My parents believed in May's supposed Rapture

[fundifugee]

that's not 'rebelling.' that's self-mutilation. It doesn't matter that you're not drawing blood, you're still harming yourself. I wouldn't blame your parents for freaking out about that. Seriously, if you can, please seek help.

I've been there too, with the cutting. It feels like rebellion because it is hidden and something the family doesn't know about, but in the end it is just another form of self-loathing. Your best rebellion is to take the steps to get out.

My parents insisted I go to christian colleges to meet a godly husband. The first two years, I put up with it while covertly looking for financial aid info and costing. I ended up putting myself through a state university after two years of Bible college. The tuition (in the 90s) was $2000/year. I took semesters off from time to time and worked two jobs (cashier at a farmer's market and night staff at a gas station) to save the money. With government student loans, you have six months before interest starts accruing and you need to start paying back, and you have to take a certain number of credit hours to defer the interest/repayment. Therefore, instead of taking only one or two classes, it worked for me to take 4 courses while working part-time, then take a semester off to work full time at one job and part time at the other if needed, then go back for summer session, all to keep the required credit/time.

Minimum wage work sucks, but can be an out. Get your own bank account and save. It will seem like a little but it adds up. Keep your goal in mind that you will eventually be independent, if that is what you want. It rarely happens overnight without some major trauma (homelessness, etc), but it can happen for you and baby steps may be the best way to go.

[clibbyjo]

I have 2 friends(with no college degrees) who work part time helping elderly people or mental handicapped people in their own homes. Both friends loves these jobs and the pay is above minimum wage and you can pretty much set your hours.You could set around your school schedule(one friend gets a downs syndrome man ready for work and onto his bus, one friend cooks and cleans for a 90 year old man.) They can take on more customers if they want,but both home school and don't have time. Those kind of jobs are through an agency and are always looking for people.

Another person I know cleans office buildings at night. Its part time and 4 hours in the evenings. There are part time jobs like these you could do while stile going to school. I was a "student worker" in college and cleaned buildings for my job.I got up at 5am and worked before and after classes,its possible.

I have never heard of paying back student loans while still in college.

The cutting needs addressed, at least as about the "mental health services" offered at your college. As a student you should be able to go for free or they will refer you to somewhere free. If not, PM me with your hometown and state and I will ask my husband when he gets home from work where to begin.My husband has worked in mental health for 17 years and he should know enough to at least about other states agencies tell you where to get started if you cannot find anything on your own.

[Austin]

Make an appt with the counselor so you get her undivided attention.

Do your FAFSA application for the student loans. You will need information from your parents tax return to do it.

At what age can she become independent as far as FAFSA goes? Eponine, can you answer this? Because uncooperative parents can make things nearly impossible as far as FAFSA (I know, I worked with my niece to get hers done when her father wouldnt' give her the tax info she needed). There is a solution to nearly everything, though, and we found one.

Stafford loans do not need to be paid back while in college. Even some private loans can be deferred. My son is using Stafford Loans and a deferred payment student loan from Wells Fargo Bank that he doesn't need to begin paying on until he's out of school for six months.

You need to get/be independent from your parents in all ways, or they will hang whatever they can over your head, all in the name of your mortal soul, I'm sure. I know you love your parents, but that doesn't mean they are good for you. You need to take care of yourself first and then you can decide what to do about your parents.

[Eponine]

Make an appt with the counselor so you get her undivided attention.

Do your FAFSA application for the student loans. You will need information from your parents tax return to do it.

Judging by her previous posts this is NOT correct. She implies she's older than 24, which is generally the age when the federal government considers students financially independent. Really the cutoff is having been born by January 1st of a certain year which I think is 1987 this year. In other words, any student born before Jan 1, 1987 is independent and will not need parental information or signature on a FAFSA. Since it seem she's older than 24 now I imagine Anno fits that description.

But yes, definitely do the FAFSA to get your Stafford loans.

