WWYD if fundies coming to your party

[Sundaymorning]

I think it depends on the situation OP has with the ones who went down the rabbit hole.

If you want to keep some kind of rs with them, then you should try to make them feel welcome in your home.

However, chances are that you will offend them anyways even if you just live your life and do the party as you normally would.

Hard-core fundies can freak out because basically everything: women wearing pants or a skirt that doesn't cover their knees, secular music that no one else would consider offensive, but people will dance to, people asking the wrong kind of questions, and heavens forbid you happen to be friends with a gay couple that shows up at the party...

I personally wouldn't be rude to them, but still keep the party as I normally would. These songs I suggested are all songs I actually played at some of our home parties. Not because I wanted to offend anyone, but because we like them. And depending on the occasion, people from all ages attend, and no one, not even a friends Catholic Grandmother, was ever offended. But then again, this people aren't crazy fundies.

[karen77]

The way I'm this is that you invited someone you care about, and in order for him/her to come, s/he has to bring along a spouse or some inlaws or something.

In this instance, I'd be cordial upon greeting them all, and make sure that you have beverage/food/etc that they like, then go about your normal party. I'm in the group that says why go out of your way to antagonize them? I know my simply being can antagonize some of my fundie inlaws, and that is when I'm avoiding topics I know we conflict over. If you haven't een your loved on in a while, try to get him/her to talk with you and really catch up. Make it worth your while to have the people you don't like in your house by getting to visi with your loved one.

Otherwise, I'd just do the same music, etc, a I'd do ordinarily. Poking the fundies might be fun, but if it costs you seeing your loved one again in the future, it might not be worth it. You don't have to tone it down, but why tone it up?

I like this, but definitely throw the loved ones favorite dance tunes on...can't hurt :) (I assume they didn't like anything to crazy)

[Grimalkin]

Well obviously the party would have to be on the night of a full moon and everyone should wear ritual robes with nothing under them.

This reminds me of the lady who menstrated on a roast and served it to her guests. There were pictures of her marinating the roast.

You could do that.

And smoke weed.

[Dandruff]

"Signs", by the Five Man Electrical Band.

If you're really pissed perhaps some pro-choice/evolution/women's rights/gay rights posters. Or Halloween motif if it's near that time.

[Toothfairy]

Strippers, sinful music, short skirt and tank top with Boob's hanging out. Better yet go naked

[patsymae]

You could play black gospel music and reggae. Good stuff to dance to but it's all about God so they'd have a hard time expressing offense.

[busdrivingmom]

I have a fundie sister in law and usually we actually have no problems. She mostly respects my life is different than hers and how she raised her son versus how I raise my kids. I also try not to do things that would upset her, like listen to rap music. The biggest problem we have is alcohol. She quit drinking when she converted to Baptist and I am not a huge drinker but I do usually have beer available when people are over. She threatened to leave once when my mother in law and I were going to have a martini to celebrate a new job.

Personally, I would not do anything different. There usually are enough choices to appeal to all.

[DGayle]

I'd play the music and games the loved one enjoyed before all of this went down.

[Walking Cat Bed]

Be polite and friendly, make minor allowances, but have the party you planned.

For example: if you knew a friend's partner was vegetarian, make sure there are vegetarian food options -- but keep the barbecue sandwiches and burgers. So, make sure there are non-alcoholic drinks, but have the beverages you planned available.

Resist the urge to alienate them, but don't change everything for them. Find a middle ground and make it their choice to approach that point.

[iknowright]

Ok, ok, ok...so I won't do the planned jello shots from my navel. I guess the stripper is not a good idea either. I am going to have some alcohol available and just the usual stuff we have always done. I won't be extreme for us, but I'm not going to tone it down for these strange strangers. KWIM? Yes, I'm extremely pissed...and these people are probably at the core of it all. They're not just fundie...but fundie leaders.

I will try and not hate them. You guys are right about making my loved one even more alienated if that is picked up on at all through this party. Lucky this party is not happening for a while. Can use the time to plan. :shifty-kitty:

[shedemei]

Can you politely disinvite them?

"Hey, relative, we're so excited you're coming to our shindig! I just wanted to let you know that we have a limited amount of tolerance/food/space and won't be able to accommodate additional guests. I'm sorry that your creepy overlords friends won't be able to attend. I really can't wait to see you and catch up!"

[FreeHannie!]

Amen! My thoughts exactly. As hilarious as some of these ideas are, blasting unseemly music, wearing a "Nike" outfit, and generally just doing everything that you can to offend them would only serve to prove them "right" (in their minds). If you show them that you can be everything they strive to be, i.e. a kind, mature, thoughtful upstanding member of society without joining their fundie cult, you might reveal some truths to them, rather than the other way around.

I'm in the middle. I don't go out of my way to make my fundie cousins feel uncomfortable, but I also don't change my lifestyle when I'm around them to make them more comfortable iykwim. No, I won't put on a tiny miniskirt and tube top I'd never otherwise wear to upset them, but I'm not going to put on a frumper either. I'll just wear my jeans and tank tops like I normally would.

[RosyDaisy]

Be polite, but don't bend over backwards to accommodate them.

[BrownieMomma]

Are they going to come? Will it just be the spouse of your loved one?

If they are coming to your home, if you hoping to establish long-term relationships, then welcome them by being inclusive. Hatred and intolerance and phobe goes both ways, I'm sure you realize. If they don't drink but you would normally serve wine, be sure to find out what they do drink and have the best of that available. Like here, sweet tea from a particular fast food place lol. (I'm in TX)

If you want to draw lines and FU to them, then do nothing to make them feel comfortable or welcomed and kiss your relative goodbye.

