Happy Birthday Mom Maxwell!

[Guest Anonymous]

My gift would be the phone number of a good divorce lawyer.

[tehgoobster]

A makeover.

Yes, this. I would love for Tim Gunn and Marc Jacobs to be able to have their way with her.

I also agree with everyone who thinks she should go to a spa for a weekend (or even a week) of some nice R&R. She wouldn't have to worry about cooking, cleaning, and anything else. She needs to be pampered. Steve needs to make this happen!

[jenny_islander]

I would find a spa that would care for and pamper her absolutely for a solid week without any reference whatsoever to looking younger, figure flaws, or anything else AT ALL that would disturb the feeling that she might call relaxation or enjoyment except that Steve might hear. It would be staffed exclusively with women, who would all be coached not to wear whatever Steve has said about things all lesbians/pagans/occultists/whatever wear during Ma Maxwell's various pampering sessions so that she wouldn't get nervous. The little fridge in her room would be stocked with ice cold Pepsi at all times. I would research exhaustively to find half a dozen movies featuring either strong, tough, brave, independent women or women being rescued from crazy-making situations, but still not likely to trip her "Not Maxwell Approved, Bad, Do Not Watch" reflex before the plot hooked her attention, and stack them on top of the DVD player in her room. The bathroom would have another stack of paperback novels on the same theme with a note explaining that patrons were welcome to read them in the bath. Music: The best sacred music from the past several centuries, including as many joyful hymns as I could find.

And the names of some good local counselors, lawyers, and psychiatrists who had all been prepaid for a year would be printed on the wrapper of the daily chocolate on her pillow.

[tabitha2]

She would not appreciate it-her various neurosis,feeling of sinnning,fear of heathens,lack of experience of and confusion at being on her own probably for the first time in years would ruin any good time she might have had.

[jenny_islander]

So basically she's been turned into a house elf?

Poor woman.

ETA: Oooh, oooh, I know!!! Find a prayer retreat that is all about silence, simplicity, etc., etc.--one of the semi-monastic ones--probably something Anglican. But make sure that the advertising Steve sees describes it as a thoroughly doctrinally acceptable place in which to make your wife a better doormat--I mean help meet. If possible, arrange "scholarships" for any of "the girls" who might be supportive to Ma Maxwell so that they might all detox from Steve together in a place that doesn't have too many frightening "worldly" stimuli.

[Letgo]

To be fair, wasn't it Steve's 60th birthday? That is why they were actually allowed to do something fun. Perhaps when Teri hits that milestone she can have something more than a mention in the blog, even though she is only a woman. I'd take her on a shopping spree at a huge mall and get her a haircut at a pricey salon.

[Guest Anonymous]

To be fair, wasn't it Steve's 60th birthday? That is why they were actually allowed to do something fun. Perhaps when Teri hits that milestone she can have something more than a mention in the blog, even though she is only a woman. I'd take her on a shopping spree at a huge mall and get her a haircut at a pricey salon.

No, it gets no pass from me... if I were a grown adult who'd just had a weekend away with the entire family as a birthday treat, and if I controlled the family website (Sarah is only the minion here), I'd be making damned especially sure to big up the next birthday that came along, to spread the love around.

[thoughtful]

Oh, I'm sure Steve very generously said "Teri, I hope you have an adequate birthday/anniversary. Have an animal cracker."

What more does any woman need?

:roll:

[fundiefan]

So basically she's been turned into a house elf?

Poor woman.

ETA: Oooh, oooh, I know!!! Find a prayer retreat that is all about silence, simplicity, etc., etc.--one of the semi-monastic ones--probably something Anglican. But make sure that the advertising Steve sees describes it as a thoroughly doctrinally acceptable place in which to make your wife a better doormat--I mean help meet. If possible, arrange "scholarships" for any of "the girls" who might be supportive to Ma Maxwell so that they might all detox from Steve together in a place that doesn't have too many frightening "worldly" stimuli.

Yes, that! Few house elves are unhappy with their lot in life. They've been given no choice but to make themselves happy because, what choice do they have? From the outside, some see the injustices (Hermoine so should have gone viral with S.P.E.W.) but the elves themselves wouldn't stand for it and few others on the outside see the injustice anymore either because it's become so much a part of life as lived that it's collectively normal for everyone and everyone, elves and Wizards alike, have convinced themselves, for their own benefit, that elves are happy and Wizards are just giving them the lives they want and need.

Replace Wizards with 'Steve' and house elves with 'Teri' and there you have it. No gift given by anyone else would be accepted by Teri; she wouldn't take it much less experience or enjoy it.

[Rainbowcolor]

[...everyone, elves and Wizards alike, have convinced themselves, for their own benefit, that elves are happy and Wizards are just giving them the lives they want and need.

Replace Wizards with 'Steve' and house elves with 'Teri' and there you have it. No gift given by anyone else would be accepted by Teri; she wouldn't take it much less experience or enjoy it.

Bingo!! I tried to give a fundie family tickets to a classical music concert once and was informed that they don't "do" things like that. O-KKKAAAY.

[TMS]

For the first time ever, I just started watching Desperate Housewives. (Netflix) I'm only in season one right now, so please, no spoilers. But, I think Teri Maxwell is Bree Van de Kamp. A fundy version, of course.

That said, Teri may very well be unable to enjoy a spa weekend, just like Bree could not enjoy having sex with her husband until she straightened up that leaky burrito on the nightstand.