Mark Cahill's "Are You a Good Person?" test IMAGE HEAVY

[DGayle]

www.goodtest.net/goodpersoninteractive.htm

Let's see what happens when I take it!

150,000 people die every day. Will I be good enough to get into Heaven?

Well, yes. Earlier today I told my kids that the "cake" they made for me from poptarts and thousand island dressing is yummy, because they asked and I didn't wan to hurt their feelings. So I'll click Guilty.

Aw, what a nice test, thanking me. Well, I'm human. I didn't want to hurt my kids. So, HUMAN!

I won't lie. I didn't see that coming. I though clicking Human would get something about how we're all human, and that's why we need Jesus. Okay, Next.

I took a piece of candy form one of my kids' Halloween pails without asking, and, oh.... Halloween. I'm going to hell. Guilty.

Human.

These people would think Jean Valjean got off too easy with 19 years for stealing a loaf of bread to feed a starving child.

Guilty as all fuck. In the flesh, I'm in the double digits. Mentally? There's no way to even count. Guilty, guilty, GUILTY! And I've enjoyed it all.

That's anticlimactic. No screaming at me for being a whoresicle on an icecock who will only have sex with Satan's pitchfork to look forward to? I'm disappointed.

I guess I'm guilty of murder because I hate people who think it's okay to shove their dicks into infants.

Yup. I'm the same as the Toolbox Killers. Those guys did things so gruesome, and then recorded it, that the single surviving recording it used to desensitize FBI agents, and when the recording was played in the courtroom, pretty much everyone broke down, and some of the jurors ended up in therapy. I'm not even going to describe what those killers did to teens and young girls. I guess it doesn't matter, since hating people like that makes me a murderer just like them.

Well. This took a not-fun turn.

Goddamned guilty.

Actually that god who supposedly gave me life tried killing me before I was born. Everything possible to be done was done, and I still was expected to be born earlier than Josie. My mom's pastor and the doctors all told her it was clearly god's will that I "go home." She didn't give up, and I'm alive because of that.

If you are only alive because of medicine, you can't thank God for your life unless you think God is like that guy from Saw. Like in Saw III, there's a scene where someone woke up in a room next to a bomb, and there was a hook going through his chin and out his mouth, and locked into place. To live, he'd have to rip his jaw off, or else he's blow up when the bomb goes off. It's a game of "how much do you want to live?"

That's like God. How much are you willing to use medical science to survive the medical hell he's putting you through? If you go through enough, and keep up the fight and rip your jaw off, he might let you live. But you've better praise him for you being alive, even though he put you through hell!

Thanks, God. You're a goddamned awesome fucker.

We're all bad people. Even children.

Finishing this test won't kill me, but God might!

I'm jealous of people who win the lottery, people who got snow today, and people who aren't dealing with the flu. Evil thoughts!

Blah blah blah.

Guilty. And I'd give God the middle finger.

Because I actually care about people, and donate and volunteer for the sake of helping others instead of trying to bribe my way into heaven I deserve heaven, but why would I want to go wash the feet of men with my hair as an eternal reward? Anyway, heaven.

A good judge looks at the circumstances. Did you steal that medicine because your kid was going to die without it, and you couldn't get it otherwise? Did you kill that person because he was trying to shoot up a classroom? Lust and envy aren't even crimes.

A GOOD God is GOOD because he'll punish you fiercely without using any thought about why you're sinning, or even if the rules make sense. He'll make you with free will and the ability to think, then show his sadistic side by punishing you horrifically for daring to use that free will to think.

If a LOVING God were to judge me, then I'd be heaven-bound.

The only way to pass this test is to call yourself a sinner, call yourself a bad person, and say you belong in hell.

There you have it.

Now what happens if I click innocent?

So you're railroaded into guilty.

Every

Single

Goddamned

Time.

Then you get the same replies as above. You're a LIAR! A THIEF! The same a baby-rapist!

Guilty or innocent? I guess I deserve hell.

Oooh! Choices! path A: Hell:

No, scratch that. I did this test with Continue also, and regardless of which you pick, you get the same crap:

Blah blah blah. Oooh, according to the news on TV right now, Halliburton is in talks to buy Baker Hughes. Now that would make earth more like hell.

Wait a sec. So God will punish you because he's a good god and loves you. So hell for you. But he might let you skip hell? Does this mean God doesn't love you if you go to heaven? Consolation prize for him not loving you? I guess he loves the sinners, and hates the fundies.

Well that contradicts the mercy on the page before. He MUST send you to hell.

Eternal life is a gift. It just will probably be in hell. And now the punishment is death, when it was hell earlier.

My eyes are glazing over.

Most important I'll ever read? I doubt that.

I'm repenting starting this post since I'm bored, but I'm too close to finished to quit now!

I believe in Santa Claus and life on other planets and in equal rights and feminism.

Nope to it all. Where's the Nopetopus gif when I need it?

Where do I go from here? To fornicate by watching a show I love full of fucking hot men.

