19 Kids & Courting - Duggar Snark Season 8 - Part 5

[LittleOleMe]

Did anyone else read the article ( I think it was a post from the Today show) that shared how they hung his father's police uniform shirt and michelle's wedding dress. Ok I get his father's shirt, in memory etc. Actually think that was a beautiful thing to do, but michelle's dress?? WTF for? That irritated me beyond words. Just seems to me another way to somehow make the day about her.

It's being discussed on the "let's celebrate Jill's wedding/Jill's married" thread.

[gustava]

Did anyone else read the article ( I think it was a post from the Today show) that shared how they hung his father's police uniform shirt and michelle's wedding dress. Ok I get his father's shirt, in memory etc. Actually think that was a beautiful thing to do, but michelle's dress?? WTF for? That irritated me beyond words. Just seems to me another way to somehow make the day about her.

Honestly, the shirt without the pants looked odd.

[ljohnson2006]

J'Chelle had to find a way to make this all about her.

[Toothfairy]

It's funnny, my friend was married a few weeks ago and her period came the morning of the wedding, which was out of the ordinary but she thinks stress was a factor. She didn't even think it was a big deal but maybe since she had already had sex with the husband-to-be it didn't matter if they didn't have it that night.

I hope Jill enjoyed her big day. The hard work begins now because she and Derrick will finally get know each other, and I am not talking sexually, in ways that people who date learn about each other. It will be interesting because Derrick seems to have lived a pretty normal life in the world that Jill was sheltered from. I hope she gets to finally see the world on her own terms.

My only worry is the same worry I have for all of these young fundy women who go through courtship. Realistically, you court with the expectation that this is the one, perfect for you and the one you are supposed to be in love with. I worry that when these couples are finally married that they learn that the husband is not as perfect as they think, and I dont mean that they are dangerous or mean but maybe just what we would find normal, and they end up being disappointed. I think life becomes real once they get married, when for the rest of us, it is just a continuation of the life we were already living. Or, I could just be overthinking it as always.

I Might sound rude, and I am happy that Jill got a non fundie guy however I don't see what he sees in Jill. She's fundie, has limited education, life, and social skills, her only friends are her sisters, the only thing her family values in women are their vaginas and uterus. Derrick went to real school, got a real degree, and was raised non fundie. He has real friends and doesn't expect women to only sit at home(I hope)

And I agree. When I got married it was a huge letdown. No offense to my husband, he's wonderful but it was the first time I got to really see his flaws. He annoyed the hell out me. I was told since childhood married life is suppose to wonderful and give yourself to only your spouse. But then when I got married it was the compete opposite. Again fundies think life is a fairy tail. You meet your one true love and nothing is ever suppose to to wrong if you court and suppress emotions. But then reality hits u in the face

[ljohnson2006]

I think Derrick is Fundie.

[FJismyheadship]

I disagree. Despite her limited education, she is continuing to get herself educated, albeit within the confines of her family. She has more friends than her sisters (Querys, Hartonos, Nessa and her midwife coworkers) and I believe she has better social skills than most of her siblings. She goes out of her way to learn a new language and new customs before entering said country, and is far more respectful than the rest of her family. She is ambitious and genuinely wants to help others. I can see what Derick sees in her. She really has a lot going for her, despite who her parents are and how she grew up.

[Coco]

I think Derrick is Fundie.

He was JB's "prayer partner" (or that's what we've been told lol) and is into missions... so if their marriage is built on their desire to serve by helping other people or doing good in the world, hopefully the disappointments won't be too drastic.

[Toothfairy]

I disagree. Despite her limited education, she is continuing to get herself educated, albeit within the confines of her family. She has more friends than her sisters (Querys, Hartonos, Nessa and her midwife coworkers) and I believe she has better social skills than most of her siblings. She goes out of her way to learn a new language and new customs before entering said country, and is far more respectful than the rest of her family. She is ambitious and genuinely wants to help others. I can see what Derick sees in her. She really has a lot going for her, despite who her parents are and how she grew up.

I always thought of Jill as the koolaid drinker. I think it's great for Jill to have an interest in something. I'm not blaming her for her lifestyle, it's her parents fault however why would a non fundie person especially someone from gothard marry into that lifestyle? I do know people who are somewhat fundie that married a non fundie. Their lives however aren't exactly like Goathard but it's similar. I get that if you truly love someone you would do anything to be with that person, but it still confuses me what fundies have to offer a non fundie. Especially regarding marriage.

[Incognito22]

This Tumbler chick annoys me. She answers questions as if she were a Duggar... An omnipotent one at that. The leg Humpers are all over it to( lol see what I did there... Never mind I can take it... All over it too!

[Jessica]

At the time of my first marriage my periods would be anywhere from 28 to 37 days apart so, lucky me, I got my period and the extremely painful cramps the next morning. Luckily, after my older son was born, they regulated so I could plan my second wedding around it.

