"Dear Future Husband" blogger is turning down dates

[LynnGrey]

You'd think that for someone as desperate for a husband as she is, she would be more receptive to being asked out on a date.

http://

allformyfuturehusband.tumblr.com/post/49915916385/dear-future-husband

Dear Future Husband,

Someone asked me out today [5/7]… Of course I said no (in the form of an explanation)…

Dating is something to be done with intention, and right now is just not the time. I am staying wrapped up in GOD and furthering my education. When it is time I am confident that we’ll will be in the right place, at the right time.

I have no doubt that I made the right decision!

Waiting patiently,

Your Future Wife

[debrand]

It's more of the 'God will drop the spouse in my lap." mentality. These types of women seem like too much work when a guy can find a very nice girl who flirts back but still shares his faith.

[treehugger]

Dear Future Husband,

Someone asked me out today [5/7]… Of course I said no (in the form of an explanation)…

Dating is something to be done with intention, and right now is just not the time. I am staying wrapped up in GOD and furthering my education. When it is time I am confident that we’ll will be in the right place, at the right time.

I have no doubt that I made the right decision!

Waiting patiently,

Your Future Wife

Well, for someone who is SO wrapped up in God (and furthering her education), she sure does think about dating and marriage an awful lot. "Waiting patiently"

[Closed Womb]

http://

allformyfuturehusband.tumblr.com/post/49915916385/dear-future-husband

Dear [Former] Future Wife,

I asked you out today [5/7]...surprisingly, you told me no (in the form of a ridiculous explanation.)

I planned to get to know you a little, after which I would date with intention. It would have taken off some of the pressure of marriage if we had dated and waited until the right time to become serious. Apparently, that cannot happen while you are wrapped up in GOD and education, so you turned me down.

I have no doubt that you made the right decision.

Moving on,

Your [Former] Future Husband.

[LynnGrey]

I sort of suspect that part of her reason for turning this guy down wasn't because of her lofty views on intentional dating. Rather, she probably didn't find this particular guy that attractive to her, and therefore not worth the hassle. I'd bet that if a guy came along who matched her fantasy of the perfect husband, she would agree to date him in whatever form he asked her.

Also, she may be an introvert or has social anxiety to the point that dating casually is too frightening. Luckily she has that good excuse of God's plan and intentional dating to get her out of it.

[Mela99]

So what does she consider "furthering her education"? College Minus? What's the 411 on this girl?

[dairyfreelife]

Dear [Former] Future Wife,

I asked you out today [5/7]...surprisingly, you told me no (in the form of a ridiculous explanation.)

I planned to get to know you a little, after which I would date with intention. It would have taken off some of the pressure of marriage if we had dated and waited until the right time to become serious. Apparently, that cannot happen while you are wrapped up in GOD and education, so you turned me down.

I have no doubt that you made the right decision.

Moving on,

Your [Former] Future Husband.

You said exactly what I was thinking Closed Womb. What if he was to be her future husband that GOD picked for her? I can see her dying an old single lady and when she asks why GOD never sent her a husband, GOD says, "I did, but you turned him down. You were too wrapped up in the idea of a specific spouse that every man who crossed your path was not for you in your mind. Your singleness was your own doing."

[snarkyjan]

"Don't say you can't get any boy to call

Don't be so smug or else

You'll find you can't get any boy at all

You'll wind up an old lady, sitting on the shelf"

-The Beau Brummels, "Laugh, Laugh" (1965)

[Claddagh]

She has such certain ideas of who this future husband is no man will be able to meet them.

This future husband isn't going to fall out of the sky and into her lap.

She will find herself mighty lonley if she doesn't lose her attitude.

[Nothing2CHere]

Obviously she's never heard that line about how you never find a guy when you're intentionally looking.

[louisa05]

So what does she consider "furthering her education"? College Minus? What's the 411 on this girl?

She seems to be an actual college student. I think she is fundie lite.

No man is ever going to measure up to her fantasy husband regardless of how "intentional" he might be. So I think she'll still be entertaining us with this blog for many, many years.

