Dress like a lady - Men behave like Gentlemen

[Deleted07]

You'd think this quote would come from a fundie type of person wouldn't you? But I was shocked that the following quote came from the status update of a local clothing store that I used to love! It sells vintage clothing, which is something I was considering getting into, but not anymore after this update:

It's only taken me 29years to come to this conclusion BUT when you dress like a lady, men behave like gentlemen!

This morning, dolled up in my usual, I not only didn't have to open a door, but when I dropped a little sugar sachet after ordering my coffee, a gentleman bent down and picked it up!

I never get that kind of "service" when wearing jeans! Try it girls!

:evil: I live in a liberal hippy beach town, we have an "out" festival every year, so fundies have never really been an issue, and I don't think the owner is a fundie. However it just pisses me off that still women today seriously think they have to dress and act a certain way to get male attention!!!

This whole flounce, I dropped my hankerchief! I think I'm gonna swoon, clutching my pearls BULLSHIT reallly grates me and its really annoyed me that its hit so close to home.

I commented on said update

So we should all dress like ladies to get men to faun over us? I don't think so... I would question the motives behind any man who suddenly wants to give a woman special attention just because they happen to be wearing a dress over jeans... Theres all kinds of wrong to this update, I'm really just speechless if this is what you really believe...

and they replied:

I didn't say anything about being fauned over. It's very helpful when someone sees you juggling a handbag, diary and coffee and decides to help. If you're a jeans kinda girl, that's fine too.

Anywho I just had to rant about this, I've never encounter this kind of crap here and I REALLY don't want this to be something women look up to doing, or advocating for other women to do...

What are your thoughts?

[gezykah]

I could wear a burka and there would be males who would complain that my eyes were tempting them. A man is going to be a man regardless of what a woman wears.

[Maude]

What she needs to realize is that it shouldn't take a woman looking stereotypically 'feminine' for a man to be polite. I open doors for people all the time, regardless of their gender because it's just the polite thing to do. These concepts of acting like a lady or a gentleman need to be discarded as evils of the patriarchy.

[meda]

I wore heels and a skirt suit today...opposing counsel still acted like an overbearing, mansplaining arse.

Although the cleaning guy did hold the elevator for me..maybe it was the shoes. :think:

[Deleted07]

Urgh Further comments from the page "fans" are just as disturbing to me... ITS 2012 FOR FECKS SAKE!

I think how you dress suggests a level of respect for yourself and others.

I think how a woman dresses impacts greatly on how men react to her, that includes dresses, jeans or anything else! And before we get all up on men over this, women treat us differently too. If I'm frocked up like I am most days, I either get the upsy Downsy looks or they compliment me. In jeans however, I get no reaction at all.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

What she needs to realize is that it shouldn't take a woman looking stereotypically 'feminine' for a man to be polite. I open doors for people all the time, regardless of their gender because it's just the polite thing to do. These concepts of acting like a lady or a gentleman need to be discarded as evils of the patriarchy.

This.

I think the store is confusing dressing in a neat, orderly way with dressing femininely. Anyone who looks like they take pride in their appearance will probably be judged to be more "professional--" like they say in any given What Not To Wear episode, but that doesn' t mean that one has to look feminine to be respected.

[linnea27]

I wore jeans and a t-shirt today and I had two separate men offer to collapse my folding stroller for me when I was having problems doing it one-handed while carrying my baby. It's unfortunate I hadn't worn a skirt- if I had, maybe they would have lined up to carry us to where we were going on a sedan chair.

[Deleted07]

Its really disturbing that these ladies think that you have to dress a certain way to get a basic form of common decency and respect.... Just wow.

[bananacat]

What if I don't want men to treat me like a dainty, fragile ornament? What if I just want men to treat me like a human being?

[JesusFightClub]

I dress like a bloke (sometimes literally) and I never noticed a difference in how I am treated. Men usually describe me as "the wee lassie" and pick up stuff for me/open doors for me etc. I'm 31, I shave my head and I look about as feminine as a completely non feminine thing. It still happens.

[Boltingmadonna]

A man who is only helpful to someone who is dressed according to his particular sexual fetish is no gentleman.

[SomewhatFundy]

I wear skirts every day of the week, and it's not to provoke others to come to my aid every time I drop a sugar packet. It's just what I like and feel the best in. For some women that would be a pantsuit or jeans or designer duds. I don't get special snowflake treatment because of it, so I don't know where she is getting that impression. Kind people will make a kind gesture no matter what the person they are helping is wearing.