[Lissa1481]

Holy crap. Well we are all going to hell. See you there.

And you can have my snow. Please come take it all!

[artdecades]

I can never get past the first one because the semantic gymnastics drive me insane.

Having told a lie doesn't make you a liar. A liar is a person who tells lies. There is a difference between doing something once and actively doing something. You could be a liar at one point and not be a liar at another point. Its all so black and white.

[Burris]

I intensely dislike the so-called "Good Person Test."

The mighty brain trust that initially developed this propaganda did so without any insight into how other people think -- and why should they care? People will buy it, share it, and eventually lose their faith when the finally face the illogic of it.

This idiocy is merely a gimmik meant to confuse the gullible. Because the online versions of this tract don't actually gather individual answers, the result is a foregone conclusion: Stole from your brother's change jar as a child? POOF! You're a thief - and where Old Testament courts might impose a fine for thievery, the new punishment is death followed by eternal torture.

Because, as I mentioned already, the "test" doesn't capture responses, instead moving forward as by rote, Jesus himself could waste his time with it and be pronounced a failure.

The god of whomever first created that tract sounds like a sadist: God loves you - unless you act like a human being as according to God's own design.

I really can't presume to speak for the Ancient of Days except to express my own disbelief that the octillions of years old maker of all things would care, for example, about consensual sex, about a guy swearing over a stubbed toe, or about anything else of that nature.

And I haven't even started on the horrors of fire.

On a somewhat related note, here is a more robust test by which parishioners can rate their pastors - making this closer to how an earnest ‘good person test' might look: http://strengthofthemeek.blogspot.ca/p/ ... ater.htiml (Damn typing this on a tablet.)

[RosyDaisy]

Umm..some test won't tell me if I'm going to Heaven. That's up to God.

[Burris]

Oops; bad strengthofthemeek.blogspot.ca/p/discerning-need-for-greater.html

[jerkit]

My response to this: ain't nobody got time for that.

[debrand]

I hate the Good Person Test because it condemns people for just being human. The god that these people have created cares less about human beings loving and caring for one another then he does for praise to stroke his ego. In other words, their god is a massive jerk.

In Exodus 1, the midwives lied to Pharaoh about the existence of male babies and god rewarded the midwives. There are apparently some instances were bible god allows bending of rules which means that their god isn't as the same one in the bible that they read.

It would be funny to answer these questions in silly ways. "Have you ever lied?" Yes, which means that I might be dishonest about telling lies so maybe I tell the truth all the time but.....

Have you ever had a lustful thought? I am thinking lustful thoughts about you right now...wait, I lie all the time so maybe that is a lie.

[docmom]

Yet another Fundie tool to turn people away, far, far away from religion. I mean, who wants to spend eternity in the presence of such a heinous monster? If this is god, I'm not going anywhere near him.

[browncoatslytherin]

In Exodus 1, the midwives lied to Pharaoh about the existence of male babies and god rewarded the midwives. There are apparently some instances were bible god allows bending of rules which means that their god isn't as the same one in the bible that they read.

i hadn't even thought of that instance. i'm sure there's others, too. i'll have to use that sometime. ;)

[docmom]

Theology question: Are all the characters in the OT (and everyone born prior to Jesus) in hell? The good person test points out that EVERY SINGLE PERSON is sinful in the eyes of god and therefore requires the salvation of Jesus to go to heaven. What happened before Jesus when the only way to go to heaven was to obey the laws- which cannot be obeyed? Is David (fornicator) in hell? What about Moses and his sister (lied to Pharoh's daughter)? Why did it take god several thousand years to realize no-one was joining him in heaven?

[formergothardite]

I once took it and answered innocent for all of the answers and at the end it told me I was clearly a liar and heading to hell. :lol:

[browncoatslytherin]

Theology question: Are all the characters in the OT (and everyone born prior to Jesus) in hell? The good person test points out that EVERY SINGLE PERSON is sinful in the eyes of god and therefore requires the salvation of Jesus to go to heaven. What happened before Jesus when the only way to go to heaven was to obey the laws- which cannot be obeyed? Is David (fornicator) in hell? What about Moses and his sister (lied to Pharoh's daughter)? Why did it take god several thousand years to realize no-one was joining him in heaven?

the general take on it, from what i ascertained growing up, is that before jesus there was the law (in the ot), and as long as the law was adhered to, then you were good.

[docmom]

the general take on it, from what i ascertained growing up, is that before jesus there was the law (in the ot), and as long as the law was adhered to, then you were good.

Yes, but the good person test demonstrates that no-one can adhere to the law.

[browncoatslytherin]

Yes, but the good person test demonstrates that no-one can adhere to the law.

within the law, there were certain rituals and sacrifices that could be used to atoned for slip-ups. so, adhering to the law isn't just following the rules, it's also following the rituals and sacrifices. that's why jesus was considered the "sacrificial lamb".

eta for disclaimer: i'm not saying this makes sense! i'm only saying this is what i was taught growing up in the fundie/ifb world.