Vision Forum Cover essays!

[longskirtlotsakids]

DO you remember the Vision FOrum catalogue cover essay contest? The best one (written by a Freejinjerite) had a great description about how the pioneer children descended a rock face that offered prime cleaving opportunities.

I don;t know if this has been posted about yet, but the winning essays are up. Or should I say, WINNING! essays.

Oh sweet Glory. You could play Fundie Lingo Drinking Games with the first one. It has such descriptive language! (soft grass!) A loving older brother that is like a rock! And of course- it ends with the children on their knees in prayer. Is there any other kind of ending?? Naomi needs a Thesaurus, stat.

Aaron wins points with me if for no other reason he can actually use a bit of imagery in his essay, bonus points for using words with more than one syllable.

Bottom line- now matter how many kids these dimwits have, they are not going to take over the country. Ever. You could outwit these fundies with a piece of string and something shiny.

visionforum.com/news/essaycontests/cover2011/

[PBrooke]

Yikes. Points taken away - two of the four had the equivalent of BAM and POW! in their stories.

One point plus for the one who tried to set it somewhere other than the American frontier. Possible point taken away for sheer weirdness - a Norwegian Methodist Jew? - and lol-inducing citing of Wikipedia.

Ten points taken away for the eye-rolling fossil wink. I was half-expecting one of them to say, "these fossils must be really ancient! Maybe 5,000 years old!"

I am not surprised that the winner of the contest was the most saccharine, preachy and least interesting.

[marmalade]

I have yet to read the essays, but for such an ebil gubmint group, the prize is $1000 in FEDERAL BONDS? Especially NOW? The irony, it burns!

eta: The book "deal of the day" is called "Logic." They really DO need to move that one.

[MamaJunebug]

My word. That Christianity is nothing like mine.

That version is a self-centered program of building one 's body & spirit to "be like Jesus."

My version explains why we are here* and why we don't need to worry about where we're going.

*because God's love and life force is so irrepressible it/She created the universe in Divine exuberance

** because we know that Jesus loved us so much He made it right for U's, w God - now we can praise Him, serve others and enjoy life!!!

But heck, that sort of Christianity doesn't lend itself to merchandise sales. Or slightly creepy adventure stories.

[Kitten]

That's an AWFULLY defrauding graphic. Why, that girl has her legs wrapped around her brother, and his knee is stuck right in...well...uh...a location that doesn't exist before marriage! I'm amazed he can continue focusing on the rope!! :lol:

[tinuviel]

Well the winning story certainly got the creepy vibe of the cover down! LOL. Lots of clinging and trembling and gentle touching for siblings.

[xDreamerx]

If it weren't for the pictures, I would have assumed these were written by grade school children.

[Witsec6]

If it weren't for the pictures, I would have assumed these were written by grade school children.

Or frequent readers of harlequin romance novels.

[GenerationCedarchip]

Or frequent readers of harlequin romance novels.

No - I've done advance review(years ago) for a couple authors who wrote for Harlequin. They do better than that.

[forever ago]

No - I've done advance review(years ago) for a couple authors who wrote for Harlequin. They do better than that.

Readers of the novels. Real authors tend to be far better than fanfic authors.

[jockosmom]

If it weren't for the pictures, I would have assumed these were written by grade school children.

This was my first thought, also.

[forever ago]

I couldn't get past the excerpts without wanting to puke. Good God. Beginnings are difficult to write, yes, but those essays are something that would come out of a ninth-grade creative writing class. I would know, I took creative writing in ninth grade.

Seriously, WTF, were these really the best ones? UGH.

[/writer rant]

[Guest Anonymous]

Readers of the novels. Real authors tend to be far better than fanfic authors.

Unless you're talking about Stephanie Meyer. *Ba dum kish!* :twisted:

[forever ago]

Unless you're talking about Stephanie Meyer. *Ba dum kish!* :twisted:

I was going to crack on Smeyer, but I decided against it. :twisted:

[Brainsample]

What do you expect if you grew up on that Elsie Dinsmore stuff, purchased from VF!