The biggest problem I see with attitudes with hers is the implication that those who don't dress to her standards of "ladylike" fashions are somehow responsible for the actions of other people. It simply isn't so. Most of the ladies who have blogs talked about on this board STILL get treated like garbage by their husbands, fathers and sons....Most of those women aren't wearing jeans either.

[fundiefan]

I respond this the same way to this as I respond to the fundies with the same argument. How the hell do you explain assistance (held doors, etc) and random acknowledgments (smiles, head nods, "good morning's/afternoons/whatever) that happen pretty regularly while wearing jeans or shorts or capris or other pants?

The way men hold doors for you has no more to do with what you wear than being raped has to do with what you wear. Clothes are clothes, and you can't blame clothes for one thing while giving them props for another.

[theologygeek]

You'd think this quote would come from a fundie type of person wouldn't you? But I was shocked that the following quote came from the status update of a local clothing store that I used to love! It sells vintage clothing, which is something I was considering getting into, but not anymore after this update:

It could have just been a very bad marketing strategy that wasn't even true. People of both sexes will reach down to pick up something that another person has dropped, without being aware of how the person was dressed.

[thoughtful]

I respond this the same way to this as I respond to the fundies with the same argument. How the hell do you explain assistance (held doors, etc) and random acknowledgments (smiles, head nods, "good morning's/afternoons/whatever) that happen pretty regularly while wearing jeans or shorts or capris or other pants?

The way men hold doors for you has no more to do with what you wear than being raped has to do with what you wear. Clothes are clothes, and you can't blame clothes for one thing while giving them props for another.

Really.

I'd want to answer "Dress as you feel comfortable, and other people will behave however they please."

[desertvixen]

A man who is only helpful to someone who is dressed according to his particular sexual fetish is no gentleman.

This. This is one of my personal rants, since there have been a lot of times that I could have used the help (single mom, especially airline travel), but you keep getting the guys who bitch about how the evil feminists won't let a man do anything for them. (Translation: we are not properly grateful and don't put out on command.)

[theologygeek]

Really.

I'd want to answer "Dress as you feel comfortable, and other people will behave however they please."

I get more sexual advances in a dress than I do in skinny jeans, short shorts, or a bikini. Go and figure.

[lovefromgirl]

I dress like a bloke (sometimes literally) and I never noticed a difference in how I am treated. Men usually describe me as "the wee lassie" and pick up stuff for me/open doors for me etc. I'm 31, I shave my head and I look about as feminine as a completely non feminine thing. It still happens.

And you're still defrauding as all hell. /fangirlmoment

[Deleted07]

of course now on the update I am being called jealous by all the other women for daring to point out these facts... *sigh*

[O Latin]

Hmmm, funny, I get plenty of doors held open for me while I'm wearing my usual jeans and converse. And when I stop to hold open the door for someone or reach to pick up something they dropped, I don't usually notice what they're wearing. Or even what gender they are.

[Deleted07]

It really just shows the state of how self absorbed a lot of people are, they really believe that they get treated different based on, looks, gender, religion, any of X amount of variables... Fact is most people really don't care, and if they do care I generally don't want to be around or bothered with that person!

ETA: I find it akin to people who think Jesus sent them a Ham or their carspace or multiplied their cheesecake... Takes an awful lot of self love to think like that I guess...

[CanadianHippie]

I can't remember the last time I dressed like a lady, and I get people holding doors and doing nice things for me all the time. Men included. That might just be the heathen Canada's way of doing things, common courtesies are a norm here no matter what someone is wearing.

[Maude]

It must be, CanadianHippie. I could go uptown in my pjs and still have people open doors for me, smile at me, etc. Men included, as you said. I can't think of why any self-respecting woman would want the attentions of a man who's only polite when she's wearing what he wants her to wear what suggests her place or role a dress anyway.

[rock_girl]

I used to have waist length hair. I'm also a natural redhead. When I wore my hair down I'd get an awful lot of attention, some of it was even of the polite, opening doors variety.

Does this mean that women should never have long hair or that women should have long hair? Because it was 50/50 whether I'd get some weirdo trying to touch the ends or a more restrained weirdo offering to let me take the taxi he'd just hailed.

Eh, burqas for all!

[grovelina]

I find when I smile at people and act politely towards them, they do the same. This could be one of two things, my actions towards others cue them to act in a similar manner towards me, or when I am happy I notice the kindness of others more than when I do otherwise. Regardless, it has little to do with what I am wearing.