Terrible People on Mommy Boards

[tropaka]

I'm throwing this on snark 'cause the comments focus on class (and generally awfulness). Tina Fey and Buzzfeed on Urban Baby

http://dlisted.com/2013/03/07/tina-fey- ... ng-foolery

If Taylor Swift is right and there really is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women, then I guess being trapped in that special place in hell is a lot like being trapped inside of a mommy message board. At a round table with the cast of Admission, UsWeekly brought up that scene in the last episode of 30 Rock where Liz Lemon gets into a type fight with a bunch of crazy and judgy moms on a mommy message board. Tina Fey said that scene was inspired by the time she dipped into the insanity pool by lurking on UrbanBaby (aka Fishstick Paltrow's home away from GOOP). Tina said:

"That was definitely built on experience with things I have seen. I have never . . . I don't know how to post on any of those. So I promise you I have never posted. I have seen people pretending to be me post on Urban Baby. I had a friend call me and say, "Are you on Urban Baby?" I said no. I didn't know what that was. I do think some of them - Urban Baby specifically - have some of the worst human behavior I've ever seen in my life. Terrible. There is no one running [those sites] or they would fix it."

Worst human behavior she has ever seen? Well, I guess she wasn't in the Dlisted comments that time I was in there and we started talking about dudes who love to make out with Aunt Flow. Tina has a point, though. Buzzfeed posted a list of the 15 most vomit-inducing things written on UrbanBaby and it included the most fucked up thing I've read ever since I re-read that Dlisted comment thread about dudes who love to make out with Aunt Flow:

(go to sight to see screen cap)

(FYI: DD stands for "dear daughter.")

THE HELL?! Shut down the internet. Shut down the world. Shut down everything. I can't.

And before everything gets shut down, look at these pictures of Tina Fey and a lost member of Hall & Oates at the premiere of Admission in NYC on Tuesday night.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/amyodell/the-15 ... e-internet

The site Urban Baby is home to some of the snobbiest parents on the internet. Like...

1. The mom who asked the community to define what makes someone a social "striver."

Striver meaning someone who wants to appear rich.

2. The mom who drops high society-specific acronyms.

(SIL = sister-in-law.)

3. The mom who thinks she knows the exact translation of "NOCD."

4. The mom who thinks she's classy for trashing Coach bags anonymously online instead of IRL.

Image by http://pinterest.com/pin/131589620334530560/

5. The mom whose mother "allowed" her "to wear a no-name bag."

6. The mom telling people to look things up in the "Official Preppy Handbook."

7. The mom *snort*-ing at people who tell others to look things up in the "Official Preppy Handbook."

8. The mom who is this familiar with the concept of "moving purses."

9. The mom who suggests carrying Coach bags as an act of charity.

10. The mom who wonders "what kind of loser lives in an apartment in Brooklin

11. The mom who likes fashion and sees her children as "like having two little dolls."

12. The mom who doesn't want her "dear daughter" (or "DD") listening to hip-hop.

13. The mom who uses the word "caste."

Especially when responding to a question about what makes someone a "striver."

14. The mom who accuses "aspiring writers" of trolling Urban Baby for inspiration for their novels.

15. The mom who offered this "FYI" to "Strivers."

NOCD - new one - "not our class dear" - I always contended that the people who had not "class" were the ones concerned about it in the first place.

[MandyLaLa]

Urbanbaby is a terrible terrible place, that I may or may not enjoy reading occasionally.... I love watching anonymous women argue about who's old money and who's upper class, and omg my little precious pearl got into city and country and the 92nd st Y.

[Hwin]

Between the classist snarking/nastiness and the cutesy-woo denials of adulthood (The ACRONYMS! For sex! For poop! For EVERYTHING! What the hell?) on most "mommy" boards, I've sworn off them for life. Even some of the not-so-pweshus ones have people who get easily butthurt because OMG FEELINGS ABOUT MAKING BABIES. (I got spanked for not having major feelings about trying to conceive one way or the other, and feeling confused at people who felt that anything fun or pleasurable was less so for the lack of a baby in their lives. How dare I Not Get It- the first response was, and I quote, "Me three years ago and me now say Fuck You.".".)

In short, the crazies be cray. Step away!

