Jessa Duggar's Courtship - Part 3

[Georgiana]

Re: The Virginity of Derrick

I HOPE Jill asked!

I think it is healthy to discuss your sexual past with someone you are planning to become intimate with. Obviously, you don't need all the salacious details, but knowing the basics of your partner's past can be important. Having an idea of where they're at can really help to create an open, fun, and accepting environment in the bedroom! Also, health issues. It would be totally fair of Jill to ask Derrick to get tested if he's been practicing unsafe sex, and she should be allowed to ask if he has/had been.

There are tons of good reasons why Jill and Dill should be discussing any sexual past he's (or she's) had, and it's probably not a judgmental thing. Everyone makes mistakes, and even if D's past isn't something Jill agrees with, I'm sure she's mature enough to forgive that and focus on the future!

[jerkit]

I think the only question that needs to be asked in fundie world is if he's courted before. If not, they'll assume he's a virgin.

[louisa05]

When I worked at a fundy lite Christian school, I was set up on (too many) dates with fundy lite men. I swear to you all, every last one of them was more like a job interview for the position of wife than a date. I literally did not go on a second date with a single one of these potential future employers. I already had a job, after all. Even the ones who are okay with dating have crazy notions about what is appropriate behavior.

[Georgiana]

I think the only question that needs to be asked in fundie world is if he's courted before. If not, they'll assume he's a virgin.

But for someone like Derrick, who wasn't cloistered away from the word and was actually very socially active (if his extra curriculars are any indication) in an actual college, it is totally possible that he had a statistically average college experience...which would include sex.

So I agree, for fundies like Chad Paine where you know where they come from and know they always purposed to court.

But for people like Derrick, who come from more "normal" backgrounds, you might need to ask.

I think one of the reasons that Ben/Derrick have been put through the Spanish Inquisition (which no one expects) is that they come from different backgrounds/families the Duggars don't know or know of, and the girls/JB want to get an indication of their values and pasts.

I think that if the boys were Paines, Maxwells, or Bates they would have skipped the questionnaire.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

I know that they show purity to the world, but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the majority of people in the ATI world actually were pure. Of course they'll swear they are to their parents, but I would really be surprised if they made it all the way to their 20s without doing ANYTHING impure, especially impurity includes any form of touching. And once you get families where you're relying on siblings to keep each other "accountable," you're not really making sure that they are pure.

[Toothfairy]

But for someone like Derrick, who wasn't cloistered away from the word and was actually very socially active (if his extra curriculars are any indication) in an actual college, it is totally possible that he had a statistically average college experience...which would include sex.

So I agree, for fundies like Chad Paine where you know where they come from and know they always purposed to court.

But for people like Derrick, who come from more "normal" backgrounds, you might need to ask.

I think one of the reasons that Ben/Derrick have been put through the Spanish Inquisition (which no one expects) is that they come from different backgrounds/families the Duggars don't know or know of, and the girls/JB want to get an indication of their values and pasts.

I think that if the boys were Paines, Maxwells, or Bates they would have skipped the questionnaire.

It doesn't have to include sex. A person can be socially active and still decide not to engage in sexual activities.

[Toothfairy]

I know that they show purity to the world, but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the majority of people in the ATI world actually were pure. Of course they'll swear they are to their parents, but I would really be surprised if they made it all the way to their 20s without doing ANYTHING impure, especially impurity includes any form of touching. And once you get families where you're relying on siblings to keep each other "accountable," you're not really making sure that they are pure.

How would they when daddy always keeps tabs on you? I'm sure some of them might've done something like touching and/or hugging but how would they go about it with no privacy. Having that gothard stuff shoved down your throat about giving pieces of your heart away.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

How would they when daddy always keeps tabs on you? I'm sure some of them might've done something like touching and/or hugging but how would they go about it with no privacy. Having that gothard stuff shoved down your throat about giving pieces of your heart away.

If my first boyfriend and I could have our hands in each other's pants behind the alter at church during a youth group function with my aunt and cousin in charge of said youth group and not get caught, I guarantee you that any one of 19 children could find an opportunity to do something they aren't allowed to. There are 19 of them alone. That's almost 10 per parent. There's no way that they're always monitored. That's why they need the siblings to be "accountable" for each other.

Which brings me back to my first boyfriend. He had VERY Christian parents, so we were never "left alone." One day, we were supposed to watch my boyfriends 3 year old sister and his 8 year old brother (who shared his bedroom) while his 15 year old sister was to watch us. We pawned his brother off on the neighborhood kids and bribed his older sister to watch his younger sister. Then we disappeared upstairs.

You can't convince me that it would be too hard to convince your siblings to look the other way. Especially cause they could use it as blackmail if needed.

[pega127]

Ok did anyone read the People mag about Jill's courtship? If so, I can't wait to hear your thoughts. Just a few things that stuck out with me.