[Mama Mia]

I always thought of Jill as the koolaid drinker. I think it's great for Jill to have an interest in something. I'm not blaming her for her lifestyle, it's her parents fault however why would a non fundie person especially someone from gothard marry into that lifestyle? I do know people who are somewhat fundie that married a non fundie. Their lives however aren't exactly like Goathard but it's similar. I get that if you truly love someone you would do anything to be with that person, but it still confuses me what fundies have to offer a non fundie. Especially regarding marriage.

Even if he's a little less strict in his beliefs, Derick must share the basic theology as he asked Jim Bob to be his prayer partner. If anything he is probably looking to become more fundamentalist and his marriage to someone who was raised that way will probably lead him in that direction. I've never gotten the impression that Jill ( and her siblings) avoid outside friendships and activities the way the Maxwells and some others do. We just aren't going to see that part of their lives as much because of all the complications that go with filming other people and because their whole brand is based on a huge family doing everything together. There is an education gap but Jill is definitely interested in learning. Most couples I know have some degree of educational difference, just the ones I know it's almost always the woman with the higher education.

[lawlifelgbt]

Ah, earworms!

My current earworm is from Frozen.

"Do you want to build a snowman- GOD WHY AM I SINGING THIS AGAIN?"

[It'sFunToRun]

I Might sound rude, and I am happy that Jill got a non fundie guy however I don't see what he sees in Jill. She's fundie, has limited education, life, and social skills, her only friends are her sisters, the only thing her family values in women are their vaginas and uterus. Derrick went to real school, got a real degree, and was raised non fundie. He has real friends and doesn't expect women to only sit at home(I hope)

I've said this before, but I think that Derrick is a conservative Christian who became interested in the Duggars because he independently really wanted a lot of children, and the normal conservative Christian girls want at most four.

I think the only condition for marrying a Duggar daughter is to commit not to use birth control (and to be at least conservative Christian and that the girl and Bob like you). I don't think Derrick is expected to give up music, movies or swim trunks, and I don't think he will either.

[It'sFunToRun]

I always thought of Jill as the koolaid drinker.

I think Jill was and is the biggest koolaid drinker, and that our first impressions were right about her. I don't think she ever schemed to "get away" by marrying a fundie-lite or conservative Christian; I think she would have been equally thrilled with any guy who her Dad found for her who was cute and nice to her, even if he were a Maxhell type.

Luckily, Jill happened to get Derrick, so now I think Jessa will be the most fundie of the 4 oldest girls; even though she drinks less of the koolaid, she's sold in to the lifestyle now.

[lascuba]

I Might sound rude, and I am happy that Jill got a non fundie guy however I don't see what he sees in Jill. She's fundie, has limited education, life, and social skills, her only friends are her sisters, the only thing her family values in women are their vaginas and uterus. Derrick went to real school, got a real degree, and was raised non fundie. He has real friends and doesn't expect women to only sit at home(I hope)

And I agree. When I got married it was a huge letdown. No offense to my husband, he's wonderful but it was the first time I got to really see his flaws. He annoyed the hell out me. I was told since childhood married life is suppose to wonderful and give yourself to only your spouse. But then when I got married it was the compete opposite. Again fundies think life is a fairy tail. You meet your one true love and nothing is ever suppose to to wrong if you court and suppress emotions. But then reality hits u in the face

Him being interested in Jill doesn't surprise me--plenty of smart (which I don't think Derrick is, tbh), educated men are extremely shallow in their preferences for women. They don't want women who are their equal and who can challenge them. They want someone uncomplicated, who can be constantly perky because she doesn't think too much and doesn't ask any important questions. That's Jill to a T.

[nellautumngirl]

I think he first and foremost loves her, and I can see why. She is nice, generous, gentle and easy-going personality-wise, they seem to be on the same wavelength and have similar goals.

I don't know why he would want a gazillion kids after going to college and having a normal family, but again, he loves Jill, so that's probably an afterthought at the moment. Seems like a big part of marriage, but maybe he really thinks they can come to a compromise down the line and doesn't realize that there is none for Jill?

[BeaSnarky]

I think he first and foremost loves her, and I can see why. She is nice, generous, gentle and easy-going personality-wise, they seem to be on the same wavelength and have similar goals.

I don't know why he would want a gazillion kids after going to college and having a normal family, but again, he loves Jill, so that's probably an afterthought at the moment. Seems like a big part of marriage, but maybe he really thinks they can come to a compromise down the line and doesn't realize that there is none for Jill?

I agree wtih all of this. But I'm thinking out loud now...if Derick is her new Headship, then wouldn't she have to go with whatever he says babywise? Or maybe he thinks her mom is a fluke and there is no way Jill can spit them out like a bubblegum machine? Just thinking...

