Jesus is a dishwasher and God is an oreo.

[clarinetpower]

I was taking a look at Raquel's twitter, and saw a beefcake photo with Godly gobledeegook tweets retweeted by our favorite narcissist. I had to click through.

This has to be a joke.

Jesus Washes Dishes

I hate taking the time to put the dishes in the dishwasher. It's no fun loading and unloading it, even if it does do a pretty good job cleaning what you made dirty. But we all have dirty dishes that we need to put in the dish washer. Sometimes, you have to get up and take the initiative to load that dishwasher so that you can have clean dishes, silverware, and cups to eat and drink with. Without that dishwasher, those things will continue to be dirty and who wants to eat from a dirty dish? I know I don't. Have you ever thought about the inside of a dish washer once you press that button and that awful sounds starts? Ever thought how all the chemicals cleanse off those dirty plates? It's pretty cool to think that just after a short time, you can open it up and there's a bundle of clean dishes. They seem brand new and now you're good to go. So have you ever thought about Jesus and a dishwasher at the same time? I know I haven't until just now. A dishwasher and Jesus I believe, are very similar. I remember the first day I made the decision to make Jesus my Savior. I was in tears, I was dirty feeling, with no hope, I needed Him. Through that time, Jesus cleansed me of my sin. He cleaned me and I felt brand new. Think of yourself as a dirty dish. We were dirty dishes before we met Jesus. We needed to be cleansed, to be cleaned, so that He could make us new. We were stuck on our pasts, full of garbage and dirtiness just as those dishes, but Jesus put a us through a dishwasher. Just in a short time, he cleansed us of the grimy sinfulness that we used to live in. But it's not just a one time thing. You can't put your dishes in the dishwasher and they be clean forever. It's an every day process. Dishes need to be cleansed daily, just as we need Jesus daily to continue to mold and change our heart to be more set on Godly desires. But we all need that first wash. We, as dirty dishes needed to be put in that dishwasher, in the hands of Jesus for the first time so that we could live in Him. Think of that first cleansing as a mega cleansing. Now today as you follow Him, you're being cleaned on the inside to be more like Him. And yes as I said in the beginning, we hate putting dishes in the dishwasher. We all hate admitting that we are broken, and dirty, and grimy, and weak, and full of sin. But it takes those words to realize that we need Jesus. We need a dish washer. We need a Savior. We need Jesus. It's because Jesus is like a dishwasher that's full of dirty plates, He is the One that cleanses the souls of dirty sinners like me and you. Jesus makes all things new.

And...

Faith and Oreos

Oreos are one of the most amazing snack foods ever created. A small cookie with delicious white icing in the middle, it brings a sense of heaven to your taste buds. Have you ever noticed how much better the icing is than the cookie itself? This may not be the truth for everyone, but I know for a fact that most people's favorite part is the icing. To make it simple, most people prefer to skip the not so good cookie part and just move right on to the good part, the icing. This is cheating though, it wasn't created to be eaten this way. Eating an Oreo is very similar to the way God puts us through hard times. All of us have issues, stress, and things that we are dealing with. Life can be tough and we often wonder why God is putting us through these things. First off, we aren't alone and we never will be. God is with us always. He is our strength in times of trouble. As He says in Hebrews 13:5, "I will never fail you. I will never abandon you." Now think about an Oreo. You have the cookie part, the not so good part that sometimes people even hate so much that they'd rather skip it and eat the icing. But the Oreo wasn't created that way. You have to go through the cookie to get to the icing, now matter how hard it is. And you didn't make these rules, it's just the way the Oreo was created. But we know that the icing, the best part, is worth it in the end. Just like you have to go through the cookie to get to the icing, sometimes God puts you through hell to get to heaven. You have to be strong through the bad times, cling to your faith, and eventually you will get to the good times. It's not easy, but God is in charge not you. He never said following Jesus would be easy. He knows what's best for you. He knows that through your worst days, you will find peace and strength through Him to get you to better days. You can't cheat God just like you can't cheat the Oreo. Eventually, the good will come and you'll realize that accepting the bad was worth it. You may be going through hell right now but keep trusting God, keep living with faith, and continue to be patient. You're almost to the icing.