[miffy]

I bet that most of those evil women are also regular posters on the purse forum. Its so materialistic & the people there are obsessed with conspicuous consumption & display.

The general theme is:

'look at my giant dining table covered in Hermes Birkins' *ensuing scandal, all from the silk market in Beijing*

'Look what I picked up today *reveal*' *posts in finances section the next week 'we're going bankrupt & my husband doesn't even know'*

'I stalked somebody at the shops today to see the lining inside the bag, just in case they were carrying a fake' 'I want to cut off the hands of people who carry fakes'

Its so decidedly un-sloane. (looked it up in the sloane rangers joke handbook thing from the 80s :lol: )

[August]

Urbanbaby is a terrible terrible place, that I may or may not enjoy reading occasionally.... I love watching anonymous women argue about who's old money and who's upper class, and omg my little precious pearl got into city and country and the 92nd st Y.

I loooove some crazy, most of my online time is spent laughing at the crazy, but Urban Baby was too much for me. I lurked for about three days and have never been back.

[formergothardite]

Mommy boards can be evil. None of the fights here can compare to the ones I've seen on mommy boards.

[Katiebug]

I'm pretty convinced that 95% of the so-called "Mommy Wars" take place solely on the Internet. I've encountered most judgment about parenting choices on the Internet, especially on big and relatively anonymous boards, because few people are going to be total jerks in-person to people they know. Anonymity gives people the right to be assholes. I'm on a private board where most are moms and where we've all "known" each other for years and there's none of the crap you see on huge public boards.

UrbanBaby is good for laughs at obsessive upper middle class and upper class helicopter parents, but for sheer volume of material you need to hit up Babycenter birth clubs. It runs the gamut from submissive fundie SAHMs to pregnant teens with baby daddy issues and everything in between. Some of the smaller support groups there are legitimately decent, but the birth clubs are a treasure trove for snark. Let's not even start on the judgmental bitches at Mothering.com and certain cloth diapering websites - if you listen to most of those posters, working mothers are the scum of the earth and the source of all that is wrong in the world.

[formergothardite]

I was so innocent about mommy wars when I joined Mothering.com and Diaperswappers. :lol: I was in for quite a shock. I thought I was a natural mother but quickly realized that I wasn't even close.

[Irishy]

I was so innocent about mommy wars when I joined Mothering.com and Diaperswappers. :lol: I was in for quite a shock. I thought I was a natural mother but quickly realized that I wasn't even close.

Ha! Sounds like the first time I rocked up at a LLL meeting. Never again. "But why would you want to give birth in hospital?"........."were you very upset when your last baby self weaned at 13 months?" Er, no. I was fucking delighted.

[formergothardite]

I too was thrilled when my oldest weaned at an early age. I also ~gasp~ used negletomatics on a daily basis.

Nothing can compare to diapering drama, though. The posters who felt sad for the babies whose mothers didn't love them enough to use cloth diapers. And then the posters who would have hundreds of cloth diapers that they never used, they just hoarded them, took pictures of them and bragged about how they had the most expensive diapers ever. Posters who cried when their kids wanted to use the potty because that meant that the cloth diapering days were over.

[August]

Those super duper expensive ones that had to be used with a cover were the best. Look! I just spent $300 on this!!!! Now, where's my $9 white bummis?

[Mary C Doates]

Urbanbaby is a terrible terrible place, that I may or may not enjoy reading occasionally.... I love watching anonymous women argue about who's old money and who's upper class, and omg my little precious pearl got into city and country and the 92nd st Y.

I actually enjoy reading Urban Baby, rather in the same way an anthropologist likes to observe different cultures. I have no kids and live the the much-dreaded suburbs of NYC, so am a non-being to the posters there; I certainly don't take anything posted personally (or even seriously--otherwise, I would be almost constantly horrified).

All the Tina Fey-related publicity has resulted in a massive influx of trolls, which has the regulars there in a frenzy that the board has been invaded by the type of people they are so desperate to prove themselves superior to. Good times!

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

Holy crap, ten minutes on Urban Baby was enough for me (just now). Those ladies are one of the reasons why I'm so hesitant to have kids. And there was SO MUCH racism and classism just on the first page alone.