[SweetTexasCrude]

I have yet to read the essays, but for such an ebil gubmint group, the prize is $1000 in FEDERAL BONDS? Especially NOW? The irony, it burns!

Doug said "$1000 in Federal Reserve Notes", which is how hardcore gold standard nuts refer to plain old dollar bills. I couldn't imagine Dougie giving out Treasury bills because that's debt! And debt is evil! Especially debt from this evil socialist government!

Anyway, him saying Federal Reserve Notes instead of dollars piggybacks on his latest blog post about gold investing: visionforum.com/news/blogs/doug/2011/08/9578/. I wouldn't be surprised if VF's next business venture is in bullion and rare coins.

[demgirl]

I was going to crack on Smeyer, but I decided against it. :twisted:

Why? It's always a good time to snark on Stephanie Meyer and, as a bonus, she gives snarkers so much to work with!

Edited to add: Why is it that I had already read that "winning" essay? I know I read it before. I remember it all too well.

[bbfreethinker]

I started reading the winning entry, but after the fourth or fifth paragraph decided that life is just too short, and my time is too valuable.

[slickcat79]

I know it's VF, so what the hell can you expect, but did they really have to write an essay based on a picture? I would assume a contest like that to be aimed at middle schoolers. I hadn't really looked at the pic at first, and I wondered why they were all getting attacked by wild cats. Then I looked closer and it made more sense. Even I could write an essay describing a picture, and I have zero creativity. This is the best they have to offer? :lol:

[Guest Anonymous]

I couldn't get past the excerpts without wanting to puke. Good God. Beginnings are difficult to write, yes, but those essays are something that would come out of a ninth-grade creative writing class. I would know, I took creative writing in ninth grade.

Seriously, WTF, were these really the best ones? UGH.

[/writer rant]

The TRUE best ones were too literate for them.

[PBrooke]

The TRUE best ones were too literate for them.

Most likely. Even the "honorable mentions" are better than the winner, but they don't club you over the head with the VF ideal quiiite enough, apparently.

[Rachel333]

They're all bad, but I am especially annoyed by the one about the fossils.

"“Oh by the way, Sis,†Joel said, once they were on the trail and safely headed for camp,“ I never got to answer your question: the reason why there are sea fossils way up here is because of the flood.†"

That is a terrible ending! If these are really the best of the entries, that's really pathetic.

[marmalade]

Doug said "$1000 in Federal Reserve Notes", which is how hardcore gold standard nuts refer to plain old dollar bills. I couldn't imagine Dougie giving out Treasury bills because that's debt! And debt is evil! Especially debt from this evil socialist government!

Anyway, him saying Federal Reserve Notes instead of dollars piggybacks on his latest blog post about gold investing: visionforum.com/news/blogs/doug/2011/08/9578/. I wouldn't be surprised if VF's next business venture is in bullion and rare coins.

Good lord. I worked in the banking industry for 6 years (worst years of my career) and never heard of cash referred to that way.

[Buzzard]

Linda fondly recalled Dan’s teasing eyes as he slipped a small pistol into her trembling hands

Sorry, totally lost it right here... are you sure she's not one of us?

[sugaree]

Yikes. Points taken away - two of the four had the equivalent of BAM and POW! in their stories.

One point plus for the one who tried to set it somewhere other than the American frontier. Possible point taken away for sheer weirdness - a Norwegian Methodist Jew? - and lol-inducing citing of Wikipedia.

Ten points taken away for the eye-rolling fossil wink. I was half-expecting one of them to say, "these fossils must be really ancient! Maybe 5,000 years old!"

I am not surprised that the winner of the contest was the most saccharine, preachy and least interesting.

Ever so slightly more plausible than Norwegian cougars.