Wow.

:lol:

carsonncase.blogspot.com/

[lilith]

When your "hell" is comparable to biting through a chocolate biscuit, you officially lead a very sheltered life.

[Trynn]

That sounds like something I'd write....

At the age if 14. Actually, writing style wide, 11

[bionicmlle]

Those remind me of a 6th grade writing assignment where we were supposed to write a page about how apples and oranges or dogs and cats were the same.

[dora]

Mmm, oreos.

I don't have a dishwasher. I would love to have to load and unload it. Beats cracked hands from washing dishes in the sink all day.

I wish Jesus would bring me a dishwasher. And some Oreos. (Although He could probably find better uses for his time and skills.)

[merrily]

But I thought Jesus was a man and men don't do the dishes! And Oreos support the gays and God hates gays!!

[docmom]

I hate the filling in Oreos but find the cookie bit not too bad. What does that mean? I thought Nabisco made Oreos, not god. I'm really terribly confused...

[Mela99]

I don't know what this chick is thinking but the COOKIE is the best part of the Oreo...

[thoughtful]

The title of this thread makes me want to continue the list with:

:D

So, an Oreo sent his only begotten dishwasher to save humanity? I think some people need a writing course entitled "metaphors and similes -- what not to do."

[JMarie]

I don't hate putting dishes in the dishwasher (and they'd never get in there if I didn't put them there). Am I doing it wrong?

[formergothardite]

My daughter used to lick out the icing and leave the cookie so you don't have to go through hell(the chocolate cookie part) to get to heaven (the icing). You can skip hell and gorge on heaven if you choose to do so.

Is this the same Carson Case that Raquel interviewed for her "Guys point of view" posts and his favorite books are anything written by Nicholas Sparks? Also, how does he get his hair to do that? It sort of looks like a bad wig.

zacharyprewittministries.com/2/post/2014/01/men-and-modesty-the-importance-of-modesty-and-why-men-find-it-attractive.html#.UvPc9MKYapo

[quincygal]

Dear Jesus-

Please lay it upon the post offices' heart(s?) to deliver my new impeller for my old dishwasher that I broke last week in time for the service person's return trip to my home. And the new gasket too. I will give you Oreos if you do this.

Also please save me from eternal damnation too while you're working on my case.

Thanks!

love Quincygal

[RachelB]

Oh, Raquel. YOU ARE SO DEPRIVED. Has no one ever taught you how to use a metaphor in a way that won't make people snicker at you? And has no one ever told you that different people like different things?

When visiting my niblings, I peel off Oreo frosting and give it to them. This way, everybody wins: I'd rather just have the cookie part, and they love the icing.

[AnywhereButHere]

My son likes to take all of the icing from his Oreos and smoosh it into a big tower and then eat it. Would that count as the stairway to heaven?

[ILoveJellybeans]

The writer needs a lesson in metaphors.

[Cerdwin]

I don't like Oreos. Am I doomed to purgatory?

[uber frau]

The writer needs a lesson in metaphors.

The writer needs a lesson in life.

[halfheartedheroine]

So, different Oreo flavors are different deities? Because I'll pick whichever one is Double Stuff. Mmm, icing.

[uber frau]

What about the rainbow/gay pride ones?

Incidentally, is the rainbow Google Doodle commemorating the Winter Olympics meant to be commenting on the gay rights issue, or am I reading too much onto it?

[ILoveJellybeans]

What about the rainbow/gay pride ones?

Incidentally, is the rainbow Google Doodle commemorating the Winter Olympics meant to be commenting on the gay rights issue, or am I reading too much onto it?

Yeah, its a gay rights thing :)

[Vex]

I beg to fucking differ that it's cheating.

The ads even show you, you go for the icing first!

And these are totally the thoughts I'd have come up with and found profound if I'd been a fundie at 13.

[divadivine]

Wait... I thought God is the DJ and life is a dance floor.

[Trynn]

Usually when people are called "Oreo" it means "black on the outside, white on the inside." Usually applied to black people raised by white people.

It is now head cannon that this is what Raquel thinks of god.