube channel featuring Debbie and a yound girl, a Kristen, I believe, giving a sneak peek of different chapters of the book. Here's one of the videos.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=xbJPwXVtmKw

I neeeeeed to join the snark, even if it's just reading old threads. These people. These. People.

Yup, when she was describing  a 'king' my inner rage came out. Make him something else than what I took time to make for the damn family!?!

Their answer: oh yes good sir whatever you say. 

Mine: take your ass to Mc Donnalds if you don't like what I made. 

[upkacrane]

So a 'king' is a jerk, basically. The girl Kirsten says so explicitly, I believe, and Debbie confirms it when she says 'I married a king'. Yes, Debbie, a 'king', indeed... Anyway, three things stuck out to me.

The one about the profets: it'd appear then that there's a way for fundie girls to be self-sufficient and still be married...ehem, if you want to single-parent your children, while you homeschoole them, are still a homemaker and have a stable job to provide for your children, while your visionary husband is out there envisioning things for the Lord. It's a pity Esther Shrader had not read this book before she married John. She could have stayed in the States while John went agriftin' abroad.

The one about priests: so, you'd you be allowed to have a hobby to feel like you're alive while your anodine man is absorbed in his mind-numbing interests, but you'd be even encouraged to have a spiritual mind of your own. Imagine that!

And last but certainly not least, because it basically summarises everything that is so terrible about this philosophy: the one about a girl's list that I linked before. You don't need to worry about your future husband being Godly and fundie and a leader and a provider and gentle and understanding and forgiving....because if you just honour and respect him and submit fully to him, everything else will fall into place! DUH! If I fully submit to someone it means however horrible they might be I'll still do exactly what they say and keep sweet about it. 

[Bad Wolf]

So a 'king' is a jerk, basically. The girl Kirsten says so explicitly, I believe, and Debbie confirms it when she says 'I married a king'. Yes, Debbie, a 'king', indeed... Anyway, three things stuck out to me.

The one about the profets: it'd appear then that there's a way for fundie girls to be self-sufficient and still be married...ehem, if you want to single-parent your children, while you homeschoole them, are still a homemaker and have a stable job to provide for your children, while your visionary husband is out there envisioning things for the Lord. It's a pity Esther Shrader had not read this book before she married John. She could have stayed in the States while John went agriftin' abroad.

The one about priests: so, you'd you be allowed to have a hobby to feel like you're alive while your anodine man is absorbed in his mind-numbing interests, but you'd be even encouraged to have a spiritual mind of your own. Imagine that!

And last but certainly not least, because it basically summarises everything that is so terrible about this philosophy: the one about a girl's list that I linked before. You don't need to worry about your future husband being Godly and fundie and a leader and a provider and gentle and understanding and forgiving....because if you just honour and respect him and submit fully to him, everything else will fall into place! DUH! If I fully submit to someone it means however horrible they might be I'll still do exactly what they say and keep sweet about it. 

Ask Anna how well that worked for her (the submit fully).

[upkacrane]

Oh, my God. Poor Anna (you mean Smuggar's wife, don't you?). I have a feeling that she is still keeping sweet. Notice how she is not even living with her parents but with her in-laws. Fat chance she'll ever be allowed (or allow herself) to ackowledge that her husband is a selfish asshole. Prophet my foot.

[princessmahina]

Poor Kristen

[apandaaries]

Oh, my God. Poor Anna (you mean Smuggar's wife, don't you?). I have a feeling that she is still keeping sweet. Notice how she is not even living with her parents but with her in-laws. Fat chance she'll ever be allowed (or allow herself) to ackowledge that her husband is a selfish asshole. Prophet my foot.

Anna is stuck in one of those horrible multi-generational fundie situations.  I don't even know if she could return to her parents' home, because they believe the Pearls' bullshit.  She does have siblings who have broken free and would support her (at least Daniel), but that would take a significant rewiring of her brain.  The latest scandal broke when she was still quite postpartum and in the throes of hormonal swings.  Personally, I wouldn't have had the strength to try to leave then, and I have an education, work history, and knowledge of (and love for) the secular world.  

I'm glad you're discussing some of the older, foundational texts.  I just made several used purchases of Gothard, Ezzo, and Pearl (only TTUAC) stuff (haven't come across this particular Pearl piece but I'm sure curiosity will drive me there eventually).  The nonsense I keep reading is mind-blowing.  I'm digging through the archives, myself; I think the snark is a necessary counter-balance to the extreme bullshit printed in these texts. 