[iknowright]

Oh, I definitely wish I could invite them, but the party is in the loved one's honor. I love the "overlord" part. Hilarious.

I dress a little slutty anyway, so I'm just going to stick to what I would normally do. The odds are very high that I will never see these people again, but I'm not going to go full throttle slut on them.

It's so interesting with fundies...this loved one had to turn her back and lie and fight her way through to join the fundie group,,,something the fundie group both encouraged and denied at the same time. If you aren't a fundie family, the fundies have no problem interfering and using whatever means works for them to brainwash someone into their fold. :roll:

[BrownieMomma]

Oh, I definitely wish I could invite them, but the party is in the loved one's honor. I love the "overlord" part. Hilarious.

I dress a little slutty anyway, so I'm just going to stick to what I would normally do. The odds are very high that I will never see these people again, but I'm not going to go full throttle slut on them.

It's so interesting with fundies...this loved one had to turn her back and lie and fight her way through to join the fundie group,,,something the fundie group both encouraged and denied at the same time. If you aren't a fundie family, the fundies have no problem interfering and using whatever means works for them to brainwash someone into their fold. :roll:

Undoubtedly they feel they saved your loved one from an ungodly lifestyle.

But you probably have to accept that at least on some level, your loved one chose this.

[Full enough quiver]

I agree with everyone that said not to go out of your way to antagonize them (that will probably happen naturally), be polite, but don't accomodate their beliefs in any way. Throw the party exactly as you would if they weren't coming. Wear what you want, play what you want, dance, drink, behave however you would normally.

We had a similar issue at my oldest daughter's sweet 16. My husband insisted on inviting some old friends of his late wife. They spent the whole time complaining about the music, people's attire and language, the fact that alcohol was present. At first I just ignored them, until the woman had the gall to go up to my sweet girl and tell her that her mother would've wanted her to cover up. I went to comfort my stepdaughter, and convince her that she looked beautiful, and while her mother may have wanted her to cover up (like many mothers of teens), she would have been very proud of her anyway. Her and I came out smiling and holding hands.

I went up to the queen of the sanctimonious bitches and ripped her a new one. Then I told her she didn't have to come, that her invite was a courtesy, a nod to the fact that she had known my stepdaughter since infancy, but that she needed to leave now. It's my house, my rules, and if she couldn't mind her manners, she could leave. They left, and we had a much better time. A lot of people told me that i did great, that she deserved it. So now this lady hates me, and her daughter isn't allowed over here, but I honestly don't give a shit.

[shedemei]

Oh, I definitely wish I could invite them, but the party is in the loved one's honor. I love the "overlord" part. Hilarious.

This changes things. If the party is for her , then I think you do have an obligation to make it enjoyable for her as the guest of honor. That will include making it at least tolerable for the people she brings. I'm not saying you change how You dress, but keep the entertainment tame enough to not Cause offense or her to feel embarrassed and judged by her fun die associates.

Maybe keep the alcohol in a separate room for medicinal purposes as needed. :)

.

[iknowright]

Yep...I wish I could just snark away on them, but then I don't want my loved one even more in their camp.

[moodygirl86]

I agree with everyone that said not to go out of your way to antagonize them (that will probably happen naturally), be polite, but don't accomodate their beliefs in any way. Throw the party exactly as you would if they weren't coming. Wear what you want, play what you want, dance, drink, behave however you would normally.

We had a similar issue at my oldest daughter's sweet 16. My husband insisted on inviting some old friends of his late wife. They spent the whole time complaining about the music, people's attire and language, the fact that alcohol was present. At first I just ignored them, until the woman had the gall to go up to my sweet girl and tell her that her mother would've wanted her to cover up. I went to comfort my stepdaughter, and convince her that she looked beautiful, and while her mother may have wanted her to cover up (like many mothers of teens), she would have been very proud of her anyway. Her and I came out smiling and holding hands.

I went up to the queen of the sanctimonious bitches and ripped her a new one. Then I told her she didn't have to come, that her invite was a courtesy, a nod to the fact that she had known my stepdaughter since infancy, but that she needed to leave now. It's my house, my rules, and if she couldn't mind her manners, she could leave. They left, and we had a much better time. A lot of people told me that i did great, that she deserved it. So now this lady hates me, and her daughter isn't allowed over here, but I honestly don't give a shit.

Nice one! I don't get the rudeness of some people. I bet no one's allowed to so much as breathe in her house, yet she's behaving like that when she's a guest? Sorry she upset your girl, but good on you for defending her and making the party better.

[lemonhead]

Hmm. Well, I've BTDT, since my entire family of origin is still fundie.

So, in the past when it was my turn to host a family get-together I would not really change anything about my home or my traditions. I would serve alcohol, and I would not hide any of my "offensive" decorations or books--e.g., my Buddhist singing bowl, my copy of The Black Arts, or my art which happens to include nudes and adult language. Yes, they were offended, though polite enough to conceal it, in a "bless your little heart, we'll be praying for you" kind of way.

It's worth noting I am estranged from my family now. Life is much more peaceful without them. I would never intentionally offend a guest, but I am who I am, and if they are uncomfortable/offended/disgusted with that, then perhaps we do not belong in each others' lives.

[Full enough quiver]

I would never go out of my way to make a guest in my home feel uncomfortable, but I'm certainly not going to censor myself, or anyone in my family for someone else's benefit. If someone is a guest in my home, I expect them to be polite and keep their opinions about my lifestyle to themselves. If they can't do that, then they can leave, and I'm not shy about telling them so. Particularly if they have the unmitigated gall to criticize one of my perfect angel children. Then it is on.