Jessa Duggar's Courtship - Part 3

[Coco]

Once the wedding looms on the horizon it's almost impossible to get free from. And that would be, as soon as he asked to court in the laundry room.

Or was it the computer room? with a fundie ball and chain.

(not that marriage is bad, just that it seems like Jessa might be trapped on a one-way track to one with someone she barely knows)

[scc12]

I actually found it easier to end a relationship with one guy precisely b/c we DID have sex,and he was so bad at it! Not just sex itself but the whole thing...he just wanted to wham,bam, ty mai'm.and I like quality time.so no thx.end of it.

[Coconut Flan]

It was Jim Bob's office.

I agree, they are setting their kids up for more hurt with such high expectations and as my daughter said, they should be allowed to kiss before marriage just to be sure there is some real spark there.

[lascuba]

I actually found it easier to end a relationship with one guy precisely b/c we DID have sex,and he was so bad at it! Not just sex itself but the whole thing...he just wanted to wham,bam, ty mai'm.and I like quality time.so no thx.end of it.

I wish I cold remember the movie, but one of my favorite lines:

"I always have sex by the second date, because if he's lousy in bed what's the point?"

[MiddleAgedLady]

When do you suppose they will announce a wedding date?

[JellyHope]

Personally I think being so emotionally involved with someone is more damaging if it doesn't work out than being physically involved and it not working out. They are placing such a focus on getting to know your partner mentally/emotionally inside and out and the more time you spend with someone the more attached you become. I think this rings true for any relationship. Every time you choose to spend time with another human being you are becoming emotionally invested in that person and it only becomes stronger the more time you spend with that person. So in a way just by courting these men they are giving away pieces of themselves. I think it was Jessa said anyone can go out and have sex, and I 100 percent agree with her on that one. We live in a society where sex is viewed casually and non-committal and a lot of people don't have a problem with a quick hook up and going on their merry way afterward. It's when you take the time to get to know someone that it becomes dangerous. You become involved. Your HEART becomes involved. The Duggars and a lot of other fundies think as long as you don't touch and have sex before exchanging vows that you are safe that you are guarding your heart from pain and baggage. They need to wake up and realize that their children are putting their hearts on the line more-so than normal people. It hurts every time you invest in someone and it doesn't work, and these people aren't properly prepared to deal with it.

But you forget! If you have sex you WILL get STD's, you WILL get pregnant, & you WILL probably die from AIDS or cancer. Not to mention, now you're just a big fat whore. :doh:

[HarryPotterFan]

But you forget! If you have sex you WILL get STD's, you WILL get pregnant, & you WILL probably die from AIDS or cancer. Not to mention, now you're just a big fat whore. :doh:

Were you in my health class?

[scc12]

I wish I cold remember the movie, but one of my favorite lines:

"I always have sex by the second date, because if he's lousy in bed what's the point?"

LOL :)

it would be so easy for fundie ladies to get stuck with some schmuck who is sexually selfish and doesn't care about their needs at all.

and there is Michelle Duggar telling them to be available,no matter what.that's the first step to disrespect.

[nst]

When do you suppose they will announce a wedding date?

November 8, 2016 :D

10 dollar bet

[Cassia]

November 8, 2016 :D

10 dollar bet

Haha, is that when he turns 21?

[nst]

Haha, is that when he turns 21?

ROFL I thought his birthday was in May

ok readjust my answer May 2016

so he can drink at his wedding ROFL

[scc12]

bahhaha.I suspect he didn't have a root beer at Jill's wedding b/c he thought it had alcohol in it.naive boy.

ah I know that was bad.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Ben is a reformed (drinking, dancing) baptist (don't drink, don't dance) ) so its basically all the bad parts of both denominations put together. No fun allowed!

[HarryPotterFan]

ROFL I thought his birthday was in May

ok readjust my answer May 2016

so he can drink at his wedding ROFL

:lol: That reminds me of my friend telling me about her honeymoon to Western America. She and her hubby wanted some champagne, and were looking all over Utah for some, but couldn't find alcohol anywhere.

[RabbitKM]

ROFL I thought his birthday was in May

ok readjust my answer May 2016

so he can drink at his wedding ROFL

But the Duggars don't drink... so not like that really matters. Remember, Jill said in an interview somewhere that she has "accidentally" had sips of champagne, thinking it was punch. Yeah, because punch and champagne TOTALLY look the same. :cray-cray:

[LurkerOverThePond]

I bet Smuggar has "accidentally" tasted some beer, too, during his infamous midnight fastfood chow downs back at the used car lot in Arkansas...

[Aggie2145]

But you forget! If you have sex you WILL get STD's, you WILL get pregnant, & you WILL probably die from AIDS or cancer. Not to mention, now you're just a big fat whore. :doh:

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Mean Girls.

[nst]

http://instagram.com/p/rAvxNeLs0n/?modal=true

well isn't this interesting - why would Jill post this if something wasn't up with Ben and Jessa meaning everything must be aok

[Coconut Flan]

Lunch with her sister has no meaning regarding Ben that I can see. Hash tagging her sister's account? Well Jessa's the one who picked the name.