[samurai_sarah]

Holy crap, ten minutes on Urban Baby was enough for me (just now). Those ladies are one of the reasons why I'm so hesitant to have kids. And there was SO MUCH racism and classism just on the first page alone.

I just went to check a few sites out too. And: :o :shock: They make FJ look like a place where it rains cotton candy and everyone gets a free puppy/kitten to cuddle with, while we're singing kumbaya.

[Wolfie]

Posters who cried when their kids wanted to use the potty because that meant that the cloth diapering days were over.

Does my cousin's wife post there? Though she's still nursing her 2 1/2 year old, which I wouldn't mind except that at recently as 6 months ago she was doing it exhibition style in public. And she posts photos of it on FB and comments about it that are very annoying.

ETA- the people that bother me are the ones that act as if the only women who are worth anything are the ones who have kids. I haven't decided if the annoyance of being a nothing because I have no kids or feeling sorry for them that they don't have anything else that they can focus on in their life is where I should go.

[Mary C Doates]

Holy crap, ten minutes on Urban Baby was enough for me (just now). Those ladies are one of the reasons why I'm so hesitant to have kids. And there was SO MUCH racism and classism just on the first page alone.

It's a total feeding frenzy over there now due to a massive troll invasion. And I thought they couldn't get any more disgusting....

Looks like that board is imploding. Not necessarily a bad thing, either.

[StacyW]

I met a woman who doesn't diaper her baby at all. She carries her most of the time and can sense when she wants to go. She wasn't snobby at all about it, though.

[So Says I]

It's a total feeding frenzy over there now due to a massive troll invasion. And I thought they couldn't get any more disgusting....

Looks like that board is imploding. Not necessarily a bad thing, either.

Yuck. I was on that site for about 30 seconds and had to get the hell out of there. I think that Kidist would appreciate a lot of the posts there on many issues.

Edited for too many quote thingies.

[August]

Holy crap, ten minutes on Urban Baby was enough for me (just now). Those ladies are one of the reasons why I'm so hesitant to have kids. And there was SO MUCH racism and classism just on the first page alone.

People who are tools before kids are tools after kids and vice versa. Kids just accentuate the toolishness. I have zero tolerance for tools and all my friends are still fun/nice people after kids. Because those of us who bred did it in our 30's I'd weeded out the ones who still behaved like teenagers.

For example if it was amusing or exciting when someone had continual boyfriend drama, when they switch to having continual "people hate me for using bottles!" drama it can remain amusing or exciting if you're into that sort of thing. Or if your friends are all into wearing the 'right' brand of makeup they're going to be into the 'right' brand of stroller. Likewise with fad diets and kids diets.

The mistake people make is thinking they all of a sudden have anything in common with someone just because you both have children. But at the same time you're having a new intense experience that maybe none of your friends are, and you're looking for people to share that with. I wouldn't sign up for a sorority, why would I want to join the equivalent mother's group? I looked for the group where you might bring awesomely decorated cupcakes, but you're naked under your fleece and your child has an oddly long tube skirt and no underwear. Because that's the sort of person I liked when we had no kids.

[MandyLaLa]

People who are tools before kids are tools after kids and vice versa. Kids just accentuate the toolishness. I have zero tolerance for tools and all my friends are still fun/nice people after kids. Because those of us who bred did it in our 30's I'd weeded out the ones who still behaved like teenagers.

For example if it was amusing or exciting when someone had continual boyfriend drama, when I switch to having continual "people hate me for using bottles!" drama it can remain amusing or exciting if you're into that sort of thing. Or if your friends are all into wearing the 'right' brand of makeup they're going to be into the 'right' brand of stroller. Likewise with fad diets and kids diets.

The mistake people make is thinking they all of a sudden have anything in common with someone just because you both have children. But at the same time you're having a new intense experience that maybe none of your friends are, and you're looking for people to share that with. I wouldn't s ign up for a sorority, why would I want to join the equivalent mother's group? I looked for the group where you might bring awesomely decorated cupcakes, but you're naked under your fleece and your child has an oddly long tube skirt and no underwear. Because that's the sort of person I liked when we had no kids.

You do realize that stereotyping a group like sororities is just as obnoxious as the mothers on Urbanbaby who stereotype new money people right?

