Having your boyfriend sleep over might damage your witness

[SpeakNow]

First, when you share a bed with someone you are tempting yourself unnecessarily. My pastor always says that if your boyfriend can lie down next to you without getting aroused, then he either doesn’t like you very much, or he’s probably gay. While he is overstating his point in jest, I think there is something to that statement. When you are lying under the covers in a dark room next to a person that you’re attracted to, then it will be extremely difficult to set appropriate boundaries. Your judgment will be compromised be your desires, and speaking from my own experience, my desires win every time.

Even if you don’t start out having sex, it won’t be long until you reach that point. You’ll find yourself needing to go further and further to get the same degree of pleasure, and eventually you will find yourself facing the final frontier. For that reason, don’t put yourself in that position. Even if you’re not spending the entire night together, being in bed is a tremendous temptation, so it should be avoided no matter the circumstances.

The second reason Christians should avoid sleeping over is that it compromises your witness. If your roommates aren’t Christians and they see your boyfriend sleeping over, they will likely assume you are having sex. When this happens, we fail to distinguish Christian relationships from worldly relationships in any substantive way.

If your situation looks more like the one I described above (he’s there so late that he’s too exhausted to drive home) then the more pressing question is why he was there so late in the first place. If it was really THAT late at night, then odds are I was engaging in behavior that I should have been avoiding in the first place. In that case, I had bigger fish to fry than the mere issue of sleeping over.

http://sheworships.com/2009/03/12/sleeping-over-the-latest-trend-in-christian-sketchiness-2/

http://sheworships.com/2008/05/14/sleeping-over-part-2/

I think she'd be amazed to know that my boyfriend and I have had several sexless sleepovers...(and several that were...ummm...of a more sexual nature)

[Sinister Rouge]

Oh lovely, more inane rhetoric that makes men look like penis-controlled-sex-monsters and, hey, if you're lying in bed with a straight guy, you're asking for it and you're gonna get it and how could you have expected anything else you un-Christian little tramp? These people are so gross.

[Arete]

I read fundie understanding of human sexuality and really worry until I snap back into reality. Not only have I managed to be in a bed with a partner where there was no sex (OK, sometimes there was, but not every time, and no one has come out of the closet), I have been around lesbians all my adult life and have never once been propositioned. :lol:

Seriously, these people are sick pervs. No joke.

[mockingbird]

Ew, and I go straight to the thought of incest. I shared a bed with my brother many times on family vacations growing up, and nothing happened (and my brother is straight)... but I'm sure that would be outlawed in fundy land because don't want to tempt him! EWWWW.

I'd love to see fundies wrap their heads around "cuddle buddies" - I know a few people who have friends they cuddle with when their respective significant others are unavailable and it doesn't ruin their relationships or make the other person gay/straight.

[Minerva]

First, self control. You have it. I promise. You CAN share a bed with someone as many times as you like without fucking them. I promise. It's called self control. Not that there's anything wrong with some nice consensual sex.

I'm a bit confused as to how sleeping over with your partner compromises your witness. Isn't "witness" the thing fundies do where they try to attract people to their faith? Isn't it desirable to look as normal as possible when trying to proselytize to your roommates? If anything, don't you want to save teaching them the difference between "Christian" relationships and worldly relationships for after you've convinced them to convert? Don't get me wrong, sleeping over with your partner will surely compromise the part where you tell people that out-of-wedlock sex is sinful. I just didn't realize judging other Christians counted as witnessing.

Oh, and for the third quote...yeah, watching movies together is so sinful. It had to be really dirty because everyone knows it's physically impossible for a DVD player to play Up after 11. The clock strikes midnight and everyone who's still awake automatically turns into a drug-crazed sex demon. You were up until two last night? You must have done lines off the coffee table and had a foursome with the neighbours 'cause there's no way you were just playing video games and looking at baby pictures.

[fundiefan]

These people have zero concept of self control and respect and, as said, human sexuality.

Even when my ex husband and I liked each other, there were many, many times when we'd lie down, in the dark, under the covers, body parts touching and...sleep. Or, talk.

People not obsessed with what they don't understand know that all kinds of things are possible between two people of the opposite sex and even when sex IS part of their lives, it's not the only part.

No wonder these woman are constantly pregnant. The fact that they breathe in the same room as their headship turns their men on and they have no choice but to do as he commands - when he commands. They're probably on their backs ten hours a day, every day.

[Minerva]

Ew, and I go straight to the thought of incest. I shared a bed with my brother many times on family vacations growing up, and nothing happened (and my brother is straight)... but I'm sure that would be outlawed in fundy land because don't want to tempt him! EWWWW.

I'd love to see fundies wrap their heads around "cuddle buddies" - I know a few people who have friends they cuddle with when their respective significant others are unavailable and it doesn't ruin their relationships or make the other person gay/straight.

Yep, I've had my share of male cuddle buddies. They weren't turned on. I would have felt it, believe me.

[wtfrenchtoast]

Ay ay ay. No wonder these people devolve into no-touching courtships. Legalism at its finest.

