Jana's future

[ArmchairTurnip]

But then, I can't help wondering why Jana keeps (supposedly) rejecting guy's advances. Are fundie guys really that bad?

I think fundie guys are like any other guys. Some of them are sweethearts and some of them are sociopaths, and most of them fall somewhere in the middle of the continuum.

Speaking as someone who went to a fundie-lite college, I can attest that some of the guys with the most charming, likable public faces were also the most self-centered, entitled twats when it came to their relationships. I can't imagine that courting gives you much time to dig beneath the surface, so personally I don't blame her for being wary, if that's really what's holding her back.

[EmCatlyn]

a

Maybe it's just me, but I don't sense any particular closeness between Jana and JD, certainly nothing like between the boy twins. One of them said awhile back that they used to be much closer. I'm guessing they were split up at or around puberty, especially after their creepy older brother made all boys appear to be potential predators.

I don't know much about the individual Duggar kids beyond what I read discussed here, but it seems to me that whether they are closer than other siblings or not, JD may not feel that he needs to stay unmarried to take care of Jana. As someone else pointed out, he can take care of her even if he marries. In fact, he would probably have a better chance of "rescuing" her from the TTH and the care of their parents in old age if he marries in the next few years and asks Jana to come help with his kids before the parents get that old.

As for Jana, I agree with earlier posts that speculate that she likes her life the way it is now. She has less work and she has more skills, experience and confidence than when she was first turned into a surrogate mom for the younger kids. Her parents trust her, she has friends and some sort of fundie social life. She is taking her time because unlike Jessa and Jill, she is not in such a hurry to have sex/get her own home/start breeding/get away from Michelle etc. that she will take the first guy who seems halfway nice. She is probably waiting for the "right guy."

Others have pointed out also that Jana may be more aware of the limitations of courtship and the way that a seemingly charming guy may turn out to be a selfish tyrant. I think also that as a private person she may not have been interested in the sort of man that would want to marry into a reality show. There are a lot of good reasons why she may take longer to marry.

Or, more darkly, it is possible that something about the sequence of events surrounding the molestation and/or her parents exhibitionism has traumatized her to the point that she is afraid of sex and marriage. Josh's behavior to Anna and the Ashley Madison scandal cannot have helped much. She may be "picky" because she is afraid.

Whatever her reasons, unless he knows for certain that she doesn't want to marry at all, one thing a good brother can do is introduce potential partners, encourage the right sort of guy to court his sister and warn her if he knows something against a prospective suitor. John David doesn't need to stay unmarried for her sake. He can help Jana in other ways.

JMHI

[Rescinded and Mended]

I've always found it sad that splitting up boy/girl siblings and friends is actually an issue in Fundieland, and the reason for it always seems to revolve around sex.

Years ago, my family was friendly with another family of fundie-lites, and my son became close friends with the youngest daughter in the family, who was of a similar age. At one point, her mom, who I had considered a better friend up until that moment, basically announced that she didn't want our children running around and playing together anymore. She didn't want to end our friendship or our families associating with one another as groups, but she didn't want my son and her daughter being close anymore. When I asked why, she told me about an "incident" involving her oldest son, who was 12. I thought it was something serious - turns out the boy had been caught kissing a girl, and the mother was convinced that it would lead to sex, and that was why our kids couldn't be close friends and play together anymore. They were ages 6 and 8. :roll:

I was honestly offended by her reasoning, and my son was really hurt that he couldn't see his little friend as often. But we started to distance ourselves in general after that. This was the same family that was always trying to make Godly church-going projects out of us, and we got sick of that.

[Valerie3kids]

Is sex always on the mind for Fundies? I mean 6 and 8? I know it is always on the minds of JB as it makes it no attempts to hide it but I thought it was just his low self esteem issues.

[usedbicycle]

I have 8 siblings (fundie Catholic family) and Jana reminds me a lot of my oldest sister, both reserved and independent. The younger kids including me grew up calling her Mommy Junior. It was kind of a joke but I don't find it funny anymore.

My real mom worked hard at home and loved us, but realistically, there is no way you can care for 7 other children when you're breastfeeding all day. Let alone 18 (facepalm). The fundie moms who say they don't rely on their older children to run their household are flat out liars. My sister cooked, tucked us in bed, sewed clothes for us and stayed up at night when I was sick and throwing up. I never remember sleeping in my parents bed but I would creep into hers when I had a nightmare.

It's a very mature role for a teenager. Although she was pretty and known in our circles as the "perfect future wife", she didn't marry until she was 29. It was always hard for her to be into dating and boys and frivolous things when she was taught to be so responsible.

