Anyone else depressed?

[OkToBeTakei]

Well, I guess I shouldn't have started this thread, then....

I think (only my opinion) your reason for starting it were pretty spot on regarding your own reaction. I think anybody who has posted on this site for a long time, engaged in snark about the Duggars might feel that way. Patriarchy, misogyny, homophobia.......I certainly wanted all that highlighted and gone. In this way? Not so much. It is what it is, it is also their own doing, nothing this forum has done influenced that (important to remember.)

Where I think it has gone wayward is posters projecting their own experiences, feelings etc onto the issue. Nobody probably ever will know how they felt, how they feel now and nor should they. No amount of projecting or digging or analysing will change that. Let's be brutally honest shall we? Let's imagine some Duggar girls come here, I'm sure they are going to feel absolutely fucking hunky dory that folks feel so depressed and sorry for them........until they dig around the rest of the site. It's a snark site that highlights fundamental religions, sure there are some links and pointers for people who seek it, but primarily it is to rip the arse out of their way of life. It's not a therapy site. Yours...or theirs.

The rise of the Duggar's popularity due to recent marriages, their foray into social media has led more traffic to this site and the culture changed from snark to pointless fangirling/hatred over speculating nonsense. Some new members not 'getting' the tone. Some established members just using that change to indulge their nastier commentary.

Changes like that cause reaction. Also debate. That's what is happening.

[Luvchild]

I came here to reply specifically in this thread because the person who commented (and there were two who I took as being rude) said I had admitted I was depressed (which I had admitted to in this thread specifically) so obviously they had taken note of my posts on this board. I took the "you need a break" comment and "get help" comments in the spirit of them being sarcastic. So my FUs were specifically directed to those two posters. I am not mentally unstable. I work full time, have three kids who are doing well in public school and seem to be great kids. Now if you two posters who wished me help only meant it out of sincere kindness, I apologize for my Fu's. I think personally that just because I brought up an old subject that you two didn't need to jump on me and tell me to get help and take a break. I felt personally that you two specifically were rude.

[Walking Cat Bed]

Because someone had a tantrum about something being said in another thread.

I actually think the touchy feels is ok. FJ is usually supportive. But it isn't the goal and a snark site should never be viewed as a safe place. That's not good for those who are suffering.

I think feeling sadness and shock is fine. But if it is impacting your life then my suggestion which is both kind and reasonable is to stop picking the wound. Take a break. And remember that endless speculation about the victims is not good for the victims.

Honestly, if the Duggar news is affecting you so severely that you can't stop thinking about it or function normally, you might want to consider a therapist. Seriously. I have chronic, cyclical depression, and there's no shame in therapy if you need it. But don't just sit and stare at a screen and wallow in someone else's misery.

[happy atheist]

I thought we never delete posts. They just get archived.

!	{TEXT1}:
	Nothing was deleted. The thread about "the ROD" was moved to the archive where we've been putting the over the top comments and catastrophizing rumors.

[blessalessi]

Can we access that archive or is it as good as deleted, for members?

[happy atheist]

And a million thanks to treemom and the others who pointed out that FJ is a snark board, and perhaps not the best place to get psychological support.

[happy atheist]

Can we access that archive or is it as good as deleted, for members?

It's accessible to helpmeets only.

[blessalessi]

I came here to reply specifically in this thread because the person who commented (and there were two who I took as being rude) said I had admitted I was depressed (which I had admitted to in this thread specifically) so obviously they had taken note of my posts on this board. I took the "you need a break" comment and "get help" comments in the spirit of them being sarcastic. So my FUs were specifically directed to those two posters. I am not mentally unstable. I work full time, have three kids who are doing well in public school and seem to be great kids. Now if you two posters who wished me help only meant it out of sincere kindness, I apologize for my Fu's. I think personally that just because I brought up an old subject that you two didn't need to jump on me and tell me to get help and take a break. I felt personally that you two specifically were rude.

Luvchild, here is a link to the thread on google cache: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/s ... clnk&gl=uk

The ROD

Wed May 27, 2015 12:05 am

Fj's - remember when Michelle announced her millionth pregnancy and Josiah acted shocked and the show was edited to next we see him next to Michelle-obviously been crying- well he had just come back from getting beat with the rod probably - poor Josiah

If this has been mentioned elsewhere, I'm sorry I haven't been able to keep up - I just remembered this but now I have the rod to go with my imagination.

