Adoption is a ministry, so help fund it

[Mama Mia]

This is where I have a problem. No, this is not a ministry. This is a path to become a mother because infertility means she cannot have a biological baby and she wants a baby.

I do not in any way have a problem with someone adopting when they want a child and are infertile. I have a problem with deciding that there's some higher calling and ministry in this choice.

women-of-worship.com/2014/04/09/adoption-week-5-small-things/

I a agree. That quote makes it sound like the child they adopt is some sort of project that they'll put on Pinterest to show how wonderful they are.

[patsymae]

I a agree. That quote makes it sound like the child they adopt is some sort of project that they'll put on Pinterest to show how wonderful they are.

And they feel, like Chelsea Noble and other Christian-"minister"-adopters have said, that God intends for them to have the child and is using the other woman to provide the child that was "meant" for them.. Because you know, God couldn't figure out any other way for people to have children if he wanted them to have children. And is totally okay with destroying one woman's life because some fundie bitch really, really wants a newborn.

[Mama Mia]

And they feel, like Chelsea Noble and other Christian-"minister"-adopters have said, that God intends for them to have the child and is using the other woman to provide the child that was "meant" for them.. Because you know, God couldn't figure out any other way for people to have children if he wanted them to have children. And is totally okay with destroying one woman's life because some fundie bitch really, really wants a newborn.

Wow. That's just beyond entitled and gross. :doh: really it's like something a pre-schooler who wants a new toy would think. How can grown adults actually think that, write it out for the world to see, presumably re-read to edit ----and not see how messed up it is?

[patsymae]

Wow. That's just beyond entitled and gross. :doh: really it's like something a pre-schooler who wants a new toy would think. How can grown adults actually think that, write it out for the world to see, presumably re-read to edit ----and not see how messed up it is?

"We just felt like this was the way God wanted to build our family," Chelsea added…."If you want to adopt a baby, be open and let God bring you the right baby.â€â€¦

Chelsea: Well, sweetheart, I don’t know her name. But you were in an amazingly, special, incredible woman’s tummy, and she took care of you in her tummy for nine months. And when the time came for you to be born, she felt God talking to her heart and telling her that Mommy and Daddy were meant to be your mommy and daddy. And because she loved you, she took care of you for nine months. And, Jack, she did the most amazing thing. She listened to God. She wanted you to be where you were supposed to be – where God wanted you to be. And then, Jack…God uses people like angels...

afajournal.org/2005/may/5.05adoption.asp(hope it is okay to post link info without link; if not I'll delete)

[chaotic life]

I have watched some Christian adopters violate ethics and laws egregiously because they believe God uses adoption to bring a specific child to them, and therefore once they have committed a specific child is theirs then all acts are acceptable to obtain that child.

We went into adoption because we wanted to stand in the gap for children who would otherwise have no other choice, and we weren't afraid to love children that others were scared to accept. We did have an adoption fail. It was hard. However, it became clear that the so-called aunt of the children was almost certainly their mother, which disqualified them for US adoption laws, and we were not willing to violate laws to have a specific child. Additionally, we were not willing to remove children from their mother simply because the country program was pitching it as best interest of the children (they were still living with their family at that point in time, not in an orphanage).

I've taken a LOT of heat over the years for speaking for the ethic responsibilities that adoptive families must observe. I still stand by those ethics.

This woman sounds very much like she's adopting through Bethany and they are notorious for predatory practices upon pregnant women in crisis. Bethany is a business that caters to families that desperately want a baby and convince them this is a ministry, when most of the women they prey upon would choose to parent if they were supported and given resources. IF I were ever going to consider a domestic infant adoption and was committed to not working with the foster-care system, there are only a few agencies in the US that I would work with, based strictly upon their known ethics and reputations. Bethany is NOT one of them.

I hate, hate, hate this idea that we're going to minister to a woman in crisis by taking her child off her hands. Birthmothers make conscious and deliberate choices for their children, despite how much it hurts them personally, not because they need to be ministered to but because they take their responsibility to act in the best interest of their child very seriously. Until they place, it is their child, not the would-be adopters. The average birthmother is NOT the drug addicted, poor woman who doesn't want her child. The average birthmother is middle class and either some college education or focused on going to college.

[Terrie]

My biggest problem is that once you buy into the idea of adoption as ministry and part of "God's plan" ethics and laws go out the window as chaotic life says. After all, what are mere "laws" made by man compared to God's plan? If you read some of the blogs of families in the middle of fundraising for "rescue" adoptions (such as via Reece's Rainbows) you'd think they had the kids on layaway like a fucking couch. And most of them are doing so for countries where either preselection of a child is NOT allowed, or where fundraising is banned. :pull-hair:

[ILoveJellybeans]

One thing I don't get is why if God wanted that child to be the child of those parents, why didn't he make them give birth to the kid and save them all of the horrible things that happened to them/their birth family. Why did he make children live in horrible abusive orphanages, or be abused by their parents and be in foster care for years, or make a young woman be raped in order to create that child, yet he has the ability to get anyone pregnant, even a virgin.

[Emme]

One thing I don't get is why if God wanted that child to be the child of those parents, why didn't he make them give birth to the kid and save them all of the horrible things that happened to them/their birth family. Why did he make children live in horrible abusive orphanages, or be abused by their parents and be in foster care for years, or make a young woman be raped in order to create that child, yet he has the ability to get anyone pregnant, even a virgin.

These are the questions many adoptees have voiced to the adoptive parents who spew this shit...

