Gay People Are Possessed By “Fart Demons�

[doggie]

The stupid is strong in this one. of course it seems like only males are possessed by fart demons of course.

http://www.queerty.com/pastor-claims-ga ... e-20140723

Just when we thought we’d heard it all, this guy opened his mouth.

Bert Farias (pictured), founder of Holy Fire Ministries, claims to know the “raw, naked truth†about why people are gay: They are possessed by “fart demons.†Yes, fart demons.

Oh, but it gets better.

Farias also claims that in choosing to be gay, a person chooses to engage in “unclean demonic practices.†Once that happens, they become possessed by “putrid-smelling†demons so stinky they can drive pigs to suicide.

In an interview with Charisma magazine, Farias begged gay people to “not get upset with me†as he explained his groundbreaking new theory.

“[You] will see that I am actually trying to help you,†he assured them.

He continued: “Homosexuality is actually a demon spirit. It is such a putrid smelling demon that other demons don’t even like to hang around it.â€

He then went on to recount a story from the Bible to illustrate his fascinating point:

island-routes-caribbean“There is an account in the Bible where Jesus casts out 2,000 demons out of a man. The demons came out screaming and begged Jesus to send them into the pigs. The pigs didn’t want them, so they ran down a steep hill and were drowned in the sea.â€

“Pigs have more sense than some humans,†he added. “People embrace homosexual demons, but the pigs would rather die than be possessed with demons.â€

And how exactly does Farias know all this?

One of God’s prophets personally phoned to let him know.

[jerkit]

I am SHOCKED this wasn't Stevie

[polecat]

"Fart demons" made me laugh. :lol:

[doggie]

farting is not a laughing matter :lol4:

[HarryPotterFan]

Can we get a big group of people to fart on this guy? We can all go eat beans and then visit him.

[thoughtful]

I thought this sounded familiar, so I found the older thread.

viewtopic.php?f=142&t=14591

It's a different guy, though.

Yes, there are at least two people who believe this . :shock:

Soon there will be a whole (you should pardon the expression) movement.

Let's name the denomination -- how about Church of the Heinous Anus?

Our Lady of Fartima?

Advanced Tooting Institute?

Vision Fart-'em?

Independent Fundament Burptist?

Pootherans?

Asspostolic?

Blatter Day Saints?

[polecat]

Can we get a big group of people to fart on this guy? We can all go eat beans and then visit him.

I'm in for a group toot, but I do my best work after dairy. This may be the only time that lactose intolerance is a good thing!

[ViolaSebastian]

I thought this sounded familiar, so I found the older thread.

viewtopic.php?f=142&t=14591

It's a different guy, though.

Yes, there are at least two people who believe this . :shock:

Soon there will be a whole (you should pardon the expression) movement.

Let's name the denomination -- how about Church of the Heinous Anus?

Our Lady of Fartima?

Advanced Tooting Institute?

Vision Fart-'em?

Independent Fundament Burptist?

Pootherans?

Asspostolic?

Blatter Day Saints?

I would have gone with Advanced Training Insti-toot, myself.

[doggie]

Ya I remembered the other one after I posted this one. What's more stupid this idiot coming up with it or the fools that follow him?

[thoughtful]

I would have gone with Advanced Training Insti-toot, myself.

Of course! How did I miss that?

[ariel9]

So what is his reaction when he has to fart?

[RachelB]

So what is his reaction when he has to fart?

Maybe he yells, "Get behind me, Satan!"

[thoughtful]

Maybe he yells, "Get behind me, Satan!"

Maybe he sings it! I wonder if he fears that his regular, food-related farts are somehow "gay demon farts:"

Get thee behind me, Satan

I want to resist.

But I gotta blow and I can't say "No"

Get thee behind me.

Get thee behind me, Satan

I'm shaking my fist.

Too late for Beano, so I may let go --

Get thee behind me.

I had some Brussel sprouts,

And then a pound of broccoli.

Doesn’t mean I’m gay, you see.

Satan, get thee behind me.

It’s just what I ate,

I am not a queer, it’s just too much beer.

Had some beans, thus my fate.

Get thee behind me --

Stay where you are;

It's too late.

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[FloraKitty35]

Maybe he yells, "Get behind me, Satan!"

And make your sure you've got lube.

[Antimony]

I'm just, not even surprised?

Also kind of amused because this isn't really a new idea. I did a research project on homosexuality in asia in the 1100-1600's and most of this meant reading a lot of books about ancient Chinese sex jokes. About 80% of those jokes were the-dudes-who-are-gay-are-full-of-farts and you-can-tell-a-man-likes-other-men-by-his-farts. Do they know they're building off jokes gay men have been telling to each other for hundreds of years?

It's also just so funny that I can't even be upset. :lol: Absurdity.

[Howl]

Dear Bert Farias (or is it Fart Berias?),

I fart in your general direction.

Interesting (and a major oversight) that there is no 'fart' emoticon (farticon).

[RachelB]

"Fart demons" made me laugh. :lol:

It's such a silly thing to say. I can imagine my brother using it as a jocular pet name for his kids, who are all capable of some spectacularly malodorous toots: "Okay, my little fart demons, it's time to calm down and brush your teeth. Morning comes early."

Edited to add: I am howling with laughter at your parody, Thoughtful. That was wonderful.

[thoughtful]

Edited to add: I am howling with laughter at your parody, Thoughtful. That was wonderful.

Glad you liked it. The future Mrs. Nelson singing that song always pops into my head when someone uses that phrase. I guess that, even though I don't pay much attention during the scenes in Follow the Fleet that don't include Fred and Ginger, I've seen it enough times that the song sank in. :lol:

[LaLele]

Hmmm. What about heteros that have some backdoor action? Are they possessed by fart demons too???

(Typing out fart demon has led me to giggle out loud. I resolve to start using this term in my daily life.)

[Rescinded and Mended]

The only way to expel fart demons it through an exorcism, one that includes the holy trinity of cauliflower, beer and beans.

Of course, the afflicted could be skywriting once the excision begins, but it must be done to eradicate every farting fiend.

Fight the foul darkness within, the body of gas compels you!

[DifferentGurl]

...Fart demons? Sounds like something from a bad cartoon.

[RosyDaisy]

This has to be satire, right?

[RosyDaisy]

...Fart demons? Sounds like something from a bad cartoon.

And maybe possesses cats. Seriously, cat farts are noxious, especially wen they fart in your face..... [FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY]

[Azriel]

Fart demon sounds like something I'd call my BIL. That man can clear the outdoors. But he's not possessed by them. No, He is a fart demon.

[Rescinded and Mended]

When hubs and I started dating, he had a Persian cat that was, well, rather enamored with him. She didn't appreciate me, an interloper, taking her man away from her. Anytime we'd hug or kiss, she'd get between us and frantically meow, and often she'd just let one rip. That did an excellent job of getting us apart AND clearing the room. We're both convinced to this day that his cat had perfected both timing and release.

Yep, she definitely was the fart demon in our relationship.