Jana has tight control over the kids and the Duggar household, unlike scatterbrain Michelle. In a way, she feels empowered at home because of all the responsibility. She saved Josie's life for God's sake! When you're so immersed in adult things, how do you relate to less mature boys wanting to court you? How do you go from being practically a mother to a naive, submissive wife?

I really hope she finds a guy who encourages her to relax and do stuff for herself once in a while.

[MisUndrstd]

Jana has tight control over the kids and the Duggar household, unlike scatterbrain Michelle. In a way, she feels empowered at home because of all the responsibility. She saved Josie's life for God's sake! When you're so immersed in adult things, how do you relate to less mature boys wanting to court you? How do you go from being practically a mother to a naive, submissive wife?

I really hope she finds a guy who encourages her to relax and do stuff for herself once in a while.

Really if you want to get into the psychology of Fundie daughter's I think you hit the nail on the head. Michelle had the fun and adventurous life of an average teenager, Jana had none of that. So how hard is it for Jana to relate to people her age who have not had the responsibilities she has had since she was essentially a young girl. I feel for Jana because it has to be difficult for her to really let go and be a young woman. It's a huge burden for a young girl that JB and his Queen have leveled on Jana, I really feel for her.

[AngelGirl8811]

Really if you want to get into the psychology of Fundie daughter's I think you hit the nail on the head. Michelle had the fun and adventurous life of an average teenager, Jana had none of that. So how hard is it for Jana to relate to people her age who have not had the responsibilities she has had since she was essentially a young girl. I feel for Jana because it has to be difficult for her to really let go and be a young woman. It's a huge burden for a young girl that JB and his Queen have leveled on Jana, I really feel for her.

Especially since most fundie guys don't have to deal with that. Look at JD, him and Jana are twins, but he has had none of the responsibility that she has. Sure maybe in the past he had some but not to the point that Jana had and still has. How could she relate to someone like Ben? Or even someone a little older? It's probably a whole different world.

[ksgranola1]

You know, I was just over on FJ FB & read the Salon article about the IBLP scandal & remembering somewhere that Gothard said Jana was his "favorite." I wouldn't put it past JB to give the dirty old man access to her and for her to be instructed to "obey." It would explain why she clearly said, "Not now." when asked during the courtship frenzy, if she would be next. It explains why she hangs out in the background, why  she seems to have no personality of her own. And now that you mention it, I wonder if Michelle has ever regretted robbing her daughters of a youth like she had. I'm not all that convinced that Jana is all that liquored up on the koolaide. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

 

Sadly, I think that's a bit too far reaching. I can barely see her being a guest host on the View.

The only requirement they have is to be pretty and dumb, but she would have to start showing some leg and cleavage, so not sure how that would work.  Would Boob let her show some boob for the right price? 

[ksgranola1]

No, I don't mean like THAT, just that she be 'saved' for him. altho for what I don't know; isn't he like, 80?

[iweartanktops]

I was trying to think of the best place to post this, and landed here. 

I was thinking about Jana today, when a fundie lite woman I know, was talking to me about how she used to have a "rebellious heart." She said that growing up, her and her several sisters were constantly learning homemaking skills (along with SOTDRT). She said her parents complimented her often, but their compliments were exclusively about her cooking, cleaning, etc., and that those skills would make her a great wife someday. This lead to her completely swearing off marriage during her teen years, which is supposedly evidence of a rebellious heart. She said that she became bitter and felt that all she was worth to her parents, was house work, so she rebelled by choosing not to get married. Of course, she says God changed her heart, and she's a stay at home, Mom, now. 

Anyway, I wonder if Jana feels like this? I can imagine she's constantly told that she will make a great wife and mom, someday! 

Thoughts ? 

[tcach]

Look at JD, him and Jana are twins, but he has had none of the responsibility that she has.

(Sorry can't figure out how to quote.)

JD may not have had the parent imposed responsibility but he has showed a work ethic that I can't see in any of the others. For example, he has had to respond to emergency calls as well as towing jobs at all hours of the day and night whether he wanted to or not. It required a certain amount of commitment to obtain his pilot's license especially having only a degree from the SOTDT.

I think the fact that Jana and JD developed these traits is because they had real parents for a while. As for Josh, maybe he lost being the center of attention X2 and evolved into the shifty, lazy slacker that we have come to know.

 

[Hermen-uetics]

Look at JD, him and Jana are twins, but he has had none of the responsibility that she has.

(Sorry can't figure out how to quote.)

JD may not have had the parent imposed responsibility but he has showed a work ethic that I can't see in any of the others. For example, he has had to respond to emergency calls as well as towing jobs at all hours of the day and night whether he wanted to or not. It required a certain amount of commitment to obtain his pilot's license especially having only a degree from the SOTDT.