Re: The ROD

Wed May 27, 2015 12:14 am

I has suspected for ages that they had been beating their kids with something. They've always avoided the topic of discipline and came out with something like "We try and not raise our voices, and we make sure we say more positive things to them than negative". Then there was that post Michelle apparently made on a forum before TLC came along, saying she blanket trains and that she uses a ruler to spank her toddlers with.

Those poor kids, having to go through that on top of all the other shit :( I suspect the older ones got it more than the younger ones though, the cameras would have made it difficult for them to spank their kids for everything.

Re: The ROD

Wed May 27, 2015 12:17 am

Mmm?!

I remember seeing a clip of that, he was rubbing his arm as if he had been pulled sharply wasnt he?

If he had been beaten with a rod in the presence of the film crew..... how would that fit in with that particular sequence of events?

I dont doubt they use corporal punishment but that is a bit farfetched.

Re: The ROD

Wed May 27, 2015 12:20 am

Luvchild wrote:

Fj's - remember when Michelle announced her millionth pregnancy and Josiah acted shocked and the show was edited to next we see him next to Michelle-obviously been crying- well he had just come back from getting beat with the rod probably - poor Josiah

If this has been mentioned elsewhere, I'm sorry I haven't been able to keep up - I just remembered this but now I have the rod to go with my imagination.

I have heard of this clip and seen the episode but I don't recall this moment. I've tried to find it to no avail. I almost don't want to know. If JB really did drag a kid out and hit him with a rod for not being excited over something as awful as M having baby #900 and the crew ignored it, I don't know how I will handle that information.

Re: The ROD

Wed May 27, 2015 12:21 am

Well I remember the show had been obviously edited - obviously he had been taken away and when he came back his face was so red and tear stained, and he was also rubbing his arm- so no one can say how long the time between edits was- and it might be far fetched or maybe not

Re: The ROD

Wed May 27, 2015 12:30 am

You keep saying you are depressed and grieving..... allowing your imagination to run away with you may not be the healthiest way to get past this.

Re: The ROD

Wed May 27, 2015 12:30 am

Luvchild wrote:

Well I remember the show had been obviously edited - obviously he had been taken away and when he came back his face was so red and tear stained, and he was also rubbing his arm- so no one can say how long the time between edits was- and it might be far fetched or maybe not

That's a huge exaggeration. In a couple of pictures, he looks like he might be unhappy. Or he could just be bored. Or thinking. At one point Jim Bob is lightly resting his hand on Josiah's shoulder. At another point Josiah appears to be scratching the inside of his elbow. Here's a link to some of the pics if anyone wants to see for themselves: viewtopic.php?f=87&t=22284&start=60

No-one told you to get help or take a break. So, umm.... remind me, where did the "fuck you" come from? :?

[Luvchild]

Luvchild, here is a link to the thread on google cache: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/s ... clnk&gl=uk

No-one told you to get help or take a break. So, umm.... remind me, where did the "fuck you" come from? :?

Yeah blessa it looks to me like there are a couple of missing posts here - not the full version- this is not the honest version - I'm about to go to the administration for the real version- cuz this is not it

[blessalessi]

That's as much as was there when I signed off to bed last night.

Please do ask the admin, and ask them to tell you how I got dishonest information from Google cache while you are at it! :lol:

[Luvchild]

Maybe the posts were individually deleted by whoever first posted them Blessa

[blessalessi]

Ask the admin then. Please do.

[twinmama]

I had trouble sleeping the first day this all came out. It was just information overload and it was all so horrifying. Since then, and this may make me sound bad, but I've been watching my kids and how I raise them and it makes me so happy because I know they are being raised well and better than the Duggars were and they are protected to the best of my abilities. I am happily giving them everything the Duggar girls were denied, that safe Mom place that you can trust and fall back on and rely on.

I think the saddest part of all of this is how JB&M failed as parents. They failed Josh by not getting him appropriate help after the first incident and more importantly they failed those girls by not getting Josh help, not removing him from the home, and not getting them the appropriate therapy afterwards. Those kids not feeling safe at home is inexcusable. Especially because they had no place else to go. No friend's house to hang out at for their waking hours, no escape to school and friends there, nothing but home with their molester.

