Update on the kids the Barbour's tortured

[Stynjen]

http://www.post-gazette.com/local/regio ... 1503220001

[apple1]

Good news.

[Dark Matters]

Great ending to a very sad beginning. Thanks for posting this.

[momof2treasures]

Thanks for that article! This story was heartbreaking to me and I'm still outraged the barbours got off so easy. Disgusting! So happy for these kids though. This sounds like a wonderful family they are a part of now.

[Four is Enough]

I hope they are pursuing therapy for the children in whatever way they can understand.. the children, I mean. They will still have to mourn what happened to them..

[NotALoserLikeYou]

6-12 months with daily work release to care for CHILDREN. Pathetic sentence for someone who caused a lifelong traumatic brain injury on a baby :/

Sounds like the kuds are in the ideal situation now. Those parents sound wonderful, and so concerned about the kids needs instead of their own.

[slickcat79]

That was a fantastic article, and it sounds like those kids could not be with a better family.

With all the stories we see on here about adoptive "families" who are nothing more than child collectors, who abuse and neglect their kids, who rehome them like unwanted animals, it's great to see a couple who are so committed. Not painting everything with rainbows, but being very real about the situation and trying to take care of all their childrens' needs.

[thoughtful]

Now I'm weepy.

It does sound like they are doing everything right -- I hope those kids have a wonderful life from now on.

[FundieWatcher]

It is wonderful that kids are doing so well. It seems like hard work and love was what was needed. I imagine Kristen Barbour was lazy, bitter and hateful (typical fundie wife). She should have had real prison time. Not some bs work release. What does that say to the kids? They were knocking on deaths door from abuse and their "parents" faced practically no real consequences.

There is a garbage man going to jail in Silver Spring, GA for 30 days....for starting his garbage route too early.... for Christ sakes he is gonna do more time than Douglas Barbour.

[Letgo]

It is wonderful that kids are doing so well. It seems like hard work and love was what was needed. I imagine Kristen Barbour was lazy, bitter and hateful (typical fundie wife). She should have had real prison time. Not some bs work release. What does that say to the kids? They were knocking on deaths door from abuse and their "parents" faced practically no real consequences.

There is a garbage man going to jail in Silver Spring, GA for 30 days....for starting his garbage route too early.... for Christ sakes he is gonna do more time than Douglas Barbour.

That's totally okay, though. Because the abuse was done without malice!

[2xx1xy1JD]

That's a family doing adoption right!

[eh02]

I hope those poor kids' new family is as good as it sounds on paper. They deserve it. What a horrible story.

And so disturbing that their abusers barely got a slap on the wrist. The lack of justice for adopted children is something we should really be ashamed of in the United States. :( It is like these kids are barely even seen as real people, both by society overall and by the law. Just a disposable second-tier piece of a family. It's bad enough when people get dogs or cats without making a real, lifelong commitment...but a human child? Uhg. Those people deserve to be seriously punished, not sent back home to "parent" their biological children.

[artdecades]

What a beautiful story. This family gets it. This family should be the standard we should set for adopting children cross culturally, from abuse, or with special needs. What happened to those children is unimaginable. I am glad they are working with trained professionals to help the children overcome their physical and emotional abuse. I know this is their story so its going to be all sunshine and rainbows but I hope this is an accurate reflection of their parenting.

I particularly thought the anecdote and quote about buying a trampoline for Robert because of his excess energy was on point. Change the environment to make the child flourish, don't try and change the child through abuse and neglect.

[Jana814]

That's a family doing adoption right!

Yes they are!!! More people who r considering adoption should read what these parents are doing.

I'm so happy these kids are doing better. I read stories where if their are adopted kids in a family, sometimes the Bio kids don't get considered, but this is deffenly not the case in this family.

[Delilah]

Like everyone else here, I think the sentence didn't fit the crime. I'm trying to make myself feel better about it by thinking how their reputations are sh*t now. Everyone knows how horrible they are, and the internet never forgets. They will never have their good names back. It's not enough, but at least it's something. Like I said, I'm trying to make myself feel better.

[Hisey]

It's a great outcome, but something the adoptive dad said really irked me.

His family is not the "fifth best" choice. They love their children, and that makes them a lot better than fifth best.

They don't need to be defensive and say that it would be best for their kids to be with their biological parents. Everyone knows that.

Beyond that, however, the best home for those kids is a loving home. If it isn't loving, then it doesn't matter if there is a cultural or racial "match." Kids need love, first and foremost.

Of course, all things being equal, its better when kids can remain in their own country. However, this is a wonderful adoptive dad and I really doubt that any Ethiopian family would be better than his loving home, simply by virtue of them being Ethiopian. Would those kids really rather be in an Ethiopian home where they were treated with poorly and unlovingly?