[It'sFunToRun]

I agree wtih all of this. But I'm thinking out loud now...if Derick is her new Headship, then wouldn't she have to go with whatever he says babywise? Or maybe he thinks her mom is a fluke and there is no way Jill can spit them out like a bubblegum machine? Just thinking...

He can't force her to sin (take the pill or IUD), but if he gets a vasectomy or wears condoms she would still be obligated to be a happy housewife, please him, and not get divorced.

I think Derrick wants a lot of kids though. I do, and I have a B.A degree and am not fundy, nor was raised fundy. I mean, it's unusual, but there are normal people who genuinely want a lot of kids.

[nellautumngirl]

I agree wtih all of this. But I'm thinking out loud now...if Derick is her new Headship, then wouldn't she have to go with whatever he says babywise? Or maybe he thinks her mom is a fluke and there is no way Jill can spit them out like a bubblegum machine? Just thinking...

She would have to go along with what he decides, yes. But the thing is, that's going to make Jill miserable and I can't imagine he wants to make her unhappy. Plus there's the pressure from her family and the whole community who will watch and judge if she doesn't have a kid every two years or so.

[ariel9]

I don't think Jill will be miserable. I think she's open to trying new things so long as it is with her sweetie. I don't think they would have made it to the aisle if she or her family believed that he would make her miserable. I say all the time that's there is a differnce between a wedding and a marriage. I think if she prepared herself for a marriage, in her ideology then she is prepared to submit to her headship no matter how insane the requests.

[FJismyheadship]

We will see what they say after the first three or four kids lol

[nellautumngirl]

I don't think Jill will be miserable. I think she's open to trying new things so long as it is with her sweetie. I don't think they would have made it to the aisle if she or her family believed that he would make her miserable. I say all the time that's there is a differnce between a wedding and a marriage. I think if she prepared herself for a marriage, in her ideology then she is prepared to submit to her headship no matter how insane the requests.

Oh I don't think he will make her miserable, I just think if he wants to stop after 5 or 6 kids, that would destroy her self-worth and view of the world (come to think of it that last point might be a good thing).

[ljohnson2006]

Jill should have no problem with her own kids. She basically raised Josie, and Jenny. I think it'll come naturally to her.

[EmmieJ]

I think he first and foremost loves her, and I can see why. She is nice, generous, gentle and easy-going personality-wise, they seem to be on the same wavelength and have similar goals.

I don't know why he would want a gazillion kids after going to college and having a normal family, but again, he loves Jill, so that's probably an afterthought at the moment. Seems like a big part of marriage, but maybe he really thinks they can come to a compromise down the line and doesn't realize that there is none for Jill?

My impression of Derick is that he's probably somewhat shy around women, has altruistic feelings (hence the time spent in Nepal), and is fundie-lite. Like many men, what is most appealing to him is probably an attractive young women with similar values who starts looking at him with stars in her eyes, laughs at his jokes, and otherwise shows him that he's most appealing in her eyes. I think once Jill decided she liked him, he was a goner. That's not necessarily bad and I hope they'll be very happy together.

My brother has a friend who met his wife when they became roommates. He, being a typical clueless guy, shy and awkward around women, soon found himself in a relationship with his roommate. I remember him telling my brother at the time: "She said we should be a couple," in a tone that indicated he wasn't quite sure what happened, but that he didn't want to argue with her. She decided he was viable boyfriend/husband material and he was easy pickin's. Nearly 20 years later, they seem happily married and have 3 daughters.

[leftcoastmama]

I think some are putting too much stock and Derick graduating college. On FJ we are acustomed to fundies turning up their noses to higher education, but there is a set of fundies that believe in sending their children especially their sons to college. The idea is they'll be able to take over more aspects of society that way higher education at least in theory gives them more inffluence. I know I live in an area with a high fundie population and I've heard this mentioned many times.

Secondly, I think Derick and Jill are much more alike in beliefs and upringing than we care to admit. His mother said he was brought up with the Bible and I do believe he was raised Baptist if not Southern Baptist, while not ATI/Gothard they have many, many compatible beliefs.

Along with that on FJ there is a mindset that all fundie males are either like Steve Maxwell or stunted like the Arndt boys. I can tell you I have met many good-looking, well-spoken kind acting , educated young men hat would shock you with their beliefs.

As for the number of children even if Derick and Jill become a little more mainstream in their beliefs they could still end up with a large family. Plenty of mainstream Christians are into large families.

Heck , their are plenty of educated non Christians that want large families. I've been pregnant an given birth 10 times and I'm not religious at all.

I can see Jill an Derick being the type to just want a houseful of kids.

Bottom- line for me I hope they adjust well to married life. It's not easy and I hope they will be happy together.