Bates Family - Part 4

[HarleyQuinn]

She does not talk to the adoptive parents anymore. No contact. The Bates encouraged her to reconcile with her bio parents, who physically abused her her whole life. Bio parents don't want her to talk to adoptive parents. She is now heavily devoted to being a member of the Bates family. I got all of this from a conversation with the adoptive mom herself. She did not have one bad word to say about Whitney.

Thank you for responding to me, I was curious.

That's awful and a little horrifying that Kelly would be okay with her cutting off her adoptive parents. Doesn't she have adopted siblings? That makes me really sad. I understand trying to have a relationship with bio parents, but she shouldn't cut out the family that was there for her, and assuming they raised her for quite a few years.

It makes so much more sense why she's going fundie now. This is how people fall into cults, they think they can have that big happy family because they were deprived of one, though it seems like her adopted parents actually gave her a good life.

[mango_fandango]

In all the Zach/Whit wedding posts on Kelly's blog, Whitney is referred to as Whitney Perkins, whereas her adoptive family were referred to as Owens. If there was serious abuse, I can kinda see why she went down the fundie route. There's a strict structure in place, and there is a lot of emphasis on family and loving one another. Zach seems to really love her and of course she's now got Bradley, and will have more babies soon.

And yeah HarleyQuinn that is weird seeing as how Kelly has adopted siblings, except we don't know the story there.

[RosyDaisy]

How Gothard like. Isn't adoption against one of his rules? What the Bates family has done to Whitney is awful. First, she became "convicted" to be skirts only after talking with the Bates ladies. Now she has severed ties with her adoptive parents. Tell me again how likeable the Bates are?

[Justme]

She does not talk to the adoptive parents anymore. No contact. The Bates encouraged her to reconcile with her bio parents, who physically abused her her whole life. Bio parents don't want her to talk to adoptive parents. She is now heavily devoted to being a member of the Bates family. I got all of this from a conversation with the adoptive mom herself. She did not have one bad word to say about Whitney.

Wow, how very sad for her adoptive parents. It was probably so hard for them at the time, taking in an abused teenager. It's like loosing their daughter all over again.

I hope Jessa has a long talk with Kelly about what to expect with all these children she hopes to adopt. Love them like your own, raise them then watch them go back to their bio parents and ditch you when they are grown.

[nokidsmom]

How Gothard like. Isn't adoption against one of his rules? What the Bates family has done to Whitney is awful. First, she became "convicted" to be skirts only after talking with the Bates ladies. Now she has severed ties with her adoptive parents. Tell me again how likeable the Bates are?

As much as I hope that it was Whitney's own decision to reconnect with her bio parents, it's unfortunate that she severed ties with the adoptive parents and per the post above, it was because her bio parents wanted that. If that is the case, bio parents are manipulating her, perhaps as similiarly as they may have when she was with them.

However, I do think it very likely that her reconcilation with the bio parents was heavily influenced by her in-law family. For whatever reasons, be it in the name of forgiveness, or any Gothard influenced "anti adoption" belief, if that is the case, then her in-laws are manipulating her. She seems very eager to integrate into her in-law family and that is being taken advantage of.

They may see Whit's adoptive parents as "not her parents" so no big loss.

Her in-laws have no business interfering in Whitney's FOO issues but suspect they are trying to mold the daughter-in-law in their image. Especially since she came from outside of ATI and Kelly was not amused to find out Zach had met someone at Sonic and outside their approved parameters for meeting someone.

Whit's adoptive parents are conservative Christians, adoptive dad is a minister but wonder if they are deemed too "worldly" for the Bates and that might be a reason?

[TXGirlInAMaterialWorld]

Kelly's family is definitely religious but not full on fundie.

There are very few ATI families who adopt. Gothard's teachings believe in 'generational sin' (my family always called it blood curses...). So for most fundie families the marriage to someone with known family issues (abuse, addiction, etc.) would have been a no go from the start.

But I have also heard of people being pushed to let abusers back in their life as a "testimony of reconciliation". I truly hope that is not the case with Whit and that she has appropriate boundaries set up with her bio family.

Even though Whit's adoptive parents were in the ministry- the didn't appear to be very fundie to me. It could just be that the Owens didn't like some of the things the Bates were trying to pressure Whitney into and that caused a rift. The stew of fundieland really is a funky and foul mix.....

[Justme]

Just a random thought, but do you think the Bio parents are "reconnecting" because of $$$$. Whit is now on TV and part of a "famous" (by fundie standards) family. They may think Whit gets paid big bucks and/or think they can worm their way onto the TV show....

[nokidsmom]

Just a random thought, but do you think the Bio parents are "reconnecting" because of $$$$. Whit is now on TV and part of a "famous" (by fundie standards) family. They may think Whit gets paid big bucks and/or think they can worm their way onto the TV show....