[Nonyabznoch]

The blog had me giggle snorting hard.  "Help! He's praying with another girl" is a highlight.  The link is in the video description (I'm not sure about breaking links and am righously fearful of the prayer closet)

[Curious]

The blog had me giggle snorting hard.  "Help! He's praying with another girl" is a highlight.  The link is in the video description (I'm not sure about breaking links and am righously fearful of the prayer closet)

We no longer have to break links, hurrah!

Also, I'm moving this thread to snark.

[defraudingjezebel]

Poor Kristen

I watched only a small portion of the video but I could tell from that little bit that she is clearly a smart and very articulate young woman. She's buying into the rhetoric because everyone around her has convinced her that as long as she keeps sweet and submits to her husband, everything will work out. Boy, will her world come crashing down when she realizes that it doesn't work that way. 

[princessmahina]

I don't see why it's such a bad idea to have requirements (a limited number of them, perhaps) of the man you'd like to marry. If you're buying into this ideology, wouldn't you want to pick someone who would make it easy for you to submit to them? Debi makes it sound like you should just marry the first guy who approaches you in Church. 

[Trynn]

My friend has that book... It's part of the reason, I think, why she stopped speaking to me after she got married . I know she read it Cuz she highlighted things and wrote notes. Now I'm kinda wishing I'd stolen it from her so I could've protected her.

[salex]

The idea that women can have no deal breakers in their relationship, while men are to mold, lead and discipline their wives  to meet their expectations is so bizarre to me.  I am amazed how many people just don't view women as people.  Even the idea of "helpmeet" the way it is promoted could be translated as slave or subhuman.  

 

Thank god my religious family never bought into this stuff. 

 

[sophie10130]

The idea that women can have no deal breakers in their relationship, while men are to mold, lead and discipline their wives  to meet their expectations is so bizarre to me.  I am amazed how many people just don't view women as people.  Even the idea of "helpmeet" the way it is promoted could be translated as slave or subhuman.  

 

Thank god my religious family never bought into this stuff. 

 

You see this type of thing in the secular world too, which makes it worse. Guys can have all the sex they want, but girls must be virginal saints but still know enough to be good in bed. Guys can be lazy slobs, but the girls must be well put together and well dressed always, but not spend TOO much time getting ready lest they be high maintenance. In a relationship, the girl has to always be as attractive or more attractive than the guy, never less. I hear guys talk all the time about how their girlfriends need to keep themselves thin while they themselves are rejoicing over the fact that the "dad bod" is in fashion.

It's just a bit scarier in fundie land because they will never run across someone who will have an intelligent discourse debunking all the shit they internalized as children and young adults.

[PartriarchydefyinValkarie]

I watched only a small portion of the video but I could tell from that little bit that she is clearly a smart and very articulate young woman. She's buying into the rhetoric because everyone around her has convinced her that as long as she keeps sweet and submits to her husband, everything will work out. Boy, will her world come crashing down when she realizes that it doesn't work that way. 

I think Kristen is smarter than that, notice how she dissagreed with all three types of men. 

[Cats B4 Quivers]

Thumbed down that video in short order. 

And anytime I hear a woman refer to her husband as a king, what pops into my mind is King Henry VIII,  who was a super lousy husband. 

 

[defraudingjezebel]

Thumbed down that video in short order. 

And anytime I hear a woman refer to her husband as a king, what pops into my mind is King Henry VIII,  who was a super lousy husband. 

 

Such a good point!! Most kings were certified assholes. If I were to treat my SO like a king in the truest sense, I'd roll my eyes at his orders and go run off to my youthful lover behind his back. That was so often the dynamic between kings and queens. 

[prayawaythefundie]

And anytime I hear a woman refer to her husband as a king, what pops into my mind is King Henry VIII,  who was a super lousy husband. 

 

Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived. *chanting*

[PartriarchydefyinValkarie]

Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived. *chanting*

King David was also a terrible King. Bedding, impregnating, and having the woman's husband killed by sending him in on the frontline of battle.  And he was a chosen one. 

[Pukingpearl]

Just had someone recommend this book to a moms group I'm in. I literally spit my hot tea everywhere. Now not sure if I should quit said moms group or stay there to fight the good fight.