[Feberin]

It appears they have spent $4,790 of their own money (women-of-worship.com/2014/07/30/fundraising-adoption/) so they already annoy me less then Lyndsie who wasn't able to cover $1,000 out of pocket for a home study while eating out all the time and going on vacations.

However I'm curious why they're trying to raise $25K if they don't need that much to adopt since she says that they only need $14,500 to cover the adoption costs. And $10K is a little more then some extra money for random extra costs. She also complains about people who don't donate such as their friends and how you expect people to get behind you when you ask for money. That sounds kind of entitled to me.

[acat7]

Has anyone here ever read Philomena?

[patsymae]

Has anyone here ever read Philomena?

Read it, saw it, and lived something similar to it. Unfortunately, things really aren't all that different here and now.

[Coco]

These are the questions many adoptees have voiced to the adoptive parents who spew this shit...

Why can't the parents just be honest and say, what happened wasn't your fault, where you came from was in no way your choice, but we loved you so much that we wanted you to be our child. Instead of pretending bad circumstances were God's will. My husband believes that we were brought together because of some bad things that happened in his family and thus gives the person who did bad things a pass. I wish i could make him believe, no it was nothing to do with the bad things. God didn't mean for that to happen - good things happened in SPITE of it. But i guess i just have to give my hubby grace to manage however he can to reconcile the past. But adoptive parents have more of a choice to put things in the honest way and shouldn't say God meant for shit to happen.

[patsymae]

Why can't the parents just be honest and say, what happened wasn't your fault, where you came from was in no way your choice, but we loved you so much that we wanted you to be our child. Instead of pretending bad circumstances were God's will. My husband believes that we were brought together because of some bad things that happened in his family and thus gives the person who did bad things a pass. I wish i could make him believe, no it was nothing to do with the bad things. God didn't mean for that to happen - good things happened in SPITE of it. But i guess i just have to give my hubby grace to manage however he can to reconcile the past. But adoptive parents have more of a choice to put things in the honest way and shouldn't say God meant for shit to happen.

Anyone read "Candide>?

[Emme]

Why can't the parents just be honest and say, what happened wasn't your fault, where you came from was in no way your choice, but we loved you so much that we wanted you to be our child. Instead of pretending bad circumstances were God's will. My husband believes that we were brought together because of some bad things that happened in his family and thus gives the person who did bad things a pass. I wish i could make him believe, no it was nothing to do with the bad things. God didn't mean for that to happen - good things happened in SPITE of it. But i guess i just have to give my hubby grace to manage however he can to reconcile the past. But adoptive parents have more of a choice to put things in the honest way and shouldn't say God meant for shit to happen.

I honestly don't know, but I'm frustrated for kids and adults who have to hear that it was god's will. Your hubs sounds like a good man. Hugs to you guys.

[Childless]

I looked into domestic infant adoption when I was having fertility issues. I didn't pretend it was a ministry though. I wanted a second child and I was struggling to get pregnant. I would have looked into adopting out of the foster care system, but my husband didn't think he could handle an older child adoption. I was glad he was honest as it would have been bad for the child and our family had he lied for my benefit.

The agency I looked at had adoptions costs between 15k and 30k depending on whether or not the birth mother had medical insurance/Medicaid, if the adoption was in a state the agency was licensed to practice in or if they had to go through a secondary agency, the court costs in the birth mother's state, travel costs, how long a state required the adoptive parents to stay before being able to travel home with the child, etc. A large chunk of the adoption costs though were there to pay for any counseling or therapy the birth mother might need to cope with giving up her child. This agency said they supported the birth mothers for the remainder of their lives and if at any point the birth mothers felt they needed someone to talk to about the adoption, the agency would be sure they would have a therapist for as little or as long as they needed. It was also an agency that worked with only open adoptions, so the birth parents were still a part of the child's life. They also offered information on where a birth mother could find help if she really wanted to raise her baby. I have no problem with the higher costs if that is how the money is being used.

[patsymae]

I looked into domestic infant adoption when I was having fertility issues. I didn't pretend it was a ministry though. I wanted a second child and I was struggling to get pregnant. I would have looked into adopting out of the foster care system, but my husband didn't think he could handle an older child adoption. I was glad he was honest as it would have been bad for the child and our family had he lied for my benefit.

The agency I looked at had adoptions costs between 15k and 30k depending on whether or not the birth mother had medical insurance/Medicaid, if the adoption was in a state the agency was licensed to practice in or if they had to go through a secondary agency, the court costs in the birth mother's state, travel costs, how long a state required the adoptive parents to stay before being able to travel home with the child, etc. A large chunk of the adoption costs though were there to pay for any counseling or therapy the birth mother might need to cope with giving up her child. This agency said they supported the birth mothers for the remainder of their lives and if at any point the birth mothers felt they needed someone to talk to about the adoption, the agency would be sure they would have a therapist for as little or as long as they needed. It was also an agency that worked with only open adoptions, so the birth parents were still a part of the child's life. They also offered information on where a birth mother could find help if she really wanted to raise her baby. I have no problem with the higher costs if that is how the money is being used.

It's laudable that you support ethical adoption practices, but don't believe everything an agency tells you. Bethany Christian services gives out that line, but, for example, see firstmotherforum.com/2010/04/bethany-chistian-services-is-designed.html

[Childless]

It's laudable that you support ethical adoption practices, but don't believe everything an agency tells you. Bethany Christian services gives out that line, but, for example, see firstmotherforum.com/2010/04/bethany-chistian-services-is-designed.html

Oh, I don't. I did a lot of research into this agency and they are legit. In the end, I got pregnant with fertility treatments, so we did not adopt. I would recommend this agency though to any birth mothers looking at the option of adoption and any couples that are looking to adopt.