[desertvixen]

Oh, and for the third quote...yeah, watching movies together is so sinful. It had to be really dirty because everyone knows it's physically impossible for a DVD player to play Up after 11. The clock strikes midnight and everyone who's still awake automatically turns into a drug-crazed sex demon. You were up until two last night? You must have done lines off the coffee table and had a foursome with the neighbours 'cause there's no way you were just playing video games and looking at baby pictures.

Maybe that's one of the reasons they can't go to college? I have lost count of the number of late nights I have pulled because homework or fanfic.

[Sinister Rouge]

You were up until two last night? You must have done lines off the coffee table and had a foursome with the neighbours 'cause there's no way you were just playing video games and looking at baby pictures.

:shifty: How did you know?... It's like you've been watching me...

[Deleted07]

it compromises your witness.

Is that what the kids are calling it these days? :P

Well then, my witness has been uncompromised, so far! But not through lack of trying! :twisted:

[theCR]

Well Im going to hell! We LIVE together and we aren't married! There are plenty of times we are both in bed and don't have sex (not for his lack of trying) We do still have sex but its not like every time we get in bed we do the pants off dance off.

We have this thing called self control, crazy huh!

Some Most of the fundie thoughts are so out there it is ridiculous!

[PennySycamore]

The old practice of bundling would have blown these people's minds! IIRC, Martha Washington bundled with a visitor to Mount Vernon. It was a way to keep warm in a house without central heating.

[mockingbird]

The old practice of bundling would have blown these people's minds! IIRC, Martha Washington bundled with a visitor to Mount Vernon. It was a way to keep warm in a house without central heating.

Haha, I was just going to post about bundling! :lol:

[RosyDaisy]

The second reason Christians should avoid sleeping over is that it compromises your witness. If your roommates aren’t Christians and they see your boyfriend sleeping over, they will likely assume you are having sex. When this happens, we fail to distinguish Christian relationships from worldly relationships in any substantive way.

Correct me if I'm wrong but wouldn't but wouldn't the bolded part fall under the category of bearing false witness? Oh the irony there.

[pixydust]

The first time that I slept over with my husband when we were dating, we didn't have sex....it was the next night that we did! The first night? We laid in bed and talked until 4am, cuddled up next to each other. It was really nice.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I have shared a bed with loads of people, even people I have a crush on, and somehow I am still a virgin. I wonder how that happened?

I regularly share a bed with my best friend, we share a bed each time, we have never had sex, even if I have a crush on her. In fact, at one point at a sleepover there were five of us (two bisexuals, two lesbians and a straight girl) all in one bed, with absolutely no sex whatsoever.

Maybe because women dont have sexual feelings, but I know that is certainly not true.

[Ramona]

SEX.... the final frontier. :-p

[Deleted07]

Just a thought, I had a sleepover with a boy when I was about 13, purely platonic at the time but I did have a slight crush on him! He ended up being gay... was this caused by him sleeping over at my house? :o Did I encourage sin at just 13!? :roll:

[CynicMom]

You’ll find yourself needing to go further and further to get the same degree of pleasure

Uh... married people cuddle without having sex all. the. time. And give platonic backrubs. And it doesn't feel like nothing because of all the sex. I call bullshit.

[Deleted07]

Uh... married people cuddle without having sex all. the. time. And give platonic backrubs. And it doesn't feel like nothing because of all the sex. I call bullshit.

Exactly! Your post reminded me of this -

[samurai_sarah]

The second reason Christians should avoid sleeping over is that it compromises your witness. If your roommates aren’t Christians and they see your boyfriend sleeping over, they will likely assume you are having sex. When this happens, we fail to distinguish Christian relationships from worldly relationships in any substantive way.

What is she trying to say? Why would they be so concerned about what others think, when surely their deity watches all the time and knows whether or not something is going on? And how does it even make sense that your Christian roommates, get to be the ones who "distinguish Christian relationships from worldly relationships in any substantive way"? So, my non-Christian roommates suspect that I'm getting it on with a particular guy, which means that our relationship is tarnished somehow? In essence, that would mean that the only thing that matters is what others think about you. Or am I just reading this whole paragraph wrong? What is she trying to say?!?

[moodygirl86]

Everyone knows it's physically impossible for a DVD player to play Up after 11.

My DVD player was always playing up at all hours of the day. That's why I only watch DVDs on my computer...oh wait, you meant the other Up. *embarrassed*

Seriously though, every time I read anything written by people like this, I always have to double check to be sure it's not satire in the style of The Onion.

[VooDooChild]

She treats sex as if it's an addiction. Interesting tell.

[Trynn]

I was talking to one of my guyfriends about going with him on a trip to visit a mutual friend. He was like, "but you would have to stay in the same house with us guys... and I'm not comfortable with that."

me: Why, we wouldn't even be sleeping in the same room?

him: I'm still not comfortable with that. And besides, if people find out, they will think we're having sex.

me: no, they won't. Only other super conservative Christians would think that. Regular people on Planet Real World don't generally assume that.

him: really?

me: yes

Punchline: this guy and I are just friends. We're not even attracted to each other. So he's worried that people will suspect that two people who've demonstrated that they don't romantically like each other will have sex? Erm, no.

I am slowly working on educating this guy... which is actually going well.... but it is hard to fight programming.