[Toothfairy]

Personally I think being so emotionally involved with someone is more damaging if it doesn't work out than being physically involved and it not working out. They are placing such a focus on getting to know your partner mentally/emotionally inside and out and the more time you spend with someone the more attached you become. I think this rings true for any relationship. Every time you choose to spend time with another human being you are becoming emotionally invested in that person and it only becomes stronger the more time you spend with that person. So in a way just by courting these men they are giving away pieces of themselves. I think it was Jessa said anyone can go out and have sex, and I 100 percent agree with her on that one. We live in a society where sex is viewed casually and non-committal and a lot of people don't have a problem with a quick hook up and going on their merry way afterward. It's when you take the time to get to know someone that it becomes dangerous. You become involved. Your HEART becomes involved. The Duggars and a lot of other fundies think as long as you don't touch and have sex before exchanging vows that you are safe that you are guarding your heart from pain and baggage. They need to wake up and realize that their children are putting their hearts on the line more-so than normal people. It hurts every time you invest in someone and it doesn't work, and these people aren't properly prepared to deal with it.

I always wondered how do these people come up with this logic. How can you prevent someone from having a crush or liking someone? It's called feelings, which you can't control. You can suppressed them. I agree that getting emotionally involved is much more painful.

[HereticHick]

I continue to be baffled by Jessa's publically appropriating the name "Seewald" without getting married first (that we know of). For folks that love to carry on about the importance of the institution of "traditional" marriage, I don't understand why they don't see this as devaluing the institution: "Wanna start using your boyfriend's name in public? Sure, why not--it doesn't matter if your married or not!"

If pretending to married when you aren't isn't "giving away a piece of your heart" I don't know what is.

[OneFifthQuiverFull]

I just watched Josh and Anna's engagement episode, and realized that part of the problem is that everyone is SO DAMNED INVOLVED in the courtship/engagement. It's bad enough that they have to be chaperoned by someone they practically raised (not in Josh's case but speaking of the girls). Then watching the episode*, and the ones following, it's ridiculous the level of involvement by all the siblings. They went on a date and the sibs decorated their car. They went to go look at their future home and the whole fam damnily had to go along. He took her to his car lot and ... yep, there they all were. They sat on the couch and everyone sat on top of them. The kids fogged up the windows awaiting their arrival from FL after the engagement and called him CONSTANTLY wanting to know when he was coming home. I understand an engagement - especially the first of the family - is exciting and fun but MY GOD. After all of those fingers in your love life pie, how do you really get to know if this is "the one"? Especially since they were a long distance relationship. With all of the external drama and fanfare surrounding a boy/girl relationship, how COULD they break up, even if it weren't televised? The whole family is invested before they are even at that altar. I am a firm believer in extended family relationships and the web they can weave to keep a marriage strong and together - serving as a safety net and source of comfort for both spouses as both the original family and the new "in-laws" - but that should happen AFTER the ceremony. Yes, build relationships and friendships, but you don't need to accompany the couple as a whole freaking group while they confirm that this is the person they really really REALLY *DO* want to live with forever and ever amen.

*Re the episode - since I am a new FJer and kinda new to seeing the Duggars in this new light, I am sure this has been discussed. But 1) Why is 20 year old Anna and her Mom dressed exactly alike? It was just the 3 of them at the restaurant (until Josh arrived) - they really think it's okay for a 20 YO woman and her mom to wear matching outfits? (rhetorical question...) and 2) I was completely amused the Cuz Amy pointed out that J&M had kissed before their wedding. And M had to come back and say, "Well yes, they did, but they went to far and it is PRECIOUS that their children have decided to not make the same mistakes". Are you freaking kidding me that after 2 decades and 17 and a 1/2 kids (at the time) you haven't gotten over your stupid heavy petting and moved on??? I really can't conceive of what you did with the person who would then be your husband and co-parent "a mistake" just because you hadn't had some stupid ceremony yet (and I am not calling a wedding ceremony stupid but in this context it is arbitrary). I have a little more tolerance for it if you made that "mistake" with someone else and now you wish your husband had been your one and only, but for the love of Pete, you married the dude. Get the hell over it and don't make your kids pay for your stupid non-mistake.

[nst]

[quote="On

*Re the episode - since I am a new FJer and kinda new to seeing the Duggars in this new light, I am sure this has been discussed. But 1) Why is 20 year old Anna and her Mom dressed exactly alike? It was just the 3 of them at the restaurant (until Josh arrived) - they really think it's okay for a 20 YO woman and her mom to wear matching outfits? (rhetorical question...) and 2) I was completely amused the Cuz Amy pointed out that J&M had kissed before their wedding. And M had to come back and say, "Well yes, they did, but they went to far and it is PRECIOUS that their children have decided to not make the same mistakes". Are you freaking kidding me that after 2 decades and 17 and a 1/2 kids (at the time) you haven't gotten over your stupid heavy petting and moved on??? I really can't conceive of what you did with the person who would then be your husband and co-parent "a mistake" just because you hadn't had some stupid ceremony yet (and I am not calling a wedding ceremony stupid but in this context it is arbitrary). I have a little more tolerance for it if you made that "mistake" with someone else and now you wish your husband had been your one and only, but for the love of Pete, you married the dude. Get the hell over it and don't make your kids pay for your stupid non-mistake.

[happy atheist]

This thread got away from me! Moving on to Part 4: viewtopic.php?f=87&t=22723