I don't know what your sister did but I can tell you this: for the Stafford loans, an independent freshman (0-30 credits) is eligible for $9500 per year, $3500 of that would be subsidized (meaning the government pays the accruing interest on that loan until graduation or separation from the university). A sophomore (31-60 credits) is eligible for $10500, with $4500 in subsidized. A junior or above (61+ credits) is eligible for $12500, with $5500 subsidized.

As long as you are 6 credits or more per semester at Title IV university (which I believe all community colleges are) you will not have to start repaying the loans. Six months after graduation or dropping below 6 credits you would start having to repay the loans.

Once you have to start paying them back you will also have the option to do income-based repayment, or a schedule that starts with smaller payments that get larger as time goes on.

Edit: Also, it is by no means too late to apply for loans or other assistance for the 2011-2012 academic year.

Even better, if you do the FAFSA, as an independent student with little or no income you will be eligible for a federal Pell grant. Since I worked at a private university I'm not familiar with how much the Pell grants will give to community college students, but at private universities students with no income and no assets would receive about $5500 per year. I believe it's lower for community college but should still pay for a few credits there.

I assume Anno is an undergraduate; Pell grants are not available to graduate students, though.

[jenny_islander]

You said that you have a pretty good home life, but if your mother threatened to throw you out into the street because of something she said you made her feel, that's the opposite of good.

I have been roughly where you are. I have laid out every option I tried and the wall that popped up at the end of each path. I remember how tired I got just breathing sometimes.

That was 20 years ago. I am long since up and out of that pit of depression. I have been out of it almost as long as I was in it.

Get up. Put one foot in front of the other. Pause. Breathe. Drag the other foot forward. Do. Not. Stop. You will get out. You will get out. You survived a lifetime of your parents' obsession with death and Hell. You are going to make it.

A suggestion for financial aid: Don't depend on what your counselor is telling you. Google the name of your school and financial aid, print out information about the loan you want, and take it to the counselor. This rule goes for almost everything you're struggling with: Don't rely on what other people tell you--not even here. Check the facts, check the sources, and make your own decisions. You don't have to submit. EVER.

[Austin]

[Even better, if you do the FAFSA, as an independent student with little or no income you will be eligible for a federal Pell grant. Since I worked at a private university I'm not familiar with how much the Pell grants will give to community college students, but at private universities students with no income and no assets would receive about $5500 per year. I believe it's lower for community college but should still pay for a few credits there.

My niece was in a [somewhat] similar situation looking at community college and she would/will have received the maximum ($5500), so I don't believe there's a difference between community college and private university.

Students loans can also be used for room & board at college. Lots of people go to college on a combination of loans, grants, part-time work, and work-study.

[Eponine]

A suggestion for financial aid: Don't depend on what your counselor is telling you. Google the name of your school and financial aid, print out information about the loan you want, and take it to the counselor.

This is really not a great idea, sorry. The vast majority of the non-official financial aid "help" sites are either unclear, incorrect, or out of date. The guidelines change every freaking year (grrrr) and the websites just can't keep up with all the new regulations. Also they're not usually disseminated to the general public until after the school year starts.

If your school's financial aid office has its own page you should consult it but don't expect it to have guides for every particular case; it's just not possible.

Also check out http://www.fastweb.com - it's a search engine for outside scholarships. They're usually small but finding a bunch can pretty much pay your way.

[Bookworm]

I really, really feel for you, Anno. My parents were also mid-tribbers convinced it was all COMING SOON. They made a bunch of decisions for the family based on that, and us children made decisions based on it also. The belief caused a lot of disastrous situations but even more than that I now realize it was truly mental torture to grow up believing that. From the age of 9 I used to stay awake at night and agonize over the Tribulation – I never worried about going to Hell, but I thought billions of people, including me, would be struggling to get any sort of food to eat. The whole famine thing in Africa at the moment was basically multiplied and I thought the whole world would look like that, only worse. I dealt with it by trying to plan how to survive and how to help other people. By age 20 I stopped being so terrified, but I still believed it. I never read Left Behind when they came out because I was so freaked out by any mention of the End Times. Someone here recommended the Slacktivist's series on Left Behind and I am hugely grateful – it was like a light-bulb went off in my head and I realized how impossible it was that that interpretation of Revelation or anything similar could possibly be true.