[Mary C Doates]

People who are tools before kids are tools after kids and vice versa. Kids just accentuate the toolishness. I have zero tolerance for tools and all my friends are still fun/nice people after kids. Because those of us who bred did it in our 30's I'd weeded out the ones who still behaved like teenagers.

For example if it was amusing or exciting when someone had continual boyfriend drama, when they switch to having continual "people hate me for using bottles!" drama it can remain amusing or exciting if you're into that sort of thing. Or if your friends are all into wearing the 'right' brand of makeup they're going to be into the 'right' brand of stroller. Likewise with fad diets and kids diets.

The mistake people make is thinking they all of a sudden have anything in common with someone just because you both have children. But at the same time you're having a new intense experience that maybe none of your friends are, and you're looking for people to share that with. I wouldn't sign up for a sorority, why would I want to join the equivalent mother's group? I looked for the group where you might bring awesomely decorated cupcakes, but you're naked under your fleece and your child has an oddly long tube skirt and no underwear. Because that's the sort of person I liked when we had no kids.[/

I think Urban Baby has evolved into a group that is not just bonded by having kids--it's about trying to fit into a very tiny subset of parents: the "right" NYC neighbourhood, wealth, possessions (and they must be specific brands, mind you), prestigious schools and careers, and using your children to gain leverage into an "exclusive" social circle. It screams desperation. With the recent publicity, there's been an influx of posters who have taken their snobbery, inflated it, and thrown it back at them (this in additional to straight-up racists; the usual Urban Baby denizens are much more subtle). The comments there are disgusting, but it's strangely fascinating to watch a group that considers itself "superior" chew off its own limbs.

[AuntCloud]

Wow, these Urbanbaby NOCD-moms make the Malfoys look like kumbaya-singing, incense-burning hippies.

[lilwriter85]

I'm pretty convinced that 95% of the so-called "Mommy Wars" take place solely on the Internet. I've encountered most judgment about parenting choices on the Internet, especially on big and relatively anonymous boards, because few people are going to be total jerks in-person to people they know. Anonymity gives people the right to be assholes. I'm on a private board where most are moms and where we've all "known" each other for years and there's none of the crap you see on huge public boards.

UrbanBaby is good for laughs at obsessive upper middle class and upper class helicopter parents, but for sheer volume of material you need to hit up Babycenter birth clubs. It runs the gamut from submissive fundie SAHMs to pregnant teens with baby daddy issues and everything in between. Some of the smaller support groups there are legitimately decent, but the birth clubs are a treasure trove for snark. Let's not even start on the judgmental bitches at Mothering.com and certain cloth diapering websites - if you listen to most of those posters, working mothers are the scum of the earth and the source of all that is wrong in the world.

I don't have kids, but I have seen Mommy Wars on other message boards that aren't designed for moms. I saw mommy wars go down on several IMDB boards a couple of years back. On the Teen Mom boards there, one lady started mommy wars by cutting down working moms. On the 19kac IMDB boards, mommy wars threads have happened there and usually the fundie sahms ended up leaving the boards.

[Wolfie]

Just a comment- if you complain about "new money" people in public, you're not "old money."

[gardenvarietycitizen]

People who are tools before kids are tools after kids and vice versa. Kids just accentuate the toolishness.

Or in the case of so much of the "Mommy Wars" among the upper classes specifically, extreme competitiveness. That goes for Dads as well.

A certain slice of the population that is just hyper competitive about EVERYTHING with that "obviously I know the one way to live that gives best results" will continue to do that same exact behavior with their kids. Obviously they're the best parents, obviously they can put even the most colicky babies to sleep, obviously their kids are the most brilliant, obviously...

I have no kids myself but once worked with a guy like this, the most hyper competitive person I ever met in my life, and you betcha, when the kid came along it was all about how he knows everything about parenting now and is the world's best dad, of course, he's got it all figured out! :roll:

Pretty much the only solution is to just change the subject. Every. Time.

If I'm looking to read that sort of thing on purpose though, I agree with others upthread it can be interesting in a "let's lurk and find out what this other group I don't belong to is talking about" anthropological sort of way. Kinda like fundies.

Can't deny that I was amazed at the changes to cloth diaper technology since I myself wore them as a kid. My diapers were pretty much just rectangles of cloth, no tech involved other than a pin, requiring rubber pants, things ARE better now I think!!