Dress like a lady - Men behave like Gentlemen

[bananacat]

I don't want doors held open for me unless I have my hands full. I am perfectly capable of opening doors and lifting things. How about just treating me with the same basic politeness a man would get, no more or no less. If a man cares about actually helping women (instead of grand gestures in public that make him look good) he could do his fair share of domestic work without passive-aggressive resistance, or work toward getting equal pay for equal work. Chivalry is just an excuse to treat women like crap while pretending that women are actually benefiting in a meaningful way.

[Swamptribe]

I've had plenty of doors held open for me while I was not dresses as a 'lady'. What ever the hell that means. I've had plenty of nice things done for me, and have done plenty of polite things for others. Taught my kids to do the same. It's called having social skills.

If someone is judging you on what you're wearing then they probably aren't a very nice or polite person in the first place.

[Deleted07]

I've had plenty of doors held open for me while I was not dresses as a 'lady'. What ever the hell that means. I've had plenty of nice things done for me, and have done plenty of polite things for others. Taught my kids to do the same. It's called having social skills.

If someone is judging you on what you're wearing then they probably aren't a very nice or polite person in the first place.

I agree! Thing is there was an over-whelming amount of women agreeing with the initial status. And saying things like 'thats just how humans are, their visual creatures and they judge people on what they see, you can't blame them' WTF? Seriously, you're going to allow that cop-out!? Not to mention continue to perpetuate and participate in this diatribe of 'If I dress like a lady and tart myself up, men will do things for me and women will treat me nice and give me compliments!" (This is essentially what other ladies were saying on the topic!)

When I said many of the same things you ladies here have said, it was like I had two heads. Many jumped up and down saying I was a sad jealous jean-wearing fugly... There was literally no dealing with them, they went on the defensive and went on and on making out that I was the one making it a big deal and I must be self conscious... :roll:

I seriously don't want to live in a world where a woman is made to have to dress a certain way to get basic common politeness and decency. Let alone on a world where these women actually think thats OK. :cry:

[Katydid]

I don't think she's wrong, but I think that the fact that she's RIGHT is wrong. People should be kind to one another regardless of how they are dressed. Too bad that hasn't come to pass in our society (nor will it ever likely do so).

[Claddagh]

I've had people hold doors open for me no matter how I was dressed. A lot of it is just plain being polite.

[LucySnowe]

Gee, I was at the gym today and a guy held the door open for me. Given that I was wearing workout clothes (crummy leggings and a Crowded House t-shirt) and looked uber-sweaty, I don't think it was my dainty feminine fripperies or my flowery-scented aroma that caused him to be polite. It was more than he was right in front of me and if he hadn't held the door, I'd have crashed into it.

[jenny_islander]

I refuse to subscribe to the bargain, "If you enact the role that I define as proper to your anatomy, I will treat you with civility." The ugly obverse is, of course, "If you don't look or talk or think in the way that I want you to look or talk or think, then you're not worth my civility."

No.

[ems]

What she needs to realize is that it shouldn't take a woman looking stereotypically 'feminine' for a man to be polite. I open doors for people all the time, regardless of their gender because it's just the polite thing to do. These concepts of acting like a lady or a gentleman need to be discarded as evils of the patriarchy.

This.

[Hane]

I wore jeans and a t-shirt today and I had two separate men offer to collapse my folding stroller for me when I was having problems doing it one-handed while carrying my baby. It's unfortunate I hadn't worn a skirt- if I had, maybe they would have lined up to carry us to where we were going on a sedan chair.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Gee, I must be doing it wrong: this dumpy grandma wears pants/jeans virtually every day, and men (and women) open doors for me all the time. And I do it for them. It's plain common courtesy--get to the door first, hold it open for those following behind you.

Funny thing about dress: My daughter is in the cast of a play set in the late '40s, and she and a fellow cast member ran out to the store the other day, still wearing their vintage-but-not-screaming-1940s!!!!! dresses. The dresses' only distinguishing characteristic was their length--mid-calf. And they reported that people their age (20s/30s) stared at them--no one hastened to pick up their handkerchiefs or swoon at their femininity.

Go figure.

[Peas n carrots]

This.

Exactly. Btw I open doors for men too...I mean, it's the polite thing to do!

[caito]

Sigh. I've tried dressing up and looking pretty and stuff and I don't get treated any differently, period. People are going to treat you however they feel like treating you, no matter what kind of clothes you're wearing and how expertly coiffed your hair is.

[ILoveJellybeans]

If people only are nice to you because youre pretty or are wearing clothes they like, then they are not gentlemen. Gentlemen are nice to everyone regardless of the way they look or dress.

[Kaylee]

You know, when I went back to wearing mostly dresses, I thought this too (there may have even been a fundie-approved blog post about it that sounded like a longer version of the post you quoted). I did get a lot of doors held open for me and things but, looking back, I think I just noticed it more because I was expecting it and was maybe hesitating and waiting for the door to be opened instead of reaching for it as soon as I approached.

Looking at things more honestly, I got the same amount of door holding and courtesies when I was wearing jeans too, maybe moreso. One of the things that suprised me when I transferred from fundie college (with a mandatory skirts/dresses and stockings dress code) to a secular school was how polite people were at the secular school and how much more often doors were held open for me, by both men and women. While I was going there, I wore jeans, combat boots, and t-shirts or men's polos most of the time and had the majority of my head shaved, with the fringe/bangs left died blue, purple, and all sorts of colors. And I was getting better treatment than when I'd been wearing dresses and skirts on a campus that put a huge emphasis on gender performance.

I also agree that guys people who will treat you differently based on how you are dressed are creeps. It's still too common in this society, but the last thing we need is for women to keep encouraging it.

[ADoyle90815]

If people only are nice to you because youre pretty or are wearing clothes they like, then they are not gentlemen. Gentlemen are nice to everyone regardless of the way they look or dress.

This.

[themadapple]

I've had doors opened for me, by both men and women, regardless of how I was dressed. And I haven't worn a skirt or dress in years. I've also opened doors for people as well. I was a bit ahead of them, someone was struggling with their crutches, someone with a stroller, sheer common courtesy, whatever.

Perhaps the greatest number of times I've had doors opened for me were at my heathen public university, where most of the women and men wandered around in unwashed jeans or pajama bottoms and hoodies.