Can Fundies Get Help When Taking Care of Elderly Relatives?

[debrand]

I have no idea if this contest is over or not but it struck me as interesting. Nathan Pearl(Michael Pearls son) wants people to vote so that his wife can win a trip.

she has tirelessy taken care of my 89yr grandfather who is a decoated vet with severe dementia and an amputee. he has lived with us for 2 years and without the aid of a nurse or homehealth. She is also a mom to our 4 small children.

I am glad that Nathan's grandfather has someone to take care of him but his comment made me curious. Is there some fundie rule that you can't accept the help of a nurse or homehealth? Why doesn't Michael or Debbi help take care of the grandfather? I don't fault anyone for taking a break from caring for an elderly relative, I was just curious if not getting help was a fundie thing or not.

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[Four is Enough]

Probably can't accept outside help because Jesus... you know, "honor thy father and thy mother?" (even though, in this case, it's the Grandfather in LAW!) :angry-banghead:

[Coco]

That is definitely sacrificial love. I think some fundies set up their kids for this kind of obligation by brainwashing them to think that their parents/elders are God's will incarnate. It's not a sin to let a professional handle a burden that heavy.

[lilwriter85]

I have no idea if this contest is over or not but it struck me as interesting. Nathan Pearl(Michael Pearls son) wants people to vote so that his wife can win a trip.

I am glad that Nathan's grandfather has someone to take care of him but his comment made me curious.

Why doesn't Michael or Debbi help take care of the grandfather? I don't fault anyone for taking a break from caring for an elderly relative, I was just curious if not getting help was a fundie thing or not.

facebook.com/nathan.pearl.79?fref=browse_search

facebook.com/OutriggerResorts?sk=app_451684954848385&brandloc=DISABLE&app_data=chk-5466650fe1b4a%2Cview-vote%2Cfor-5195068

Some elderly people depending on their income and health statusES, qualify for home care services that Medicare pays for. Fundies might be against that because it would be seen as government assistance. The process to get home care services varies case by case. I know a few people that work in home health care as aides and nurses. The people that get 15 to 40 hours of home care hours are usually ones with severe needs. Nathan's grandfather with dementia and physical disability could qualify for care in the range 30 to 40 hours per week. If they went the home care route, they could have aides or nurses going in during certain times when Nathan's wife needs to do other things or wants time to herself.

[Jana814]

I don't know if they can get help. I give his wife a lot of credit for taking care of him.

[TXGirlInAMaterialWorld]

I had several relatives who flat refused homehealth for elderly kinfolks on the basis that it was intrusive to have someone in their home several times a week. They really did believe that homehealth came in to take notes and then could "make" you put your relative in a state nursing home.

It is a very sweet thing to care for an elderly relative, but I have seen cases where the elderly go without the needed care because they don't want to be a burden on family or the family just doesn't have the skill set or time to dedicate to it.

I had to fight my family to get home health for my grandmother (she had the Cadillac of retiree insurance from my grandfather's employer) and I know it improved her last few years of life tremendously. The home health nurse suggested all sorts of small items, excercises, etc. that we wouldn't even have known existed otherwise.

[louisa05]

It is not easy to qualify for home health paid by Medicare. You have to require a great deal of medical intervention or be just about destitute. Or both.

A relative is caring for a wife with Alzheimer's who can no longer speak, feed herself, handle any self-care, etc...Because she does not require medication administered via IV or injection at home, they only qualify for Medicare to pay for an hour of assistance from home health per day. He pays out of pocket for additional help one day a week for his own sanity.

My parents (one is legally blind, the other is stage iv cancer with debilitating neuropathy in his hands and feet) do not qualify for any home care services at all.

I would not be quick to judge that people are refusing assistance. They may not be able to get it.

[Palimpsest]

Oh, I don't know. I've helped to take care of elderly relatives. PBP (variation of ALS) and Alzheimers.

I can't say it was "tirelessly" though. I'm no saint. There were times when I was really damn tired juggling all the balls in the air. I tried (I hope successfully) not to let it show. It is really hard.

We pulled in all the resources we could, and that they would accept. They were very private people and preferred to rely on family. But at some point family can and should say -- we just can't do this and still make sure you are safe. You need Home Health and are entitled to it. Your needs are beyond our ability to care for you properly.

That is hard to admit to. But when you are groping your way through exhaustion it is probably OK to admit to defeat.

Yep, Medicare and (when that runs out) Medicaid are hard to negotiate and don't cover it all. Even Hospice (I love Hospice) has limitations.

Family makes up the difference. As it should.

I can't say I ever thought I deserved praise or free trips for anything I did. I just did my best to make their passings easier. From love.

[Coco]

i would just rather take one of those pills that ends it all peacefully in a sleep if there was no more hope. Honestly i don't want to put my family through what i have seen friends' and relatives' families go through in the last days of care.

[nelliebelle1197]

Perfect job for Sarah Maxewell. The families would not even have to pay her and she could minister to the elderly every day.

[DGayle]

How sad for Nathan's wife that she's also expected to take care of the grandfather that he, his father, and his mother, won't take care of. $10 says Mikey didn't want his dad living with him, so ordered his son and daughter-in-law to do it.

[Jana814]

How sad for Nathan's wife that she's also expected to take care of the grandfather that he, his father, and his mother, won't take care of. $10 says Mikey didn't want his dad living with him, so ordered his son and daughter-in-law to do it.

Agree!! Why does it have to be her.

[Jana814]

Perfect job for Sarah Maxewell. The families would not even have to pay her and she could minister to the elderly every day.

Love this idea!!

[debrand]

Perfect job for Sarah Maxewell. The families would not even have to pay her and she could minister to the elderly every day.

Sadly, there are no Pearl men left for her to marry. They all have common in law wives.

Actually, I am very happy that she isn't married to a Pearl. It isn't out of the realm of possibilities that the Pearl children are nothing like their parents but how could I curse poor Sarah with Michael for an in-law.

[jaynie]

Wasn't it speculated that the Maxwells fell out with the Pearls? IIRC Michael Pearl criticised a family he knew for sheltering too hard, and for reasons I can't recall this was taken to be a reference to Steve and Teri. In that case, even if there were stray Pearl sons hanging around, Sarah wouldn't have a chance.

(You know you've failed as a parent when MICHAEL PEARL thinks you're too hardcore...)