My parents were aware of how afraid I was and they would try to help by telling me that God was in control. Excuse me, WTF! He's the one who is supposed to be doing all this to me! I have had to accept that my parents abused me by teaching me that and talking about it all the time, especially since they could have done more research and found out there was no basis for that sort of belief. It's been freeing in an upsetting sort of way to realize that my anxiety and depression and sadness and constant turmoil all those years actually had good reasons for being there and were NOT MY FAULT.

I went through a major suicidal depression that was so bad I did not realize wishing I were dead was suicidal. I was so numb I thought it was just a sensible thought given my circumstances. I did recover though and life has steadily been getting better, bit by bit. It's a really long story, but just don't give into thinking that you will have to live with them the rest of your life and life will never get better. It will take lots of work, but things will improve. I'll probably PM you tomorrow with more info that might help, if you don't mind.

"There are so many rules in my life, whether acknowledged or not. I'm technically 'allowed' to choose my own clothing now, but if I don't wear something modest enough for my mother, she speaks to me about being a good example to my already-modest little sisters and I can feel her disapproval. It doesn't help that I dearly love immodest clothing, though of course most of it I wouldn't wear because I'm not very thin. And most of what I wear is ok to my mother. I still live at home and have no hope of ever moving out."

First, just wanted to LOL about the immodest clothing - I am not thin either, but trying to dress like a fundie made me look horrible - dressing in form-fitting clothes that actually flatter me makes me look really great but they are supposedly "immodest." Who cares, is my attitude now! And no, I don't have guys leering at me and I don't show much skin or anything. It's just that I have a noticeable chest and curvy (fat at the moment) figure and have to wear the right clothes to look good.

[jenny_islander]

Yes, the college's own Web site was what I meant.

[AnnoDomini]

I'm sorry for making people feel all facepalmy for trying to help someone who seems to be shooting down your suggestions. There's this thing I have that goes pretty deep, that makes me feel that no one who had a choice wants me, therefore no one will ever hire me and keep me, no one will ever love me (outside of family) and no one will want to be my friend if they really get to know me.

It's quite possible that this stems from being isolated growing up. The neighborhood kids stopped playing with me once they found out how weird my family was, all of us were homeschooled (of course) and my parents never found us a homeschool support group. We moved out of the big church with lots of company, to a tiny old-fashioned church with grownups and tiny children, all of whom were younger than me. Then we moved to the country where we barely even SAW other children--our neighborhood was and is full of retirees. And my mother still did nothing to socialize us. It just wasn't nearly as important to her as shielding us from corrupting influences. No friends (none that we saw more than three times a year anyway), no teachers, no one outside family. I still feel pretty strongly that all I have is my family and without them I am nothing. I still don't know who I am without them. It's hard to talk about my history without saying 'us' and 'we'. I am a part of my family but I don't know who I am apart from them.

And I can't believe that they would tell me this Rapture stuff and have it NEVER OCCUR TO THEM that it would deeply affect my life in a negative way. It even affected my spending habits. Sometimes I'm hit with this intense anger at them for doing this to me.

[fundifugee]

That is called negative self-talk and, while you and I obviously understand where it is coming from, the important next step is learning to ignore that self-defeating, critical voice, see yourself as the person you want to be, and start moving in that direction. Many of us here have been where you are, or at least in the neighborhood, and take it from us; getting out IS possible. Antidepressants may help. Books like "Mind Over Mood" can also help. Counselling can help. Don't sell yourself short.

[AnnoDomini]

I thankfully am on medications. I made myself a doctor's appointment (the first one in five years) to get a prescription back in April after two weeks of fear and misery and getting sorta drunk every night (VERY unlike me). I'm also going to ask the school counselor if she can point me to another counselor who will not charge.

[mirele]

Make an appt with the counselor so you get her undivided attention.

Do your FAFSA application for the student loans. You will need information from your parents tax return to do it.

She needs to read the FAFSA carefully because if she's above a certain age, she may not need her parents' information. I know when I filled out a FAFSA at 25, I didn't have to declare my parents' income. That was years ago; this may have changed.