[Trynn]

Dear Future Husband,

Why have you not shown up yet? It's been 35 years since I started this blog. I am now 70, and unable to have children. You have disappointed me and let me down in a big way, but I still love you. I know you're out there. Please find me.

with hating love,

your future wife

[Coy Koi]

For some reason it bugs the hell out of me how religious nuts always type GOD in all caps. My ex's mom does that on Facebook. Like every single thing she ever says (on FB and IRL) is GOD this and the LORD that. Omg shut up.

[RachelB]

"Don't say you can't get any boy to call

Don't be so smug or else

You'll find you can't get any boy at all

You'll wind up an old lady, sitting on the shelf"

-The Beau Brummels, "Laugh, Laugh" (1965)

Which, in my book, would be a far better outcome than marrying the wrong person and feeling unable to divorce. But then I do not see marriage as my life's most important work.

[Dinorah]

I suspect she's put the "future husband" so much on a pedestal that no flesh-and-blood guy is going to measure up to her fantasies.

[oil]

I feel sad for her that she miss out on this opportunity. She wants dating with a purpose, but this could have been with a purpose too. Even if its just a way for her to earn ore about her self and what she like or not like in a man.

[Librul]

YES they DO!!! Princeton educated, Oxford bound, Bible totin', G-d fearin', blog reading, maiden huntin' Prince Charmings and future military and political leaders do indeed drop from the sky if you create the right online image. Meredith's story will keep a whole generation of SAHDs going on a thin thread of hope that their story will have the same precious ending.

[elanej]

Sadly, I understand this girl all too well. I also wrote letters to my future husband filled with lofty ideas about how I would wait for him and save my first kiss till our wedding, etc... I actually endured quite a bit of persecution and laughter when other girls my age heard how committed I was to that idea and to courtship. I was waiting for Mr Perfect to fall in my lap. I waited and waited and and tried to be the perfect Christian girl. I taught classes to other teens about courtship and waiting and except for a slight moment of rebellion when I was 18, I stayed the course. Fast forward to me, lonely and single at 28 and wondering where my Mr. Perfect was. I finally just said to heck with this, went on a date with my neighbor and he turned out to be everything I never knew I needed! We are now happily married and expecting our first child. If I had continued looking for that perfect, spiritual leader, giant of a man that my mom and my church trained me to expect, I would still be single. I am very afraid that this is what will happen to this girl. She is looking for someone who doesn't exist. I would rather have my not perfect, but still wonderful husband than some imaginary saint!

[salex]

Which, in my book, would be a far better outcome than marrying the wrong person and feeling unable to divorce. But then I do not see marriage as my life's most important work.

My sister has never married. In her 50s, she tells me she never met a man worth compromising what she wanted to do.. so now, she is a scientist who travels the world and lives on her own terms.

She sees some of the marriages of our friends and says "dodged THAT bullet!"

[Confused_by_religion]

What's so tragic about this and other girls is that most likely they'll come to their senses much too late - like the bodkin girls who are what, 30, and still waiting for Prince Charming to turn up while they twiddle their thumbs and meditate on inner beauty. Oh my. They don't wait for God to fill their fridge with freshly-made cheese but go shopping instead. They don't wait for God to fill their church with freshly-repenting sinners but go and lure them in with a ministry of theirs. In these areas, god clearly expects them to be active and relatively assertive - and when it comes to men, suddenly they accept that it's their lot to sit around waiting? Come ON, ladies, be consistent! Either open you mouth and wait for food to fly in by the grace of god - then you can wait for Prince Chaming to turn up without any effort on your part. Or accept that you HAVE to do YOUR PART in almost any moment of your life. Even babies that are born play an active role in their birth. Even dying is something that seems to be hard work (from what I've seen). People don't just get to wait and do nothing!!! :angry-banghead:

[salex]

You'd think that for someone as desperate for a husband as she is, she would be more receptive to being asked out on a date.

http://

allformyfuturehusband.tumblr.com/post/49915916385/dear-future-husband

I am going to go with "she made the right decision" because she may well have known she had zero interest in the guy who asked her out, he may read her blog, and she may not want whatever reasons went into her having no intention with this guy to be out there (not her type physically, intellectually, etc are all legit reasons to turn down a date, even if you are in the market for a mate).

