How Fundie are you?

[August]

We need a Cosmo-style quiz to tell our fundies from our fundie lites. Post your ideas for questions and I'll add them. I'm thinking A is fundy, B is fundy light evangelical, like southern baptists, C is WASP or suburban Oprah watcher, whichever gives most amusing imagery for a given question, and D is anything from vanilla secular humanist to rad fem activist, again, whichever gives funnier imagery. But maybe there needs to be a normal person answer in between C and D?

1. Do you believe in god?

a) Doubting G-D is the work of the Enemy trying to tempt you from the LORD your G-D.

b) Sure, I love Jesus, too!

c) I always select Episcopalian in the census

d) oh for fuck's sale with the fairy stories again

2. A husband is

a) Headship, leader and center of my world. He's doing this quiz for me.

b) More able than me, of course

c) Very useful for co-parenting, housework and sexy times.

d) Ew, penises, gross!

3. Children are:

a) a status symbol the blessing and choice of the lord

b) inevitable

c) cute

d) I literally just can't even

4. How often and explicitly do you discuss your sex life?

a) all the time! Married love is a blessing of the LORD and I'd like everyone to know we have a very vigorous sex life. Whenever my husband desires me, he ...[edited for brevity]

b) I'm sorry, but no. Babies come from storks and I will sue you if you tell my children otherwise.

c) I'm Jezebel.com's BDSM correspondent, if that clarifies things?

d) get the fuck out of my bedroom, you perv.

5. Children should sleep:

a) where and when I tell them, preferably stacked four high

b) in beds

c) each to their own room

d) on me

6. Clothes:

a) are for displaying how much more pious I am than all you sluts

b) are for displaying how pretty I am

c) are for displaying how much time I spend doing Important Things

d) are for wearing

How did you answer?

Mostly As

Top of the class! Beloved by God, headship and Daddy, you are a carefully shuttered shining light in the world! From your rosy bottomed Babushka doll offspring to your home-ground wheat flour sourdough rolls everything about you screams of your piety. We're as likely to see you stumble on the LORD's path as we are to see a flash of knee betwixt flipflops and denim hem. If your headship had been allowed to meet you before the big day no doubt he would have jumped at the chance to take you to wife.

Mostly Bs

Praise Jesus!

Mostly Cs

Your neighbours will be quietly approving. A calm, proper person, you never do anything too unexpected or deeply thought out. From the top of your blown out nipple length hair to the tips of your lulumon'd legs you are convention personified. Treat yourself to a carmel macchiatto today!

Mostly Ds

Go you radfem atheist! You're as likely to be (literally) fucking the patriarchy as grinding your own organic free range wheat flour for sourdough rolls because the gender defined norms enforced by centuries of oppression by the socio-political milieu of the dominant sexist paradigm are fucking DONE! You can embrace pan-sexual, poly-gendered love and at the same time paint your nails because you are AWESOME! And FREE!

PS, I purposefully misspelled caramel to annoy myself.

[Seven Severn]

2 Cs

4 Ds

I guess this makes me radfem atheist lite-ish. Sort of. :D

[NotALoserLikeYou]

B

C

C

C

B

D

Starbucks Oprah watcher with a bdsm interest. Sounds about right actually

[catlady]

D C D D C D. This was fun!!

[kimberm]

2 B's

2 C's

2 D's

Far from fundie thank god

[FundieWatcher]

3 Cs and 3 Ds

[Coco]

3 C's, 2 B's and one D :lol:

This quiz rocks, esp. the definitions at the end. :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[RachelB]

Two each of b, c, and d, because I am bisexual, feminist, practicing Christian, and-- honest to Pete-- waiting for my nails to dry.

[maybeizfundie]

1 A

2 Bs

1 C

2 Ds

What does that make me? :?

[eri]

I am in love with OP. This is so cute.

Can we have a "What's your fundie name?" quiz next?

[ADoyle90815]

My answers:

1.C

2.C

3.C

4.D

5.C

6.D

[DGayle]

D C C D D D

I'm bound for hell, right? :D

[tankgirl]

D, C, C, C, D, D

Not actually into BDSM, but it was the closest and funniest answer so went with that choice :) In reality I am a bi, pagan, parent and could not be less fundie, but do share some of the hippy side interests, but I heavily hold onto science too. So no colloidal silver, juice fasts, with a side of MLM essential oil chaser for me.

[ILoveJellybeans]

D, D, C, D, B, D

Atheist, lesbian, pro choice feminist, who also wants a large family, but will raise them possibly the complete opposite of fundie.

[BullyJBG]

Wow; I consider myself an evangelical Christian and I have some in each category. 1 A(actually that's the attitude about children; I didn't have any, never had a strong desire to be a mom, though I wouldn't have objected had I gotten pregnant while my husband was alive) 3 B, 2 C and 1 D.(that was the sex question; my late hubby and I DID enjoy each other but do we REALLY need to proclaim that all over the place?)

Interesting, but these questions don't often tell the whole story. Just like the blurring between fundie-lite and conservative Christian.

[polecat]

B, C, D, C, B, D praise Jesus (although what kids sleeping in beds has to do with Christianity is beyond me), approving neighbors and radfem atheist pretty evenly.

I'm a Christian feminist who loves her own kids (but not so much other people's), a socialist Green Partier and could not GAS less what my neighbors think of me. :D

[Fundie Bunny]

1. D

2. C

3. C

4. D

5. B

6. D

I am leaving to burn some christian, any one wanna jOin me?

[BobTheWalrus]

B, C, C, C, C, D

I'm more conventional than I thought.....

[SassyPants]

1 B

3 Cs

2 Ds

[Full enough quiver]

D c a d b d. Apparently I'm going to hell. Who's with me?

[Marian the Librarian]

D C D D C D

I'm a fundie's worst nightmare.

[Jana814]

This is great!!

[rene76]

1 A

2 Bs

1 C

2 Ds

What does that make me? :?

I got the exact same numbers. I would honestly place myself between the B and C on the scale.

[klynn]

B

C

B

B

C

D

In all honesty, I could totally be mistaken for a fundy. I'm a stay at home mom, my husband and I follow the traditional gender roles of who does which job around the house, and I frequently wear skirts (only because I'm still trying to lose some weight and refuse to buy new jeans and shorts until I am closer to my goal). But it stops there! I like movies, we enjoy adult beverages, and occasionally say the F word ;)

[August]

I got the exact same numbers. I would honestly place myself between the B and C on the scale.

We need more questions! What questions should there be?