Could Michelle Resent Her Kids?

[debrand]

Is it possible that the reason that Michelle Duggar doesn't take physical care of her own children is because she secretly resents having them? I am not saying that she hates her kids or doesn't love them. Perhaps having to put her emotions and needs aside to have kids for god might make her feel distant from those children. Does that make sense?

 

Most people have children because they want children. Michelle had kids because god told her that she should. Wouldn't that influence some people's feelings for their children?

[fundiefan]

Is it possible that the reason that Michelle Duggar doesn't take physical care of her own children is because she secretly resents having them? I am not saying that she hates her kids or doesn't love them. Perhaps having to put her emotions and needs aside to have kids for god might make her feel distant from those children. Does that make sense?

Most people have children because they want children. Michelle had kids because god told her that she should. Wouldn't that influence some people's feelings for their children?

I think that is entirely possible. When you make the having of kids the most important aspect of your life, you sort of create a disconnect with the kids once you've reached your goal/served your purpose. They're here, and you have others to take care of them so you can continue with your purpose - having another one.

They have babies. That is what they do. Raising human beings, not so much. They were showcasing their fertility early on, even before they had a dozen kids, never mind the 19 of today. They always emphasized it and it is the center focus of their entire lives. They are their fertility. When you identify yourself that way, I don't think you can really give all of any part of yourself to anyone or anything else.

[demgirl]

Seems a reasonable guess. I don't know how she feels about them, I can only guess, but I do know she has shown almost no sign of any interest in raising them.

[luckylassie]

I remember watching "14 Children and Pregnant Again" the first time and on youtube later on. Michelle said in the special (I think they edited the episode later to remove some things) that once the baby is weaned then it is no longer her "buddy". I was paraphrasing but you get the idea that once the baby is no longer a helpless infant that has to be breastfed then she is pretty much done with him/her. They also wore more homemade clothing like those jumpers with big collar shirts (kind of what I used to wear in Kindergarten).

[IReallyAmHopewell]

I've said for years that Michelle agreed to BIRTH them. That's it. Gothard does teach that the parents should train their kids to do everything possible in order to work themselves out of a job and spend their time on their marriage.

Ironically, I think TV may actually be HELPING her enjoy her kids. She HAS seemed more relaxed with them lately--likely she's gotten more practice at it again.

[HowRude]

I think Michelle is in shock that she has so many and probably gives them to other people to take care of to lessen her shock. I remember her talking about labor and delivery saying that every time she goes "How am I here again? I know how I'll have to get out of this one"

[GeoBQn]

Some of the language she's used to describe her relationship with her kids has sounded odd. She said she's had to "pray that we love our children" and "purpose to smile at them," which makes it sounds like she's exerted a lot of effort just to deal with them.

[lilah]

I remember someone internet-diagnosing her with being addicted to pregnancy/infants. I think she has been able to enjoy josie more than most of her other babies because Josie is so needy and has stayed a small baby for much longer, she's what 19-20 months old now and probably still the size of a one year old.

Ironically, I think TV may actually be HELPING her enjoy her kids. She HAS seemed more relaxed with them lately--likely she's gotten more practice at it again.

[/quote[

Yeah she has to interact with them in front of the cameras, although they have been showing the j-slaves doing more parenting lately.

[Childless]

I think she's going to crash and burn when she goes through menopause. When you make your fertility the center of your entire life, once its gone, what do you have? She's going to struggle to find purpose in her life. I think that's incredibly sad.

As for her kids, I think she's already checked out. She looks shell shocked every time I see her. Now that she has older kids, she's washed her hands of all of them. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the "have as many babies as god tells you to" mentality or if she's just completely overwhelmed at this point. All I know is that I hope Josie is the last one. Especially considering the special care that Josie will most likely need for her entire childhood.

[ElphabaGalinda]

I think she seems to like babies...but anything older than 18 months, not so much. I think if God didn't tell her to have a bajillion kids she wouldn't have had any. She probably does like being pregnant and having babies, but beyond that, she seems uninterested in kids.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

"purpose to smile at them,"

I'm guessing that is straight out of some Gothard/ATI parenting presentation.