Hard to know but it could the incentive. If they want in on the $$$ or show so therefore the wish that Whit not remain in contact with the adoptive parents. No competition.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Since adoptive dad is a pastor, I can't imagine he would be against her reconciling with her parents. But honestly the two sets of parents could have quite the history that we have no idea about. I imagine bio parents were pissed as hell to not be included in the wedding. Maybe now being included with Bradley is their way of getting even. And who knows why they were abusive. Maybe substance abuse issues? Maybe Whit is thrilled to finally be loved by them. Anyhow, I would assume the christian thing to do would be to be friendly with everyone and I hope one day that happens. Adoptive parents gave her a loving home for several years and she will come to appreciate that.

[MissBitters]

Am I the only one disturbed by the fact that Whitney's adoptive parents were contacted by someone on this board? Whatever happened with Whitney, her biological parents, her adoptive parents, and the Bates is between them. If Whitney wanted the public to discuss it she would've talked about the situation on camera or social media.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Well you can feel that way. We've been instagram friends for over a year and a half (she follows me as well) and I noticed what happened and I asked her. Big whoop.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Am I the only one disturbed by the fact that Whitney's adoptive parents were contacted by someone on this board? Whatever happened with Whitney, her biological parents, her adoptive parents, and the Bates is between them. If Whitney wanted the public to discuss it she would've talked about the situation on camera or social media.

And really, it was Kelly Bates who introduced us to Whitney, gave us her full bio name and said she was adopted, gave us that family's name. Whitney starts a blog with wedding pics of adoptive parents "my dad and mom." Then Whitney signs up for a reality show and she introduces us to her mom and dad and they're totally different people and nobody is going to talk about it?? Sorry, she put herself out there and doesn't get to control what we discuss.

[HarleyQuinn]

And it's not like you plastered adopted parents' IG info here either. When I read the original post, I didn't assume you read here and asked, I assumed you had asked awhile ago.

Anyways, this makes me seriously side eye the Bates more than I did before. I also didn't realize Whitney was so young. I thought she was the same age as Zach

[NotALoserLikeYou]

And it's not like you plastered adopted parents' IG info here either. When I read the original post, I didn't assume you read here and asked, I assumed you had asked awhile ago.

Anyways, this makes me seriously side eye the Bates more than I did before. I also didn't realize Whitney was so young. I thought she was the same age as Zach

Yeah it was at least 6 months ago

[HermioneSparrow]

How Gothard like. Isn't adoption against one of his rules? What the Bates family has done to Whitney is awful. First, she became "convicted" to be skirts only after talking with the Bates ladies. Now she has severed ties with her adoptive parents. Tell me again how likeable the Bates are?

Exactly, they're awful and I can't stand when everybody praises them. If anything, they're way worst than the Duggars...Poor Whitney, i think her only redemption might be Zach, he seems very loving... and of course the cutest baby ever aka Bradley.

[zadie]

I'm not sure if they have worked at training centers, but the Bates daughters did travel with Gothard on several mission trips. According to their friend who was posting here at that time Gothard paid for all their trips so they could travel with him.

Wooooaaahhh. I had heard that they would travel with him but I didn't know he paid for it. Travelling with him is still concerning on its own, but him paying specifically so they could be with him is a HUGE red flag with his track record.

I am not willing to believe it was some kind of gift to Gil and his family, cause then boys would have been invited. They're the ones that need to be leaders anyway so if it was just a gift it would make more sense to bring the boys to teach them a thing or too.

Ugh those poor girls.

[FloraDoraDolly]

Wow, how very sad for her adoptive parents. It was probably so hard for them at the time, taking in an abused teenager. It's like loosing their daughter all over again.

I hope Jessa has a long talk with Kelly about what to expect with all these children she hopes to adopt. Love them like your own, raise them then watch them go back to their bio parents and ditch you when they are grown.

This is what Rosie O'Donnell is going through with her adopted daughter, Chelsea. A couple weeks ago, Chelsea disappeared and was found a few days later at a dope house. It was all over TV and social media. From what I understand, Chelsea turned 18 not long after she was brought home and promptly ran off again to live with her birth mother. Since she was adopted as a baby, I don't know how she found her birth mother, if it was an open adoption or what.

[Diana]

I think its hard to judge the Bates or even Whitney without knowing all the facts. At what age was she adopted? older adoptees have often trouble getting attached to their adoptive parents. In this family she was adopted after the death of a bio children, maybe she felt pressure to be a substitute of that daughter they lost and that could make her relationship with them hard.

There is adoptive parents that can't acept that the children want to meet and forgive their bio parents, they think its us or them and put the children in a hard possition of choosing even if with good intentions. Even if there was abuse going on we don't know how life with them was for Whitney, and its likely she missed them despite it. If she decided to forgive them it's her choice and she should be respected, a lot of victims find forgiveness to be liberating, maybe it's like that for her.

[clueliss]

Things learned on IG yesterday re The Bateseseses

Lawson and Erin went late night WalMart shopping.

Erin did some major cooking at the Bates house.