[HowRude]

I know what you're going through being afraid of the rapture. In the second grade out teacher told us the sun would explode. Then in the 6th when the twin towers fell our teacher told us that she feels sorry for us because we would never get to grow up have a family and such because Jesus is coming back. I would have horrible dreams, sunsets even scared me because of the colors in the sky and thunderstorms were definitely it. I'm still afraid now I don't go near Revelation before bedtime. On the other hand my church was pretty good about teaching us about the rapture and hell. If we were afraid about things we could talk to a minister or something which for the most part stopped the dreams and they waited until we were older to tell us about things concerning the end times. Kids don't really need to know since they will most likely be spared

I would recommend getting involved with a Christian group who is not coo-coo for coco puffs there should be some on campus. There should also be group counseling which is free on our campus, they should be able to help fill in the steps. Also a job would help because you could make money to leave home and you would make friends. Ultimately I think leaving home would be best you need out of that environment but until then feel free to vent here there are some of us who have been through similar situations.

[Guest Anonymous]

Kids don't really need to know since they will most likely be spared

:shock:

Most likely you'll be fine, kids! But there's still a chance that you'll burn in hell!

[Lillybee]

Reach out even if it is only to people on line. The women on No Longer Quivering and the person who has Commandments of Men should have a lot of resources that you may be able to use.

[Lainey]

:shock:

Most likely you'll be fine, kids! But there's still a chance that you'll burn in hell!

:lol:

Oh man...I gotta tell you, Anno Domini, any Christian group that actually believes in the Rapture IS coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs! :roll:

[dawniecakes]

My parents, also evangelical/charismatic Christians, made us watch films like "A Thief in the Night" and other last-days type movies and shows throughout my early childhood. I think I was in first grade at the time I first saw one movie and had nightmares that I would be left behind and get my head chopped off if I didn't take the mark of the beast. :(

Also my parents made us watch movies about supposed Satanism, complete with human and goat sacrifice... all fueled by rock music of course... :roll:

[debrand]

:shock:

Most likely you'll be fine, kids! But there's still a chance that you'll burn in hell!

And if you don't, many adults that you love will. But don't worry. You'll be fine. :shock:

Seriously, I've had some of my Christian friends say sorrowfully,"We're in the end times. People are going to suffer." And than add in a happy note. "But I don't have to worry because I'll be in heaven!" :o

[AnnoDomini]

Reach out even if it is only to people on line. The women on No Longer Quivering and the person who has Commandments of Men should have a lot of resources that you may be able to use.

resources for what?

[snarkykitty]

I have a kind of side question. All these people who believed that the rapture was going to happen on that day in May - what did they do when they woke up? Pray? Fast? Celebrate?

What did they do as the day went on and they realized that maybe it wasn't happening?

[AnnoDomini]

My family didn't do anything different, though my father and sister took off work all that week, and the family was encouraged to stay together. THANKFULLY, by that time I was filled with the serenity and assurance of salvation that I'd been praying for the last seven years. Otherwise I'd probably have spent the day more drunk than I'd ever been.

[nutella addict]

Anno, it makes me so sad to read how your upbringing affected you. My church is staunchly amillennialist, given that the "Rapture" is nowhere in the Bible, and if anything - the sun exploding, Bible verses about the second coming, whatever - made any of the kids scared the adults would insist that we were all alright, that humans had been doing just fine for thousands of years, that sort of thing. We were always encouraged to plan our earthly futures, and not just how we would serve God but secular things as well. And we were never, ever made to feel like failures - EVERYONE is sinful, THAT is in the Bible, NOWHERE does it say you have to be perfect all the time or God hates you. We're saved and forgiven - Jesus knows our hearts. If you look in the Bible, which I'm sure your parents will allow so you don't even have to hide that so it might help, I'm sure you can find verses that are more comforting. I tend to read Matthew 6-7 anytime I'm stressed or worried, and it really helps me. Try to read them through your own eyes, not your parents'. Not to push you to stay Christian, but because you said you still are, I really think this helps a lot. If you read the Bible as a whole, it's about love, not damnation. Skip Revelation for a while.