I think Josie will be happy like Josh has always seemed. Why? She's had her parents undivided attention. It's pathetic when they show the little ones begging to go along on some trip to do errands or whatever. No one since Josh has had the attention from MOM and DAD (and not siblings) that Josie has been blessed to have.

[bananacat]

I think that Michelle has some serious issues and she truly loves the attention she gets for being pregnant and having a newborn. It's like some weird form of Munchhausen or something. I don't think she necessarily resents her older kids, but once they no longer bring an aura of attention to her, she simply has no use for them. When you're pregnant, friends and family constantly ask how you're feeling, what you'll name the baby, etc. If you go out in public with an infant or toddler, plenty of people will stop to say how cute it is, or ask about its name. But when you go out in public with an older, less cute kid, people give you glares to make sure you keep your kid quiet.

[demgirl]

Michele has got to be freaking out. Kelly Bates was 9 weeks along when she posted her blog about being pregnant again. That was 18 days ago. The Bateses are totally going to tie the Duggars. And I say this not as a joke. I think that would have to really bother someone like Michelle, whose whole sense of importance is wrapped up in her fertility. If someone else can do it, someone she knows, what makes her special? And the reality is -- nothing. And I think she might know it.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

Michele has got to be freaking out. Kelly Bates was 9 weeks along when she posted her blog about being pregnant again. That was 18 days ago.

I hope nothing has happened to Mrs. Bates, but they haven't posted on their blog in over a week.

[Lala29]

I wonder if Michele suffers from Post-partum depression?

I struggled with it recently, and I felt the detachment between myself and my children grow. Mind you, this, among a few other symptoms, led me to getting help/medication.

But if she's never gotten help for it, I can see how she would feel and be completely detached from her children. It took a lot of work for me to feel the connectedness again. It was a horrible time, and I can only imagine how much worse I would be if I not only didn't get help, but kept getting pregnant a few months post-partum.

[Kitten]

I think one aspect of it (long before she had so many) is the attention you get when you're pregnant, and the fun (yes, fun) of having a new tiny baby. I looooved being pregnant - I loved the feeling of carrying the baby, I loved the special treatment I got from folks, I loved the anticipation, and I loved having a newborn.

However, I was intelligent enough to realize that babies grow up, and that they are not playthings. I've known several people like Michelle, and I'll never forget one woman saying after her 10th child, "I just don't feel alive unless I'm pregnant or nursing a baby." I felt so sorry for her children, and for her. I remember thinking, "What is she going to do when she can't have another baby?"

I think Michelle is addicted to having babies for the attention it brings her, and for the "special" status it confers on her when she's pregnant. And I think she enjoys the newborn stage - I do, too. When a baby is totally helpless, and totally dependent on you, it is so easy (to me) to take care of them. Yes, you have to get up at all hours, but especially if that's ALL you do, it's so easy. Feed, change, snuggle. Repeat. Mind you, none of my babies were colicky, so I had it pretty easy. :D

I imagine Josie was a huge shock to her - all of a sudden, she had a baby that couldn't be carted around like a sack of potatoes. I remember rumors of the strain it put on her marriage - I'm sure it did. For the first time, havng a baby wasn't just a matter of shoving the previous kid out into the dorm room and assigning him/her a sister-mom.

On the other hand, Josie gave her a chance to be a "newborn" mom for a loooong time. And she got to do it away from her brood most of the time, and without JB around to say "Hey, those 90 days are up! Let's go!"

Most women who only have a few children indulge themselves as grandmothers. Mich isn't that interested in her gkids because she's still working on her own. She still wants/craves that attention and feeling of being special. I imagine menopause looms as a horrifying event in her life.

[Childless]