Gil, Kelly the 2 youngest boys and what appeared to be Carlin and Josie? went to Chicago to visit Michaela and Brandon.

Kelly (I think) all but admitted on the Bates Family IG account that Erin is a much better cook than she is and that Erin spoils the family with her cooking when Kelly is gone. (I think this makes Erin substitute Mom when Kelly is gone now).

[HereticHick]

Things learned on IG yesterday re The Bateseseses

Lawson and Erin went late night WalMart shopping.

Erin did some major cooking at the Bates house...

Kelly (I think) all but admitted on the Bates Family IG account that Erin is a much better cook than she is and that Erin spoils the family with her cooking when Kelly is gone. (I think this makes Erin substitute Mom when Kelly is gone now).

That is odd, because when Erin got engaged, didn't they kid her about not knowing how to cook? Maybe she's a fast learner.

I hope that the Pecan Thief had the visiting family over for a BBQ and we get to see pictures. And if he and Pris didn't wear matching shifts for the occasion I will be pissed. Do you think Brandon & Michaela are going to do the matchy matchy thing?

[MissBitters]

I think its hard to judge the Bates or even Whitney without knowing all the facts. At what age was she adopted? older adoptees have often trouble getting attached to their adoptive parents. In this family she was adopted after the death of a bio children, maybe she felt pressure to be a substitute of that daughter they lost and that could make her relationship with them hard.

There is adoptive parents that can't acept that the children want to meet and forgive their bio parents, they think its us or them and put the children in a hard possition of choosing even if with good intentions. Even if there was abuse going on we don't know how life with them was for Whitney, and its likely she missed them despite it. If she decided to forgive them it's her choice and she should be respected, a lot of victims find forgiveness to be liberating, maybe it's like that for her.

This is why I am uncomfortable with the speculation and blame about Whitney's relationship with all her parents. Speaking from experience, a lot of people have a hard time understanding why a person chooses to cut out a parent or other family member from their life and will encourage them to forgive and forget. If Gil and Kelly did suggest Whitney reconcile with her birth parents, it was more than likely due to their idea of Christian forgiveness and redemption instead of Gothard. There was probably a little bit of "honor thy father and mother" in there too. It's doubtful they suggested Whitney stop talking to her adoptive parents. That falls on her bio parents if it's true. If they were abusive it doesn't surprise me that they would manipulate Whitney into severing the relationship. In this case, I hope the adoptive parents will welcome Whitney back once her bio parents show their true faces again. It's a sad and complicated situation, and while there is much to criticize about Gil and Kelly, I don't think it's merited this time.

[19 cats and counting]

That is odd, because when Erin got engaged, didn't they kid her about not knowing how to cook? Maybe she's a fast learner.

I hope that the Pecan Thief had the visiting family over for a BBQ and we get to see pictures. And if he and Pris didn't wear matching shifts for the occasion I will be pissed. Do you think Brandon & Michaela are going to do the matchy matchy thing?

During their courtship/engagement they did not. I haven't see any pics of the two of them where they have. The only fundie couples I've known of who did the matchy matchy thing involved a Keller sister.

[sophrosyne]

Whit and Zach shipped little Bradley off to the grandparents place for a little 1:1 time with Zach yesterday per IG so I'll begin any mental counting now.

I had the same thought when I saw that Zach and Whit were 1:1ing. Bring on the June bébé.

[Fundie Bunny]

During their courtship/engagement they did not. I haven't see any pics of the two of them where they have. The only fundie couples I've known of who did the matchy matchy thing involved a Keller sister.

Technicaly, jessa and ben did it too

[nokidsmom]

This is why I am uncomfortable with the speculation and blame about Whitney's relationship with all her parents. Speaking from experience, a lot of people have a hard time understanding why a person chooses to cut out a parent or other family member from their life and will encourage them to forgive and forget. If Gil and Kelly did suggest Whitney reconcile with her birth parents, it was more than likely due to their idea of Christian forgiveness and redemption instead of Gothard. There was probably a little bit of "honor thy father and mother" in there too. It's doubtful they suggested Whitney stop talking to her adoptive parents. That falls on her bio parents if it's true. If they were abusive it doesn't surprise me that they would manipulate Whitney into severing the relationship. In this case, I hope the adoptive parents will welcome Whitney back once her bio parents show their true faces again. It's a sad and complicated situation, and while there is much to criticize about Gil and Kelly, I don't think it's merited this time.

I hear you on this. I just hope that Whit decided on her own to reconcile with her birth parents and wasn't pushed into it by her in-law family, even it's coming from a standpoint of Christian forgiveness. It would be one thing for Gil and Kelly by themselves to encourage she reconcile because they think it's right but another thing if Whit decides on her own to reconcile and they support her in that effort. No way to know which it is.

It's just I have a hard time with people outside of what appears to have been an abusive situation (in this case, Gil and Kelly) telling the abused person (their DIL) they need to reconcile with their abuser (Whit's bio parents) because that's they think should be done. But yeah, we don't know if that is indeed the case here.