Baker's Dozen ~ public school!

[chaotic life]

As for the implications on how "long" I held my child, I referred metaphorically to the YEARS it took to help that child heal, not some implication that I forced any child to endure holding time they objected to experiencing. I don't engage in coercive practices, never have and never will. I have held a weeping child who would let me hold them. I have held a happy child who would let me hold them. I have NEVER forced a child to let me hold them.

[emmiedahl]

Chaotic Life, I have as much confidence in your love and care for your children as I can have for an internet stranger.

I know you do not use Thomas's principles. I was arguing over what I perceived as your defense of them.

I know RAD children exist and that the journey is heart-breaking for the good people who decide to stick around for them. I just don't think Thomas's diagnoses and treatments are correct. Also, I found her to be a vile person in general, for what it's worth. My criticism of her is not criticism of you. I immensely respect what you have done for your babies.

[Burris]

Chaotic Life, I have as much confidence in your love and care for your children as I can have for an internet stranger.

I know you do not use Thomas's principles. I was arguing over what I perceived as your defense of them.

I know RAD children exist and that the journey is heart-breaking for the good people who decide to stick around for them. I just don't think Thomas's diagnoses and treatments are correct. Also, I found her to be a vile person in general, for what it's worth. My criticism of her is not criticism of you. I immensely respect what you have done for your babies.

Pretty much this.

[chaotic life]

As I sad, I haven't read Thomas in eight years. I haven't met her in person, only had email interactions with her, and I don't recommend her to parents who are struggling.

I don't deny she made HUGE mistakes when the concept of attachment issues were just being recognized. Most made mistakes, having no idea how to address the issues they were seeing.

I recall the impression that Thomas's methods without STRONG attachments to the child or someone present to hold you accountable will turn vilely abusive quickly. I just don't recall the impression that her methods alone will turn you violently abusive. However, as even writing that argument it sounds like someone's defense of Pearl, and since I was not quite out of fundieland eight years ago, I will concede that I may be remembering my impressions colored by the reality that I recognize *now* that the mentality poisons even good people. At that point in time, I may have been extraordinarily careful about MY chidren, but might not have recognized that it was indeed the method and not merely the implication of that method.

What bothers me is the comments that RAD is merely normal behaviors. RAD is NOT normal behaviors. And, sadly, one of the most obivous signs of RAD *is* a parent who looks crazy. You would not believe how FAST it takes adding a struggling child into your home before everyone in the world is prepared to pin ALL culpabiity on their strugges and behaviors upon you. It was that tendency to blame ME that took me a YEAR after my one son's homecoming to finally get someone to listen to us and recognize that he had Autism. In fact, it was his attachment therapist who said to me, "You do recall that Autism *has* attachment struggles by itself, right, that perhaps he has autism and thus we might not be able to resolve his attachment disorder because it is co-morbid." He then gave me a list of Psychologists who did ASD evals for me to call and find someone who would take our insurance and finally diagnose him.

So, I'll easily concede I may remember wrong on Thomas. However, I will insist that RAD is not merely normal behaviors seen by ill equipped parents who expect and demand gratitute from hurting children. RAD is survival behaviors that go beyond maladaptive and become sef-destructive. They are no longer survival since the person they hurt is the child itself.