I don't know if I'm just weird, but I hated being pregnant. I did it because I knew at the end I'd get to be a mom, but I did not enjoy the nine months. When I got pregnant, I was coming off of an ectopic pregnancy, so the first trimester was filled with fear of loosing the baby again. Add to that the two months of all day nausea. It was awful. I spent the entire third trimester not sleeping because I couldn't find a comfortable place or position to sleep in. I was never so thankful as when I delivered and it was over. I did love feeling him move around, but that was the extent of my joy while pregnant. I also find my son a lot more enjoyable now that he's 9 months old vs when he was a newborn. I liked snuggling with him (which he will no longer do), but I didn't enjoy the lack of sleep. Now, he plays and laughs and does funny stuff. He interacts with me. When I come home from work every day, he'll get excited and crawl toward me as fast as he can, giggling the entire way. I can't wait until he's old enough for me to really do stuff with him. I dream of taking him to museums. I dream of traveling with him to other countries. I bought a book filled with different craft ideas and a book with simple science experiments. I want to take him on walks in the park and talk to him about different plants and animals and photosynthesis (yeah, I'm a total nerd). To me, older children are a lot more interesting than babies. Babies are hard work and there's only so much patty cake I can play and still keep my sanity. I love my son more than anything. I've loved him since I conceived him, but I admit that I find him more enjoyable as he gets older.

[higgledypiggledy]

I'm with you childless. I don't relish pregnancy. It is something I endured so I could have children to cherish. I love babies but I think human get more itnersting and fun as they age.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

I don't relish pregnancy. It is something I endured so I could have children to cherish

Britain's Princess Anne (the Queen's only daughter) said being pregnant was "a hazard of being a wife."

[Hane]

Ditto to everyone who's called Michelle a pregnancy addict. I remember cringing when she said her "mommy years" would soon be over--as if she'd automatically stop being a mother the minute she could no longer give birth.

[Buzzard]

Ditto to everyone who's called Michelle a pregnancy addict. I remember cringing when she said her "mommy years" would soon be over--as if she'd automatically stop being a mother the minute she could no longer give birth.

She will find some way to keep her house populated with babies. I wonder if they'll start taking in crackheads so they can take their kids at some point and "save them." She doesnt resent the kids, they are what has made her rich and famous. All she has to do is lie back and think of England... pop em out and hand em off...

[Kitten]

Just in case I was misunderstood, I wasn't trying to say that every woman enjoys pregnancy, or the sleep-deprived 1st 6 months. :D

I just meant that I understand how it could be addictive to someone like Michelle, who seems to crave attention. If your pregnancy is relatively easy (as mine were), and you enjoy newborn babies because, let's face it, they SLEEP most of the time, so the actual caretaking is pretty simple, and you love to feel special and be fussed over, then it's easy to understand how women get addicted to the whole pregnancy/1st 12 months thing.

I don't think Michelle is particularly interested in her children after they exit this stage - whereas many women actually look forward to the time when their interaction becomes a little more two-way, and most women, even if they love babies, also love every stage of their own children's development. Michelle is like any true addict - it isn't the thing (child) that matters - it's the experience (being pregnant).

[Visionoyahweh]

I'm not sure resent is the right word. Keep in mind these are people that really seem to think love is finite. She is addicted to babies, but once that stage is over she's not going to waste any precious, precious love on some bratty kids. Train the spirit out of them and be done with it. Then Michelle can love herself, like a good narcissist, and then JB with the leftovers. It's Y-Y-Y-Y for her with J to keep the O's in line.

[Chrystal-J]

I really enjoyed being pregnant with my son, but I wouldn't want to do it 20 times. Plus, I actually raised my son, so it would be much harder for me than if I handed my toddler off to someone else.

[Feberin]

Just in case I was misunderstood, I wasn't trying to say that every woman enjoys pregnancy, or the sleep-deprived 1st 6 months. :D

I just meant that I understand how it could be addictive to someone like Michelle, who seems to crave attention. If your pregnancy is relatively easy (as mine were), and you enjoy newborn babies because, let's face it, they SLEEP most of the time, so the actual caretaking is pretty simple, and you love to feel special and be fussed over, then it's easy to understand how women get addicted to the whole pregnancy/1st 12 months thing.

I don't think Michelle is particularly interested in her children after they exit this stage - whereas many women actually look forward to the time when their interaction becomes a little more two-way, and most women, even if they love babies, also love every stage of their own children's development. Michelle is like any true addict - it isn't the thing (child) that matters - it's the experience (being pregnant).

I understood what you were saying and agree with you. Although my first trimester was full of morning sickness once that passed and we told everyone we were expecting I did enjoy the excitement. It's so exciting to wonder what the baby will be like, pick out a name and get everything ready for them! I wouldn't want to have 20 but I could see how somebody could get addicted to it all.