I have spoken with many older adoptees who could not wait to get out of their home countries, where they were social pariahs. They laughed when I asked about them losing their culture. That is exactly what they wanted to do. Orphans in third world countries are often at the bottom of the social hierarchy.

I'm not saying US adoption (or any international adoption) is the greatest solution ever. I'm saying that, if it were my own children being placed, I'd want them in a loving home, whether that home was black, brown or white. I often wonder at the arrogance of some first worlders, who assume that orphans care more about "matching" their parents than they do about love.

[Toothfairy]

So happy for these kids

[Jana814]

So happy for these kids

Same here!

[ladyamylynn]

It's a great outcome, but something the adoptive dad said really irked me.

His family is not the "fifth best" choice. They love their children, and that makes them a lot better than fifth best.

They don't need to be defensive and say that it would be best for their kids to be with their biological parents. Everyone knows that.

Beyond that, however, the best home for those kids is a loving home. If it isn't loving, then it doesn't matter if there is a cultural or racial "match." Kids need love, first and foremost.

Of course, all things being equal, its better when kids can remain in their own country. However, this is a wonderful adoptive dad and I really doubt that any Ethiopian family would be better than his loving home, simply by virtue of them being Ethiopian. Would those kids really rather be in an Ethiopian home where they were treated with poorly and unlovingly?

I have spoken with many older adoptees who could not wait to get out of their home countries, where they were social pariahs. They laughed when I asked about them losing their culture. That is exactly what they wanted to do. Orphans in third world countries are often at the bottom of the social hierarchy.

I'm not saying US adoption (or any international adoption) is the greatest solution ever. I'm saying that, if it were my own children being placed, I'd want them in a loving home, whether that home was black, brown or white. I often wonder at the arrogance of some first worlders, who assume that orphans care more about "matching" their parents than they do about love.

Transracial adoption is fraught with difficulties, and the're right to acknowledge that. We don't live in a colorblind society and like it or not, race and culture DO factor into the lives of these children. Regardless of race, adoption takes a lot of hard work and understanding. Love is one of many factors that determine the outcome of adoption.

[Terrie]

Transracial adoption is fraught with difficulties, and the're right to acknowledge that. We don't live in a colorblind society and like it or not, race and culture DO factor into the lives of these children. Regardless of race, adoption takes a lot of hard work and understanding. Love is one of many factors that determine the outcome of adoption.

Agreed. Their point was not that they were a "sub-par" family, bur rather that there are several levels which need to fail before international adoption becomes the best option. When those options fail, for a variety of reasons, then yes, international adoption may be the ideal choice. But with the issues of child trafficking in international adoption, the lose of personal history and the issues of cultural adjustment on top of more universal adoption issues, I commend the family for recognizing that international adoption should not be the first choice.

[Howl]

Dad is a psychiatrist and both parents sought extra training to be able to foster traumatized children. The oldest adopted daughter wanted more brown kids in the family (her words).

So many wins in this situation, it brings tears to my eyes.

The Barbours are simply beyond repellent and walked away with less than a slap on the wrist. The good thing is that (IIRC) Mr. Barbour lost his law license. Can anyone confirm that?

[Palimpsest]

Dad is a psychiatrist and both parents sought extra training to be able to foster traumatized children. The oldest adopted daughter wanted more brown kids in the family (her words).

So many wins in this situation, it brings tears to my eyes.

The Barbours are simply beyond repellent and walked away with less than a slap on the wrist. The good thing is that (IIRC) Mr. Barbour lost his law license. Can anyone confirm that?

One of the things I like about this story is that the local Ethiopian community was consulted on the placement of the children and actually recommended this family. That says a lot and they seem to be doing a wonderful job.

Douglas Barbour "resigned" his law license before he could be formally disbarred by the disciplinary board. Here you go: http://www.padisciplinaryboard.org/look ... ctions.php

[Howl]

Does this leave open the possibility that he could be "re-barred" in the future? Hope not.

[Grimalkin]

I am glad I read this today. It makes me not want to be lazy, and I was headed in that direction today. I cannot imagine the 24/7 commitment these people have. I met a woman on vacation who fosters children with medical needs and have developmental/behavior problems. She has adopted five children over the years.

She is incredibly passionate and truly loves all these children. I have kept in touch with her on FB. It is truly a special gift to be able to do that. I worked with mentally handicapped adults, and hope to go back to it but I like my quiet home and personal space.

I liked that the other kids had a place to go for breaks and the conscious effort to give them individual one on one time. Also I am a bit biased but soccer is an excellent choice for a kid who has an abundance of energy. There is tons of running involved, and most people do not realize the amount of skill involved in the sport, which can make up for being a not great athlete.