1)Page 69 pic of Jessa and Ben. "We want a big family someday" Very disappointed about that. Sorry for being mean :shifty:

2)Page 70 Jessa says, that it hard sometimes, "I won't say there isn't a desire to kiss my man" :pink-shock:

3)Jessa INSISTS the courtship rules are her own: "It's up to us to decide what we will and won't do. We're not going to follow the rules if it's not us making them" :shifty-kitty:

4)Page 72 "We are young and in love and won't rush into anything," says Jessa :clap:

5)Ben also says he isn't condemning anyone who holds hands...he wants something to look forward to :?

6)Jill admits to "interrogating" Derrick with a 3 page list of hard-hitting questions b4 agreeing to court.

I wonder how important it is for the guy to be a virgin and NEVER kissed anyone. I guess Derick is proof you can be worldly and mainstream...and still be a virgin. I can't wait for someone to ask!! I just gotta know if this is something a Duggar will over look.

"I won't say there isn't a desire to kiss my MAN"? Jessa, Ben is a very young "man" at best and you should not be having any "desires"(weren't you paying attention at all those Big Sandy trips?) However, Jessa, you are correct stating: "We are young and in love and won't rush into anything". Good idea; such thinking will give you more time to find an actual "man" to court/marry.

[HereticHick]

I would love for the Duggars to visit a country where its not uncommon for someone to kiss you on both cheeks in greeting. I'd love for it to be in a situation where they just can't say no.

[LogansMama]

I would love for the Duggars to visit a country where its not uncommon for someone to kiss you on both cheeks in greeting. I'd love for it to be in a situation where they just can't say no.

DEFRAUDING!!!!!!!! :pink-shock:

[Fourcard5]

What about Gypsy Wedding!

[bumblebee]

When I worked at a fundy lite Christian school, I was set up on (too many) dates with fundy lite men. I swear to you all, every last one of them was more like a job interview for the position of wife than a date.

Ive had that in the past too, the British version which is weirder, because although economic status is clarified in a very danced around way, religious credentials are not necessarily expected or taken for granted, let alone "courtship" expectations unless you know for sure that is something that is already on the table.

I don't think Derick having an actual degree necessarily makes him more likely to "allow" Jill a period on BC (should she even want it) otherwise the US congress would be a saner place. IT would be a good thing if it was something they both agreed on but there is absolutely no evidence of that based on their long distance 4 month courtship. He's more mainstream but still fairly fundamentalist in the same way some people who graduate from Patrick Henry work at the FRC and basically think the same as Smuggar but can actually prove they have academic credentials to be taken somewhat seriously.

[Fourcard5]

But for someone like Derrick, who wasn't cloistered away from the word and was actually very socially active (if his extra curriculars are any indication) in an actual college, it is totally possible that he had a statistically average college experience...which would include sex.

So I agree, for fundies like Chad Paine where you know where they come from and know they always purposed to court.

But for people like Derrick, who come from more "normal" backgrounds, you might need to ask.

I think one of the reasons that Ben/Derrick have been put through the Spanish Inquisition (which no one expects) is that they come from different backgrounds/families the Duggars don't know or know of, and the girls/JB want to get an indication of their values and pasts.

I think that if the boys were Paines, Maxwells, or Bates they would have skipped the questionnaire.

I don't think JohnDavid is virgin.

[scc12]

I don't think JohnDavid is virgin.

? why not? he seems to have towed the party line well so far.

[scc12]

I don't think Jill would marry Derick if he weren't a virgin.I think she prizes the experience of doing it for the first time together.Not to mention,I think she would look down on someone who wasn't.Huge piece of his heart gone,after all.

[singsingsing]

Questions about the state of his virginity (and probably kissing virginity and hand-holding virginity) would for sure have been on Jill's four-page courtship checklist.

[Justme]

I do find it really hard to believe he never went on a date or kissed a girl.

[nomoxian]

Questions about the state of his virginity (and probably kissing virginity and hand-holding virginity) would for sure have been on Jill's four-page courtship checklist.

Hand holding virginity

[scc12]

it's called hand sex.for virgins.lol

[Meghann]

Jessa Duggar on Her Courtship: 'Ben and I Want a Big Family'

http://www.people.com/people/article/0, ... 94,00.html

[doggie]

it's not that they want it it is what they were trained like dogs for. they don't have choices. this is the best way to put it .

[scc12]

what's with Jessa's knees showing,and the crotch shot for Ben?

[SquirrelySquirrel]

I 100% agree. Not only is it JB&M's exact rules, but it is also what J&A did - in fact, didn't they ask his parents permission to hold hands after they were engaged? They're all just doing what the parents and J&A did.

And don't forget the now infamous "ya'll can side hug" line from Boob when the courtship became official. If Ben and Jessa are making the rules, why would they need permission? And why would we have the never-ending shots of Michelle and Boob reciting of what's not allowed? Yeah, the courtship rules are about as much "their idea" as doing homework is my 8 year-old's idea.

[twinmama]

Jessa Duggar on Her Courtship: 'Ben and I Want a Big Family'

http://www.people.com/people/article/0, ... 94,00.html

[attachment=0]ben-duggar-300.jpg[/attachment]

They need to stop asking this question of Duggar children until the answer is "We do not want a big family." In other news, we believe the sky is blue and water is wet."