That said, you really really need to get actual help. I'm glad you're on medication, and I'm glad you seem to be looking into mental health/counselling at your university. I often struggle with feeling like a failure because I have ADHD and sometimes that makes me perform below potential in just about everything, just because I kept getting distracted and didn't accomplish anything in an entire day - not even something so simple as washing one dish. Here's the the thing - God loves you EXACTLY as you are. He knows your struggles, and he knows your weaknesses, and he knows your sins, and yet he loved you so much he gave his Son so you could be forgiven. And it really really helps to accept encouragement from other people, and to tell yourself that YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE AND YOU ARE LOVED. Repeat that every day in the mirror when you wake up. I know how hard it is to feel like anyone could want you when you feel a failure, but believe me people do. People are not going to judge you as much as you were taught to judge yourself.

Please, please stop cutting. Get help. I briefly went through a period where I started, ever so slightly, down that path, and talking to someone helps immensely. You want a friend? I will be your friend. So will many people in this forum. You don't have to be alone.

You have a future. How long it is doesn't matter - plan anyway! Do you want to learn a specific subject? Do it! Do you want to work in a certain field? Go for it! If you believe in yourself, other people will believe in you. I'm going to tell you right now, I believe you are fully capable of whatever future you chose. It won't be easy, but you can do it. You even convinced your parents to let you go to college. You can get loans, and you won't have to pay them back while in school, I've never heard of anyone doing that. There are also many scholarships and need-based grants available too. And I don't know where you live, but if you go to the community college in my state for two years before transferring to the state university, it's free. And most colleges have tutoring programs, so you could get help with your studies. And if you can't find one of those, post a notice on a bulletin board near your class that you'd like some help. And if you have a question about algebra, which you mentioned, I loved it. It's been a long time since I took it, but I'd help you all the same.

I will be praying for you for help in ALL areas of your life, even the secular ones.

[antifundie]

I don't have much to add from Nutella Addict, but I did think that you could possibly get help from a battered women's shelter or organization. You can google them (look for Domestic Violence help, etc.).

You can also call 1-800-799-SAFE to talk to somebody who might be able to help you. According to their site, these are some abusive behaviors-just substitue "parents/mother" for "partner":

Does your partner:

Embarrass you with put-downs?

Look at you or act in ways that scare you?

Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?

Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?

Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?

Make all of the decisions?

Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?

Prevent you from working or attending school?

Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?

Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?

Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?

Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?

Force you to try and drop charges?

Threaten to commit suicide?

Threaten to kill you?

You should also tell them that you are cutting and drinking to deal with your living situation. I hope you find help. YOU CAN DO THIS.

[AnnoDomini]

Thankfullly I'm no longer drinking, and the cutting is... I'm getting over that. thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

I don't know how much of that list I can answer properly, as my life situation is so different.

Embarrass you with put-downs?

Do you mean like when my mother and I are fighting and she says 'Oh Anno you're so unreasonable!' even though I can't say things like 'Oh mother, you're so emotionally crippled!'

Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?

What does this mean? I don't think so. I mean I think I'd stop seeing my friends if she said so. But I don't think she'd say so.

Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?

This is tricky. When I was young, she didn't stop me from seeing friends (except that one little boy who said he was my boyfriend) so much as just... not bothering to get me friends. We lived in a situation where significant effort would have had to be made in order to give me friends I sa w more than three times a year, and it didn't happen. She wanted only 'good' companions, not the public school kind or even just any old homeschoolers. However, I do have a few friends I see a couple times a month and she never says I can't, nor does she forbid me from working (not that I work much--they didn't prepare any of us for the workplace or provide us with the experiences or references needed--I swear it's like they never thought about our futures)

Make all of the decisions?

I thought that's what parents were supposed to do.

Prevent you from working or attending school?

I never went to school in the first place.

Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?

They used to spank us before my mother got depression and basicallly unable to function. She's pretty good now but she never did quite get back to where she was before.

No to all the other questions.