I think the fact that Jana and JD developed these traits is because they had real parents for a while. As for Josh, maybe he lost being the center of attention X2 and evolved into the shifty, lazy slacker that we have come to know.

 

Jana makes me so sad, there's almost something haunting about her eyes in pictures. Hard to know what happened to her. She had real parents when she was really young, and then she had huge responsibilities on her shoulders when most kids would be in elementary school.  JB and DQ  ignored Joshes issues for so long, I hope they didn't ignore anything that could have been happening to Jana from outside influences.  

[Shadoewolf]

OK Magazine has jumped on the Cinderella Jana train again, using a still-shot from Jessa's video where Jana is holding Meredith. I think that's due in part to JB maintaining control over at least 1 of the M kids at all times so Anna couldn't pack them up and leave.

Its been said before, and I kind of agree. Its very possible that as much as Jana has raised a good deal of the younger kids that she doesn't want to leave them, at least not right now.  We keep saying there's no reason she shouldn't have left or started courting by now, but if anyone really knows what goes on in that house its Jana, and maybe she's just protecting her siblings by staying.

[imokit]

OK Magazine has jumped on the Cinderella Jana train again, using a still-shot from Jessa's video where Jana is holding Meredith. I think that's due in part to JB maintaining control over at least 1 of the M kids at all times so Anna couldn't pack them up and leave.

Its been said before, and I kind of agree. Its very possible that as much as Jana has raised a good deal of the younger kids that she doesn't want to leave them, at least not right now.  We keep saying there's no reason she shouldn't have left or started courting by now, but if anyone really knows what goes on in that house its Jana, and maybe she's just protecting her siblings by staying.

I agree, Jana is the mummy of that house.  

We talk in the Anna thread, about how Anna may believe staying is best for her children.  Jana is not only no less of a mother than Anna, and she's been one longer.

Courting/leaving = abandoning her kids.

[Bad Wolf]

Jessa and Jill had no qualms about leaving their kids. Jordyn (?) cried at Jill's wedding. I got the impression that Jana was the disciplinarian in the house. When Joy was trying to get the little ones to sing, she threatened them with Jana.

I'm not implying that Jana is mean, bt she's been raising those children for a long time since her parents checked out. Remember when Josie got sick, as a baby and a child. Jana was doing the caring. Who will take care of sick or injured children if she leaves?

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

I agree, Jana is the mummy of that house.  

We talk in the Anna thread, about how Anna may believe staying is best for her children.  Jana is not only no less of a mother than Anna, and she's been one longer.

Courting/leaving = abandoning her kids.

I honestly don't think that's the reason. In recent years, Jana has shown as being less hands on and more taking the administrative role for the family. JB even said that the desk in the "farewell room" is Jana's and that she's responsible for all the mail and phone calls. Also, she's the Duggar child to spend the most time away from home at ATI headquarters and going to JttH  

I'm not saying she doesn't love her siblings, but I really doubt she's staying for them.

I really think Jana is hoping that she's holding out for the "perfect" guy. I don't see her settling for a Derick or Ben, who she'd have to train. I think she's hoping for fundie royalty. 

[hollywood]

I think it is because Jana is such a mystery. She doesn't really talk much on the show, is not really interviewed much for the show, etc.

[Eatingintheprayercloset]

I can see her as a politician's wife. She'll lovingly look at her husband make speeches and dress to the nines at swanky dinners. 

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

I can see her as a politician's wife. She'll lovingly look at her husband make speeches and dress to the nines at swanky dinners. 

I couldn't see her as a First Lady type, but maybe a local/state politician. 

[EmCatlyn]

I agree, Jana is the mummy of that house.  

We talk in the Anna thread, about how Anna may believe staying is best for her children.  Jana is not only no less of a mother than Anna, and she's been one longer.

Courting/leaving = abandoning her kids.

As someone who hasn't been Duggar-watching for very long, I wonder what is the basis for the idea, often expressed across FJ, that Jana may regard the younger children that she has largely raised in the same way a mother does.  Granted she must love them, but would she really think in terms of sacrificing her future because she doesn't want to leave the kids?

 I am not saying that this couldn't be the case; I just wonder what has led people here to see her this way.  Are there incidents of her protecting or nurturing her younger siblings in specific ways?  Why do we assume that she is more committed to the younger kids than Jill or Jessa, for example?  They had younger children in their charge also, but they left to marry.