[anjulibai]

I think (only my opinion) your reason for starting it were pretty spot on regarding your own reaction. I think anybody who has posted on this site for a long time, engaged in snark about the Duggars might feel that way. Patriarchy, misogyny, homophobia.......I certainly wanted all that highlighted and gone. In this way? Not so much. It is what it is, it is also their own doing, nothing this forum has done influenced that (important to remember.)

Where I think it has gone wayward is posters projecting their own experiences, feelings etc onto the issue. Nobody probably ever will know how they felt, how they feel now and nor should they. No amount of projecting or digging or analysing will change that. Let's be brutally honest shall we? Let's imagine some Duggar girls come here, I'm sure they are going to feel absolutely fucking hunky dory that folks feel so depressed and sorry for them........until they dig around the rest of the site. It's a snark site that highlights fundamental religions, sure there are some links and pointers for people who seek it, but primarily it is to rip the arse out of their way of life. It's not a therapy site. Yours...or theirs.

The rise of the Duggar's popularity due to recent marriages, their foray into social media has led more traffic to this site and the culture changed from snark to pointless fangirling/hatred over speculating nonsense. Some new members not 'getting' the tone. Some established members just using that change to indulge their nastier commentary.

Changes like that cause reaction. Also debate. That's what is happening.

I honestly didn't start this for therapy. I had a reaction based on (I now think) a sense of guilt about participating in snark on people that had gone through something so horrible. I just wanted to know if anyone felt the same , and perhaps vent over it. I had also noticed people alluding to similar feelings in other threads, so I thought it would be a germaine thread.

I was not expecting such hostility to such a discussion, nor for people to use it to go off on other posters for not getting the support they believed they deserved. I am rather nonplussed at the extremeness of the reactions here?

You are right, though, that with the popularity of the Duggars, there was bound to be a big reaction. I personally have been following the Duggars off and on for about 10 years, after getting introduced to them on Fark.com. It is hard, I think, to avoid speculation when you have been familiar with something, even a family, for that long. It seems like speculation goes hand in hand with snark.

But I am not truly interested in a debate. I just wanted some minor validation that my feelings were not unusual among others who have been following the Duggars for so long.

[happy atheist]

!

{TEXT1}:

It's not any huge conspiracy. Between the time that the google cache was made and the time we moved the thread into the archive, more people posted. That's it. Nobody was rude. Nobody told anyone to go away. The entire thread is less than a page long. The final post is Luvchild asking to have the thread deleted, which obviously we didn't do. Now stop making me feel like a preschool teacher or I'm going to put you all in time-out. :twisted:

[Luvchild]

Ask the admin then. Please do.

I did - hope they reply

Sorry - didn't see that Happy atheist had responded already- thank you! I knew more posts had been made and it was short and I did ask for it to be deleted - but removing it was fine too -

[TheRaven72]

[mod=happy atheist]It's not any huge conspiracy. Between the time that the google cache was made and the time we moved the thread into the archive, more people posted. That's it.

Nobody was rude. Nobody told anyone to go away. The entire thread is less than a page long. The final post is Luvchild asking to have the thread deleted, which obviously we didn't do.

Now stop making me feel like a preschool teacher or I'm going to put you all in time-out.

All the children say in unison singing "Yes Miss Haaappy Athiest!" :)

[treemom]

I think all sorts of emotional feelings and reactions are normal and healthy. It makes me sad as a victim of abuse (not sexual, so it isn't precisely similar). I hate that this happened and this is what the downfall was. I think feeling sad, or even just the very mild depression is ok.

And I think talking it out, virtually even, is fine too. In general FJ is a great group of people and I have always appreciated when posters point out my over the top dramatics, question the choices I post about etc. But if people are having anxiety attacks from reading about it, the talking out they need to do probably needs to happen with those who know them better.

[NachosFlandersStyle]

I first started following this site shortly after I saw the Duggars at a signing event. I was out with friends, a little bit tipsy, and we heard that they were stumping at a campaign stop close to where we were. Wouldn't it be a hoot to haul our drunk asses over to see that freak show family? It was super clear that we were not fans, we a bunch of giggly 22-year-olds, not exactly dressed modestly, and one of the friends I was with has visible tattoos. But while we were waiting in the autograph line I remember having a little flash of guilt because everyone, even the fans, was staring at these bored teenagers like they were zoo animals. I mean that's why we went there, just to gawk. I tried to make a little polite conversation with whichever ones signed my picture (I still can't really tell them apart) and they were just like "yeah, uh-huh" without even looking up. They clearly didn't want to be there, they were just teenagers who had to do this shit because their dad said so. I still have that signed postcard, I kept it for its kitsch value and because so many of my friends got a big kick out of the story. But from time to time I would look at it and remember that moment of guilt and think "those poor kids." Now it doesn't even have kitsch value; it's just a sad thing to have in my house.