Her "of course I said no" bodes ill for the future but we should at least give her the benefit of the doubt-- we gave kudos to the girl who refused "captain capitalism" or whatever the mra blogger's name is.

But, if she makes a habit of it, that could be a different deal.

[Closed Womb]

What's so tragic about this and other girls is that most likely they'll come to their senses much too late - like the bodkin girls who are what, 30, and still waiting for Prince Charming to turn up while they twiddle their thumbs and meditate on inner beauty. Oh my. They don't wait for God to fill their fridge with freshly-made cheese but go shopping instead. They don't wait for God to fill their church with freshly-repenting sinners but go and lure them in with a ministry of theirs. In these areas, god clearly expects them to be active and relatively assertive - and when it comes to men, suddenly they accept that it's their lot to sit around waiting? Come ON, ladies, be consistent! Either open you mouth and wait for food to fly in by the grace of god - then you can wait for Prince Chaming to turn up without any effort on your part. Or accept that you HAVE to do YOUR PART in almost any moment of your life. Even babies that are born play an active role in their birth. Even dying is something that seems to be hard work (from what I've seen). People don't just get to wait and do nothing!!! :angry-banghead:

I think the problem is that they have seen other people meet (or seemingly meet) their spouses without effort (ie, dating, flirting, even going out in public places where they know singletons are likely to be.) As long as they can look at, say, best friend Mary, who "never even glanced up from the pages of her Bible when a traveling evangelist visited church one weekend, but yet the LORD lay it on his heart, after considerable prayer, to ask Mary's Daddy for permission to court; then, after granting permission, Mary and The Traveling Evangelist courted for 2 months, one week, via texts, phone calls, and two in-person visits, before the shower, wedding (where she had her first ever kiss), and whisking her away on that converted bus he calls home, Praise the Lord, never to speak about how awkward love, live, sex is with a total stranger in a run down converted bus, but always keeping sweet, and always speaking about blessings, especially little Evangelist Jr, due in the summer", many a fundie girl will have it in their head that because it is POSSIBLE to meet and marry without effort it is somehow DESIRABLE to have things this way. When, let me point out, the Bible does not explicitly recommend marrying virtual strangers -- the whole freaking idea is a man-made money making, book selling, scheme.

[debrand]

I wonder how many of these women are either asexual or attracted to their own sex and have found a convenient way to keep their families happy without having to enter into a marriage where they will be expected to have heterosexual sex.

[Jinger Jar]

I wonder how many of these women are either asexual or attracted to their own sex and have found a convenient way to keep their families happy without having to enter into a marriage where they will be expected to have heterosexual sex.

I was thinking this as well.

My other thought was how many of these women have depression or some form of social anxiety that prevents them from dating.

[love2scrap]

Sadly, I understand this girl all too well. I also wrote letters to my future husband filled with lofty ideas about how I would wait for him and save my first kiss till our wedding, etc... I actually endured quite a bit of persecution and laughter when other girls my age heard how committed I was to that idea and to courtship. I was waiting for Mr Perfect to fall in my lap. I waited and waited and and tried to be the perfect Christian girl. I taught classes to other teens about courtship and waiting and except for a slight moment of rebellion when I was 18, I stayed the course. Fast forward to me, lonely and single at 28 and wondering where my Mr. Perfect was. I finally just said to heck with this, went on a date with my neighbor and he turned out to be everything I never knew I needed! We are now happily married and expecting our first child. If I had continued looking for that perfect, spiritual leader, giant of a man that my mom and my church trained me to expect, I would still be single. I am very afraid that this is what will happen to this girl. She is looking for someone who doesn't exist. I would rather have my not perfect, but still wonderful husband than some imaginary saint!

what a wonderful, wonderful ending to your story!! :-)