[socalrules]

As someone who hasn't been Duggar-watching for very long, I wonder what is the basis for the idea, often expressed across FJ, that Jana may regard the younger children that she has largely raised in the same way a mother does.  Granted she must love them, but would she really think in terms of sacrificing her future because she doesn't want to leave the kids?

 I am not saying that this couldn't be the case; I just wonder what has led people here to see her this way.  Are there incidents of her protecting or nurturing her younger siblings in specific ways?  Why do we assume that she is more committed to the younger kids than Jill or Jessa, for example?  They had younger children in their charge also, but they left to marry.

I have always had the same thought. There is no reason to believe that Jana is so altruistic that she will give up her future or happiness in order to raise her siblings. There has been nothing shown to lead anyone to believe that is true. People just want to believe it. Remember everyone believing that Jill kept having her "buddies" over because she felt responsible and missed them? Well she had no problem moving to another country and leaving them behind. Jana is taking care of her siblings because that is the way she was raised. Jana doesn't seem to talk much on screen so people assume she is shy, sweet and cares only about the well-being of her siblings to the point of her own detriment. It's no different than this idea that Jinger wants to go to art school or Josiah could/should be following "his" dream of working in the theater. There is no basis for any of it. It is just our speculation because it is what we want to believe rather than admit that Jana and the others may enjoy their lives as is, want to live the way they were raised and would be horrified that anyone would think that they want to go to college, live on their own, date or join the circus. There is no reason to believe that Jana doesn't want the life of her parents, double digit kids, blanket training and being a submissive wife. 

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

As someone who hasn't been Duggar-watching for very long, I wonder what is the basis for the idea, often expressed across FJ, that Jana may regard the younger children that she has largely raised in the same way a mother does.  Granted she must love them, but would she really think in terms of sacrificing her future because she doesn't want to leave the kids?

 I am not saying that this couldn't be the case; I just wonder what has led people here to see her this way.  Are there incidents of her protecting or nurturing her younger siblings in specific ways?  Why do we assume that she is more committed to the younger kids than Jill or Jessa, for example?  They had younger children in their charge also, but they left to marry.

People have long projected their own feelings and desires on the Duggars, and used other instances from other families as "proof" of what they say. People expect Jana to feel like she has wasted her life raising children she never wanted, which would make her resent her parents, resent her life, not want her own children, and not want to leave the children she ended up raising. Because of her personality, which is exactly the personality her religion wants her to have, she's a blank slate. She can be whoever people want her to be, from overworked, under appreciated CinderJana to a raging dictator who has fully employed the Pearl method while raising her siblings and being more abusive than her own parents (which was something that people latched onto when they did the "talent show" episode and Jackson commented that you knew you were in trouble when Jana got involved).

[lascuba]

I have always had the same thought. There is no reason to believe that Jana is so altruistic that she will give up her future or happiness in order to raise her siblings. There has been nothing shown to lead anyone to believe that is true. People just want to believe it. Remember everyone believing that Jill kept having her "buddies" over because she felt responsible and missed them? Well she had no problem moving to another country and leaving them behind. Jana is taking care of her siblings because that is the way she was raised. Jana doesn't seem to talk much on screen so people assume she is shy, sweet and cares only about the well-being of her siblings to the point of her own detriment. It's no different than this idea that Jinger wants to go to art school or Josiah could/should be following "his" dream of working in the theater. There is no basis for any of it. It is just our speculation because it is what we want to believe rather than admit that Jana and the others may enjoy their lives as is, want to live the way they were raised and would be horrified that anyone would think that they want to go to college, live on their own, date or join the circus. There is no reason to believe that Jana doesn't want the life of her parents, double digit kids, blanket training and being a submissive wife. 

Yes, and on a related note, there's no reason to believe that Michelle and Jim Bob are refusing to let Jana marry because they need her at home. That just makes no sense in light of their beliefs. I'd find it much more likely that they'd force their daughters to marry men of their choosing...I don't think they would, but it's more probable than not letting them marry at all.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

Yes, and on a related note, there's no reason to believe that Michelle and Jim Bob are refusing to let Jana marry because they need her at home. That just makes no sense in light of their beliefs. I'd find it much more likely that they'd force their daughters to marry men of their choosing...I don't think they would, but it's more probable than not letting them marry at all.

I agree with this. I fully believe their statements that JB's always running men by his daughters in hopes that one will stick. Plus, the oldest girls started raising their siblings at 5-6, their youngest child is almost 6. There's NO reason for them to keep their oldest children unmarried. Plus, if it was merely because of that, wouldn't the boys be married off since it would lessen the work load AND the overall family budget. But, so far, the only boy to get married (despite no shortage of boys over 18) is Josh.