[Catlover43]

I'm depressed because I feel awful for those poor girls and the fact that a majority of people condone/support a child molester/molestation because "he was just a kid" and "curious". :cray-cray: :angry-banghead:

[bingbangboom]

Yep. Depressed, count me in! Dumb thing is I had no idea how much this was triggering for me until Thursday. I had an unexpected cardiac event and a few seizures while walking to the car after an appointment. I was laying there with a crowd of (amazing!) nurses huddled around me trying to put in a PICC when I lost it. I've been crying like a crazy person since. Very atypical of me to be so emotional, probably the morphine making me less guarded. We all need chocolate, and a really good joke.

And to know these young ladies are really safe and getting proper help.

[hennypenny]

I'm very depressed lately. I've made a conscious effort to step away on occasion. But I can't help think about the ugliness that I had to endure. The "mistakes" those men/boys made towards me. And I wonder, how will those religious men see this article? Will they be scared? Will they see that even after 12 years that it can come out? That family can know. That people tell. I've noticed a lot of my friends my age and older being more vocal about being molested and not feeling shame, only anger. What will those girls when they are 40, and they've time to process? Because I'm here to tell you that it has taken 30 years to process for me.

I hope those men that hurt me, are shaking in their boots.

[hennypenny]

I'm depressed because I feel awful for those poor girls and the fact that a majority of people condone/support a child molester/molestation because "he was just a kid" and "curious". :cray-cray: :angry-banghead:

But I really don't think the majority of people do. I feel like there is a few fringe political people who had to back the duggars. And some people who are hard core duggar bench. You know, "Go big or go home" with their responses. I don't think that the average Joe feels that way and those people are the ones that matters.

[1st wiccan fundie]

But I really don't think the majority of people do. I feel like there is a few fringe political people who had to back the duggars. And some people who are hard core duggar bench. You know, "Go big or go home" with their responses. I don't think that the average Joe feels that way and those people are the ones that matters.

I actually agree with this. Though I myself have been absolutely disgusted with the outpouring of support Josh and the Duggars have gotten, I also don't believe they represent the majority of people. They have campaigned (what it seems like to me,) very hard for keeping the show going and overall support! It's like they have really put a lot of effort into voicing their gross opinions. But, I just think more of them have taken the time to do so than us ,so to speak. Also since it is rather shocking it's gotten lots of news coverage just in itself. TLC, the production company/s ,the larger corporations and organizations associated with the Duggars also have such a vested interest in keeping the show going or pushing their religious agenda that they - one way or another try (succeed? ) at making sure we all know just how many people forgive Josh....just like Christ forgives. All these things account for it appearing as if most people have Josh's back. However, I do not think most people take their side in this. Doesn't negate the amount of people who do, by any means.

I'm sure it's been brought up elsewhere or somewhere....nonetheless, maybe we ought to focus on making our voices louder than theirs. It won't be easy! You're dealing with a certain, large ,portion of these freaks feeling like this is a mission from God! They have really put a lot of effort into it...I am repeating myself because I can't stress that fact enough. Lots of sites aren't going to express the other side - our side if you will. Just a suggestion, but perhaps next time we felt like logging in here we should take a second to email TLC. Or do something that shows that the majority of us humans are not ok with the bullshit they're trying to wipe over our eyes. Keep in mind how many people will never take the time to because they just aren't the type. Like myself I don' t remember ever writing a letter, email or anything at all to voice my opinion on a TV show, or an issue. Taking that into account maybe we need to shout louder, to cover the voices who agree but just aren't the shouting type.

This may make a lot of us who feel powerless or ever felt powerless to fighting back against, "this " (this is a lot of different, important issues that the situation is involving ) feel like we did something to fight for all victims and survivors everywhere.

[Alye]

This has been triggering for so many people because either we have been through similar ourselves or we have people close to us who have. I deliberately step back from FJ every few days for some down time and am no longer reading every post on the threads. When I have some downtime I read the last few pages and that's all.

I think I came pretty close to being fired there for a few days because I was continuously reading FJ.